Based off of Kat’s Song [x] 

The door slammed as you raced into the apartment you both shared. You grabbed the nearest bag as you whipped past the living room on the way to the bedroom. Contrasting to your pounding heart was the silence of the room. Nevertheless you’re soft sobs and the rustling to find your stuff echoed throughout your head. You switched on the radio as you tried to drown out your own thoughts.

You went and left me

 It took several minutes of shoveling your stuff into it before you realized it was the bag you’d made him for traveling.  You paused for just a moment finally wiping the tears that you had previously ignored. Unfortunately they only got worse with the memories of your fiancé, ex-fiancé, you reminded yourself. Still you couldn’t stop your hands from exploring every inch of the present you’d devoted countless hours to constructing for Youngbae’s last birthday. You got to a small scratch in the completely back leather. Tears blurring your eyes as you laughed bitterly. He had cursed himself repeatedly for “ruining” your gift and never stopped apologizing.  You’d never seen him yell at his beloved Homie before that day. HECK the look Jiyong gave you when Youngbae started scolding the dog told you how surprised HE was.

“I don’t think Bae has ever actually talked to his baby like that… even when Homie used his favorite sweater as a toilet.” Jiyong half laughed incredulously.

Homie released you from your thoughts as he rubbed his head lovingly against your shoulder. You hadn’t even realized you slipped to the floor clutching the bag to your chest. Everything had been so perfect these last four years.

Everybody said he’ll do you wrong

Everyone warned you about falling in love with a star. Trusting him. You began shaking as you mind forced you to reminisce.

Meeting Dong Youngbae at the beach in winter. It was cold and windy so you had been surprised that someone else was in the water with you. The way he smiled had you warmed you completely.

And every dream begins so sweetly

Next you ran into him again disguised on the streets.

Him at your doorstep with a handful of white lilacs, your favorite flower. The way he ducked behind them and blushed as he asked you out for dinner. The smell of his jacket and the warmth it gave you around your shoulders.  Showing up at your house in the wee hours of the morning with breakfast because he missed you. The look of concentration he had whenever you spoke. His kisses. The way his eyes disappeared whenever he was around you. He had said that you blinded him every moment with your beauty and perfection but he didn’t mind because he was completely in love with you.

You could remember every second of your fairy-tale life with Youngbae. He had convince you of the beauty of the world. Of the beauty in you. For that you would always be thankful. At that moment you almost forgot why you had to leave.

Almost…

Then it goes to hell completely

Reality had always been cruel towards you.

You pulled the ring off your finger and started at the engraving.

“Forever Youngbae’s”

You said you loved me

At that you broke down completely. Tears, snot, the whole nine yards. You had dreamt of your future together with him and now all that you saw was nothingness. Youngbae wasn’t yours. He was never truly yours. You had nothing. You were nothing.

But you never really loved me

You had walked into the studio, a girl giggling on his lap and his laughter. She saw you first and that look, it wasn’t of triumph or shock. She simply looked blankly like you didn’t even matter. You dropped the ceramic dog you painted and just like your heart it shattered into thousands of pieces. That made his turn around. His expression was of guilt but his eyes, those beautiful brown eyes, they held an emotion you spent your whole life running from.

Distain.

So that’s what you did, run. You ran as fast as you could twenty block and hours away from him. Back to the home you two had share.

Suddenly he was there with you. Shaking and calling your name. You struggled against his hold but he was too strong.

“Jagi… Jagi!” His voice was growing more anxious as the rocking became more urgent.

Finally you open your eyes. His face is above you worried and groggy.

“You were thrashing in your sleep… what were you dreaming about?” His brow was knitted with concern as he your face.

You snuggled yourself into his warmth and mumbled to his chest.

“Nothing important.” He signed obviously unhappy with your answer.

“It was just a nightmare I swear. I love you Bae-ah”. You felt the vibrations from his chuckle as he laid back down carefully placing your head back on his chest. Your nightmares faded with his love. Taking one last look at your left hand. Your little sun shaped diamonds shined back at you from your ring finger. Yep everything was perfect. Reality was perfect. He was perfect. You didn’t need to dream because he was yours and that’s all you needed.

I wish I didn’t dream about you