I hate this. I really hate this. I can't believe that I agreed on doing this with Jinri but she had told me: "We must. Poor Chanyeol-oppa can't find the words to make Nana-unnie forgive him ever since their last argument."

So because Jinri has a really good heart and I just happen to be her sidekick, we are hiding under the table, waiting for Nana-noona to arrive at the restaurant reservation we made for her and Chanyeol. However she is expecting to meet someone at this fancy restaurant for work, not the boyfriend she's been trying to ward off.

1 hour ago

"How long has she actually avoided him?" I asked out of curiosity.

"Ummm, judging by the fact that Chanyeol-oppa came to our house around a month ago and hasn't fixed his problems yet, it's probably been that long."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise because I don't think I can live that long emotionally and physically without having Jinri by my side.

"What's the big fuss anyways?"

Jinri shrugged her shoulders and shook her head.  "I don't know the whole story but apparently Chanyeol-oppa took a picture with one of his fangirls and she asked him if he were to marry Nana-unnie or Dara-unnie, who would he choose? He's been an avid fanboy of Dara-unnie since even before his debut and many times while he was with EXO, he would answer her as his ideal type. Dara-unnie is recognized well amongst his fans so it was much easier for him to always respond with her name, rather than admitting the idol women he had actually dated." She starts massaging her temples and I wonder if she's thinking about the numerous lies we had told our fans to cover up our relationship, way back when we first became a couple. "After months of resentment and feeling betrayed, his fans have recently approved of Nana-unnie as his girlfriend but I guess it had become instinctive for him to answer Dara-unnie so he did."

If Chanyeol wasn't a good family friend and if he wasn't so dear to Jinri, sounds of laughter would probably have escaped my mouth, but instead it hung open while I just mouthed "Wow."

"I know, right!" Jinri exclaimed in frustration, hitting my shoulder in response. "Oppa hadn't even realized he had said something wrong until the media began questioning their relationship and whether Chanyeol-oppa was taking his relationship with Nana-unnie seriously. We all know that he loves her very much but unfortunately, anything he says at the moment doesn't cover up for his hasty response."

"He should really think before he speaks."

Jinri nodded in agreement, sporting a sad expression and then talked about Chanyeol's stupidity and Nana-noona dismissing all his attempts to apologize until we finally arrived at the restaurant. We asked the lady at the front for the reservation we made and moments later we found Chanyeol, his hair slicked back, wearing a tuxedo, looking exceptionally fine and mature.

"Guys!" he exclaimed loudly, running to us, making a lot of noise and grabbing us both in a friendly hug, making me forget that I had thought he was mature two seconds ago.

Jinri gave Chanyeol some advice and I had taken note of it too (in case I ever wanted to impress Jinri in the future) and then she tells me that we're going to go hide underneath the nearest table.

"You have got to be kidding me," I groan in despair as she pulls me along with her, her heels clicking on the floor.

So now I'm sitting on the polished floor with my hurting. It's hot and I am pushing my hair back because I'm perspiring. Jinri's spying from underneath the table cloth, giving me a nice view of her behind so I guess that's the only benefit of hiding underneath a table.

"She's here," Jinri hits my leg, ushering me to look with her so I grumble and then join her in her spying game.

From my view, I see Nana-noona's long legs and one of her heels hitting the floor. I look up slightly and see the face that goes with it. She looks infuriated. Chanyeol on the other hand is raising his palms, trying to calm down his girlfriend.

He goes over to the other side, grabs her shoulders and prods her to sit down. She obeys reluctantly, sitting on the seat in a very stiff way, her bottom lip is jerked out and her eyebrows furrowed.

"She looks mad. If I was Chanyeol, I'd run."

Jinri elbows me in the ribs and it hurts so bad that I decide to stay quiet after that because I want to go home in one piece.

Minutes pass by and Chanyeol talks so much, I swear. He taps his foot occasionally, smoothes back his hair at times, plays with his hands nervously, and stays quiet and nods when he's listening to Nana-noona. I feel bad so I throw in a small prayer for him.

Nana-noona's hard expression softens at one point and she starts speaking to him in her regular tone. I think she says, "Chanyeol, I love you a lot, but sometimes I'm not convinced that you really love me."

Chanyeol replies back, using a lot of hand gestures and I hear something like, "Noona, you don't know how much you mean to me." - Oh , he's getting up from his seat.- " I never want to see you unhappy." -What the hell is happening? Why is Chanyeol on his knee? "I want to make you smile forever."

"Nana-noona, will you marry me?" There is a box with a ring sitting in it and Chanyeol is shaking so much and Nana-noona is covering and I'm just lying on my stomach having a wtf moment with Jinri.

I stare into Jinri's eyes and she mimics my shocked feelings and when we hear Nana-noona say "Yes", Jinri literally shoves me to the side as she sprints out from underneath the table and starts screaming. My head is throbbing when I crawl out from under the table, having hit it on one of the table's legs thanks to Jinri.

Nana-noona is crying, her makeup now smudged underneath her eyes, Chanyeol is hugging her and Jinri is emotional too. I really don't know what to do so I loudly declare, "Congratulations!" and immediately Chanyeol pulls me into a hug.

Chanyeol's heart is thumping so loud and from the way he grins at me, I can tell he's really elated. His happiness gets a genuine smile out of me too.

Chanyeol is happy. Nana-noona is happy. God bless the happy couple.

ღ ღ ღ

My career is flourishing. The new SM-produced group has had a hot debut and their title track and MV have all gotten superb feedback but people have taken a huge interest in the choreography which happens to be my work. I am at once proud of myself and the boys, knowing how every trainee dreams of the moment to finally break free from the what ifs of debuting or not.

We have a congratulatory party afterwards and of course, the kids want me there so I cannot refuse. We have cake in the studio and then we head to the karaoke house afterwards and sing along to some of SHinee’s most popular songs. I laugh a lot. It feels as if I’m young again.

I come back home around 6 pm and as soon as I enter the door, my heart stops. The faces of Jongin, Chanyeol, a very pregnant Soojung, Shinae, Junmyeon-hyung, Jessica-noona, all stare at me with different expressions, and then I see Jinri’s look of disappointment.

I notice my surroundings, the popped balloons, the unfinished cake on the table, the wrapped-up presents beside it. I am so embarrassed, so angry at myself, so frustrated, I feel like disappearing.

Shinae breaks the silence. “Daddy, you missed my birthday.” She pouts, her words sending daggers into my heart. “But it’s okay, Uncle Jongin bought me a really nice kitchen set.”

I’m breaking and I can’t even tell my daughter to shut up because I’m at fault and she’s too innocent to know that she’s making things worse.

Jinri watches me, her eyebrows furrowed, her eyes glossy and then she runs into our room, letting the door slam forcefully behind her.

I hear Junmyeon-hyung lie that he has a sudden meeting and needs to leave with his family instantly. Chanyeol claims that he has a date with Nana-noona tonight so it'd be better to leave early and Jongin squeezes my shoulder with a sad, understanding expression on his face but he says Soojung is getting tired and they should also probably leave.

So in the end, I’m left alone with Shinae occupying herself with her new toy (that I had the responsibility of buying but failed to do so) and Jinri is probably a mess in our room. I carefully walk in to change my clothes, trying to avoid Jinri who has her head stuffed in the pillows which mask her muffled sobs.

I am about to leave quietly but then I hear her voice: “Why oppa?”

I stop and turn around out of fear that if I leave the room, she might really never speak to me again.

“Why can’t you ever give me the satisfaction that I can trust you, like Jongin-oppa even though he has his priorities like his pregnant wife, like Chanyeol-oppa who is an idiot but is always there for his loved ones, like Junmyeon-oppa who actually gives a damn about losing his child in a park?”

She’s looking at me with dark eyes stained by her makeup, her mascara running down her cheeks. I approach her and sit opposite of her on the bed and listen to her as she continues to jab me with questions and belittle whatever pride I have left.

“Why are you so focused on everything besides us?” She sobs through hiccups. “Why can’t you give us even the slightest bit of the love you had given to your fans, you give to your students, you give to your career?”

I am about to deny it but she doesn’t let me. “I know I’m not the legs that give you the ability to dance, I know I can’t shower you with presents and affection the way your fans did, but I am your wife, and I did bear your child and despite everything, I stayed by you, even when I had not a single glimmer of hope that you would come back.”

She embraces a beaten up pillow and the tears spill non-stop.

“Why…” and I just know that this is going to be the last straw, “does it hurt so much with you?”

And whatever bit of composure I was trying to maintain, I lose it in that second. Without even giving it a second thought, I get up from the bed, walk straight to the closet, take out a duffle bag, and begin throwing t-shirts, dress-shirts, pants, belts, whatever comes in my way, into it.

I know I am being rash. I know I am not in my right mind right now but I don’t care. I can’t be the man she wants and I can’t change.

“Oppa!” she shrieks, and I hear the scurrying of her feet, her heavy breathing and suddenly, the pressure of her arms wrapping tightly around me.

“What are you doing?” I shout in surprise with anger lacing my words. Hearing that bitter tone, I calm down and in a much quieter voice I say: “I’m leaving. I can’t do this.”

“No,” she cries, her grip tightening, quietly crying into my thin shirt, the sound ringing openly in the room, accompanying the buzzing fan above us. “No, you can’t.”

My heart hurts and it pains me to do it but I have to shrug Jinri off of me, quite forcefully, and she lands on the bed. I look back to see her, my expression probably as pained as hers, my eyes blurring to see her so vulnerable and how I really can’t defy the fact that I was never truly the one for her from the very beginning.

“I can’t be Jongin or Chanyeol or Junmyeon-hyung. I can’t be any of them, I can’t change. I’m Lee Taemin, the kid who disobeyed his parents to pursue his career as an idol, fell in love with a girl who looked only at him, ran away from her when he realized that he wasn’t the right one, but he came back because maybe he thought he could change, maybe he thought he was the one, but now the girl,” I bite my lip. “realizes he isn’t either.”

I know I am crying because my voice is changing pitches and sounds so muffled that I don’t even know if Jinri can understand me.

“I love you Jinri, but I’m only Taemin.”

 As the salty beads plummet down my cheeks, I think I can understand what Jinri meant when she had said “why does it hurt so much to be with you?” It wasn’t meant to belittle me but it was the emotional result of the unimaginable pain in her heart. I know that because right now I’m feeling it too and it hurts so damn much; because I know if I lose Jinri, I won’t live.

I fall on my knees, crawl to where Jinri is sitting on the bed and without her consent, I bury my head into her lap, wrapping my arms around her small waist.

“I love you Jinri. I love you Jinri. I love you Jinri. I love you so much,” I cry into her now soaked dress. I feel her slender fingers in my dark hair and then I feel her crouch down and lay her head on top of mine.

“I am so dumb," her tears fall into my hair. “So stupid, for not being able to answer you back then when you asked me if my feelings were still the same.”

She caresses my face with her hands and then lifts my head. We stare into each other’s eyes and the world stops the way it did the first time 12 year-old Jinri greeted me at SM, the first time I kissed her, the first time we made love, the first time I saw her after 3 years, the first time I saw her on our wedding day; all these moments I spent with Jinri that made me love her so much.

“I don’t think I can ever fall out of love when it comes to you. You were my first love and you’ll be my last, even if you do choose to leave me.” I shake my head and she gives me a soft smile.

“We live to make mistakes, but then we also forgive, learn and understand. You only think of your mistakes, you never forgive yourself and that's something you need to do before I can forgive you. You need to learn to love yourself before you can see how much I love you.” She caresses the side of my face and I just stare at her in bewilderment because my Jinri is too kind, too forgiving and too loving.

“This marriage is a new beginning. We’ll learn and grow with baby steps, we’ll make mistakes, we’ll fall, we’ll go off in different directions, but we’ll find our way back to each other. You know why? ”

I nod, listening to Jinri wholly.

“Because our paths are the same.”

 I find that what Jinri just said is beautiful but cheesy so I laugh and Jinri can’t help but grin too. Eventually we both start laughing and this catches Shinae's attention.

 “What’s so funny?” she asks, peeping into our room.

I tell myself that what is funny is that daddy won in life.

Jinri was a gem that almost every man, young and old, had pursued, but somewhere in the goodness of her heart, she had made me, Lee Taemin, her keeper.

ღ ღ ღ

A/N:  This resolves the whole issue with Taemin and Sulli but Taemin still needs to make amends with his daughter and there is also that issue with pregnant Soojung who hasn't given birth yet. You guys will just have to wait a bit longer to read the final part to this fic. The Chanana feature is dedicated to the lovely Jessica who loves the ship as much as me :)