“Why haven’t you sleep yet?” I asked Mir who seemed like he’s daydreaming on the couch. I slipped to seat next to him. We’ve been busy to shoot our new mv. It’s already midnight when the shooting’s over and I’m too tired to drive myself home so I left my car at the agency and get into the van and spend the night at the dorm.

With all the energy Mir let out since an early morning, he should tired himself and fell into deep slumber right now.

“I can’t sleep. There’re too many things in my mind right now,” he said with a small smile that naturally tug on his lips.

“Like what?” I asked although decided from his expression, it must be a good one. I’ve had watched him since I could remember. I know him better than I know myself. I’ve became over sensitive to any of his expression, any changing within him.

“Like Seungho hyung,” Mir breathed out, almost in a whisper. Another smile played on his lips, wider this time. It turns him into the most beautiful person I ever seen.

Even if I don’t want to, I could feel my body stiffen. I don’t want to hear about it. No. I don’t want to, I can’t. But all my thought flew away when he looked at me with that smile. There’s something in his expression that told me he wants me to listen, to hear him out since he can’t really tell it freely to anyone.

Despite all my despair, all the agony that rose in me, he holds my heart. I belong to him, even if he doesn’t want to. I am his and I can’t turn him down, never. In front of him I am a trained army, an obedient puppy. All part of my body reacted according to what he wants. Without mercy, without second thought.

“What’s about Seungho hyung?” I asked slowly, trying hard to muffle my shaky voice.

 “I don’t understand how I can feel this way.” I do.

“It’s thrilling yet scary how he could mean so much to me,” Mir chuckled. “I sound stupid, don’t I? I must be crazy, right?”

“No, you’re not,” I answered although that supposed to be a rhetoric question. “You just love him.”

I saw how his cheeks turned into a beautiful color of crimson. At the same time, it feels like my heart forcefully torn away from its place. I smiled when he looked right to my eyes before he averted his gaze and blushed even more.

“It’s embarrassing,” he said, laughed loudly.

My eyes fluttered closed for a brief second, immersed the sound in me so I could replay it in my head over again later. When I opened it again, Mir already lost in his thought again. I patiently waited for him to comeback.

“I wonder how Seungho hyung would react if he knows about this,” he said, much to himself.

Carefully, as if he could vanish, I run my fingers to his brown locks. The feeling of his soft hair brushing my fingertips is one over a thousand things I yearn for. “Nobody could refuse you, Cheolyong,” I said softly.

He beamed his toothy smile along with his shining eyes, made him totally adorable. “Include you?” he teased before laughed again.

“Include me,” I said with smile. If only he knows how true it is.

Jaejin handed over the vase that he watered. I placed the flowers and took the furthest route from Mir to put the vase at the bedside table. Nicole and Key complimented about how beautiful are those flowers. Jinwoon and the rest nodded or said their piece of mind but Mir didn’t even look at it.

I retreated to the couch that is across the bed far away from Mir. I do the only thing I could do the best; watching him from afar. Immersed in his way of interaction with his other friends, I can’t pry my eyes off him, but again, since when I can?

It’s hard to be just a background since we only separated by a few meters between us. All of his friends talked to me from time to time. They kindly invited me to join their conversation and come closer to where they’re standing, but I refused. I made an excuse that it supposed to be their times as a close friends and I don’t want to interfere. I should’ve just go home like my first intention but it would be impolite for me to walk away just like that. Lot of reasons came to my mind about why I can’t leave the room, but I realized it’s not that I can’t, but I don’t want.

Well, if I’m going to do my plan anyway, I don’t have much time left.

By the end of the visit time, all gather and bid their goodbye. I also stands, further than the other. I was in the middle of adjusting my scarf when Nicole asked Mir. “Hey, do you have someone who will wait for you tonight?”

Mir shrugged it off with his wide smile. “My mom and sisters are all tired. They’ve stayed with me all night long last night, so I sent them off. I’ll be fine.”

“Is that so?” Jinwoon added. “I can tell my manager to stay if you want.”

“Nah, you have schedule tomorrow.”

“Isn’t Joon hyung will stay here tonight?” Key asked out of nowhere, led those six pairs of eyes straight at me, made me flinched.

“Ah, so there won’t be any problem,” Seunghyun nodded.

“Okay then, we’ll see you again Mir, take care. Take care Joon hyung.”

“See you, get well soon Mir,” with that, one by one bid their goodbyes and left the room. They left me and Mir alone in the room, which I guarantee as not a good idea.

But still, I can’t stop my heart from beat faster, from feeling death and alive at the same time, just by looking at him. The sweetness of this feeling, I forget about it until now. He’s at the closest distance since the past three months. I tried very hard not to get a wrong assumption, that he still beyond my reach.

Any of thought that I have left when I heard his voice. “I don’t need you here, go home.”

It’s the first direct contact between us after months. Half part of me glad that I still remember the color of his voice. The other half is suffering from the coldness and venomous that laced within his melodic voice. Again, I feel torn to two when it comes about him. No, I can’t give up on this. True, every ounce of my cell yearn to grant his wish, to be everything for him, to make him happy. I know by stay won’t make him any happier, but I need to stay. His safety is the priority. What if something happen?

The hospital is the best and all, but what if something bad happen? What if Mir’s in too much pain that he can’t even press the emergency button? Call me over dramatic but I won’t give that a chance. Hey, just how bad it will turn out? He probably is going to hate me more, which is not new, so what’s the problem? I’ve tasted the worst already.

Seems like Mir took my silence as an answer because he voiced his mind again. “I don’t want you here.”

I lifted my head to look at him. He avoided my gaze, looking straight at the wall in front of him. Well, he did state his opposition strongly. “Then I’ll wait outside,” I said with a small voice. I quickly get out of the room, closed the door gently behind me.

Walked to the waiting chair at the corridor right in front of Mir’s door, I sat at the same spot that I sat two days ago, at the first night when he enrolled into the hospital. I’ve spent that night monitored him from the small window by the door without him noticing, I definitely can do it again now.

Like on cue, my eyes darted through the window, to find Mir’s own eyes peered back at me. I don’t know which one is better; he avoids to look at me or a hatred that lurks in his eyes when he sees me? But still, I maintain the contact until he turned his head and managed to tidy his blanket that spread over him.

I watched when he used his hands as a support to lay back on the bed. I noticed the small grimace on his face when he’s doing so. He slowly laid back and pulled the blanket up to his shoulder and took a deep sigh before closed his eyes.

“Goodnight,” I found myself murmured when his breath became even.

Knowing that he is resting, I allowed myself to relax, rest my back at the cold wall behind me. I let my eyes close when the tiredness crept into my body. All the sleepless nights started to take its toll on my body. Especially this past two days. Two days ago I sat at the same spot I’m sitting right now, watched over him until the sun rise. Yesterday, knowing that his family come and take care of Mir, I didn’t come. I stayed at my home, surrounded by the comfort of my room but I still can’t sleep. My mind went to him over and over again until it pointless for me to swat it off.

I must be dozed off because once that felt like in a blink, I saw the difference in the room. I straightened his body to see clearly, ignoring the stiff I felt through my body. Apparently, Mir moved from his lying position to sit up. In the mid of doing so, his eyes darted to the flowers next to his bed. I’ve been observed him since the first time we met. I’ve learned his every little expression and gesture he’ll make when he feels something.

It’s very rare when I mistake those signal since I could see it as clear as the day, but I must be wrong now. Is there even a chance that he actually like the flowers?

All of my thought cut off when he swing his legs out the bed and stood up. Ignoring every logic, I flew from my seat and opened the door between us. He looked up when he heard the door’s open. After a millisecond, Mir avoided me again and took a single step forward, dragging an IV pole next to him. It’s all that I need to close the door behind me and came to his side.

“Where are you going?”

He looked at me with his cold stare and answered with monotone voice. “Bathroom.”

Without really think about it, I placed my hand on his elbow to guide him. He yanked his arm off almost in an instant. “I can do it alone,” he hissed.

I really doubt it since he’s everything except stable right now. I don’t think he’s strong enough, but his reaction when I touched him earlier… it’s as if he was shoved by a hot iron. Although I’m really worried and didn’t think this as a good idea, I took one step back and watched him do it by his own. He slowly walked and dragged the pole along with him. I waited until he slammed the door shut.

Didn’t dare to move, I waited with my breath held. I kept thinking that I should’ve just help him earlier. After the agonizing 15 minutes, Mir finally walked out of the bathroom. I let out a breath in relief. He struggled to keep his feet moving, while dragging the IV pole. He’s shaking and looked even paler than before. I can’t take it anymore. I took another step to approach him, at least tried to make him let me take care of the pole.

However I’m not open my mouth yet when I saw Mir lost his balance and tripped over the pole. It looks like a slow motion in my eyes and I can’t think. I didn’t have enough time to think when instinct took over and I found myself moved. The next thing I know, I took fast steps forward, held him in my arms, and we both fell.

Pain exploded in my head when we crash down. My back head hit something hard with a loud thud. The momentum drove us to other direction before I landed on my back. I barely grunted when air cut off from my lungs as Mir’s body weighted on top of me, pinned me down. I feel a little shake before a small clank sound heard.

We both groaned from the impact. The pain I feel spread to my back. For some moment, I felt dizzy and my vision darken. I gritted my teeth to hold another groan. When I got my vision back slowly, I focused on his face that just merely an inch above me.

Adrenalin still rush in me. I found myself cupped his cheeks with my hands. “Are you alright? Do you get hurt somewhere?” I asked him, can’t suppress my worried anymore. I tilted his head, checking from any damage with my own eyes. I looked intently at his skin, didn’t really realize his widened eyes. He gasped and I thought he’s hurting somewhere.

Immediately, I traveled my hands down to his neck, to his shoulder’s blade, searching for any wound. When his body became tense under my touch, I looked up. I caught his eyes and realized what I’m doing.

Heat crept up my cheeks as I stopped my hands from wandering around and let go of him. “I-I’m sorry,” I stuttered. Any reason I have died in my throat when I looked at those orbs. I felt weak under the strong gaze he sent me. Strong gaze that told me clearly how he loathed my touch. I averted my eyes from him to my side. I saw the IV pole next to me and it explained the small clank I heard earlier. It fell of and rolled till it stopped next to me. The tube stretched from the pole to Mir’s back hand.

I placed my hand on his shoulder once again, prevented him from get up when he moved. “No, I’ll help you. Please allow me,” I rambled. Not giving him a chance to answer, because I’m afraid he’ll refuse, I carefully maneuvered us together.

Somehow I managed to seat him on the floor, didn’t miss the small yelp that escaped from his parted lips. I waited for a few minutes for us to adjust, and for me to have my clear vision back. Then I stood up, and stood the pole next to me before I bend down to him. I placed my arm on his back knees and another arm on his back, circling him carefully. Ever so softly, afraid I would hurt him more, I picked him up from the ground.

Although I tried hard to move him gently, he still in pain that he placed his hand on my chest as a reflex move to slow me down. I stopped moving when I finally stood, cradling him in my arms. He gasped once again and I bowed my head down to look at him. His eyes widened in shock as he returned my gaze. I’m about to ask him what’s wrong when his hand jerked away from my chest as if it’s on fire and I realized he just felt my heartbeat.

He felt my heart that beat insanely under his touch.

“Sorry,” I whispered, didn’t know why I apologized myself. I know it’s stupid to apologize for something that beyond my control but I didn’t know what to say either.

I brought him to his bed and pulled the pole next to us. From the harsh tug when we fell earlier, some blood were on the tube. Mir also bit his bottom lip hard when we fell, there was a bright red mark in the middle of his bottom lip. But what worried me the most is the pain on his face even though I moved very slowly. It clenched my heart to see him undergo such pain. I placed him on his bed, not letting go until his body started to relax. I pulled the blanket to cover him up to his shoulder and pressed the call button next to his bed.

“They can give something to ease your pain,” I said soothingly to him when I felt his gaze on my face, questioning my act.

Several times later the nurse came in.

"Is there anything I could help?" she asked politely.

“He fell down and the impact hurt his back,” I said.

“Oh my,” the nurse came closer in pure worried. She checked on the IV drop and helped Mir to lay on his side so she could check on his back.

“Did you hit something with your back when you fell?”

“The pole,” Mir groaned.

The nurse looked at her watch and started to give Mir’s back a massage. “You will have another dosage of painkiller in a couple of hours, sir. Now, I’ll do some massage to ease the pain.”

I watched closely how the nurse massaged Mir on his back. The nurse must be felt me staring because she smiled kindly at me. “Don’t worry, sir. The massage actually help a lot. Do you want to learn how to do it?”

She saw me flinched and smiled reassuringly. “You can apply the massage whenever the pain or stiffness come. It’s easy and doesn’t harm so anyone can do it. Here, just press lightly here.” She show me what she did, taught me, and explained the use of every move he did.

After several minutes, she moved aside for me to get some room closer. “Have a try, sir,” she said, guided my hands and placed it on Mir’s back.

I could felt Mir’s body slowly tensed under my touch. I softly massage him just like how the nurse taught me. I could feel his stiff muscle and started to give it a light squeeze to erase the stiffness. The nurse watched the IV drop again and adjust the machine that control the drop before excused herself.

I kept massage Mir’s back until he relaxed under my touch. I feel like doing a victory dance. For the past months, he always very careful around me. He flinched, rigid, and cold. He closed his self from me to see and I never dare to imagine that someday he’ll open up and carefree around me.

Emotion mixed in me when his breath became steady. I tilted my head and saw he’s fell asleep. I massaged him for some more minutes before I covered him with blanket, made sure he’s warm enough and excused myself to seat on the couch.

After what happened, I won’t risk to stay outside anymore. I rest my back and winced when I felt a sharp pain. I made myself comfortable on the couch but not too comfortable to sleep. I don't want to sleep. Mir won't call me even though he needs help, so I definitely won't sleep. But I did wished Mir to sleep tight with a tiny voice that could only heard by myself.

Written By: Honey June

The respond for the first chapter is quite good. Thank you very much~

I think this story is about 5-7 chapters lenght, then i'm off to write another plot. kekeke

this story is actually i made about 1 year ago, but it became out of control (?) that i decide to leave it. But i never really could let go of this so here i try my best to fix and finish it. 

Enjoy and i love u all.