Fan Question 7: So this dating rumor from Fall 2016 was true all along?

"Good evening listeners of Bimil Meeting," Kwanghee says right after the bright red ON AIR flashed. "You're still with me, Kwanghee, and you just listened to Athens' Promise. Ahh, this is such a nice song. This charted right?"

"It peaked at number 1 on the Gaon Charts for 5 weeks," I answer proudly as I adjust the mic height. We've moved seats now for the last part of the show. Sitting next to her is such a comfort. Smiling, I also feel how relaxed she has been ever since I sat down next to her.

"It's our follow up song to Masquerade," she supplies. "And we released it in Fall of 2016 before Athens entered an unexpected hiatus."

"I remember that one," Kwanghee says, unable to hide his excitement. "Everyone, we're about to get into the tidbits of this headline. Don't go away."

The commercials hit the radio studio and Kwanghee eyes us both.

"You understand that there's no turning back now, right?"

Despite his lively and variety-like personality, Kwanghee sure knows when to take conversations seriously.

"Once you open this up, it's going viral and then there's no turning back," he said smiling. "I've heard from Sunhwa sshi bits and pieces of your supposed story and relationship, and to be honest, I admire your strength." 

I can't hide the satisfaction that is looming within me because of this comment. I feel the same way. After all that has happened, she stuck beside me. Even when everyone gave up, even when I already gave up, and she almost gave it all up, she came back for me. She came back with me.

"And we're back on Bimil Meeting," Kwanghee announces to the microphone. "We're seen live on viewable radio. Now, let me tell you how you can listen to Bimil Meeting wherever you are..."

I hold her hand under the table. She's warm. She tenses in surprise but a soft tap and she understands that it's okay. She looks around to see if anyone was looking, and she waves and smiles to the cameras as Kwanghee requested.

"Now, let's talk about this next question from a fan with ID name HimchanOppaSaranghe-"

"Ah, thank you."

"Yes, so here's the next question: 'The rumor in Fall 2016, was that true?' Ommo, this is a very specific question. Writer-nim are you sure it's okay to air this, what if TS gets back to us?"

I am pretty sure his jokes were to lighten up the mood. The rumor was pretty serious back then. It didn't only affect Athens, but it has led BAP to stop promotions for a while.

Even now, I still feel guilty to her and to my members.

"There are some truths to it," I begin, slowly lifting my head to look at Kwanghee.

Slowly, our song from 2012 started playing. 

Did you hurt a lot? Are you really tired?

★★★

August 2016

It wasn't our first time guesting in Beatles Code but this is the first we're doing a parallelism with Led Apple.

"Mira sshi," Shindong sunbae started. "You went to school for such a short time?"

"Yes," I agreed. "I went for 15 years up to university, and now there's an additional 2 years for graduate school."

"Wow, normally people would go for an average of 15 years until high school and additional 4 years to finish university. But you're already in graduate school?" Hanbyul inquired, astonishment painted all over his face.

"The education system back home is a little different from here," I explained. 

Hanbyul and I became good friends after Athens started promotions. We incidentally released our debut song a few weeks before Led Apple closed their promotions. Since we have the same kind of music, we've always promoted on the same shows and similar events. And since Hanbyul speaks English, we get each other's jokes and humor. He was such a great friend that even just after a few months, we hanged out a lot.

I kept reminding myself then to be careful. But Himchan was never around to scold me. Projects after projects came for him after that Summer in 2015, and Hana was in all of them. After one scandal he got into with her, he decided it would do us good if we just slowly - just slowly - part.

--

"I don't want to ruin you," he said as he hugged me in one of TS's practice rooms. It was almost morning, and it was the only time we can privately meet. He smelled faintly of sweat and Isis. "This is the only thing I can think of to make them stay away from you."

I nodded against his chest, my arms slowly encircling his waist. It was hard. I always see them on TV, and people always thought they were together. The company never admitted, and never denied, but for Athens' promotions, they stuck to it.

Himchan and Hana were given commercials together, covered for both teen and fashion magazines, guested in sitcoms. I swear the only place they never went to was We Got Married because he refused to do so. 

It was hard for me because I can't complain. Because after all he is not mine. After all, she doesn't know about us. About the secret meetings in the practice room. About the holding hands in Tokyo, Hong Kong, London and all the other cities we visited.

I looked up and searched Himchan's eyes. They were tired and frustrated. "I can't not see you," he murmured as he kissed the top of my head. "God, it's so hard," he kissed my forehead and I closed my eyes. "I don't want this to end, but," he kissed the tip of my nose. "I don't want to be selfish anymore because I'm hurting you so much."

He cupped my face with his hands, unwilling to let me look anywhere else but him. 

"I've been the one asking you for so much," he continued as he held my gaze. "I've been selfishly demanding you to understand me, but I haven't really done anything for you."

I cried. Not because I'm tired of it, but because it seems he has decided it for us both already.

And his tears fell.

"I never wanted to see you cry," his voice cracked as his tears fell steadily. "I want to protect you, and be by your side, and I want to be the man who can make you laugh and make you happy. God, I want so much to be the first person to see you when you wake up every morning, I want to be that person who will take you to the altar and spend the rest our lives together, I-"

He finally submitted to a fitful of sobs. And I cried with him. We find ourselves sitting on the practice room floor and holding hands and crying.

I wanted so much to say that it's okay, that I can take everything, that I can still wait for him.

But I don't want to sound hypocritical. Not when he has already given up. Not when it has already come to this. Not when even I am unsure for until how long I can hold on.

He lifted my face with delicate fingers. He looked so blurred with tears. I didn't think I could cry this much. But it seems for this man, everything is a first. Every happy and sad memory, every first was with him.

I felt his lips close into mine, and we kissed between sobs. We kissed until we could no longer breathe, and we kissed hoping that this kiss would save our broken hearts.

"In time," he breathed. "In time I will look for you, Mira. When that time comes I promise you, I will never leave you again."

--

She doesn't even know the kisses that we shared.

"You're spacing out again, Mira sshi" Hanbyul nudged me when the director signaled for a break. "Stop thinking about him."

We became so close that Hanbyul was able to understand without me elaborating the changes that happened so quickly over the past week. Hanbyul never really k