Seunghyun awoke; his alarm buzzing softly throughout the room. His eyes didn't want to open, he wanted to stay here, in the warmth, in the safeness of his own bed.

“Mm--” Jiyong mumbled whist rolling face first into Seunghyun's chest in his sleepy state. Seunghyun seized the alarm, forgetting that he was even in bed with Jiyong. His memory of the previous nights were often hazy after smoking weed before sleeping. If the younger male was awake he'd probably hear the sound of Seunghyun's increased heart beats. He laid there for a moment, Jiyong wrapped his arm around him like a pillow making it harder for him to leave.

Seunghyun knew he needed to exit the bed to leave-- but he couldn't, he simply couldn't move. So he stayed. He made up every short cut he could in his head to still leave on time. I'll wear my Pj's to the airport-- I've done it before, it'll be fine. I'll get dressed at the hotel in Japan. I don't need to pack-- I've packed already. I can pick up a coffee at the air port. I can smoke before I bored the plane-- Seunghyun's thoughts were spinning round and round. He'd convinced himself-- just that extra 15 minuets to stay in this warmth. But it ended too soon, he slowly wriggled out of Jiyong's tired grasp, carefully, trying not to wake him. Succeeding, he found his nearest hoodie and put it on before looking back at Jiyong who was sleeping like a baby. He smiled at his sleeping face.

“Don't miss me too much” Seunghyun uttered before grabbing his luggage and everything important before exiting the room as quietly as possible. A honk of a horn from a car startled Seunghyun as he walked into his front room, still barely awake

“Ah, already?” Seunghyun grumbled still not comprehending the reality of what was happening. He double checked everything before finally leaving his apartment.

//////////

Jiyong woke to his phone ringing-- he grumbled before picking it up, not even checking the caller ID and not even grasping reality.

“H-Hello” Jiyong yawned softly.

“Yo', It's Bae” Youngbae stated hearing Jiyong yawning.

“Hey-- what's up?” Jiyong asked in English before sitting up in what looked like Seunghyun's bed. He remembered last night and looked beside him at the emptiness of the bed.

“Come meet me and Daesung-- We're going to eat in a few hours. Want me to pick you up?” Youngbae asked hoping Jiyong would come out and have some fun.

“Yeah, come get me--” Jiyong uttered whist rubbing his tired eyes.

“Okay, see you in a bit.” Youngbae replied before hanging up.

Jiyong sat up in Seunghyun's bed-- only Seunghyun had left. Jiyong felt slightly out of place, a empty feeling rushed through him. He shook it off, getting out of bed carefully as he stumbled to the ensuite, turning the shower on before getting showered and ready.

/////////

A few hours later, Jiyong sat in a restaurant with Youngbae and Daesung and surprisingly, Jiyong's manager. After his complaining of not knowing they boys enough, Jiyong invited him, making the effort to get closer to him. Daesung and Choi Soon Ho sat one side of the table and Jiyong and Youngbae on the other- they all ordered a round of drinks and a array of all sorts of dishes. Jiyong was thankful he'd been invited out-- it helped keep his mind off everything.

“I'm guessing you talked to him?” Youngbae asked curiously. “I mean you two were all smiles when you returned back to the show after you froze.” Youngbae added causing Daesung to look confused.

“Wait-- who are you talking about?” Daesung asked curiously causing Jiyong to look up at Youngbae with an almost surprised face.

“You've kinda put me on the spot huh?” Jiyong uttered to Youngbae in in slightly irritated manner, not really wanting to talk about it or even think about it.

“Ah- now you're keeping secrets from me?” Daesung pouted in slight disappointment. Jiyong sighed slightly before taking a sip of his drink. He didn't want to hide what had happened to Daesung so he came clean.

“He's taking about Seunghyun.” Jiyong replied to Daesung, being thrown into a situation where he had no other choice but to be honest.

“Why hyung? What happened?” Daesung asked, questioning the situation further.

“Hyung likes Jiyong” Youngbae declared more than loudly causing Soon Ho and Jiyong's eyes to snap open in shock that Youngbae had said it so loudly.

“Hey, Youngbae. A little quieter yeah? Don't want a scandal to break out.” Choi Soon Ho uttered causing Jiyong to agree, feeling a little apprehensive talking about the situation in public.

“ehhhhhhhhhhhh? Are you being serious?” Daesung said almost bewildered after seeing the serious looks on everyone's faces. Jiyong just simply nodded not sure what else to say.

“So, did you talk then?” Youngbae asked, pressing for more information. Jiyong nodded again.

“Yeah-- I kinda snapped and blurted out how I felt about everything when he tried to avoid what I was saying about your and his conversation. He tried to brush it off as him being 'drunk'” Jiyong explained whist playing with the straw in his drink, watching the ice move around and around.

“He admitted it though-- What he told you was true.” Jiyong said in a serious tone of voice, still not sure what to think about the whole situation.

“and?” Youngbae asked causing Jiyong to shake his head.

“If you're asking whether we're together-- we're not.” Jiyong stated simply.

“It's-- well, it's more complicated than just getting together isn't it. I mean...I've only just got out of a relationship and Seunghyun, well obviously he's been great to me, looked after me, helped me but... I don't know, I wouldn't want to ruin everything you know? We've known each other so long...” Jiyong said whist in thought.

“plus what if the fans found out? What would happen to bigbang? It's just so risky.” Jiyong added thinking of more cons than pros at this point.

“You know dispatch don't release same relationships info... not after what happened last time.” Daesung said adding his knowledge to the conversation.

“Yeah-- but that doesn't mean fan's or even anti-fans won't... I mean look at what happened with Seungri. Those photos got leaked.” Jiyong replied knowing fully well it was still a risk.

“Jiyong's right-- you have to be cautious. It's a dangerous thing being an idol, not just that but being gay-- you all get that right? Jiyong's situation would be bad if he was caught with a woman-- but with a man-- a man who's in the same boy band-- that would make headlines for weeks, a piece of history that wouldn't be forgotten.” Choi Soon Ho said carefully.

“and that's the problem. All this confinement is becoming tiresome. Even with Soo-Hyuk, I had to be so, so careful when around him. And Seunghyun, I'd be on stage with him, public events, interviews-- You know when people have chemistry it just flows naturally-- the viewers would sense it a mile off.” Jiyong said whist shaking his head.

“It wouldn't matter that much though would it. Seriously, this might be our last album together, our last tour together before he enlists--” Youngbae uttered causing Jiyong to have a wild look in his eyes for a moment whist looking at Youngbae.

“Woah, woah-- He's only 26, he has 9 more years legally before he has to go.” Jiyong protested, knowing fully well that Seunghyun wasn't ready to enlist yet.

“Yeah, that's true. But he always said he wanted to go at 30, 31 the latest.” Youngbae stated causing Jiyong to think back to the conversation when they all agreed that was around the age they all wanted to go, remembering that, he sighed.

“Fine, yeah-- Okay, but-- that still leaves 4/5 years. In that amount of time we could have released two full albums, numerous music video, a thousand more interviews and photoshoots not to mention mini albums...” Jiyong rambled, almost concincing himself this is a bad idea.

“Man, You've seriously thought this through huh?” Youngbae almost laughed causing Jiyong to roll his eyes.

“Well the possibility is there isn't it? It's hard not to think it through” Jiyong admited honestly.

“So you do like him--?” Daesung muttered causing Jiyong to look up at him, not really sure how to respond to the question. No-one had asked him that before.

“Romantically?” Jiyong asked causing Daesung to nod slowly.

“Well, sure-- I think I always have, even since we debuted. It would be pretty hard not to fancy Seunghyun.” Jiyong muttered feeling a little cautious about what he was saying.

“So it's just a crush” Youngbae stated.

“Who knows-- If it isn't, it'll soon hit me like a brick wall-- after all, when I fall for something or start developing feelings it just hits me, literally. I'm just minding my business then bang-- I finally realise. That's happened every single time” Everyone looked at Jiyong in a strange manner as he tried to explain how he develops feelings for people.

“that's an interesting way of explaining it” Choi Soon Ho laughed.

“I've never been good at conveying how I feel in words.” Jiyong said shyly whist looking down.

“Where is he anyway?” Daesung asked curiously.

“Japan, for an awards ceremony. He left at like 5 this morning--” Jiyong replied before taking another sip of his drink.

“Do you miss him?” Youngbae asked. Jiyong was almost flustered with all the questions. Jiyong didn't speak-- he didn't want to tell them the truth.

“Don't avoid the question” Daesung said excitedly causing Choi Soon Ho to laugh in amusement.

“Fine-- Yes, but just a little bit.” Jiyong said so convincingly that he almost convinced himself. They all seemed satisifed with the reply and from then on, they didn't really mention it again but Jiyong found himself thinking in the back of his mind: I wish he was here.

////////////

Seunghyun received an award that night-- he was happy, proud and humble about it. He was more than appreciative; once down from the stage he sat down with his other cast members, smug and joyful. They drank casually whist the show continued- 24 hours ago he was in a different country, at a different award show with different people. It actually scared Seunghyun how much could change in a short amount of time.

Seunghyun looked at his phone, surprised to see a message from Jiyong. He hesitated for a moment before opening it.

“I may or may not miss you right now”

Seunghyun honestly had to hold in a laugh, picturing Jiyong's embarrassed face whist uttering those words. It was typically Jiyong.

“I miss you too, Jiyong.”

Seunghyun replied truthfully, without Jiyong present his life just seemed to quiet, no, too normal. He pictured Jiyong's face, receiving his reply-- He knew Jiyong that well that he could pretty much imagine any situation in his head. In fact, at that moment, Seunghyun excused himself. He dailed Jiyong's number in one of the more empty hallways without a word of warning or hesitation on Seunghyun's part.

Jiyong almost had a heart attack when his phone started ringing just as he'd read the previous text from Seunghyun; he hesitated slightly before picking up the phone.

“Aren't you supposed to be at the award ceremony” Jiyong said with a slightly curious tone causing Seunghyun to laugh.

“I am at the ceremony, but, your text distracted me, so now I'm ringing you.” Seunghyun uttered causing Jiyong to smile.

“You really have your own logic don't you” Jiyong whined whist sipping on a glass of wine in Seunghyun's front room.

“Is it almost over?” Jiyong questioned.

“Yeah-- almost. I've been here long enough.” Seunghyun sighed.

“Did you win?” Jiyong asked in a curious manner, hoping that he did.

“Yeah-- I literally just got down from the stage, well, give or take a few minuets.” Seunghyun laughed.

“Congrats” Jiyong muttered in English causing the older male to smile brightly.

“Come home soon, Seung-” Jiyong added causing Seunghyun to shy away slightly hearing the words 'come home'.

“I'll be home soon enough-- You really miss me that much huh?” Seunghyun asked causing Jiyong to flush red.

“Ah-- Yeah. I guess I do.” Jiyong said innocently back making Seunghyun smile more.

“Well, I kinda have to go back-- but, Like I said earlier. I miss you too, Jagiya.” Seunghyun uttered almost embarassed about what he was saying.

“Jagiya, Jagiya-- aish, I haven't been called that in a while-- I think I'm blushing” Jiyong laughed softly.

“But I'll let you get back to the ceremony now. See you soon Seunghunnie~” Jiyong added and like that the phone call came to an end. Jiyong sat alone in the living room, music playing softly through out the room. He smiled before taking a sip of red wine. Deep in thought.

Seunghyun walked back into the venue, looking at the previous texts, smiling to himself in a smug manner so much so that he didn't see the person infront of him, causing them to bump shoulders, Seunghyun almost dropped his phone in the process, looking slightly pissed off and irritated.

“I never thought I'd see the day when you'd be so absorbed in your phone” A more than familiar voice mumbled smugly, Seunghyun didn't even turn, he didn't give him the satisfaction.

“When someone's important to you priorities change so you can feel closer to them- even if it's through technology.'”Seunghyun muttered in a sophisticated manner.

“Technology does nothing- distance only weakens the realtionship when apart” John stated, Seunghyun knew he was referring to their relationship and sighed softly.

”This isn't you and me any more. This is different” Seunghyun said with a soft voice, walking away, leaving John alone. Because Seunghyun needed to leave John behind, in the past, where he belongs.

/////////

Jiyong sat alone that night, drinking his red wine in solitude. He'd be lying to himself if he said Seunhyun hadn't crossed his mind, because he had – many times. Jiyong wasn't sure how to respond to that, but the more he denied his feelings the more obvious and clear they became. He was in a game he couldn't win and that scared him, throughout the five weeks here, Jiyong was aware that his feelings had progressed into something that became indescribable and just blatantly confusing.

At the same time Jiyong sat alone in the night drinking alone, Seunghyun was also awake but rather than in bed, he was at the bar, it was 2am and he looked just as torn about his emotions as Jiyong. He felt a presence next to him that almost made him flinch, but he ly to see the face he didn't want to see.

“You following me?” Seunghyun said quietly in a rather calm tone of voice whist the older male ordered a drink. John sat in a sophisticated manner and Seunhyun remembered why he was drawn to the older man in the first place. Seunghyun laughed under his breath subtly at his misfortune.

“I wouldn't use the phrase following, I just simply got back from a night out and fancied another drink, If it makes you feel better I didn't expect you to be here either, not at this time anyway.” John spoke carefully before sipping on his drink quietly.

“Guess I should have known, after all, we booked the hotel together months ago-” Seunghyun uttered whist recalling one of last times they met.

“After that, it all fell apart huh?” John's words were calm which even with the touchy subject being brought up, Seunghyun felt fine about talking about it.

“I don't know what you want me to say. It wasn't your fault – you out of everyone knew it wasn't going to last.” Seunghyun said putting John on the spot.

“I was your escape from reality, just like you were mine but even I couldn't live like that forever. Emotionally what we had ended up lacking – I couldn't stay when I couldn't feel it any more. That's not fair on you.” John looked up at Seunghyun and smiled.

“I know, it's fine. Don't worry about it.” John said collectively before taking a swing of his drink. Hearing how neutral he was about this situation almost shocked Seunghyun.

“Well you've certainly calmed down from the other day” Seunghyun said whist ordering yet another drink causing John to laugh.

“Well, I got put in my place didn't I? Maybe I deserved it.” Seunghyun eyes must've widened because he'd never heard the older man admit he was wrong, not once, ever.

“Did you realise that before or after you ed up my car.” John was surprised at Seunghyun's forwardness and his ability to speak his mind suddenly.

“After” John said honestly causing Seunghyun to finish his drink and stand up.

“Well- Either way, I should retire. I have to be up in 5 hours.” Seunghyun said before looking at John whom had his drip pressed against his lips.

“Night Seunghyun” John uttered softly before Seunghyun walked away, slightly confused about his sudden urge to be civil, in fact, it almost scared him. So much so Seunghyun went to his managers room, hoping he'd still be awake. Seunghyun needed a favour.

////////

Seunghyun walked back into his apartment. Music filled it- fairly loudly too. He figured that the younger boy must've not slept again. Seunghyun paced slowly almost silently but he spotted the younger male sitting on the sofa- joint lit and eyes closed. Seunghyun edged closer walking from behind him. He dropped his luggage quietly on the floor and approached him from behind. He got closer and closer before wrapping his arms around Jiyong.

“You miss me?” Seunghyun muttered sweetly near the younger ear. Jiyong's heart sped up and the one thing he dreaded just happened- his emotions became clear- it had hit him like he'd drove his car into a brick wall. He felt sick with nerves, butterflies in his stomach...but in the chaotic emotion roller-coaster Jiyong smiled.

“You ask like you don't already know the answer'” Jiyong uttered softly. Seunghyun laughed happily before hopping over the back of the sofa, placing himself next to Jiyong, his arm around the younger male. Jiyong passed Seunghyun a joint. His hand shaking slightly in the progress. Seunghyun placed it between his lips whist Jiyong sparked the light, lighting his joint up for him. Jiyong couldn't remain calm, never had he had such desire to pursue his closest friend in a way he wish he could now. But it could be simple- it could be easy. Couldn't it? He wished it could be simple. All of it. But life wasn't like that. Jiyong hesitated whist locking eyes with the older male, like being under a spell he could move. Seunghyun looked just as flustered at Jiyong.

“Can I--” Jiyong muttered almost embarrassingly before Seunghyun cut him off, knowing exactly what he was going to say, or hoping at least-- almost like emotionally they were connected.

“Yeah” he replied before slowly moving closer to Jiyong before kissing him deeply and passionately. Seunghyun was right-- because in that moment Jiyong was lost, lost in all the bliss that he thought he might never feel again. Jiyong pulled him in wanting and needing to be closer, he wanted no space between them because right now, in this moment Jiyong had never felt anything so right. They pulled away, breathless;  Needing air. Although embraced with Seunghyun he felt safe but at the same time he was terrified. Terrified by all the things he was feeling, about everything bad that could come out of this. Seunghyun could see the younger male shaking softly and just hugged him tightly.

“I...I feel the same.” Jiyong said hand clasping on his shirt whist his head on his shoulder. Seunghyun's heart almost stopped- words he never expected to hear just echoed throughout the room somewhat nervously.

“But I'm scared Seung-” Jiyong whispered softly causing Seunghyun to embrace him tighter, just as worried as the younger male. He didn't expect this-- he was thrown off guard.

“Shh. Its okay. Its alright” Seunghyun softly cooed trying to comfort the younger male. Jiyong took a deep breath before pulling away slowly almost scared to look Seunghyun in the eyes.

“I can't rush into this...”Jiyong uttered, looking down slightly.

“There's too much at steak – at first I didn't understand – but when you said it was complicated, I think I realised because this, this is so ing complicated...” Seunghyun could see the slight sadness in Jiyong's eyes as he spoke but then his eyes caught Seunghyun's.

“But – saying all of that, a part of me really doesn't care, because being with you, It makes me happy.” Jiyong smiled, his eyes lighting up in the process. Seunghyun took a deep breath and then exhaled.

“I didn't think I'd come home to this – I can assure you that much” Seunghyun laughed slightly embarrassed making Jiyong smile.

“The unexpected happens sometimes.” Jiyong grinned whist relighting both of their joints at the same time, placing Seunghyun's back between his lips before dragging on his own.

“But why are you back so early? It's not even 8 in the morning?” Jiyong asked almost bewildered, He knew why he was awake, because he couldn't sleep, had too much on his mind. But 8 hours ago, they had a phone call, Seunghyun was clearly in Japan.

“I... came back early – John was at the hotel and I didn't want to be there. I got Hyung to get more plane tickets so I could leave.” Seunghyun admitted feeling slightly weak for fleeing from his problems but Jiyong just held his hand softly.

“Well, regardless, I'm glad you're back” Jiyong smiled softly feeling a hundred times better now Seunghyun was home.

/////////////