Jonging had called his house and convinced his mother to let him stay over. I came into my room and saw him on my bed like a king, sprawled out all over the sheets. “Ya! If we’re going to sleep together, we have to share the bed.” Jongin grumbled and moved right next to the edge of the bed. “Don’t exaggerate.” I turned off the lamp. “It’s a tiny bed for 2 people.” I pushed him off the bed. It was easy for me since he was already on the edge. “Then sleep on the floor if you’re going to complain.” Jongin laughed after he hit the floor. “Pass me a pillow.” My body felt a little stiff. My body feels unpleased. Am I mad? Did I want him to sleep next to me? I through pillow at the floor, hoping it would hit Jongin. “It’s cold down here.” I had 2 blankets on, so I removed one and pushed it off the bed to join Jongin. I peeked from the edge of the bed and saw him settling in. He was first on his side, but found it too uncomfortable on his rib cage. He went on his back and saw half my head at the edge of the bed. “What?” I didn’t reply. Silence became our friend for a slight moment. “You know, you look creepy right?” Jongin flashed a smile. “Thanks for insisting to stay over.” I went on my back, looking at the roof above my head. “Eun Mi, all I know is that you can’t be staying alone every day. Why don’t you tell my mom what’s happening and see if you can stay over my house?” I didn’t say anything, knowing Jongin’s family can’t afford another child to take care of. His dad works all day and his mom works during the morning. Now they’re having some financial problems and it’s hard to take care of 3 boys. Jongin 18, Chung-Ho 14, Ill Sung 10. My dad’s just wasting his hard earned money on alcohol.  

            About an hour or 2 passed by and I still couldn’t fall asleep. “Jongin, are you asleep?” I whispered. “Yes.” He whispered back. A smile grew across my lips. But my next thought was dreadful. “Do you like anybody?” Please don’t let his words hurt me. “Yes.” My breath became sharp. “Victoria from f(x).” I laughed and the pain in my chest went away instantly. “No, I mean like a real person from our school. Someone who you actually have a chance with.” My fists clench. I should have left it with Victoria. “First, she is a real person. Second, technically I do have with her. She just needs to know I exist.” I smile at his fantasy. Don’t ask again. Leave it here so you won’t be hurt. “But to answer your question,” Damn. “Yes, I do like someone. You know Kim You Jung from our ballet company?” Why did I ever ask? I already knew he likes her. The way his eyes shine every time he sees her. Just like my eyes shine when I see Jongin. “The one who’s like 2 classes ahead of us?” Stay calm. Don’t become obvious. “That’s the one. I really want to ask her out, but her dad’s this huge business man. I don’t think he’ll let her date someone like me.” I went on my left side. I’m crushed but hey, I asked for it. “You never know until you try.” I pressed the blanket against my heart to stop it from bleeding all over the bed. “Easier said than done.” I couldn’t bare his voice. I closed my eyes. Why does it hurt so much? Do I really love him? I do not know what love is. With my life being so hard, I want to die in my sleep. It hurts so much….make it stop.