So much school tasks, and i didn't double check this.... I'll finish my remaining tasks for the day after tomorrow and i'll re-read the whole chapter, i know there are so many mistakes and i'm really sorry. I promise i'll fix it later :( Also for updating super late >< Sorry if it's boring, doesn't make sense or too short... I just, so busy lately... So enjoy :D

Our date went well, and I just confessed my feeling to Jackson. Surprisingly, he also feels the same too! I couldn’t be happier than this, it’s just perfect! I drove off from Jackson’s house and headed to mine. Fortunately, I was arrived at home earlier before the dizziness came back. It’s the third time I felt this kind of blurry vision, amazing dizziness, and my head felt so weight. First was at the practice this afternoon, second at the park while Jackson went to the public toilet, and now the third time. I collapsed in front of my house but still had my conscious, I waited for a moment for the dizzy to fade away and thank my luck, it was gone. I got inside and walked straight to my room, didn’t care of whatever I wear nor I had a shower or not, I just feeling like some rest was what I needed the most right now. I was alone at home, my parents were in States and a couple weeks later, I will visit them for 2 or 3 weeks since I missed them so much, and the maid I hired took her day off earlier because of personal reason. I stared at the ceiling while thinking what happened to me? I never felt any condition like this one, I ever felt dizzy but not like this. It was so much greater than the usual that I had before. I wondered, to make sure there’s nothing serious happen with me, I texted my usual doctor and scheduled our appointment which is going to happen the day after tomorrow. As soon as possible will be better, right? I tried to sleep just so I would meet the doctor faster and finally after a couple minutes of making effort to shut my eyes I drove off to dreamland.

“So doc, what happened?” I asked the doctor after he checked me up with various check up procedure. I was 4 hours in the hospital already! And curiosity took me, what took it so long? Did something worse happen? It wasn’t usual for just a simple dizzy to spend 2 hours check up.

He looked at my result and widens his eyes while thinking how to say it to me, and it made me more tensed and confused “Doc?” I asked him again.

And then he gave me an unknown gaze, I was shaking and that’s when he told me what happen. “Mmm….. Mr.Tuan, I wasn’t sure how to tell you this but just to be straightforward……… I think considering with your symptoms you had lately,…… you had a brain cancer.” I widen my eyes as disbelieve for what I just heard, then he continued his statement “What made me wasn’t sure is that the result still show us the possibility level of the disease. Which means it was only a diagnosis or it was already at the very first stage. We weren’t so sure for now, we need you to follow the rest of procedure for brain cancer so we will know the truth.”

“Wait……. As far as I know, there is no cure for the disease, right?” I could feel my eyes started watery and my body was trembling. “Actually there are three kind of treatment you could pick, first one by surgery, and then by chemotherapy, and last is by radiation. But it takes time for the cancer cell to back to normal. Otherwise………….” He looked at me, and I told him to continue “…..otherwise, if the treatment went fail, it causes the cancer cells to spread and the possibility of death will occur.”

I couldn’t hold my tears anymore, I cried. I was so desperate! I just had my love life, but why god gave me such a dangerous disease? Now the whole world turned out into total darkness and every happiness in the world seems disappeared to God knows where. I dared myself to ask the doctor when I could take the next check up to make sure the possibility of me suffering brain cancer. “Are you free on Sunday?” The doctor asked.

“Yes I am, so I have to come on Sunday?” I asked back.

“Yes. And if you are diagnosed suffering brain cancer, we will get your first treatment on Monday. So the cancer cells won’t spread wider into another part of your brain.”

Monday? That’s when the next practice was! But considering of my current condition, I couldn’t even focusing myself to stand properly, teaching would be worse. Suddenly I came up with an idea, the idea that honestly would make me suffer even more, but that’s nothing compared with what the best for them, and for me. “Okay doc, I’ll come on Sunday to take my check up.”

“Alright, see you on Sunday then.” He gave me a smile but my smile wasn’t as true as him, it was fake. I still couldn’t accept what truly happen. Instead I shook his hand and excuse myself to go. As I was at the outside of hospital building, I quickly took my phone and texted Jinyoung.

To : Park Jinyoung
2 : 41 PM

            Jinyoung, are you free now?

From : Park Jinyoung
2 : 42

            Yes I am, why?

To : Park Jinyoung
2 : 44

            I want to meet you now, I mean, right NOW. At the cafeteria.

From : Jinyoung
2 : 44

What? Now? Okay~ ._. But what will we discuss about exactly? Maybe I can call Jaebum so he’ll know? Is it even related to the team? or kind of personal? *smirk*

God this guy! Even when it was a serious matter, he just thought it was all a joke. But then I remember that he doesn’t even know what exactly happened. So I replied my last text message to him and not bother to know what Jinyoung would reply.

To : Park Jinyoung
2 : 46

            Just come! I’m on my way~

As I texted him back, I was walking headed to the cafeteria inside our club building, waiting for Jinyoung to come. 16 minutes of waiting finally Jinyoung arrived along with his shocked expression on his face. He looked so worried about something yet I realized it was all because of me and my sudden cold message.

He approached me and took a seat in front of me. “What happen Mark? You scare the hell out of me!”

“Jinyoung I need your help!” I looked at him with my serious face, but then I couldn’t hold the urge to cry. And there I was, at the cafeteria, crying in front of a shocked and frightened person. Surprised, Jinyoung stood up from his seat and came to me to give a tight comforting hug. He hugged me tightly and I hugged him back. “Mark? What happen??? Aigoo~ don’t cry! I’m here, I’m here~~ Calm yourself, and tell me what’s going on..”

“J-Jinyoungg…… I-I….” I was still at his warm embrace, I took a deep breath and tell him what truly happened. “I-I’ve been diagnosed of…. b-brain cancer.” There I felt Jinyoung stiffen while hugging me. He pulled away and looked at me while I was avoiding his gaze, still closing my eyes because of the crying. “W-WHHAT? You kidding me right?” I looked at him and his eyes started to watery. “The doctor wasn’t sure yet because my result was between diagnosed or on stage one already.”

He hugged me back. And this is the truly Jinyoung. Someone that always made you feels warm, feel safe and secure. The one to calm you down when you down. If I die, I would miss him so bad, I would miss his warm hug and comforting words. I would miss Jinyoung….

After 15 minutes of cooldown, we finally could talk straightly without ant disturbance by sob or tears. Jinyoung the first one to broke the silent. “Mark, since when you felt it?”

“Since our practice on Wednesday. That was the first time my dizziness getting worse. I felt it couple times before, and sometimes even my nose bleeding. So I thought I was just tired and need some rest, but then that day I felt it getting worse.”

“So, when will you get your first treatment?” He asked with concern eyes. “Monday, but I will make sure the result first on Sunday.”

“Mark, I’m sorry to hear this. How could you even suffer it? As far as I know, your lifestyle is pretty good. Even you are work out often, add dance as an example.?”

“I don’t know Jinyoung. I feel so down right now, I don’t know what to do~”

He held my shoulders and looked me in the eyes. “Mark, I know you are strong! You can do this! You’ll survive! I know you will! But before that, you have to be strong for yourself, we will always support you!”

“That’s the problem Jinyoung.” He frowned and looked at me in confuse look. “What do you mean?”

“I won’t let the others know, beside you and Jaebum.” He shocked and replied kind of yell at me. “WHAT!? How could you let the other to not knowing what happen to their teacher? Mark we are your friends! We will support you!”

“I’m sorry Jinyoung, but I don’t wanna make the other worried about me. I called you here to help me find someone else to replace my position.”

He shocked again”NO! We won’t replace you! How could you do this to us Mark?”

“Jinyoung listen to me!” I looked at him seriously and he did nothing beside open both his eyes and mouth widely. “Listen! I won’t make you all worry, you can tell this to Jaebum to help you find someone else to replace me. But don’t tell anybody else, especially Jackson.”

“Mark…..” but before he could mutter what he was going to say, I cut him off. “Jackson is a precious person for me, I won’t let him down and I was sure when he worrying about me he couldn’t do anything properly. He’ll lost! So please don’t tell anybody. Just you and Jaebum…..”

He spacing out a little before answered what I said “And when the others or Jackson, ask about your whereabouts, what should I say?” He didn’t look at me, I thought because he didn’t agree with my idea.

“Just told him, you don’t know.”

Jinyoung started crying again and then he spoke “Mark I’m sorry I couldn’t help you. I’m such a useless person! Just that cancer! How dare it!” This time I was the one who gave him a hug. “It’s totally not your fault Jinyoung. Who want to be sick? Especially this kind of disease? But what else could I do? I have to take the treatment and leave my life for awhile until I get recovered.”

He didn’t reply because of lack of word “So, can you help me? For my sake, Jr.” He sobbed hard because of the nickname, I was rarely used his nickname and with this kind of situation, it gave more impact to him. He nodded while he pulled away from my embrace. “I’m sorry!”

“It’s okay.” Silent. “So, I gotta go, please tell Jaebum about this okay? I count on you” He nodded and bring his stuff but when he was about to leave, I called him once more and he turned around. “Yes?” He asked with sad smile on his face. “Please take a good care of Jackson okay? I believe in you and JB. And…. I love you all.”

He walked back to me and gave me a last hug before I left to ‘leave my life for awhile’. “I love you too Mark.” He pulled away and walked out the building and disappeared after seconds.

It’s Friday. Usually I’ll go to the studio and teach my beloved students. But it’s different case right now. I have a cancer, stage one. The doctor said that I had to choose what treatment I would take before it’s too late, and I choose the chemotherapy. To be honest, my will to stay alive is decrease day by day, I never trust myself to keep fighting the disease. Cancer is one of the most deathly diseases in the whole planet. Many people have died because of it. I would really like to be with Jackson, spending the rest of my life with him, the person I love the most. But in the other side, I don’t want Jackson to be so worried and sad even get frustrated all because of me, because it will make the pain get even more real.

But I can’t help it! I miss Jackson so much I wanna meet him for the last time before I go. So without thinking much, I took taxi and went to the studio. Minutes by minutes I feel nervous get the best of me. After a few minutes or more specific half an hour, I finally stand in front of the building. I walked my way to the practice room, and finally I found what I looking for. Jackson….

I stood behind the wall, hiding. Make sure nobody caught me because I can’t imagine how painful it would be to say goodbye to them. I was watching Jackson practicing, but something’s gone. He dances without soul, the usual soul I’ll see in him when he was dancing. And surely I know what causes this. It’s ME! You can feel it yourself how if your crush and future-to-be-boyfriend (if I confess) just dating with you and then disappear. But as I said, it’s hard for both of me and him, because nobody want to know what truly happen, it’s hard to accept what fate gave us.

So long I stared at him, Jinyoung approached him first and followed by the other members. Now, however….. all the doubts are gone. Suddenly I know that the others would protect him and be with him all the times. It’s enough for me, and I’m glad. Jinyoung turned to me, and gave me a nod. Jinyoung and Jaebum or maybe the rest must be know the truth by now, and that’s when I felt Jackson would be alright without me, because he has the others and I gave my trust to Jinyoung as the ‘mother figure of the group’ and Jaebum as the ‘father’ to protect him. I gave Jinyoung a smile and left the building. I cried on my way home, I know that this is going to be the last time I walk in here. I just want Jackson to know that, no matter where I am, I will always love him… forever…….

One and half year of treatment passed….. I don’t know what I feel, it’s been too long to survive, and how could someone still alive after so many chemotherapy they received. I’ve been experienced everything, blood cough, nose bleeding, no hair, lifeless face. And today is one of the routine check-up days, I told my parents about my cancer two weeks after my last presence at the dance studio. They gave me so much support along the way, and they also surprised about how long I survived the disease, it’s kinda strange so we are going to ask the doctor how can someone still alive after long treatment term.

We are in the therapy room right now, and my father was the first one to ask,

“Doc, how can my son still alive? I mean is there any chance of him to cancer free? I never saw anybody suffering cancer for a year half.”

We saw the doctor’s face is brightly with smile across his face. “That’s what I was going to tell you, but since you asked about it first, let me tell all of you that….” He paused and we just blankly look at him. “….your son Mark is cancer free.”

My mother covered her face with both of her hands while my father hugging me. I hug him back, and three of us broke into a loud sob and river cry mess. Is this a miracle? Is god really gave me a second chance to live? We were speechless and after thanked the doctor we make our way home. I walked to the living room, still crying. I can’t believe it! This is so miracle, I mean, this is out of mind and…… thanks God! I promise I will live my life preciously. My mom took a seat beside me, and put her hands on my lap.

“Mark, thank god for this to happen. I love you and I can’t imagine of losing you because of that damn cancer!” She hugged me.

“Yeah mom, I can’t imagine to leave you and dad… and…..” GOD! That means……..

“That Jackson boy? Mark, take a rest!” I looked at her in disbelieve, I thought she supported me and okay about me dating him when I told her, but what the- “and go get him!” My face turned to happiness mess and without think much of what I gonna do, I stood up and walked toward the door.

“Mark where are you going? Are you not going to get some sleep first?”

“It’s been too long, and I need him more than sleep mom. Bye!” I took the car key from my father and left the house.

I called Jinyoung, maybe his number is still available, it’s been too long since I called one of the group members.

“Hello? Who is this?” It’s still available! I changed my number so no one could reach me.

“Mark! It’s Mark! Where are you?” I snapped at him.

“WHAT!!!?? MARK?? WH- HOW DARE YOU CHANGE YOUR NUMBER!!!! I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!! WHERE ARE YOU NOW??? ARE YOU- GOD! THERES SO MUCH QUESTION I WANT TO ASK YOU!!!”

I expected that reaction~ “Then tell me where you are! Are you practicing?”

“No! We have performance at the city hall! Everyone is still at the backstage. Should I get them?”

“NO! Don’t let them know! Not yet~ Okay I’ll be there!”

I hang up the call before Jinyoung could reply, I drove there in a speed of light (Is that even possible?). I arrived at the city hall, there is a big stage with lights up on the sky. It’s getting night, maybe the show starts soon, so I ran to the backstage hurriedly. Jinyoung, Jaebum, Bambam, Yugyeom, Youngjae, and Jackson! I can’t wait to see them.

As I stood in front of the backstage tent, I felt so nervous and trembled. I walked inside and I saw the whole member doing preparation including Jinyoung. Everyone’s back facing me except for our youngest, Yugyeom. He saw me in disbelieve, and everybody started to turn around as well. They all looked with mix feelings on their faces. The last one, I looked at Jackson.

“Hey” I smiled at them and focused my glare to Jackson “Hey Jackson..... It’s been a long time…”