Update 5 of more

Suho ran, away from Myungsoo calling him, away from things he no longer felt he had the strength to face. He ended up near the koi pond. Crouching down near the edge, Suho dipped a finger into the pond... His brothers were fighting over whether Kris owed him the attention or not, yet all Suho could do was stand on the side and watch with increasing feeling of discomfort within him. Why could he not speak about what he felt? What did he feel anyways? Suho drew a blank as he watched a few of the fish come closer to his fingers and inspect them. Would he be okay with the scenario Myungsoo was presenting? ...

After a lot of thinking, he realized at least this much: he did want Kris' attention after all. The incident with Minseok was unfortunate, but he still wished to monopolize Kris. He also realized that it was a bad wish, unhealthy even. Maybe this was why he felt guilty? His family had divided attention unequally, and maybe that was why he wanted more now. He sounded like a whining child to himself, the inner turmoil splitting him into two competing forces. But his brothers were correct about one thing. He needed to try to step back from his insecurities and think about his situation rationally. Did he want Kris back? As much as this embarrassed or angered him, he did. He wanted to go back to the time when they were so happy together. 

But what about Woohyun? Suho had expected him to comfort him, care for him, but instead, his brother told him that the blame lay with him. Why did he have to worry about Minseok anyways? Couldn't they share Kris' love? Sure he was Minseok's step father now... oh!

He was like a father to Minseok, and shouldn't a father pay attention to his son? Suho remembered all the times he looked at his father and thought to himself how he would not let him children feel neglected. Yet, here he was, following in his father's footsteps. Maybe Woohyun was right. Maybe he should have sacrificed his share of Kris' time and focused more on Minseok.

Suho was pulled out of his thoughts when Myungsoo came and sat beside him. "What are you thinking buddy? Why do you look so heartbroken again?"

Suho shook his head and tried to put on a smile, "I just realized that I failed to be a good father to Minseok, because what I wish for conflicts with what my duty as a father was. I wanted Kris all to myself and ignored Minseok. How does this make me any different from my ow