TAEHYUN

Love come and go easily like the salty taste of the ocean. It feels like just yesterday I confessed to you about my love. Well almost. Now you’re no longer here. That shocking 2 a.m. call from the hospital. The voice from the other side said, “Mr Nam? Last night Miss Choi Yunhee was in a terrible accident. I need you to come to the hospital as soon as possible since you’re the only person that was in contact with her before the incident,”

~

I was sitting by the river bank while reading John Green’s Paper Town then Yunhee came with her new boyfriend Park Hyeok. They have dated for 3 months now. They met at a coffee shop nearby. I know that guy. I know who he is and heard stories about him. I know how he treated girls before, he’s a low-life. I know he isn’t the right guy for Yunhee but for the sake of our friendship, I let the issue slip. I see that he’d change afterward or so I thought. “Taehyun, let’s go have lunch with us,” she said. “No thanks. You two should spend more time together,”

“But we spend all time together, come on Taehyun. It’s just lunch,” she pleaded.

“Yeah Taehyun, you should come along,” her boyfriend supported her opinion. I can hear how he dreads the idea of them having lunch with me. I know I shouldn’t think that way of him, but he really is a trash. Last month, he had a fight with Yunhee, calling her a for not letting him go watch the football game. And last week, they’d fought because Yunhee keeps talking about me, thinking that she has an affair with me. Well, I guess that trash will remain.

“If I say ‘no’, you two will certainly dragged me along aren’t I right?”

“Yes,” Yunhee answered cheerfully.

We had lunch. Yunhee went to the ladies leaving (skinny) me and her (muscular) boyfriend at our table. I swear this is so awkward. “Look here Taehyun; I see how you look at Yunhee. I know you like her,” he said. “No that’s not-,” I was trying to explain but he interrupt with, “Shut it nerd. I don’t want you anywhere near my girlfriend. Or else,”

I admit I lost to that loser. I was a real fool that I left the diner without saying anything. It’s upsetting that I didn’t defend myself. I don’t know how to. ‘What a loser’. On that day forward I avoid Yunhee’s calls and text messages. Two weeks ago, she came knocking on my door. “Taehyun, open up the door please? I know you’re in there. I don’t know what to do now. I’m scared as hell,” she said, crying like a little kid. I, who was standing at door, hands on the doorknob. Thinking whether I should open up the door or just let her there crying her lungs out. I retreat, I let her in. She’s crying in my arms. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

“He left me Taehyun,”

“What? When and how?”

“Just now he texted me and said our relationship is over,” her tears began to wet my sweatshirt. I brought her to the sofa. “I’ll go make you a nice warm strawberry flavoured tea okay?” I said, trying to cheer her up a little. “I don’t want tea. I need to drink my sorrow away,” she said. She stood up and headed to my freezer and took out cans of beer. We drink all night long. Then something unexpected happened when she suddenly said, “Hook up with me,”

It was that quick. I laughed, looked nervous, and she leaned in and tilted her head to the side and we were kissing. Zero layers between us. Our mouth intertwined. We lay down as we kissed, she on top of me, and I began to move beneath her. I pulled away for a moment and said, “We shouldn’t do this” but she sshed me.

When the morning came, I looked around and she was gone. My head hurts, feeling a little hangover. I called her, texted her, left her dozens of voice mail saying “I’m sorry Yunhee” and she didn’t even reply any of it. I was upset and kept on drinking.

I called her again and finally she pick up. “Taehyun, I’m okay. You don’t need to freak out about what happened between us,”

“Yunhee, I’m going to tell you right now,”

“Tell me what?”

“Yunhee, I’m confessing now, I want to make you my girl. I want to open my eyes with you, smile and kiss you. I-I want to buy you flowers like that guy on your favourite TV show and I want to treat you right, even better than Hyeok does. All you need to do is just say yes and I’ll wait for you if you needed more time to get over that trash,”

“Taehyun, you’re drunk. Hang up,”

“No listen! Please? This is my confession. Honestly, I know that I’m not a good guy, there might be times that I might make you cry, but I promise there will be more days that I’ll make you smile. I want to-,” before I could even finish my sentences, she hung up. That was the last time I talked to her.

I haven’t heard anything from her not until today. I received a call from the hospital.

~

I see her lying there on that metal table, a small trickle of blood coming out of her nose, her hazel eyes open, staring off into the distance, turned up just enough to suggest the idea of a smile. “What had happened to her?” I asked the doctor in charge, Dr Jin. “The police said she was on I-79 just south of downtown. A truck had jack-knifed, blocking both lanes. A police car had just gotten to the scene. She hit the cruiser without even swerving. Sadly, the steering wheel hit her chest. They said they smelled alcohol,”

It’s my entire fault, I cried. “What about the truck driver?” I said, biting my lips. Dr Jin put a hand on my shoulder trying to calm me down.

“Son, you’re not the only one that lost someone tonight,” he said then trails off.

Unable to move forward after what the doctor have said, I fall on my knees.

I don’t feel good, I thought.

I’m going to throw up.

I stood up and ran outside. I made it to a trash can outside, five feet from the double doors. But nothing much came out. I just heave, my stomach muscles tightening and my throat opening and a gasping, guttural belch, going through the motion of vomiting over and over again. It must be the beers I drank last night. Damn it!

I walked back inside. I take a look at her. She looks awful, bruises all over her face. Stitches on her chest that makes me feel so down. Nonetheless I still love her even though she only treated me as her friend. “I love you Yunhee,” I whispered followed by my tears. I feel paralyzed into silence, terrorized. I look at her lifeless face and give her (last) a light peck on her forehead.

Now she’s dead. She was warm and soft against my skin before and now she is colder by the minute, more dead with every breathe I took.