The wind at Han River was nippy. It was a rather warm day for winter, the sun desceptively bright, but there was a lot of bite in the air. I rather liked it, it cleared my head. Heading to the hospital had become common place but it didn't change the fact that no matter how many times I go, the pain is novel. It blossomed between my ribs like an angry bee sting - spreading like a virus.

             "Is that my Binnie?"

             "Yeah, mom, it's me," I said with as much chipper-ness I could muster, under the circumstances, that is.

              She was connected to several monitors, her body frail after being injected with poison to counteract the cancer running rampant in her brain. Her eyes looked bruised and her once beautiful hair had fallen out into patches. I helped her shave it off because my father was too emotionally broken to even try. He couldn't be strong right now and that's okay. I'll be strong for him.

            "How was school?"

             "It was okay. I played soccer, went to lessons, ate lunch. The usual."

             "Make any friends?"

             I rubbed my chin. Mom would smile if I won in soccer or got top grades but she wasn't as thrilled to know I had friends. I think it puts her at ease to know that I'll have people around when she's gone. There was no hiding it. I'm young and naive at times but not stupid. My mom has been at this hospial for a year now and I have seen people mourn and grieve for patients I had seen alive just the day before... because this hospital was for the terminal. I tried to not let it get to me.

              I looked over at the monitors, the mindless beeping alerting me that I still had time to share with my mom. It measured her heart rate, blood sugar levels - the usual medical stuff. The rise and fall of the green lines gives me a sense of relief. "Diadem Industries" is written in the corner of the screen, like if the hospital didn't want anyone to forget that Diadem Industries owned the building and equipment; the doctors trained at the university that Diadem ran.

            It reminded him of Jongsuk. Though Jongsuk didn't do anything personally to help my mom, I felt strangely grateful to Diadem indsutries' brat heir. If it wasn't for his family, my mom wouldn't have lived as long as she had. People didn't like Diadem because they were too big and too powerful but my family and I could not afford to hate them. Even if it's a little, and even if it's false, they gave us hope. 

            "I guess, you could say I made a friend today. He's kind of pretentious though," I said, my tongue lolling around the word pretentious like if it was a funny joke.

            "Woobin, you shouldn't say that about people," mom reprimanded but she was too tired for there to be any real anger in the tone. I grinned at her, the apology on the tip of my tongue. Her face softened into something fonder and I intertwined my fingers with hers. They were but mere bones with her skin clinging on desparately. I stared wordlessly at how little her fingers had become and she rubbed soothing circles into my palm.

            "But it's true, he's pretentious... but he's nice? I think?"

            "You think?" His mom asked amused. Woobin nodded with vigor and they both started laughing. That was the last conversation they had before mom when into intensive care. It was only 2 weeks after that that the green line ceased rising and falling but kept running straight, like the  lines of the Han River.

               The wind at Han River was nippy. It was a rather warm day for winter, the sun desceptively bright, but there was a lot of bite to the air. I rather liked it, it clears my head. School work, Columbia U, my dad, my baby cousin, leaving Korea... Jongsuk... everything seemed to be keeping me awake at night. I want this, the chance at being a good lawyer, but I'm afraid. Afraid of what exactly, I'm not exactly sure of.

               Technically there isn't much to lose.

               My family will always remain and love me even if I'm gone for a number of years. Korea won't miss me, I'm just one of the bustling 50 million residents. My only remote worry would be Jongsuk. I'm afraid to lose my best friend but I knew that one day, things were going to change. We're no longer kids who would run around and play soccer together, unaware that adulthood lurked in the corner to take away all such little joys. As much as I would like to hold onto those carefree days, it's not an option anymore - especially not for Jongsuk.

               Jongsuk is the heir to Diadem Industries, a multi-billion won company that his mother errected with aggressive but graceful determination. If anything, Jongsuk had everything to lose if he kept a low-class friend like me. I don't find this self-deprecating, I just accept it as a part of life. South Korea is a society based too largely on hierarchy and there was no point in denying it.

               I ran until there was a numb burn in his lungs, throat parched from the exercise and sharp winds. My hands felt alarmingly cold though the rest of mt body was warm and sweaty. The dull pain was much appreciated as it was but a small distraction as the plane ride to New York was drawing closer. A new life was dawning closer.

              It exciting but also regretful. I can't put a finger on why, I've never regretted a single moment of my life.

              "Woobin!" someone called.

              I turned around a little too quickly that my vision went dark for a few miliseconds. My eyes focus on Jongsuk who had a light flush over the bridge of his nose and dusted across his cheeks. It looked like ran for a while, his hair sticking to his forehead, his breath coming out is clipped exhales.

              "I was a dumb so... I came to apologize. Also, you're kind of a jerk too. Can we... can we talk?" Jongsuk asked.

            Pretending is all one can do sometimes. I chose to do that because, well, I wasn't planning on ruining this life long friendship. Woobin pulled off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking off some fatigue. "I'm going to the bathroom," he announced before he stood from his desk. Papers shuffled with his movement.

            "Would you like me to you to the restroom, sunbae?" Jongsuk asked in a higher pitched voice, batting his eyelashes obnoxiously. Woobin made a face, cringling his nose like he had smelled something rotten.

            "Shut up. And stop calling me sunbae all of a sudden. I'm not your senior."

            "But you act like one."

            "Hey!" Woobin growled, narrowing his eyes. There was no real anger in his tone - maybe just a bit of annoyance.

            "But sunbae, don't be mad! You'll forgive me when you leave the room anyways!"

            "Oh my god, forget it." I could see Woobin trying not to smile, his facial muscles were taut. His quirk of lip was unmistakeable when he turned the corner and out the door to head to the restroom. Life has gotten back to normal, more or less. I apologized to him a few days ago after Yeonseo basically blindsided me into it. Woobin huffed a big sigh and said there was nothing to forgive; he had forgiven me the moment he walked out the hotel room. Sometimes I think I'm a little to spoiled by Woobin.

            I felt a tap on his shoulder. "Jongsuk sunbae, can I speak with you for a moment on the roof?" the girl who tapped me asked shyly. I knew immediately what this was about and tried not to outwardly let out an exasperated sigh. Another heartbreak. I never imagined myself breaking hearts but here I am.

            She was pretty with long black hair and pale, almost translucent, skin. She had big doe eye, slender nose, and gentle mouth. She looked like she came right out of a shoujo manga or manhwa.

            "Sure thing," I answered, suggesting she lead the way with a head tilt. She flushed a bit more before she turned and started walking, me trailing behind. I could hear the angry whispers of some of his male classmates saying, "He's such an , why do all the beauties fall for him?" Saying, "God I hate his guts. Look at how smug he looks." The girls were being just as nasty, whispering heated words about how the girl was being too straightforward and that she shouldn't have bothered me. She wasn't going to get me anyways.

           "Ah, Jongsuk..." Woobin started before he saw the girl. Her eyes grew on her face, eyes glancing between me and Woobin. I smiled a knowing smile and Woobin nodded. I didn't say anymore and he let us pass him to the roof. I got confessions often and it wasn't anything new to him. He just shrugged as I passed by and he leisurely went back to the classroom, not a single look back. For some reason, something lodged into my throat. Suddenly, it was hard to breath. Why does he not care?

           "Um... I-I'm Gong HeeJin on Class 2-C and I've liked you for awhile sunbae. I know you get confessed to a lot but I still wanted to tell you how I felt before you graduated," she said. Her hair covered her face, voice trembling a little. I almost winced when she pointed out how little time I had left in high school. Almost. I could feel a fake smile crawling up to the corners of my mouth and my mouth moved faster than my head could. But it hurt, it hurt a lot that Woobin would never love me the same.

          "Heejin? It's nice to meet you. Thank you for your feelings."

             "Girlfriend? Who is it this time?" I asked with a bit of suprised. Jongsuk hadn't had a girlfriend in awhile, which is novel in and of itself, but lately he'd been in a mood. I didn't think he'd get one so soon.

             "She's a really pretty girl in Class 2-C. Apparently, people call her "the fairy" because of how pretty she is."

             "Are you gloating right now?" I asked, wincing at the sudden brain freeze from the milkshake was I drinking. "Well I'm happy for you."

             "Hmm," Jongsuk hummed, rather than an answer. An acknowledgement of my words. We stayed quiet for a bit before I heard the ringing of the door opening. The coffee shop that Jongsuk and I visited had a cute little bell attached to their door and it alerted the servers that a customer had walked in. Jongsuk turned around, like if he was expecting someone. I narrowed my eyes to focus better on the figure walking towards them.

            "Speak of the devil, here she is."

            "Hello," the girl said with a quiet voice. Her shyness was palpable. I smiled sweetly at her and then glanced back at Jongsuk. His facial expression was unreadable but I figured it was just awkward for him. Even though he's dated a lot of people, he's never introduced me to any. Like if he was afraid I'd say something embarrassing about him to his significant other... which was true. I would totally do that.

           "My name is Kim Woobin, nice to meet you. You can call me sunbae or oppa or whatever. I don't really mind the honorifics," he said, shaking her dainty hand. Her name was Gong Heejin and her name suited her. Looking at her and Jongsuk together was like looking at a pair of models. They were both so beautiful - almost terrifyingly so - that Woobin felt a little out of place.

            This is the way it has to be. Jongsuk needs something stable in his life and hopefully, Heejin could bring that to him. Strangely enough, knowing that Jongsuk was starting to move on with his life made his mouth feel dry. I can't really put a finger on what emotion it is but I hope it goes away soon.

I apologize for a such a late update. I have had a lot going on at home and at work and it was a mess. It's settled down a little so I can write a bit at a time. Enjoy!