I drove Seungie to our favorite spot, the overlooking, because the sun was going down and it was the only thing I could think of to do.

This was the place where we’d cried over bad grades and parental injustice and unrequited love. We just never thought to allow for brain cancer. The sun boiled into the horizon. Mostly we cried. We didn’t speak. There was too many questions, no answers.

Seungie finally broke the silence, laughing at something.

At the sound of his deep laugh, I realized I was furious. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I demanded in a chocked voice. “You knew, Seung. You’ve been going for tests- you weren’t going to an eye doctor. That time you got dizzy after PE and said it was the weather… You must have thought I was so stupid.” I was babbling as tears rolled down my cheeks. “I was so stupid. You’re my best friend, you jerk.”

He turned his placid face on me. “Was there a complete thought in there somewhere?”

I felt terrible. Everything I said mattered. This would be the scene where I Found Out, and I’d would blown it already, yelling at Seungie when he needed me. There could be other scenes, scenes at the hospital, chemo or radiation maybe, I would handle them better. I wanted to do this right, to be there for him until he was okay again.

“God, I’m so sorry.” I whispered. “I’m a jerk. I just started thinking about you worrying, with no one to talk to, and at least I could have worried with you.”

“What point would there have been in both us freaking?” Seungie asked calmly. “The first two doctors were telling me all kinds of things: it was nerves, it was stress, I needed glasses, I had the flu. And then they did the EEG and MRI and a bunch of other tests with multiple letters, and the odds were so long that I figured…” He shrugged. “There’s still plenty of time to worry.”

He watched the clouds move. Then he looked at me, straight on. “Five or six months, anyway.”

Five or six. Till summer, then. “You mean, six months until you’re all better.” I said, hoping I was right, knowing I wasn’t.

He shook his head.

“Until you’re in remission, then.”

“Until I’m worm food,” Seungie said. He chewed on a thumbnail. “Although one textbook I read said three months, four at the outside. Statistically speaking, that seems to be the norm. it varies a lot, of course. I’m just assuming the worst.”

“Shut up, Seung, Shut up. This is not about statistics. This is you. You are not going to die, not tomorrow, not in four months or six months or six years.” I took his hand and held it so hard he winced. “Doctors could be wrong, they’re wrong all the time. They tell people this crap and then their patients end up outliving them.”

Seungie sighed. “Seob, that happens only in movies.”

 “Still, you can’t know this for sure.” I said. “They have to do biopsies. You don’t even know if it’s malignant yet.”

“True. But judging from what I know so far… I’m just saying it’s likely that the prognosis isn’t all that promising.”

The air was wet and thick. My breath came in gasps. “What is the matter with you?” I struggled to my feet, gesturing wildly. “You’re acting like this is a done deal, like it’s over.”

“It’s just that I’ve had a while to let it sink in. A couple of weeks ago, they told us this was likely. Today was just the grand finale. Give it time.”

“No, I will not give it time!” I was screaming.

“The problem is,” Seungie continued philosophically, “nobody talks about dying. I mean, let’s face it, it’s a bummer. We pretend we’re immortal because it’s easier.”

“We are immortal, Seungie, we’re juniors.”

He smiled.

I tried again. “They’re doing all that gene research. You could get into one of those experimental drug projects.”

“Yeah, I asked my doctor about it. I’m going to Seoul for more tests. Maybe I’ll ask there. Of course, even if I did get into one, there’s no guarantee it’d work.”

I dropped to my knees.

“That’s the only thing that pisses me off,” Seungie said softly. “I wanted to do… well, great things.”

I sat beside him. “Seung, you are great things already.”

“You can do the great things for both of us,” Seungie said. “Don’t forget the twin guys in Paris, okay?”

“You are not gone. You are here. You are going to get better.”

“Also, the sky diving. No let’s make the sky diving optional. The twins are enough pressure.”

“I want to start this day over,” I said. “I want to backspace it out of existence.”

Suddenly I thought of Junhyung. He had been part of this day too, this day I wanted to erase. I tried to remember his quite smile or the feel of my arms around his waist, but all I could remember was his bike flying through the air in a beautiful, deadly arc.

The moon was getting braver, taking on color and light.

“When was the next meteor shower again?” Seungie asked.

“Mid or late summer, I think.” I answered him.

Seungie nodded. “Think I’ll see it?”

“You’ll see it.”

“If I don’t,” Seungie whispered. “you can do it for me, Seob. The twins, the sky diving, the meteor shower. Don’t forget, okay? Especially the twins.”

“You’ll be here. You can do it yourself.”

“Maybe you’re right. You couldn’t handle twins.”

“Please, Seung. Hope. For me. It’s way too soon to stop hoping.”

Seungie stood up. He went near the railings. We watched the moon trip lightly along the clouds. I cried softly. I could feel him watching me.

“When it will have meteor showers again?” he asked.

“Mid or late summer.”

“Sooner, ever?”

“Not usually.”

Seungie nodded, as if he’d come to a decision. “Okay, then,” he said. “Okay, Seob. I’ll be here.”

Thanks for my new subscribers. :) Guys, i want to hear you. Please do comment. I think the story is too slow. Do you think so? :( Aish. Anyway. Sorry if it is too boring. :( <3