Sooooo not satisfied with the way this chapter turned out  :/  but I didn’t have much time to work on it and I really wanted to update today. So I had to settle with this =(

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He grabbed the bottle of alcohol from the counter top, unscrewing the cap and discarding it carelessly onto the floor. He had to tighten his hold around the bottle neck as his hand shook to the point where the liquid sloshing around inside almost threatened to spill out. His free hand hovered over the pills, ready to grab a handful and shove them into his mouth.

And end his suffering.

But the firm grip that previous uncertainty had on him had not loosened; not even a bit. There was a constant battle raging inside his head, one part of him wanting to hold on to his life and the other part wanting to end everything for good. He was torn between the want to live and the need to die, and each of those feelings were just as powerful and strong as one another.

Was he really doing the right thing?

Was he being a coward taking the easy way out like this?

His brain immediately piped up with a counter attack.

Easy way out???

This was not easy. It was anything but.

How the hell could dying, having to say goodbye to everything he knew and held dear be easy? But this was the right thing to do. He would not only be putting himself out of his misery but he’d be doing a huge favour to those around him. No one wanted to be around a failure like him.

With a loud pained sob concentrated with all the anger and sadness and fear and frustration, he grabbed a fistful of the small tablets.

But still… he couldn’t do it.

He just couldn’t.

He was so wrapped up in his own world that he failed to hear the light click of the door opening. It was only when the bright lights flooded the apartment that his attention snapped back to the real world.

He was not alone anymore.

“yah…. Lee Minwoo. I knew you’d be here…”  His voice drifted down the hallway.   

His blood froze.

What was he doing here? Why was he here?

He was not supposed come looking for him.

Not now.

“… Why aren’t you answering your phone you idiot?”

The usually inaudible sound of footsteps felt like loud roars of thunder in silent apartment. The voice drifting closer and closer made his chest tighten painfully. His breath left him in short harsh rasps.

“Do you know how worried I…was…”

The world around him came to a standstill as his eyes rested on the familiar face.

Eric stood in the hallway, his gaze drifting from the tablets and the small dark medicine bottles covering the surface of the kitchen island to the bottle clutched in Minwoo’s hand before finally coming to a rest on his tear streaked face. Words seemed to have frozen on the tip of his tongue as the stunned silence filled the apartment.  

Everything around him started to fade away until the only thing he could see was Eric’s face and the emotions that flitted across it; disbelief, shock, dismay, anger and then in the end sadness; an overwhelming sense of sadness that even he could feel from across the room.

He lowered his head in shame unable to look at the man.

He did not want Eric to see this side of him; this weak side that even he was disgusted with. He did not want to appear like the feeble coward he was; not in front of Eric. He respected the man immensely and craved for his approval. And this was what he’d tried so hard to escape; the disappointment that was so obvious in his eyes.   

This man he loved. And he had failed him again.

“Minwoo-yah…”  The soft whisper pierced through the silence. 

He sounded so... broken.

He squeezed his eyes shut, fresh tears welling up and making his eyes sting painfully. He steeled himself for the inevitable barrage of questions and snide remarks.

But none came.

Instead when he finally gathered enough courage and opened his eyes all he saw was Eric striding towards him through the room. 

And then he was there; warm and soft and so solid against his own cold body, grabbing him by the shoulders and dragging him into his warm embrace, wrapping his arms around him and holding him tight.

Yet his body was stiff, unable to relax in the familiar embrace. The grip he had on the bottle tightened even more, his fingers cramping around the tablets even tighter, almost to the point where his fingers started to go numb. But then that scent he was so accustomed to invaded his nostrils; sweat and aftershave and something that distinctively screamed ‘Eric’.

And that was when he let go completely.

His body sagged against the older man. The painful grip he had on the bottle loosened completely and it slipped through his clammy fingers, crashing to the ground and breaking into millions of small shards upon contact with the cold marble floor. The red liquid inside now stained the once pristinely clean white tiles. The pills followed close suit, scattering across the room- some of them soaking up the red liquid. 

Eric never flinched; his hold around him never weakened- not at the loud shattering sound, and not as the cold fluid reached their bare feet. If anything, his hold around him tightened even more. And there was nothing much left for him to do except to wrap his own shaky hands around the man and take what warmth and protection he offered.

Even in the other man's protective embrace he couldn't stop the thoughts racing through his mind.

How did he know?

How did Eric know that he was at the very end of his tethers dangling so precariously over the edge of his precipice and all that was needed for him to go tumbling down into the deep dark unknowns was one gentle push?

How did Eric hear his silent pleas for help?

But then again, this was Eric; the man who knew him better than he himself did. He had always been there, from the very beginning.

Eric had always been his buffer against all the problems and questions the outside world threw at him- the safe house he always used to take refuge in. He had always supported him, had backed him up. He was always there for him.

He always was, always had been.

He had never broken the trust Minwoo had so unabashedly placed in him.

And it shamed him even more to realize that it was him who pushed Eric away. He was the one who broke that trust, keeping everything to himself and hiding all the problems.

How had he, even for one moment, believed that this man would turn his back on him?

Why had he let his stupid insecurities take over the rationality in him?

But he realized it then. Eric will always be there to catch him when he fell.

For the first time in months he felt like he could finally let go. The walls he had worked so hard to build around him were now in shambles. But there will be no need for him to erect them again.

That previous sense of despondency was now replaced with a flicker of hope.

Because now Eric was here.

Because now he finally had his safety net back.