I raise my hand in front of my face to get a better look on my watch. Noticing the time now make me form my lip into the satisfied smile. I know someone is waiting inside of the apartment right now, the apartment that we are living together. It's almost a year since I live here, with a man I don't really want to.

The 'ting' sound of the door elevator is opening wide, make me snap up instantly, I force my feet to step forward, counting the steps that I'm going to take for arriving to our Apartment. There is nobody in this hall as I stroll down in silence. The time now is making this hall become desolate, knowing that whoever is living at this apartment already deep inside in their dream, sleeping.

I don't have to press the bell or knock on the door, instead I will directly open the door for myself. I slowly arrange the step into the apartment then turn around to close the door back. I slip my high heel down to the ground before making my way inside. There is a bit dark around the living room as I skip them directly go to the kitchen, wanting grab something for a drink.

I stop in my spot when I found out he is sitting in the dining room, doing his stuff. The table seems cluttered with papers and the laptop is setting in front of him. I glance at him for a while, who is wearing a black shirt with his shorts. seem like he has not noticed my presence yet as he bites his lower lip like usual. I've noticed he has this habit of biting his lower lips whenever he was focusing on something.

Ignoring whatever he is doing, I continue walking to the refrigerator. I roughly open the refrigeretor then grab the bottle of the juice orange. I slam the door back then go to the dinning table, taking the glass that hanging neat in there. I calmly pour down the orange juice inside of the glass before bringing them to my lip. when the surface of the glass is about to touch my lip, a deep voice echoes filled up the kitchen room.

"Where did you go?" he glances up at me, wanting for my answer. 

"Somewhere" I simply say as casually gulp down the orange juice.

“With that guy?” his tired eyes searching my cold gaze. Why must he asks when he already knows the answer.

The fact that I’ve already had someone before he appeared into my life and he had ruined everything. My hope to get married with my own boyfriend, my future to live happily with my own boyfriend and everything already in planed and then he came then destroyed it.

I never wanted this marriage happened in the first place. The first time I met him was at my own wedding. That’s crazy right. That time I know nothing about him but only his own name and the second thing I know he had to be my husband.

All I could do at that moment was crying out into my mom, telling her that I didn’t want this marriage but my mom said nothing, she was be able to comfort me in sympathy way. I don’t understand my parents that time.

“Yes, with my boyfriend? Why, problem?” I give him a cold shoulder again.

Right after he is officially became my husband, I’ve decided to constantly hate him and abusing his inner with my coldness. I want him to feel how hurt I am when I have to be forced on this marriage.

He just shakes his head, showing me his gummy smile that I used to hate it from the beginning. “No, I never have a problem with that. I only want to make sure you’re okay”

“Don’t act like you care a lot about me” I hiss in my spot, turning around to put the empty glass on the sink. I don’t want to be here any longer with him. His calm face is killing me. I don’t like anything about him even his damn smile.

I always tried my best to make him furious once but he was truly not. Not at all since I married him. I hate the side of him because I almost fall for it.

“Good night, ______” He softly mutters when he saw me arranging the step to my room. I don’t reply him but glancing at him once who is walking to the sink then helping washing the glass that I just placed in the sink.

‘I hate him’ I mumble before bringing up myself to my own room, annoying. The moment I reach the room, I violently slam myself against the bed, exhausting.

For your information, we are not in the same room. He has his own room is next mine. We sleep separately in our room alone, even if we are called husband and wife. I never want to sleep with him. I’m not ready for that, I mean I can’t accept him fully into my life.

I shut my eyes to calm a little myself. I don’t have any idea when this marriage is going to over. I hope it will be as soon as possible.

I shot my eye open, when I heard the bell door sound outside of my room. A frown starts to draw on my face, thinking that who the hell is coming to this apartment in late at the night. I lazily get up from lying then dragging myself to the door.

I press my right ear near the door so that I can hear the voice who is talking outside there. I can hear Yongguk’s voice interspersed with the female voice. My heart starts to beat faster for no reason as I immediately crack the door open a little to peek outside of the bedroom.

“What are you doing here, Omma?” I heard yongguk’s husky, deep voice asks to his mother a.k.a my mother-in-law. He mentioned his mother to have a seat on the couch before making his way to the kitchen, wanting to take a drink. I guess.

I slowly close the door back, don’t even want to make any of the sound. I lean my back behind the door, doubting whether to go out or just stay in my room . However, I have to give at least some respect to his mother, but at this moment I really want to go to bed then sleep for my sake.

‘Am I too selfish?’

Before I climb up again in the bed, I just realize that I’ve not giving myself a bath yet.

A heavy sigh escapes from my lip again as I force myself to grab the towel on my hanger, ready to go to the bathroom. I walk to the door again because the bathroom is near the kitchen. So, I have to go out whenever I want to use the bathroom.

When my hand is about to spin the doorknob, then someone else already spins them for me on the other side. I’m a little shocked as I lift my head up to look at the person.

“Yah, who told you to open my bedroom door without my permission?!” I raise my voice to Yongguk, who is popping up his head through the door. I put on my serious face in front of him as glancing at him dangerously.

“Shhh...” He puts his forefinger on his lip, probably don’t want to let his mother hear us. “I’m sorry ,Okay? I just want to tell you that my mom is here.” He grins, showing much his gummy.

I grunt in annoyance.”I already know that” I mutter in silent but Yongguk didn’t hear that.

“What did you say?” he innocently asks. I shake my head and push his head afterward.

“Get out, get out of my room!” I exclaim as forcedly push him then shut the door in front of his face. I’m about to turn around but once again Yongguk opens the door.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you, my mother will sleep over here for tonight. So, prepare the bed for meee.” he says in teasing tone while giving me an unusual wink at me.

“What the-“ before I could say anything, he quickly shut the door back which make my word stunted. I gaze at the door for a while, blankly, before my brain start to work again.

“Wait a minute?! Prepare the bed?!! That’s mean he will sleep with me tonight.?” I wide my eye in unbelievable. I wanted to scream so badly but I can’t because of the thought about his mother is here with us. So, I can’t help but bite my towel hardly to release my tension that had come a few minutes ago, frustration.

...

I half-hearted step out of my room then strolling down to the bathroom, but before I arrive in there. I walk pass through the living room first and immediately I spot Yongguk and his mother are sitting on the couch, talking. Both of them quickly turn around when they heard my footstep. I awkwardly bow to his mother while giving a death glance at Yongguk. I turn to look at his mother again then give her a sweet smile to show her some respects.

She returns the smile back, nodding her head once to me. Without thinking twice, I rapidly make my way to the bathroom. I hold my breath for a while before letting them out lightly. I close the bathroom door with a deep sigh then ready to take a bath. I know I’ve been rude to his mother and I’m not supposed to do that in front of Yongguk.

I take a very long shower than usual at tge sake time I  want to refresh myself a little bit. After done, I walk out of the bathroom with my pajamas on my body. I wipe my wet hair with my towel then start to make my way to my bedroom again. I see Yongguk and his mother are nowhere to be found in the living room anymore. So, I bet Yongguk might have brought her into his room.

I shrug off the thought away and continue my walk. When I reach my room, I’ve noticed that his bedroom door didn’t close fully. I can see his mother is sitting on the bed while yongguk is leaning his tough body against the wall. Seem like the both of them have a serious talk.

I click my tongue once “Spoiled kid”

I pretend like I don’t see them as I arrange my step again but stop when I hear my name is being mentioned.

“How about your relation with _______?” his mother curiously asks him. I press my lips together then slowly approaching his bedroom door, to hear their coversation clearly, with more closely and I know It’s not so nice to overheard their conversation in silent but I can’t help, cause I’m too curious what are they talking about now.

“Oh, F-fine...” he clears his throat in the middle.” Yeah..We’re fine.” His tone sounds crack which trying to pull his lips into a smile. This is my first time to see his smile looks a bit... severe. His mom eyeing him up suspiciously, looking deep into her son. Yongguk quickly avoids her mom's stare, looking down at the floor.

“Don’t lie, yongguk. I know you more than you are. you’re not okay with ______, right?” She shots him like a boom. Yongguk looks up again and open his mouth but nope of word has coming out from his mouth. He’s being dumb for no reason. suddenly I feel bad for him when I see him like a stupid person, trying not to tell my bad behavior to his mom.

He lets out a light sigh before smile again. “you such a great mother, don’t you?” he softly laughs, looks a bit calmer.

“I take that as a yes” His mom states as nod her head then gaze at her son with painfully.

I don’t understand right now. What was that look for? Is there something I don’t know about?Suddenly I feel something is not right with this feeling. The feeling that I’m going to regret sooner or later.

“I..” I snap from my thought when Yongguk’s voice echoes around the room again, straightly into my ear hole. I glance up at him again and found his wistful eyes appeared immediately.

“I’m not a good husband. That’s why ______ hate me that much. I should haven’t married her in the first place.” He speaks up, releasing what is in his heart all this time. I bite my bottom lip at his suddenly statement.

“No, Son. Please, don’t say like that.” His mother shakes her head. Her eyes starts to tear up when she sees his unstable condition now.

Yongguk searches his mother's eyes and now he doesn’t show his smile anymore instead with a serious face.

“Mother, I’m not good person, right? I’m totally not. That’s why she left me, she already know I couldn’t give her happiness. That day... that day, It was supposed to be our wedding but everything changed. She didn’t come. She didn’t appear as a plan. I was waiting for her to come but she didn’t.” He says again, I can sense his sorrow and miserable through his dark eyes which I never seen before. His mother just remains silent on her spot and just letting her son releasing his feelings.

Who is she? Why I don’t know anything? I really feel bad for not knowing that he actually had a worst past.

I press my palm against my mouth, preventing me to let out a sound of crying. Unknowingly, the tears pour down on my cheek. I don’t know, behind his smile is hiding something such a pain like that.

What I’ve done to him? he’s in pain, he has a deep wound in his heart and I supposed to treat them but what I’ve done? I just give him more pain as I’m stabbing his heart again and again with no mercy but he only return me with his smile. 

“Then, she left me the note, telling me that she couldn’t continue this marriage. My heart immediately shattered into the million of pieces when I read every words she wrote. You don’t have any idea how much I wanted to cry, how much I wanted to shout, telling the world that this was not fair for me but I can’t, Mother. I really can’t. All I could do was sit there then staring at the piece of paper in a blank way. I feel absolutely empty” He adds as shut his eyes for a moment. He rubs his face once to calm himself a little.

I watch his sad face with my narrow eyes. As long as I’ve been here, being his wife. He’s always showing me his warm smile then didn’t even once care about my harsh words to him. You’re amazing, Yongguk. How could you do that? Pretending like you’re okay but actually you’re not. You are such a good liar, yongguk. You fool people around you with only show your gummy smile and that person is me. Damn it. 

I'm such a horrible person.

I lean my body against the wall beside his door, still waiting to hear his unrevealed truth. I just regret for making him hurt with my coldness. How can he stands for being my husband?

“I understand that, Yongguk, I always do” her mom tries to comfort him. There is awkward silent around the room for a few minutes before his mom speaks again.

“Then, how about _____ ? Do you love her?” his mother suddenly changes the subject, I gasp at her question as my heart start to beat crazily but in my heart I really want to know how he exactly feels about me.

“It’s a biggest lie if I say I have never had a feeling to her, Mother. We’re living under same roof almost a year and almost everyday I see her.” He calmly state. I can’t help but smile a bit at his statement.

“But I’ll let her go someday.” He adds again. I’m startled at his last decision. I don’t know why but I feel sad all of sudden when he said he want to let me go.

Isn’t that what you wanted in the first place, ______? I ask myself back, confusing with my new feeling now.

For some reason I don’t want him to let me go. I want to know more about him. he's such a unique and mystery person for me.

“But you can’t do that!” His mom nearly shouts to his son furiously, protest. Yongguk lets out a small sigh.

“She doesn’t love me, Mother. I can’t constantly force her to be my wife forever. I’m not good enough for her. She deserves someone else who can take care of her. I’ve ruined her life with this marriage. I’m not supposed to let you marry her with me in the first place.” yongguk bluntly says, having a regret deep in his eyes.

“We did this because we all trust that she can be a good wife for you. her father was willing to give his daughter to you because he'd believed that his daughter can make you happy.” Her mom states which make me shocked on my spot.

My father.. what? I bite my bottom lip at this news. How come I don’t know anything about this?

“How could you do that to her, mother. That’s the reason why she hates me that much. We just took her life. We should understand her first and respect her feeling. Her father shouldn’t force her to marry me. that’s not right. It’s all my fault” Yongguk pinches his temple a little to throw away the stress then rubbing his face for a second times.

I slowly fall for his kindness to me. His concern is touching me. I can sense that he does exactly care about me. How come I have not realizing that before?

“Don’t blame yourself, Yongguk”

Yongguk ignores his mom's remark as he strolls toward the bed, slowly laying her body down onto the soft bed.

“You should sleep now, mother. I want to get some fresh air for a while. Don’t wait for me” He weakly mutter, giving her a kiss on the forehead. Her mother can’t help but only nod her head half-hearted. His lips form into a small smile before walking down to the closet to take his black sweater.

On the other hand, I quickly make my way to my own bedroom back when noticing that Yongguk is about to walk out of his room. I peek my head through my bedroom door only to see Yongguk who is already strolling to the main door and then disappeared behind the door. A heavy sigh escapes from my lips, dragging myself back into my bedroom with my a heavy heart.

I sit in the corner of the bed, staring deep at my feet. My mind starts to wander around, remembering the conversation between Yongguk and his mother. I’ve seen the true side of him a minute ago and make me think that should I open up my heart to him and accept him as my husband.

It's about time for me to move on, to forget the past. 

The sound of ringing on my phone make me snaps from my thought. I quickly grab my phone on my tableside near the bed. I make a sigh instantly when I see the caller name on the screen phone. This is my first time I’m not happy when I got the call from my boyfriend. I put my phone on the bed then just let them ringing over there, don’t even bother to answer them. I’m not in my mood and all I think right now only one person and that person is Bang yongguk, my own husband.

Finally, my phone turned quiet as my wish. I take my phone back in my hand. I type down something on my phone. I’ve decided that I’ll try to accept Yongguk and give him a chance. I promise I will be a good wife for him. I will make him have no regret, having me as his wife. I will try to love him.

After done typing, I quickly press the button of ‘send’ as quickly as I can. I only be able to hope that he will understand me and accept the fact that he can’t have me forever.

‘I'm sorry, Let’s break up. ’

I quickly turn off my phone then throw them away, don’t want to think about his reaction. I violently grab the remote then turn on the aircond before laying my body on the bed. I pull my blanket up over my body then begin to sleep.

Unfortunately, I keep turning to the left and the right, insecure. My eyes don’t even show the sign for me to sleep yet. Suddenly, I heard the click sound to show that someone has opened the door. I quickly lay on my side, knowing that yongguk already back.

A few minutes later, I can feel the weight on the bed behind me. my back is facing him as I hold my breath for my nervousnees. My heart starts to beat faster for the first time. I silently press both of my palms against my chest, preventing him to hear my loud thud. I can tell that he already lay beside me and I’m so afraid to turn around.

I decide to wait for him to fall asleep first, so that I can turn around. I keep blinking my eyes in the dark room, don’t want to shut my eyes yet. It takes me about fifteen minutes to stay in my condition and finally I have a courage to turn around.

I look at him, who is laying on his side too, facing me. I watch him sleep peacefully while crossing his arms on his body, hugging himself to keep him warm. My lips instantly forms into a small smile before I get up to sit position. I look down at him as I make my blanket open wide, enough for me and him to share. I pull the blanket up to reach his waist then lay back my on the bed.

I stare at his face, scanning him in silence. I scan every inch of his face, from his eyes then down to his full lips. I can’t help but blush in front of him even he’s sleeping now.

“I’m sorry, yongguk. You're already be a good husband for me.” I shift my body to his as bravely run my hand through his black hair.

“..and I’m so stupid not appreciating you as my husband.” I whispers again, my voice is getting low as I start to feel my eyelids heavy and heavy.

“Good night, Yongguk....” Finally, I shut my eyes tightly, ready to sleep.

“Don’t sleep..” He suddenly whispers with a deep voice. I’m a bit startled as I forcibly open my eyes again and found out that Yongguk is staring at me directly.

“I thought you already fell asleep” I softly murmur to him then shut my eyes back. I can feel his palm touch my cheek then gently caress them.

“Please, _____ don’t sleep” He once again mutter to me. I frown at his statement. Why he keeps asking me not to sleep. His hand still caress my cheek with full of gentle. I obediently open my eyes then make eyes contact with him across the dark room. 

“Why?” I ask curiously. He doesn’t say anything instead move down his hand to my shoulder while his eyes don't  leave from mine. He seems like wanting to give me the hint and it takes me at least a few minutes to understand him. Slowly, He shifts his body to me.

“Don’t sleep, Okay?” he says again, smiling and slowly closing the gap between us.

I remain silent when I get what he means.

The next move he does, let just be our secret.

 The end

OMG I can not believe I just wrote this !!

What a shame!!

I'm sorry for my broken grammar..I hope you like it... :D

Who want to marry with this guy? :DD

btw sorry for who want me to make a sequel cause I'm not going to do it since I have no experience in marriage.. and it's kinda awkward for me.

Haha.. byebye~