LEGEND:

italic flashback

* note 

^ reference 

~4.6k words

~

6 months ago.

:

{ You were the spade I used to dig this hole. I blistered my skin to the bone }

She swore under her breath. She didn't want to come along to some place where she wasn't supposed to come along to since she was tired and she wanted to stay at home and sulk because she felt like it.

Her manager asked— no, begged— her to come along. "It'll do your image good, and you'll broaden your horizon!"

To be honest, she didn't feel like socializing. She knew she was the polite-dol, Ky, but she didn't feel like putting up that act at the after party of her favorite senior's solo debut. Plus, Junior would be there. He didn't want to see his apologetic face again.

She was going to leave halfway through the party because she was sure half the people there were wasted and she still had a schedule the next day. She called her manager, left her senior a text, but did not manage to call Junior's manager to ask to pick him up. Well, she called, he didn't answer. She was sure Junior was drunk, and there was no way that he would lug the 19-year-old back to his dorm because no, this wasn't a drama and yes, it was his own fault for falling asleep after drinking. She sighed, knowing only one other option.

She couldn't call their PD-nim JYP and get Junior into trouble, so she had only one choice left, to contact his bandmate, who also happened to be her ex-boyfriend. But that last piece for info wasn't relevant at the moment. So she put her pride on the line and texted him, telling him the address of the club and Junior's condition.

JB replied quickly, saying he'd be there shortly. By the time he arrived, she had Junior vomit his guts out and pass out again. JB assessed the condition quickly, eyes scanning her outfit—which was pretty appropriate for a party (she was wearing a black dress and heels)—and muttered, “Come on, let's get you home."

She didn't know who he was referring to, so she just followed. She hailed a cab and the two guys got in. The driver had a bewildered expression to see 3 of Korea's top stars. She wasn't surprised. What would you say if 3 of Korea's beloved idols were in your taxi—but one's passed out, one's disheveled and one looks like he just woke up (in which he did.)?

The taxi driver promises not to tell the paparazzi anything and they're relieved. JB and Junior made it to their dorm without anyone seeing them and Ky heads to her dorm as well.

She flops on her bed after she's changed and remembers a scene similar to what she just went through.

She's seen JB drunk before, they're label mates after all. But it's the first time he's drunk without her knowing that he went to the bar in the first place

She knows by then about what he had been doing behind her back, but she chooses to approach him, grab him and take a taxi back to his dorm.

The taxi driver doesn't ask about anything, in which she's grateful. She traces his features as he sub-consciously mutters inaudible things. She chose to take care of him after what he did...

She chose to. She shook her head, tears prickling her eyes.

It was her own fault for going back to him after she had seen for her own self what he was doing.

A spade can't dig a hole if there isn't anyone shoveling. No one can fall into a hole if they themselves don't walk towards it.

She chose to. She did this to herself.

~

5 months ago.

:

{ I swear all the pain is done, no trace or tremor here }

She laughed and smiled. She was at the annual JYP Nation conference, as she listened and talked about what had happened over the last few months.

Wooyoung joked about her being sad because Jun. K didn't call her to be a guest as his radio show. She smiled as she remembered her distraught expression when Jun. K didn't call her when he said he would.

She replied to Wooyoung's joke saying, “Oh, but that's okay! Junior mentioned me during his interview anyway."

Junior smiled and asked her, “Are you still sulking over what Minjun hyung didn't do?"

"Oh, no. I got over it long ago... but that doesn't mean I won't hold a grudge!" She said cheekily as the entire room burst into laughter.

The conference ended soon after that. Junior plopped down on the seat next to her as she took out her phone and started scrolling down on her Instagram.

"You know, Jung, your answer just now was so JB hyung-ish." She looked at him with a puzzled expression.

"Don't you know what he said about his interview at Minjun hyung's radio show? When he was asked whether he was sad because I chose Mark from 5Fly* as my closest friend in the industry and not him, he said the exact same words!"

She shook her head and rolled her eyes at him. "Jin-oppa, why do you have to imply that I still hold on? I don't even have his number anymore. I've cut off all my connections of him. I don't care about what he's been doing anymore because I'm not his girlfriend anymore."

"Ky—" Junior started.

"Save it, Jin." She cut him off as she stood up and turned, walking away.

Fortunately, only Suzy and JB were the only other people there. Suzy wouldn't ask her about it, she wasn't that type of person. JB wouldn't have cared anymore.

She shut the door and ran to the practice room, closing the door as tears ran down her cheeks.

Why did he have to bring him up again?

She shook her head in disbelief, turning on her heel. "Jin, they're just friends. You three shot a drama together, remember?^"

"No, Ky, you don't get it! They were walking together yeah, but didn't you see they were holding hands?" He pulls her back, pleading.

"No Jin, I did not. If you're just gonna bring up nonexistent things while we are watching them, then I'm going to leave."

Jinyoung sighs and mutters a quiet "fine, just don't leave".

They continue sitting in the cafe, watching JB as he interacts with a girl that Ky knows well. Sora.

Yes, they shot a drama as a couple together. She trusted JB, so she believed that they were simply talking.

They both stood up, got out of the cafe as Jinyoung and Ky watch them from the glass window. JB hugs her and leans back to kiss her.

Jinyoung mutters indecipherable curses under his breath at his bandmate. He loves JB as a brother, but Ky was his best friend. And honestly, brother or not, JB was a bastard in Jinyoung's eyes.

He has seen all the things that JB had been doing behind his best friend's back. He only mustered up the courage a few days ago to tell Ky and only managed to convince her to follow her boyfriend this morning after their recording session.

Ky sat there, suddenly losing her appetite. She was in the state where she thought she was having a nightmare. Too bad this was reality.

As JB held Sora's hand and led her to her car, she couldn't help but feel like someone was continuously punching her. The blows she received got harder each time as she continued watching the two.

Jinyoung pulls her close to him as her tears fall. She was in the state where she realizes that it did happen. JB cheated on her with his senior.

She stops, picks herself up and chokes back a sob. She stands up unsteadily as Jinyoung steadies her. "Let's go home," she whispers, her voice barely audible. Jinyoung leads her outside as she takes a look at JB, who's back was facing them. She turns and Jinyoung holds her hand.

Just then, a blonde haired boy turns and sees the two. "They look like Ky and Junior... Nope, Ky would never do that to me." Suddenly, he doesn't feel excited to see Sora again.

Jinyoung helps Ky take off her coat and they make their way to her room. "He did it... Jin, he did it."

Jinyoung keeps quiet, knowing that she would just continue. "Why does he have to hold her like that? You know Jin, he never holds me like that anymore. No, that wasn't JB! It wasn't my Jaebum. My Jaebum would only hold me like that. She's only a friend. I'm the only one he loves and will hold like that."

"Ky, please—"

"No Jin! You're playing with me. This is a secret camera right? Yeah, Ashton Kutcher, get out! I know already!" Tears stream down her cheeks as she shouts. Her voice dies down to a whisper as she falls down to her knees. "Jaebum..."

Jinyoung pulls her up, wanting to cry himself. "I'm sorry... I never meant for you to end up like this."

"Jinyoung, how long did you know..?"

"A week."

"A week. He's been like this 3 months ago. Jin, could he have?"

Jin sighs. Ky looked so pitiful right now. She was in denial... When could she accept that Jaebum wasn't only hers, but suddenly caught up with someone else?

She never did. She never got over what he did like what Minjun didn't do for her.

The memory splits in two as Ky comforts herself.

"How did it end up like this, it was only a kiss. It was only a..." She mutters to herself quietly, wanting to sob but keeping it down.

What she didn't know was that there was someone on the other side of the door, saying the same thing.

"How did it end up like this? It was only a kiss, it was only a..." He mutters to himself.

//

*Mark from 5Fly is played by Mark of Got7. 5Fly is a fictional band in which Got7 is without JJP.

^ reference: Dream High 2

~

4 months ago.

:

{ Or am I still numb? Have I been numb this whole year? }

"Woo! Go Ky!" Jinyoung exclaims as Ky does one of the many gymnastic tricks that she learnt. It was a month since Jinyoung brought him up, and Ky had forgiven him.

Jinyoung was the flying member of JJP and Ky was the same for B2U, so it was only natural that they practiced their tricks together.

They took a fiver and JB comes in, asking Jinyoung to practice a trick with him for their comeback.

Jinyoung agrees half-heartedly, wanting to continue with his rest but not rejecting JB's offer.

Jinyoung does his trick and JB does his own.

Suddenly they hear a cry as Jinyoung falls from the middle of his flip, falling on his side.^

JB falls too, but not too hard, just hearing a thump and an 'oomph'.

Jinyoung lets out a cry of pain as he falls. Ky immediately runs to Jinyoung, panicking as she asks if he can move his arm. Jinyoung shakes his head, crying. Ky asks JB to hold Jinyoung for a while.

She runs out, shouting for help as JB is left with Jinyoung. Jinyoung's cries turn to whimpers as JB tells him to preserve his voice. JB sighs as mutters,"She doesn't care about me anymore, huh?"

Jinyoung keeps quiet as he knows that isn't true, and that Ky was trying