- "The second thing? THE SECOND THING! THE SEDONG BAD THING?!" It was Donghae's voice, wet with confusion and afraid to hear more. The silent, sad confusion which was nestled into our living room was growing thicker and more darker. We - I mean me and Kyu, sometimes we worked like one person with two persons senses, master spies after all - could see how Jonghyun took sharp intake of air, setting his shoulders into defension, and speaking over head nurse Jinki's quiet "welll about that.."
- "Nurse Key was in grave car crash." We could see how Kai took Taemins hand into his own and squeesed it two times. I could feel Kyuhyun's fingers twisting the fabric of my shirt and I felt odd lump in my throat. The glimmering in Jonghyun's eyes took my breath away and for I was sure Key was dead, I wanted, I just once, wanted, hoped, prayed the high lord, that it wasn't the cause of those tears. There was choked cry of "why?" repeated and more pained whispering, and I just knew that Donghae was curling around himself into protective ball of nightmares and fears, trying to block these news with his old, famimiliar demons. On the left Eunhyuk was digging is nails into his arms so hard that there must be blood already forming under his shirt,and while Jinki coaxed him to stop that, there was silent tiredness in his working. Like he was giving up, our last.. our strongest, our the most adult thing in the whole ward was giving up. Taemin was silent, his eyes set to the wall behind us, hand in hand with Kai behind the back of faited olive green couch. The all eating empty whiteness inside me was starting to hurt again, like my very self into its never ending emptiness, its coldness making it heavy to carry. It felt like I would never wake up again,  when I felt Kyu's head land on top of my shoulder with heavy "thud", how his hair was tickling my skin and he just rested his head there, content that I would never go away.
- "So. Both of our Kibums are dead, correct?" Heechul's clear voice ringed in the silence between patients and staff. In the background was cleaning lady, I just noticed her suffling around, mopping the floor. Jonghyun fastly run sleeve over his eyes, and answered that no, just Kibum. K..Key is located in same hospital but another, emergency ward for now.

The relief which I felt was like frozen butterfly, its wings so damaged, but its lifespan so short that it must to flee while there was any sunshine. Like panicked little shrew it has to RUN and LIVE while it lasted and I closed my arms around Kyuhyun and hugged him, tears gliding shyly down my cheeks and I pressed my lips on the crown of his head, inhaled his scent and hoped, wished, prayed that everything will end well.


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And as heavy note in the end, please remember, while I'm shamelessly borrowing (stealing..) certain celebrities names/looks/etc. these stories aren't representing them in any way, I'm borrowing their characters to ease storytelling where I do not have abilities to made up my own characters which would attract that much audience as I can when writing this in form of fanfiction. In sense it feels almost bad to come to write this thing here with Jonghyun's passing away, but somehow, I hope I can keep these things and memories alive while writing these sad stories, because when I was teenager myself, I was in pretty bad situation for years and SHINee really gave me something, which got me to keep going, to write, to dream, to live. I don't want to be rude or dishonor anyone.
Sorry I'm rampling, been so long gone for these tings ;_;