“He got this smart, handsome and-“ Junhyung began, then paused and fumbled with his seat belt. “Uh, cute brother. Sure, he’s going to feel intimidated.”

Cute was not a word I’d ever heard in connection with my person. My cheeks sizzled. I lowered the window a little more, soaking my left arm.

I savored the word. Junhyung, this beautiful guy sitting next to me, had just called me cute.

I realized I hadn’t spoken in a few aeons or so.

“Do you intimidate your brothers?” I asked quickly.

Junhyung laughed at some private joke. “No. No danger of that. They pretty much think I’m crazy. I shot him a glance. “Should that worry me?”

“Probably.”

I stopped at the corner. “So where to? And don’t say ‘wherever’. It’s pouring and I’ll feel like a jerk if I just let you off by the side of the road so you get even more soaked. Besides, you heard my brother. I have no life.”

Junhyung tapped his fingers on the dash.

“Okay, then. Just take the next turn, past the highway.”

I nodded. We drove in silence for a while, the rain hammering. “I didn’t see you yesterday at school.” I said to fill the awkwardness.

“I was working” Junhyung simply said.

“What about school?”

“What about it?”

“You know. How can you afford to miss?”

“I can’t afford not to.”

“But you’ll---“ I looked at him and he smiled vaguely.

“I’ll what?”

“Well, fail?”

“But I have to. It’s the only way for me to live.”

“Don’t you have parents?”

“They died.”

“Sorry. I didn’t know.” I stole a glance at him. He is smiling. He doesn’t seem to bother.

The rain was giving up. Junhyung gave me more directions. He picked up a muddy folder on the floor. “What’s this?”

“Oh, nothing. That’s just an instruction guide how to make your own telescope.”

“Why?”

“Ah, well, Seungie’s telescope is already damaged so I want to make one.”

“You like stars?”

“Yeah. It calms me.”

Junhyung crossed his arms. “You’re an interesting person, Yoseob.”

“No, I’m not. I’m really pretty average.”

“You shouldn’t say that.”

“Why not? It’s true.”

“Because you might start believing it.” He motioned. “Turn here. You can stop by the mailbox.”

“So this is home?” I asked.

“Yeah. Thanks. Maybe sometime…”

“What?” I tried not to sound too hopeful.

“I was just going to say that maybe sometime, you know, if its okay with you, I could help you create that telescope. And…”

“and?”

“A shooting star. I would like to see that.”

“I’d like that.” I said casually, in my best imitation of a cool person.

Junhyung hesitated as if he were trying to stop the flow of words. I gathered from his sudden frown that he was having second thoughts about our going out.

I didn’t know what to say under the circumstances, so I just sat there, mute and fidgety and pretending it didn’t happened.

“I don’t know, maybe that’s not a good idea,” he said. He grabbed the door handle as if he couldn’t help to escape.

It had to be a world record. I’d started a relationship and been dumped in the space of five seconds.

“Well, I should be going.” I said hastily, hanging on to what little dignity I had left.

“Scratch that,” junhyung said. And I realized he wasn’t talking to me. He nodded firmly. “I can work something out.” He said. “How about next weekend?”

“Next weekend?”

“Yeah. Unless I have to work.”

“Sure.”

“So. Good. A telescope. I’d help you.” He got out of the car. “Thanks again for the lift.”

When he grinned at me it was strangely intimate, maybe because he wasn’t that free with his smiles. His whole face changed, as if the other, intense Junhyung had been just a stand-in, a warm-up act for the real thing.

“Oh. Any word on Seungie?” he asked.

“Surgery day after tomorrow.” I clenched the wheel. “I’m sure he’ll be fine. I wish there’s something I could do.”

I expected him to say that he’d be fine, not to sweat it, something like that. What I might have said in the same position. But he just stared at me.

“You do what you can,” he said.

I watched him went into his house. I felt a little annoyed and a lot giddy and very confused. What had just happened? I tried to sort through his words. He wanted to go out with me, but he had real doubts about the idea. He’d asked me out, but only sort of. He was interested in me, but he had serious reservations.

Or maybe he just wanted to help me. What a pity!

Still, I remained myself, there was the irrefutable fact that he’d called me cute.

It was Monday afternoon when I was waiting in my room, watching the clock. Seungie’s surgery was scheduled for 8 AM. By 2 I was a nervous wreck. He’d warned me it would take a long time, but didn’t make the worrying easier.

Bae peeked in my door. “Maybe his omma forgot to call you,” he said. “You could call him.”

I shook my head. I didn’t want to call him and hear that something had gone wrong. It was better  to wait with hope than to call and lose it.

“Want to walk around?” Bae asked.

“No, thanks.”

Bae leaned against the door, biting his lower lip. I could tell he was worried. Bae adored Seung, probably because Seungie treated him like a very short adult.

“You know,” Bae said. “I could call Ahjumma Eun and ask. She might know. Want me to?”

“Thanks. Maybe in awhile. Let’s give it another half hour.

Bae turned, then paused. “Hyung? Did you…did you pray or something?”

“My understanding is, praying works a lot better if you’re religious.”

“Are we religious?”

“We’re agnostics.”

Bae frowned. “What’s that?”

“It means we’re covering our butts, just in case.”

“I feel like I should have prayed.”

“Did you think about Seung?”

He nodded. “All day, and practically all last night.”

“That’s plenty good.”

He stuck around for another half hour. Finally, he gave up. “I’ll be outside.”

“Okay. I’ll let you know if I hear something.”

A few minutes later the phone rang. My hand trembled as I lifted the receiver. It was Ahjumma Eun.

The words whizzed and blurred, sobs, pauses. Auntie too upset…some of the tumor, left a lot…permanent damage…too risky…don’t tell…

“What?” I whispered. “Don’t tell what?”

“We’re not going to tell him,” Ahjumma Eun said. “Why would we tell him? We want him to be happy. He deserves to be happy for what time he has, Yoseob.”

I thanked Ahjumma Eun and put down the phone.

You can do what you can do, Junhyung had said.

“We should have prayed.” I said to no one.

I am back my dear subscribers. Sorry for updating so late. :) Please do comment. <3 Miss you guys.