“Unggghh…”

The little light that seeped into the room through the small openings between the blinds tickled the sleep away from his eyes.

Usually, at these times, his mother would come barging in with a kitchen towel on her shoulder and greet him good morning, just like what a good mother would do. And he would hate it. Hate it to the extent he’d want to lock his door every night before going to sleep. But mothers, they would always have a key to the door. His mother, however, has a key to all the doors in the house.

It was somehow unfortunate for him to say that this was all never to happen again. His mother had left him there, in that asylum of the ill-minded. She hadn’t wanted to do it, he knew, but he rebelled. No, he didn't rebel the way teenagers do... he had simply shut everything out. He shut everyone out. For his mother, it was too many a symptom.

The little slot on the door opened and came in the supply of nutrients for today's brunch. Abalone porridge, milk, an apple. Did his mother come to visit in the morning again? Nobody serves abalone to mental patients.

He got up to stretch his lean limbs.

After breakfast and a quick shower, the blinds of the room lifted. It was almost noon. Usually, at noon, the people in charge will lift up everyone's blinds and give them all 4 hours to enjoy the sun. The room walls were all glass and they are covered most of the time except for those 4 hours. They say it's one of the methods to open up to others as well as to their surroundings, which was what that section of the asylum most needed.

He stood up. He wanted to enjoy the view he came to love for the past 2 months by himself without having people to look back at him as if he was a specimen.

To his back where the window was, it was the city.

To his left, it was an empty room.

To his right, it was a blind man who smiled all the time.

To his front, it was an empty room.

…or it used to be an empty room.

Now, now it was occupied by a young boy.

Young, had ruffled hair, slightly tanned skin and seemed quite tall. He had sparkly eyes. Sparkly eyes in which were staring straight at him. The boy was sitting on the chair by his desk with the view of the asylum's garden. He sat there facing the older boy in the room across his.

He waved.

The elder was muddled. He then turned away and got a marker pen from his desk and started searching for a surface to scribble on. The bed frame, the underside of the bed, the legs of the bed, every inch, he filled it with the voices in his mind. Usually, it would be poetry but today he wanted to write a diary entry. He didn't know why.

The right side of the glass wall was already filled up with scribbles of his favorite pieces of poetry. This time it was the bed. He needed to minimize his font as big ones would take up a lot of room so it'll leave him with less surface to write on.

Unknowingly, 2 hours had passed.

“Yes, our Mr. Taekwoon. How are you feeling today?”

The usual man in the white lab coat came in with his little notepad. For someone so melancholic and rich with his words, he had always named this man Lab Coat 1. Lab Coat 1 sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at Taekwoon who still had his upper body under the bed, scribbling. He got out to peek at the man and sat up, his back against the bed frame.

“So how are you?” he had asked again.

Taekwoon nodded slightly.

“What were you writing, another song?”

Taekwoon shook his head slowly.

“A poem, then?”

Again, another shake. Surprisingly, his eyes went to the opposite room. The blinds were closing down just as he was looking but he caught a glimpse of the younger boy sitting on his table, writing on the transparent walls of his room.

He was smiling.

“Are you feeling better?” Lab Coat 1 asked him, pulling him out of his thinking bubble.

“Yes.”

That simple one-word answer from Taekwoon excited him. He wrote something on his notepad and smiled.

“Good.”

---

“Taekwoon, your request on the new markers are here.”

Lab Coat 1 had come to Taekwoon’s room 2 days after. He received the box of new glow-in-the-dark markers with a little smile that disappeared as soon as he sat down on the bed again.

The blinds were up and the boy from the opposite room was sneaking looks at Taekwoon from what he was doing, which made him slightly upset about it. Taekwoon never liked being stared at or talked about. He didn't even like sitting amongst people. He likes the solitude of being alone. It was calming.

“Remember, next week is the exchange week. You’re going to be changed to another person’s room to gain new experiences out of yours. You're still okay with this, aren't you?”

The boy groaned inwardly, annoyed that he had to leave his beloved place of serenity and all the inscriptions he had carved. He sighed and started writing on an empty part of a wall with his new markers.

The blinds started to come down. Out of his will, Taekwoon peeked at the younger boy. He was smiling again, as he drew a picture on some block of woods he had requested from one of the Lab Coats.

“Are you ready?” Lab Coat 1 had asked him the next week.

“Hmm” Taekwoon had mumbled, in meaning yes.

“Do you want to know which room you got?”

The boy shrugged. Lab Coat 1 held Taekwoon’s shoulder, guiding him out to the new room that he’ll be occupying for the next 7 days. Apparently, they didn’t go far because he was exchanging rooms with the younger boy from the opposite room. He too was being guided out by another man in a lab coat. Lab Coat 2. They stopped in the middle of the corridor.

The younger smiled at the elder, earning no more than a stare.

“Taekwoon, meet your exchange partner, Hongbin. He’s a few years younger than you but he has the same interests as you. Though he likes to draw more, he says he likes to write too, right, Hongbin?” Lab Coat 2 smiled sweetly.

“Yes”, the boy smiled at Taekwoon.

Hongbin, Taekwoon had noted in his mind. He's a  few years younger, has dimples and bright eyes. He likes to draw more than he does the writing.

“Hongbin, this is Taekwoon. As you can see, he likes writing and isn’t much of a talker. But he’s actually really nice. He also doesn’t smile that much but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know how to. Isn’t that right, Taekwoon?” Lab Coat 1 squeezed his shoulder a bit.

Taekwoon gave him a little glare.

“It’s nice to meet you”, Hongbin said.

A slightly tanned hand was offered by the younger boy but Taekwoon had only stared at it and gave him a little nod instead. Without being asked to, Taekwoon slowly walked into the younger’s room and closed the glass door behind him.

---

“He really does like writing”, Hongbin gasped, as if the room took his breath away.

“Yes, he does. Listen, I know you don’t like being in the dark alone, but why don't you try it sometimes? Especially in this room. Trust me, you won’t hate it as much after that. I promise you. I say it's a privilege to sit in the dark in this room," said the man in the lab coat.

“Okay…” said Hongbin hesitantly, barely above a whisper.

Even at the mentioning of the word ‘dark’ terrifies him. He sat down by the desk and stared at the 2 walls filled with foreign writing, too different from his. He had read each word, each song that was written and he thought it was beautiful. Turning his attention to the desk he was sitting by, he played his fingers on the table’s surface and smiled.

The writing on the hardwood was nothing more than original inscription. The appearance wasn’t much, it weighed nothing but the meanings were deep, he could feel it. Hongbin kept in mind how delicate the elder was in engraving such things. It was as delicate as the writer. If given more attention to, Hongbin realized, the elder had such a high value and a perspective no one would ever know he had if they don’t try to indulge themselves into it.

“I wonder if he’d mind if I write something down…”

---

“You should have greeted him, shouldn’t you?” the man had asked Taekwoon.

“Hmmm.”

Without even bothering to say anything else, Lab Coat 1 walked out of the room. He's angry with me, Taekwoon thought. He wandered around the room, his finger tracing the outlines of the bed frame. He looked at the few books on the little shelve. His was filled with poem books and journals.

But this boy’s shelves were filled with nothing more than pictures. Yes, there were a few good books, but picture frames dominated the shelves. There were portraits of himself and another boy, slightly younger, portraits of him and his family, little frames with the pictures of the same cat and a big puzzle box. He took one box and sat it on the floor as he got comfortable.

He opened the lid and the little box retched a few dozens of puzzle pieces. He wasn’t the solving type, but to leave it and completely ignore it after actually opening the box felt wrong to him. He tried to solve it mentally but the obvious showed that it won’t work that way. With a sigh, he picked up the pieces and tried to solve the puzzle.

An hour passed and Taekwoon eventually finished the puzzle. It was a picture of Hongbin. A picture of him when he was a little younger, eating ice cream by the park. Smiling, his deep dimples greeted the world.

“So you’ve ventured Hongbin’s belongings, I see?” Lab Coat 1 said, sitting on the desk chair.

When did he come in? Taekwoon had wondered. He looked at the other, then back to the puzzle.

“No, it’s fine. You should. It’s a part of the process. We know you’re not a man of many words and it won’t help if we ask you to get to know someone other than yourself since well... you wouldn't, so we chose to do it this way.”

“And Hongbin?” Taekwoon had asked quietly.

“Hmmm, Hongbin…what do you think, Taekwoon?” He sat on the floor near Taekwoon, but not near enough.

“Depression?” Taekwoon tried.

“Really? I don’t think a man with depression would smile so much” he chuckled.

“Then?”

“I think... you should find out about that yourself.”

After a while, Taekwoon really did try to figure it out. He scanned and observed everything and anything that could be of assistance. The pictures... the puzzle, the little writing he had on the walls, anything. But from what he could see, Hongbin was a simple person. He had a great past, he could tell from the pictures of him smiling and laughing with all the people in the pictures. He thought about how different Hongbin was from him.

Hongbin was a sunshine boy. And Taekwoon realized he ought to avoid the sun.

---

“He’s wonderful at writing! I was amazed, really. If you could read it all as I did, even you’d wonder why he’s even in this lonely place,” Hongbin smiled.

“Really? Then what do you think? Should he really be in this place, this lonely place?” the man in the lab coat asked as he fixed his glasses.

“No… he should be out there, making people listen to his amazing words in all forms possible! Songs, poems, journals, everything! But…”

“…but he’s here.”

“Yeah…why is that?” Hongbin scrunched his eyebrows, wondering.

At the prospect of a new side to Hongbin, the man in the lab coat wrote down some notes and smiled as he did so. Hongbin was showing worry, which was an improvement, a fast one, especially it was just day 3 since they exchanged rooms.

“Maybe you could figure it out…?” the man said as he got up to leave.

“Dr. Wonshik…do you think it’s because of his lack of wanting to socialize?” Hongbin asked quietly as the man in the lab coat stopped in his tracks to turn around.

Slowly, he sat on the edge of the bed, his pen ready by his fingers.

“Why do you say that…Hongbin? Do you think it’s because of that?”

“Maybe…because the things he wrote all over the bed were mostly about him liking being alone rather than accompanied by anyone. Not his family, not his friends…no one. And…” his voice trailed off, remembering something.

The man jotted everything down attentively, paying his full attention to Hongbin. He noticed Hongbin was a bit troubled and he was ready for the worst.

Hongbin, who was trying to recall some things, turned his head to the elder in the room across the hall. The blinds were up so he noticed that Taekwoon was staring at something. A puzzle he had just finished a while ago, on the floor. His face was scrunched up in many ways that it made Hongbin worry more.

"Doesn't he fell lonely...? Not being having anyone by his side...it's like being in the d-"

He couldn't say it. The dark. It's like being in the dark. The quiet, suffocating darkness, slimy against his skin.

“Hongbin…?” the man asked as he quietly moved to the door.

“I…I think…n-no, I mean…” he started to hyperventilate.

“I need assistance in room 8, patient Hongbin” the man in the lab coat spoke into the intercom just a little outside of the room.

“Hongbin, listen to me…calm down, breathe. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in…then out.”

The man instructed Hongbin as the boy tried to grab hold of the bed frame. His heart was about to burst and his lungs were dry. His eyes watered and he couldn’t make out the words floating around him. His view faded.

He collapsed.

---

‘What happened?’ was the first thing that crossed Taekwoon’s mind when he saw a few Lab Coats came rushing into his room, which was technically Hongbin’s at the moment.

He could see through the crowded people inside the room that Hongbin was going through some sort of difficulty. But what, he couldn’t figure out. However, he did know there was something wrong because the blinds were closing a little too early that evening. Taekwoon didn’t know what to do or how to even react, so he opted to sit by the edge of the bed, pulling his legs up to his chest and kept quiet.

As if on cue, Lab Coat 1 came in and stood by the door. He crossed his arms and wore a concerned expression on his face.

“You saw…?” he asked gently.

“What happened?”

“Hongbin had some breathing problems, is all. But he’s alright now, we gave him something to calm him down. Are you okay, Taekwoon?”

“He panicked?” he voiced, barely above a whisper.

“Most probably so. He can’t handle bad news- wait, I’m not supposed to tell-“

“Tell me” Taekwoon straighten a bit, looking straight into the other's eyes.

“...alright,” he said, closing the door behind him.

He took a spot near Taekwoon on the bed. He knew Taekwoon wouldn’t question much or even speak much of what was happening, so he trusted him. Only curiosity could spark him to speak up, as the man had observed for the last few months. Hongbin was Taekwoon’s exchange partner, so he could have some curiosity about the younger. He knew he could at least offer him some info to understand the younger by.

“Hongbin has Nyctophobia. Fear of the dark. But since it happened a long time ago when he was a child and was never treated properly, it developed into something worse. He relied on a particular member of his family for a long time and when that person was no longer available to be around him, he…he couldn’t find his way out. Hongbin’s a very bright kid. He rarely worries or gets too sad, just positive most of the time and that was thanks to that person he held onto. But when that person left, Hongbin got a little too positive, always comforting himself that he didn’t know his own limit. So ultimately, when he worries even just by a tiny bit and fails to comfort himself…his phobia, it-“

“It comes back.”

“Yes.”

“Like me.”

“...yes.”

Just when Taekwoon had wanted to ask something, the man received an emergency call, or so he says and left the room. Lying down, Taekwoon got into the blanket and closed his eyes. He didn’t know why but all of a sudden, he could smell a nice scent that came from the blanket. Even the mattress, the pillow, the room.

It was Hongbin’s scent. He'd been sleeping on it for days, but he hadn't noticed it before, which shocked him a bit. If he didn't know better, he was worrying for the boy. Trying not to, he had shrugged it off and tried to fall asleep.

7.30am.

Taekwoon got up and washed his face. He brushed his teeth and fixed his hair. He ate his breakfast on the floor, trying to figure out the last puzzle he’s been working on for days now. He just couldn’t make out the picture. The other pictures were pretty simple. He was starting to remember Hongbin’s face and can recognize it almost immediately now.

He worked hard on the puzzle but failed miserably again and again. It was almost noon and he almost got frustrated. He let the puzzle pieces be, got up and took a marker pen. He ventured the room to find a suitable spot and settled on the little square patch behind the sink mirror. It was perfect, he had thought, smiling a little.

Each and every word on the walls was amazing, but somehow, Hongbin knew there was something special to it. He tried to figure it out but failed. He brushed his hair as he re-read the words that he's read time and time again. He read them all again and again.

He knew he was bound to find something, but just couldn’t. He just couldn’t. For some reason, it was displeasing to him. Such beautiful words but he couldn't understand the inner feeling of it. He scrunched his face. Was it he that couldn't understand? Or was it the words itself that were just too deep for him? Not wanting to launch into another panic attack, he closed his eyes, leaned against the wall and tried to calm his breathing.

He opened his eyes again but he didn't...? He quieted. It was dark?

His breath hitched a few times, his throat closed up and his eyes started to water. He just then realized he had accidentally turned off the lights when he leaned against the wall earlier but he just couldn't come to his senses.

He wanted to scream for help but couldn’t. He wanted to reach for something but the fear of losing direction in the darkness made him stick to the wall. The blinds were closed for the day. He couldn’t see anything. He really couldn't. It was pitch black. It was as if he was blind. He couldn’t-

Right then, when he looked around in hopes to find a light source, something glowed. Rather than ‘something’, it was a whole lot of something. It was as if a wall lit up in front of him. He could say it was fireflies, a wall of lighted fireflies but he would be lying entirely.

It was a wall of writings. Taekwoon’s writings. The words were...glowing.

Miraculously, he got off the wall and started to take baby steps towards it. He reached out to touch them and it didn’t once fade away. It was like the words were giving him a sense of direction, but it didn't lead him anywhere. He just stood there. He wanted to cry in relief, but instead, he smiled. It made him smile, that moment.
 
In the dark, Hongbin had smiled.

---

“Are you ready? It’s time for step 2 of both your experience-finding journey. 3 days. Try to talk to each other and if you have any problems, you can always call for us. Right, Wonshik, have you got Hongbin’s special belongings?”

“Yes. Here you go, Hongbin. If you don’t mind, Taekwoon, Dr. Hakyeon and I have installed an extra bed for Hongbin here. Is that okay?” Lab Coat 2 smiled at Taekwoon.

As expected, Taekwoon nodded just slightly. It's Wonshik. Lab Coat 2 is Dr. Wonshik, he noted to himself. Hongbin, who was standing next to Dr. Wonshik, smiled a little, looking at the elder.

It was silent for a good 2 hours. No one spoke a word. Only creaking sounds from the extra bed, marker pens being stirred in its case and a few coughs from either occupant in the room.

Hongbin had a sketchbook with him and he was busy filling them with drawings. Taekwoon, on the other hand, was busy scribbling by the desk. He was writing some lyrics that were to his liking and unconsciously, he hummed a tune as he wrote. From his sketchbook, Hongbin looked up. His eyes landed on the figure that sat comfortably under the desk, scribbling his heart out. He didn’t want to say anything as he started to like the tune that was being hummed. Covering half his face with the sketchbook, he eyed the elder, smiling a little.

Rather than focusing on the tune, Hongbin’s attention was caught precisely on the elder’s Adam’s apple. They bounced up and down as he hummed. Ridiculously, he thought it to be mesmerizing, almost hypnotizing.

“Why are you staring at me?” the almost inaudible whispered words shocked Hongbin.

“E-excuse me?” he covered his face with his sketchbook.

“You were staring. Why?”

“I…I-I like the tune you’re humming. What song is it?”

Hongbin wasn't one to be so nervous so quickly but this person Taekwoon, really made him nervous. It wasn't like so the first time they met in the hallway, but he just suddenly got nervous after being mesmerized with the glowing words he encountered the other day. Nervous to the part where he was even stuttering with his own words. Peculiar, he had thought.

“Love Lost by Trey Songz.”

“Oh,” he simply replied, indicating he was lost in the topic.

“He’s an English singer” knowing that Hongbin wouldn’t know the singer, Taekwoon smiled a little.

“You know English?” the younger looked up.

Again, Hongbin was shocked when he saw Taekwoon coming out from under the desk. He didn’t mean to disrupt the elder’s writing, which made him think he was the fault of it. Guilt quickly overcame him. But when Taekwoon just stood for a few moments before walking to his own bed. The guilt was gone almost immediately.

Could someone look beautiful just by standing or walking around? Hongbin asked himself inwardly. The elder sat across him, on his own bed, settling the marker pen he held earlier in its case.

“A bit. Never learned it properly, though.”

“Oh, I’m too unfamiliar with that…um, but the song was nice. What’s it about?” the younger crossed his legs, facing Taekwoon.

“About a guy losing the love he had because he didn’t appreciate it when he had it.”

“Well, that’s sad…” Hongbin fiddled with the blanket beneath him.

And silence engulfed them again.

Without any reason, Hongbin wanted to talk to the elder again. He didn’t like the silence between them. It somehow felt wrong. The silence he goes through every day in his own room was different. That was comfortable. This just wasn’t. But he didn’t know what to say.

“I! I-I like Park Hyoshin. I mean, I like his songs. He’s not so famous but his songs are all formed by heartfelt words and his voice is amazing. At least, that’s what I- what I think…”

Taekwoon looked at the boy. He himself wasn’t much of a talker but he wanted to respond to him. He wanted to keep the conversation going, regardless of knowing what to say.

“I think you’d like him” the younger had said before Taekwoon could even think of what to respond

“Really…? Why so?” he asked quietly.

“Because seeing the words you write everywhere seem so deep and private... it's heart-gripping, I just thought that, that maybe you’d like his style of music. Maybe you could, um, maybe you should try to listen to one of his songs…like, like ‘Wildflower’. It's my favorite song by him.”

“What’s it about?”

Pulling his legs up to his chest and placing his chin on his knees, Hongbin smiled as he recalled the song. The lyrics, the beautiful lyrics to the song, the soft melodious tone…it was all still fresh in his mind and it quickly soothed him.

“It’s about…it’s about a flower that blooms through all the struggles. It’s basically about holding on, with the aid of past memories and moments... he held onto himself, trying to bloom with pride. And until all the memories fail him, he’ll try not to let go or break. It’s…it’s really beautiful. His voice is what makes you want to immerse in his songs and lyrics…he’s just…you know...”

“…amazing?”

Looking up, Hongbin smiled.

Taekwoon noticed how tired the boy’s smile seemed. Even his eyes were getting a little droopy. These days, he figured that Hongbin had to consume more medication than usual because of the previous episode he had. Hongbin, who was unaware of his own state of easily getting tired the past few days, went along with it.

The blinds were just closing as he started to hum the tune of the song. For a moment, Taekwoon couldn’t take his eyes off the boy.

Hongbin, he had said inwardly. And a few times, he repeated saying the younger’s name again and again in his mind. He didn’t know why he did it but his mind seemed to like it and so did he. The humming stopped.

Taekwoon looked up and found Hongbin asleep in his sitting position. He rested his head on his arms which wrapped around his slim folded legs. It took him a while, but Taekwoon got up and walked to the other’s bed. Gently, he laid the younger down and tucked him in. He quietly sat on the bed, staring at Hongbin.

He’d despise admitting it, but he, for a second, thought to graze Hongbin’s fringe. Realizing it was about to look peculiar, he got off the bed and quickly walked back to his own. He twisted and turn under his blanket, but he couldn’t sleep. He knew it was too early, but he didn’t want to do anything as it might wake the other…which was another thing he found bizarre to admit by himself. He turned his body to the other bed and looked at the calm, sleeping figure. His face was half-covered by the blanket but it didn’t bother Taekwoon.

He liked the view.

And he admitted it.