Fan Question 8: Is she the love of your life?

"So you entered the military at an unforeseen time," Kwanghee concludes.

"The company thought it best at that time," I explain. "I wasn't too young, but older people have decided that it's best to do the service then. I wasn't scheduled until this year, to be honest.

"There were amazing memories inside camp," she looks at me with worry in her eyes. It's the first time I'm going to talk about even just a small part of it. "Memories, experiences and challenges in camp made me into a real man. But I feel I'm not cut out for marine life, so I'm extremely thankful to be able to finish on schedule."

"I see," Kwanghee beams. He looks so satisfied with what we have shared so far. Although these were rehearsed, I've decided to tell almost all. I owe her this much. "So before we take another song break, let's read the next question: 'Oppa, how much does she mean to you?' Everyone, let's listen to "Save Me" from BAP's First Sensibility."

☆☆☆

September 2016

"100950. Kim Himchan imnida!"

I didn't think it would end up this way.

I didn't think at all.

Hana has been a good friend to me. Too good. She didn't take advantage of our situation, even after she confessed to me. I told her it's not possible, and she didn't insist.

As we ran along the plane for the fifth time that day, carrying our rifle and bags, all I could think about was how I was not able to explain to Mira what happened. All I could think about was the silent hug she gave me at my entrance ceremony, and how that was the only opportunity I could have explained but didn't.

I was living with the belief that she does not believe the news. I was living with the belief that she will still wait for me like we promised. 

But who was I kidding? I made the decision to stick by Hana's side, to do what she needed me to do at that time. We were two people entangled in a situation where we just chose what could have led to the lesser damage.

And this is the price we pay. But I want to see Hana again, even just for the sake of the baby.

A few weeks later, I saw Yongguk hyung running the same plane I did the first week I was here. We talked that night.

The first person I asked was her. And he told me Mira has been frequently seen with Hanbyul. When I asked about Hana, he said after quitting Athens and returning to Japan, they never heard about her again; not even the members she left behind.

I knew she would never give up on me. I knew she will hold on. I knew she was strong.

But the truth hit me like a lightning. There will come a time that she will give up, just like I did. There will come a time that she will let go, just like I did. Even her strength has its limitation.

The next morning I was the talk of the troupe. I howled in my sleep, they say. I was talking while crying in my sleep, they narrated.

"You kept shouting a name. And you kept saying sorry."

I was lucky to have Yongguk hyung there. Just like in our group, he h