Only 6 days left to my wedding and this is the first time ever my car drives into an electronic gate of Kris Wu Yifan’s house.

Once I have parked the car, I get down from it to peer upon the impossible building before me. Can I seriously call this as a house? It’s too huge to become one!

“What are you waiting for? Grab your things and let’s move,” Kris pulls me out of my thoughts. Pouting to him who already turns his back on me, I follow after him with Hee Jin and Sungkyung. The three of us are going to spend the countdown till the wedding here, accomplishing my mission for the cooking lesson.

We walk pass an extravagant garden by the front compound, climbing over a grand staircase before reaching the Mahogany doors which later is opening the path for us into one hella-big living room ever!

Hee Jin, Sungkyung and me stop to awe upon this alien spaceship surrounding us. I never knew owning a Chinese restaurant could make someone this rich. Once my attention back to Kris, he already stands facing the set of couches by the center of the living room and talks to what it seems like another two guys, probably his housemates.

“Come here, y’all. Meet my friends, Luhan and Chanyeol. Luhan ah, you met So Eun before right?” Ah, so the manager is living with the boss huh? The baby-faced guy stands up to stretch his hand to my way. I smile thinly, shaking his hand back.

“Yeah. I’m glad you came here. It’s been a while since we have girls around.” He teases and both of my girlfriends laugh while I only force a smile. The other one, Chanyeol, pokes in between us.

“Correction, Luhan should say, we have never really had girls in here so welcome to the house again!” cheerful huh? I simply nod and point out my hand one after another, introducing Sungkyung and Hee Jin to the boys.

“Well, everyone. These are my friends then, Sungkyung and Hee Jin.” They all are exchanging things such as ‘Nice meeting you’ or ‘How do you do’ until Sungkyung catches the sight of a board upon the coffee table among us and she points her chin down to it.

“What are you guys playing?”

“Ah, this is word puzzles. Wanna play along?” Chanyeol offers, already stepping aside to welcome the girls sitting with them on the couch but when my eyes scan over the words they are forming, I spontaneously see a word ‘HORN’ there.

“It’s easy. You add a ‘Y’ back there and then you get a word ‘’, next whose turn?”

Only then that I realize I’m making each of them becoming speechless. Their eyes focus on me, totally unexpecting that such reaction would come out but then Kris breaks the awkward tension by saying, “Yeah, upward from that ‘Y’, you add ‘S.I.L.L’...silly enough for you to suggest that right?”

All four of Chanyeol, Luhan, Hee Jin and Sungkyung try their best not to laugh at our silent mock battle. I throw Kris a glare while he arches his eyebrow to me until he sighs and straightens up his tall body.

“Let’s not waste the time. Kim So Eun, you and me, kitchen, now.”

I roll my eyes but getting to move anyway, tailing after him. It’s funny to think that such sentence should be filled with ‘You and me, bed, now’ but thinking that I shouldn’t be all y here, I compose my conscience to finally enter this – this...wow. This kitchen is amazing!

“First off, let’s start with the most basic meal Korean Chinese usual have. We’re going to learn to cook the meal you ate the most during the night at our reunion,” Kris blabbers on, cornering around the kitchen counter to snatch two pieces of apron from a small hook. He throws one to me, viciously pausing me from admiring his kitchen. Geez, this jerk!

“The meal I ate the most? Which one? I ate all of them well, I guess.” That earns a glare from the corner of his eyes, finally finish tying up the apron around his waist as he moves to pull the refrigerator apart. “Silly. When I say the basic, you should automatically think of jjajangmyeon!”

My mouth forms an ‘O’, hanging the apron around my neck only to realize that mine is colored in pink and his...I look up to Kris, noticing that his apron is in a shade of blue. My eyebrow jerks up, “What now? Your house got couple aprons?”

“Not until today actually. Kris got them this morning ‘cause he’s really preparing well to welcome you here,” I glance around, hearing that comment slips by Luhan with a mocking laughter follows after as he makes his way into the kitchen.

Kris snorts, “Shut up, Lulu. So Eun ah, go up to my room and get the recipe book I’ve written on my dressing table. My room is the first master bedroom next to the staircase. You might need it for your reference.”

I’m still stuck in disbelief of what Luhan just told me. Did Kris really prepare all this for me? I stay there, watching him as he begins arranging the ingredients to the top of the counter. Once he realizes I’m still watching in dumb, Kris frowns to me. “What else?”

“Huh?” I scratch the back of my neck, “no, nothing. I’ll get it now.”

His room is too empty for someone as rich as him, I think. All dull black and white shades modeled in sophistication from the furniture set to the curtains. There are no personal mementos – no paintings, no vases, no photographs – exactly as I expected. On the right side of the room, there is an adjacent veranda and I walk further towards the dressing table, spotting easily on the mentioned recipe book.

My hand already picks it up but underneath the book, it reveals a crumpled letter to my sight. I frown, thinking to read it will be considered as invading his privacy but I can’t help my curiosity. Putting aside the book, I sit on a small bench facing the mirror to smooth down the little paper and read on its contain.

I’m afraid to tell you this. I know you would never see me the way I see you but, I love you.

 –Wu Yifan, 2008.

What is this all about? Yifan was writing a love letter to someone? Who?

I turn the cover of the letter to its back and front side but still, I fail to meet the name or address of the owner to this letter. Then I reread the year he scribbled there and...

“Yah, Fanfan! This was during our second year of high school! Who was your crush at that time?” I storm into the kitchen, holding up the letter to him as I ask aloud and Kris automatically widens his eyes by the sight of that paper.

“Yah!” He panicking, grabbing it away and crumpling it before he hides his fist behind his body. He then growls to the blinking me, “Yah! Where did you get this?!”

“This? You mean that letter?” I dart my eyes mischievously to the hidden tiny thing. A sarcastic laugh escapes my mouth. “I just picked up your recipe book and saw it. Who was your crush by the way? Why didn’t you send the letter to her?”

Kris hisses sharply, too obvious that he’s both feeling shy and piss off that I found out about his failed love confession. I laugh louder, crossing my arms as I lean against the counter to eye him.

“Look, that’s none of your business okay? Besides, this is a past! Move on, we need to focus on your lesson now.” I see Kris is pushing that paper into the pocket of his apron but slowly tip-toeing to him, I stand higher to match his face level before I stop, hooking my hands to his shoulders.

Kris freezes on the spot, not tearing his eyes even a second from mine as I flash him another playful smile and lean in to whisper, “Was it Hee Jin? Because I remember during second year, you were desk mate with her, right?”

Speaking of the devil, Hee Jin comes into our view, shouting words like she wants to have a drink but once she notices me clinging to Kris, she stops by the doorway. “Em, am I interrupting something here?”

“No! Hee Jin ah! I’ve got a hot issue to tell you! You know, Fanfan...he was having a cru – ” I’m all eager to leak the news towards my best friend but Kris is faster when he regains his composure to trap my wrist and pull me back into his arms again.

“It’s nothing. Hee Jin ah! I’d be really glad if you could leave us alone for now. I need to deal regarding a matter with So Eun.” Kris covers his big palm over my mouth, sealing me from talking but I push it down and protesting, “But why? You should have told her – ”

Kris gritted his teeth as he clasps his palm to my mouth again and Hee Jin laughs, giggling before she salutes him and turns away to leave us. I’m waiting for Kris to let me go but he doesn’t until he brings my body to the nearby wall, pastes it there for us to have direct eye contact with each other.

I swallow. This is the first time I study his face so close. His eyes, his nose, his lips, his lashes, his hair – he’s perfect. A strange and unreasonable race begins in my heart until he sighs, narrowing his eyes to me.

“I’m warning you, Kim So Eun. Don’t, ever, talk, about this letter, again. Understand?” His hand has lowered from trapping my mouth. I bit my lip.

“But why? You were afraid to tell her you love her that time because she’s a beauty and you’re a fatty? You’re no longer now. You should have told her if your feeling is still the same. I guarantee Hee Jin’s still single.”

We stare to each other for a few tremendous heartbeats before Kris gulps and avoids my eyes. Still, he doesn’t move away. Instead he traps me between the wall and his tall body as he guards his long arms by each side of my hands. Seeing that he doesn’t move, I should push him away but...I didn’t.

Magically, my heart tells me that I don’t want to. I want to stay like this, longer.

“Forget it, So Eun ah. The letter was just a joke. I didn’t mean it.” After a moment of eternity that he steps backward, giving air for me to breathe. I read his face and though he said he didn’t mean that love letter, I could still catch a hint of disappointment in his eyes.

Kris seems sad, reminiscing over the feeling that’s unreachable to him.

I smile, deciding inside that I’m gonna bring him together with Hee Jin. That’s the least I could do to thank him for helping me with this lesson anyway.

Five days more to my wedding.

For this second day of my cooking lesson with Kris, we’re learning to prepare Mandu, or Korean-style dumplings. Mandu is a cognate of mantou, which in Chinese culture refers to steamed buns. Kris teaches me that Mandu can be fried, steamed, or boiled and is typically served with soy sauce.

This Mandu could be the part where I’ll be serving the guests at my wedding during the dessert section. It tastes great actually, the one made by Kris.

I’m in the middle of folding the Mandu skin in half over filling and pressing the edges together to make the ripple shape of it when a plot strikes in my mind.

“Ah! That’s it!” Putting down the dough, I glide towards a dining table across from the counter to zip off my handbag and take out a small notebook which I routinely bring since as a writer, I gain my ideas anywhere, anytime. That’s why whenever I need it, I simply jot down those ideas in here.

As for today, I suddenly got the next scene to relate in my story written for the writing contest. I’m still moving the pen fast when Kris asks me from where he stands by the sink. “I heard from Sungkyung sshi that you’re working with her as a writer. You love writing?”

I chuckle, “Probably the thing I love and value the most in my life. Writing is a path for me to feel the freedom in imagining things. To be the other people as I create my characters, to feel their feelings, to live the story of their life. In my entire life until now, I actually never have the chance to live on my own desire. My parents plan it all for me. That’s why through writing, I could be whoever I want to, I could do anything I want without any limitation to it. On top of that, I couldn’t love writing more than I already do.”

I never quite realize it when I actually having a very broad and blissful smile graven across my lips all along I’m explaining my passion towards Kris. I glance around, checking on him when he’s keeping himself muted yet to my surprise, Kris has already standing next to me.

He bends his tall body from behind me, trapping me against his chest with his arms holding the edge of the table. He stares down to my notebook, reading the scenes written there and my grin broadens sheepishly.

I move to snap closing the cover but Kris catches my hand halfway and shifts our eyes to gaze on each other instead. I blink, couldn’t stand the butterflies fluttering everywhere down my spine the longer we keep the gaze connected but then, Kris gently questions me.

“How about your marriage then? You’re doing all this for him, your future husband. Will he support your passion in writing?”

That question slams straight to the depth of my heart. I look away, calculating the matter. Kris has his point. The truth is, Jongin has never knew I’m actually a part-time author in that small publishing company. Mother prevented me from telling him so because he’s expecting me to be a full-time housewife once we get married.

“Well, I – ”

“Do not give up.” Kris interrupts again, pulling me deeper into his gaze as he continues, “I can see how passionate you’re in writing. Your smile...is the brightest and prettiest when you told me about it just now so don’t give up. Keep writing even after you’ve become his wife.”

Then he stands up, moving back to resume making the Mandu but it’s me here, it’s me whose trapped in dilemma of his statement before. I’m confused whether to take it as a compliment or else but deep inside, I’m happy.

This is the first time ever that I hear a man so sincerely praised me regarding my writing and I’m glad that person is him, Kris. I tighten my notebook within my hands while smiling over to Kris, “Of course I’m not letting go of my dream. I’m the next-in-line of J.K Rowling. Okay?”

He smirks in return of my comment. Here in my heart, I believe that I never want to give up writing at all.

“So...what’s your plan for tomorrow?” after inserting the notebook back into the zip, I make my way to continue with the Mandu making process but stop to blink at Kris when he asks. I hum, “Tomorrow...nothing particular. I’ll just go and finalize my wedding gown. Why?”

He’s still cutting the onions until he hears my answer and pauses, darting his eyes sideway to me. I prompt him to talk, asking him from the way I’m raising my brows but Kris simply shakes his head.

“Nothing, just asking. Good luck with your dress then.”

I grin to match his smile for me, “Thank you!”

The lacy curtains are pulled apart, revealing me who stands in this room of mirrors with my wedding gown wrapping the whole of my body.

“Wow, look at her sir. She looks very beautiful in this dress.” I curve a thankful smile to the worker of this bridal shop.

Then my eyes hesitantly travel ahead, meeting the tender gaze of my fiancé. Jongin replies my sheepish smile with his warm ones. Walking over to me, he’s already in a tuxedo that match my attire here.

As we stand facing each other, hearing the nonstop clicks and snaps from the photographer who captures our wedding photos, Jongin stretches out his hand to clasp it with mine. He holds it tight, grinning broader as he drops his forehead atop my head.

“I can’t wait to call this beautiful lady as Mrs. Kim.” I giggle over his cheesy murmur.

“Just another four days from now, and I’ll be yours. So be patient, dear.” I reply but Jongin releases one hand to brush my cheek, staring deep into my eyes as he sighs.

“I’m feeling afraid, to be honest. You keep on missing these days recently. I don’t even know where you have been to.”

Surely I couldn’t tell anybody including Jongin that I’m staying with Kris on behalf of having the lesson with him at his house. To ease his worries, I travel my palms all over his chest and smooth down his shoulders.

“I’m not going anywhere, Jongin ah. Our wedding couldn’t come any sooner so it’s fine. You just got to believe me.” Yes, I did tell him such things but strange enough, there is a part, a very tiny part in my heart that doesn’t feel right about this wedding.

We have been engaging to each other for a couple of years. Doubt isn’t something that I should keep within my feelings but to my silent fear, it starts to eat a bigger part of my entire feelings.

I’m doubting my decision again and again. Is it the right choice for me to marry Jongin? I’m not sure but it pains me inside.

He smiles, nodding his head as he’s about to pull me in for a kiss when someone clears and we pull apart to glance at my mother. She smiles thinly watching our romance. Then she walks further to stand beside me.

“It breaks my heart to disturb you lovebirds but if you must, Jongin ah, can you leave me alone with my daughter? I’m having a few words with her before the real wedding.”

I can see that Jongin is throwing reluctant glances to me but upon seeing how serious mother is, he bows and excuses himself to outside of the fitting room. My attention turns back to mother after we hear the door is close.

“What do you want to talk about?” I ask lazily as mother studies my expression through careful stare. “How about the Chinese cuisine that we’re – ”

“Quit worrying about it. I’m working on them.” I know it just right that she’s going to nag about it so I tell her quickly, turning around to take off the pearls from around my throat. I notice her sighing in relief of my answer through the mirror but next, she’s holding out a white letter to me.

I frown, still not facing her fully. “What’s that?”

“You suppose to focus only on your wedding, not on this useless writing contest so I contacted your manager for this.”

“You what?!” spinning my body in full speed to her, I snatch that letter away from her hand only to feel a heart attack suffocating my soul once I read the title printed on it. It’s a resignation letter. Crumpling it hard into my fist, I swear it’s the first time I feel the hardest to breathe in my life. Then I launch forward to my mother, growling fiercely.

“Why did you do this?! You know I love writing! I’m doing all that you wanted me to do so why you’re stopping me from my one and only passion?! This is too much! You’re cruel, mom!”

“You’re the future wife of Kim Jongin, not a cheap writer! You have to stop being delusional that through this, you actually can gain a future. You’re wrong! You already got your future so why bother yourself with writing? You won’t have any benefits from it so stop complaining and listen to me now! You can’t any longer pay attention to petty matter like this! As his wife, you should have known it by this moment that you have a bigger and prominent duty – ”

I hold my palm higher to the front of her face, breathing heavily as I match her authoritive looks with my stubborn ones. Taking my deep breath, I decide to go all out about confessing my true feelings in becoming her daughter over these 24 years. I couldn’t take this anymore, I need her to know the real me, to see the real me and how much I need to endure living behind the beautiful mask she created for me. I swallow hard before I dare looking at mother into her stern eyes.

“Mom, as your daughter, I know it’s my responsibility to be obedient of you. I tried, mom. I did all that you’ve been asking me to do. All that you and dad have planned for me, I followed the path and I tried my best to fulfill each and every expectation of yours towards myself.” Naturally, a tear just rolls down my cheek.

“But it’s tiring, mom. Truly tiring to face this. You wanted me to have a science degree, fine, I already have it. You wanted me to marry the man I barely knew, and yes, even when I couldn’t quite figure out what is falling in love truly means, I forced my heart to accept him and blatantly, I agreed to this marriage plan. Becoming a writer, that’s just a small dream of mine. Won’t you believe in me when I say that I’ll be the best wife ever even when I’m achieving my dream as a writer? Clearly you don’t have enough faith in me, do you? Seriously, mom. I accept everything you’ve planned for me up until today but now, you’re taking away the most important thing from me – which is my dream. That’s my ending plan, the ending plan that I ever have for my own happiness – but you ruined it.”

Sweeping every tear there is to fall off from my cheeks, I push the curtains back to trap me within the mirrors. I immediately change back to my casual clothes and after having a few words to the worker, I decide that I want to do nothing but leave the boutique.

By the time I step out of the fitting room, Jongin and mother are nowhere to be seen which I find it very relieving to never encounter with them. Quickening my pace, I push the glass entrance apart to exit the way and once I look across the road, I’m surprisingly terrified at how happy I am to meet my gaze with the familiar black Jaguar.

What is he doing here?

I don’t know what to think but I do the first thing my mind is commanding me to do. I cross the road and in a flash, I already stand facing him who is an inch away while he leans against the door of his car, his hands shove into his pockets.

Kris peers into my teary eyes, feigning a small smile, “You okay?”

Every fiber of me wants to cry, wants to scream as I fight the urge to grab him for an embrace. “You’re such a stalker. Why you’re following me till here?”

He chuckles, shaking his head briskly upon hearing to my reply.

“Nobody is following you, miss. Somebody called me and according to my experience, I don’t wish for anyone else to shout at me over the window again, saying that I’m driving my Jaguar as slow as a tortoise. That’s why I park here, answering the call. Who knows that you’re just in that bridal shop.” His explanation manages to bubble out a laugh from me, remembering the day when I scolded him on the time our cars encountered on the road to the reunion.

Since then, I never realize it of how much I’m grateful to meet Kris again. I never knew that I could be this close to the fatty boy I used to bully in high school. I laugh louder over those memories.

“Yeah, I know that I was being impolite. Forgive me.”

“No, it’s been my fault too. I should have used the earphones instead.” We continue laughing but it doesn’t last long when my mind drifts back to the incident happened in the boutique and my face glooms again. Kris sighs to me.

“Seriously, So Eun ah. Can you tell me what’s happening? You just tried out your wedding dress and this is the first time I ever seen a bride so down after trying out something beautiful like wedding gown. Did you look hideous in it?” he’s attempting to cheer me up with that joke but I don’t buy it. In fact, tears are back crystalizing in my eyes.

“It’s over, Kris.” I tell him weakly under my breath. “What?”

“The contest, I can’t join it anymore because I’m no longer a writer in that company. My mom sent the resignation letter to my manager.” Finally I break, my shoulders shake along as I let tears drenching my whole face, only covering my sobs from the public around with my palms.

Kris himself is losing his words to console me. Only yesterday that he supported me with my writing but today, all my dream has gone, taken by my mother who I have no courage to fight with. I’m pathetic, I’m a coward – and I’m hating myself for it.

Losing idea of what should he does, Kris gently offers me, “Need a shoulder?”

And I wait no more to lean forward for his broad shoulder, burying my face in it. Kris carefully circles his arms around my waist, holding to it tenderly as I cry my heart out.

It’s truly an irony when my heart is wrenched over the pain but with each gentle from his fingers in my hair, I couldn’t feel even more healed.

“I thought we’re cooking at your house so why we are here?”

“The day after tomorrow is your wedding, So Eun ah. So today I’m gonna give you brief tips on how to handle cooking dishes in a bigger kitchen with large total guests. We have complete equipment here so it’ll be easier for you to adapt.” I nod, following after Kris when he leads us into the banquet area of his restaurant.

He tours me around, explaining various matter regarding to the food preparation before we both are given our own apron and then, we start the real cooking adventure.

Though I’m still feeling uncertain about the way I cook, I’m improving within these four days. I must admit that Kris is somehow a good mentor. He manages to shape me who has never been aware of simplest thing like how to chop the onion to become a girl who is fast enough in playing with knife, cutting the ingredients at expert speed to be cooked.

We’re in the middle of cooking Kkanpunggi together when I turn to steal a glance of Kris beside me and finding myself couldn’t stop staring at him. I have zero idea which part of him that looks so attractive but in that uniform, with that tall chef hat over his head, every part of him from the head to the toe is enchanting me.

Right from the way he clasps the knife with his long fingers and cut through the carrots in clean perfect slices, to the movement of his strong arms frying the meats and moving around the pan, all are captivating me to taste what he’s going to make. Even the sight of Kris cooking alone is delicious.

“Stop looking at me like that or you might cut your finger,” the corner of his lips twists up into a small smirk the second he pulls me out of my imagination with his deep voice.

I shrug, focusing back to the chilies before my eyes. “I’m not actually looking at you,” of course lying is the easiest way to cover up my embarrassment, “I’m just thinking of a way to thank you.”

Kris pauses from pouring down the wine into the pan, raising an eyebrow as he scans me. “Thank me?”

“Yeah,” I reward him a sincere smile. “As a person who used to be bullied by me, you’ve done so much to help me until today. Surely I couldn’t have survived it this far if you didn’t offer me your help the other day