A Cup of Embarrassment Tea, Please
Fresh off the Boat to CollegeSehun's First Day
Sehun will give you $20 if you can guess why he's the unluckiest freshman on college campus. It's not because he's been walking around the college campus in 100 degree weather for 20 minutes trying to find his fraternity. It's not because some idiot senior decided to point him in the wrong direction. And it's not because he's lugging 18 years worth of accumulated junk up the stairs of his new home. Nope! His mother is here with him. On campus. In front of his fraternity. What happened to letting the baby chick leave the nest when it got old enough? He should just throw himself off a building because he is not ready for his traditional Korean mother to make a fool of him while meeting his housemates.
"Sehun, this will be good for you," his mother says in accented English, "If you around home people, you will learn more Korean."
Sehun sighs, "Yes Mom, you've told me in the car, and the week before, and the month before, and the time-" Sehun is cut off short when he stares at the brick house in front of him covered with a messy royal blue and white banner saying, "WELCOME TO LAMBDA PHI EPSILON!!!!!!" with a poorly paper cut out of a dragon circling the porch. There were also lots of half-deflated balloons surrounding the house. It's such a pathetic sight that it makes Sehun wish he was staying at the cockroach infested dorms rather than a fraternity for Asian men.
Next thing he knows, Sehun is standing in front of the ribbon covered door and ringing the doorbell. It immediately flies open to reveal a tall gangly man in skinny jeans, a screen-printed t-shirt two times his size, and a snapback on his head.
"You must be Sehun! We've been waiting for you!" the man smiles and his right eye twitches just a little.
"Yes," Sehun affirms.
"Great!" the male smiles wide, eyeing the woman standing next to Sehun.
Crickets chirp.
"Chanyeol, what are you doing just standing there? Invite him in," a muffled voice says from inside the house.
"Of course! Come in! Let me help with that!" Chanyeol grabs the bags from Sehun's hands.
"Such a nice young man, Sehun you need to be helpful like him," she speaks in Korean.
"Oh, eomma-nim, it's my pleasure," Chanyeol replies back in Korean.
"Look! He speaks Korean too! This way your Korean will improve Sehun!" his mother pats his cheek.
"Yes, mother," Sehun replies in English.
"WHAT did I say about speaking English to me?" she promptly cups Sehun on the back of his head.
"Not to speak it," Sehun mumbles back in Korean.
"Good, now, can I speak with head of the house?" she inquires.
"Of course! MINSEOK! SOMEONE WANTS TO SPEAK WITH YOU!" Chanyeol directs his yells towards the stairs.
"WELL HAVE THEM COME HERE!" Minseok yells back.
Chanyeol glances at the Korean woman, "NO, I THINK YOU NEED TO COME DOWNSTAIRS!"
Angry mumblings can be heard from upstairs and grow increasingly louder as the person comes closer to Sehun and party.
An average height man in sweats appears at the top of the stairs and immediately freezes, "Just one second," he smiles at the woman and quickly darts down the hallway. A minute later, two males appear. One in some khakis and a cardigan. The other in a black t-shirt and black skinny jeans.
"Hello, you must be Sehun's mother, my name is Junmyeon and this is Kyungsoo," the male in the cardigan bows, followed by the other male.
"Nice to meet you, I would like to speak with you about some things regarding my son," she speaks in Korean.
"Of course, eomma-nim, we can speak in the dining room," Kyungsoo speaks up.
"Sehun, come," she indicates.
Sehun promptly rolls his eyes.
"Er…I'll just take these to your room," Chanyeol mumbles.
All four people take a seat around the large dining room table, one person, very much reluctantly does so.
"What would you like to talk to us about?" Kyungsoo starts.
"Well you see, Sehun can get really lazy at times and sometimes he needs some pushing so he can get things done. For example, he doesn't like doing laundry, so he'll wear his underwear multiple times without washing them. Please make sure he washes his clothes properly."
"MOM!" Sehun yells.
Kyungsoo looks like he's ready to burst out laughing and Junmyeon stares at Sehun in pity.
"He also doesn't like doing the dishes, he'll come home late just so he doesn't have to be the one to wash the dishes. So make sure he doesn't stay out late and makes sure he does the dishes!" Sehun's mother starts waving her finger at Junmyeon and Kyungsoo, who both quickly nod.
"And another thing!" she starts.
Sehun groans and slinks down into his chair, covering his red face with his hands.
Thanks to Kyungsoo, Sehun's mother finally stopped her complaining and left the house with of course, one last complaint directed to Sehun, "Thank god you're out of my house, now I can use your room for toilet paper storage. Make sure you do well in school so you can earn lots of money! I spent too much money on you so you better pay me back when you get a job!"
Once she leaves, Sehun face plants onto the mattress.
Jongin's First Day
Jongin will buy you lunch at KFC if you can guess why he's the unluckiest freshman on campus. No, his mother did not drop him off at the fraternity; he had his older sister, Misun for that. It's not because his suitcase filled with Pokémon boxers decided to spill all over the sidewalk. It's not because his sister stood on the side taking blackmail photos instead of helping him. Nope. Do you have another guess? (He likes fried chicken a lot, so this is a pretty good deal.)
Jongin is starring at his sister who's chocking the living daylights out of his new housemates. All he's hearing are a lot of unfriendly words and something about being the most bibbling bumbling giant baboon to ever walk the face of the earth?
Oh...awkward...Jongin recognizes this guy.
Flashback: Jongin is 15 years old
Today is a very important day for 15 year old Jongin. He's going to ask his crush to go to homecoming with him. Jongin has had it all planned out since the beginning of summer, he'll start off with throwing rocks at her window in order to get her attention. When she looks, the music would automatically play like in a cheesie chick flic and he'll start dancing to Justin Bieber's Baby because he knows that's her favorite song and her favorite celebrity. But first, he needs a straightener. How else is he going to transform his 24/7 bedhead into luscious girly Bieber hair? And where is a 15 year old boy going to get a straightener? From his older sister of course.
Jongin woke up especially early just so his sister doesn't catch him in the act of becoming a girl. He quietly opens the door to his sister's room and walks in. Just to make sure she's asleep, he quickly looks over towards her bed. Good. They're both asleep. Wait. What. Jongin looks over at the bed again and sees his sister and a man on her bed. Jongin screams bloody hell.
Yes, this is very awkward because he remembers having to hold his sister's hair back while she threw up in the toilet after taking the morning after pill.
It took two other of his new housemates and himself to peel his sister away from the nearly dead man.
"Noona, calm down. It's in the past now. I don't have a niece or nephew, so let's just take a deep breath and-," Jongin forcefully pulls her away when she nearly slips through his arms because he realized he has to spend the rest of his college life living with the guy who knocked up his sister.
"You think we need to call the ambulance?" Tao peels open Kris' eyes.
"Nah, looks like he deserved it." Jongdae smiles at Jongin and Misun.
"I didn't mean to..."Kris mumbles from the floor.
"Didn't...didn't mean to?" Misun whispers, "You mean you just conveniently forgot to put on the after I specifically told you too!" she lunges for Kris again and Jongin has to body slam his sister to stop her from murdering the poor man.
"Why don't you take her outside and have her calm down?" Jongdae suggests.
Jongin blushes red from embarrassment and nods furiously as he tries to drag his sister out of his new home.
Hazing
Jongin and Sehun find that their housemates are a tad bit...out of the norm. Sure, Jongdae thinks that no one in the house can hear him singing the Sailor Moon opening OST. Kris may have an abundance of fluffy stuffed animals taking over half of his twin sized bed. And Junmyeon has a weird habit of ironing all his clothes including his underwear and socks (Don't judge, they feel nice against his buttocks). But this, this puts the icing on the cake.
"You want me to what?" Sehun crinkles his forward when he hears Luhan's request.
"I need you to warm the toilet seat."
"Uhhh...is this a thing in China or...what?" Sehun eyes the exchange student.
"Of course! Toilet seat warmers are in all toilets in China!" Luhan exclaims.
"You own a BMW, I'm pretty sure you have enough money to buy a toilet seat warmer...if they exist."
"Of course they do! It makes the experience more toasty and pleasant!" Luhan looks like a toddler who's about to have a fit.
"Alright, fine. If you want my cheeks to warm up your toilet so you can have a nice toasty experience in America, by all means I'll go sit on the toilet."
When Sehun mentions this to Jongin, Jongin doesn't believe him and gives Sehun a loud obnoxious high pitched laugh.
Except, Luhan asks Jongin the next week, when Jongin comes home from a graveyard shift at the nursing home. Jongin is bone tired. He had to bath the most wrinkly old man today, clean up soiled bed sheets, and clean up unmentionable liquids at the nursing home. The last thing he wants to do is to sit on the porcelain throne for someone else. He hasn't had a proper conversation with the toddler like exchange student, and he doesn't want to start off bad with his roommate, but to hell with it. He tells Luhan if he isn't in bed within the next 30 seconds, he's going to light Luhan's on fire to make his experience in America EXTRA toasty.
Jongin wakes up hanging upside down in the school's swimming school, tied to the diving board.
A/N: Yay! First chapter. I have no idea why, but this was really hard to write. Hope you enjoyed! Subscribe and comment below! I enjoy your guys' feedback!
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