Usually Tao liked being back in China, as namely it was his home and he didn’t have to think all the time about how he wanted to say anything which was great. Plus his mother was always within easy reach and even though he tried to claim that he was big and strong and manly...at the end of the day he was a complete mummy’s boy and he missed her terribly. But at this moment in time, Tao almost wished that he wasn’t in China because when they woke up tomorrow, it was the funeral.

For a while the maknae of M had distanced himself from it all, tried to keep himself focused and strong because he just didn’t know how to cope with something like this. Yifan was dead; he knew that but it felt wrong like there was nothing in the world that could ever be right anymore. Kyungsoo said that he was in the denial stage of grief but Tao didn’t want to believe it. They were all taking it pretty hard at the moment but the youngster just didn’t know what he wanted to do anymore. Sometimes he wanted to just burst into tears and sob hysterically, other times he felt like punching the wall until his knuckles bled. One night it had taken Yixing and Xiumin the better part of three hours to break into one of the practice rooms to get him out because he had just gone over and over the routines until he was beyond exhausted and physically hurting.

Luhan had made sure to remain with Tao for the rest of the night and the following day, only letting him out of his sight when he had to use the toilet and even then constantly talking to him through the door. He knew that they were worried about him, scared that he would try to do something stupid to follow but Tao wasn’t that stupid. He loved his Gege, yes, but he wasn’t going to kill himself for him either.

There came a soft knock on his door, followed by the sound of it opening even though he hadn’t acknowledged the fact that someone had come to seek him. Soft footfalls lightly echoed around him but Tao couldn’t bring himself to say a word to the visitor. He didn’t particularly want to open his mouth right now because he had snapped at more people than he could count recently because he was just so upset. A hand landed on his back, soft and smooth and the next thing the panda knew he was face to face with Ace, the stupid Alpaca plush toy that Kris had idiotically claimed as his ‘son’ for no good reason.

Blinking repeatedly, Tao looked up and found himself staring at Sehun who looked just as tried and frazzled as he was but with wetter eyes. Lightly the K maknae gulped, “He wanted to come and see you, just to make sure that you were all right.”

Tears stung at Tao’s eyes as he looked down at the toy, remembering how Yifan would pull the same stupid routine with him whenever he was being a cry baby but strangely he wasn’t mad at Sehun for copying the move. It made him realised how much he was trying to deny what was in his heart, the amount of pain and misery that he was putting on the others by trying to be something that he wasn’t right now and he couldn’t help but feel so stupid and idiotic for having put them through it. Carefully taking hold of Ace, Tao clutched desperately at the toy and just let the emotions take him over as he let loose with the crying.

He felt Sehun wrapping his arms around his body and strangely had no urge to push the other way or snap at him. Instead he let himself be held and then because it was the right moment to do so returned the hug to his friend and joined in his tears with him. For a long while they remained seated just so until finally exhaustion began to wear at the pair and the slowly shifted down onto the soft mattress to sleep still embraced in one another’s arms.

Though just as he was about to fully drift off, Tao opened his large eyes to look at Sehun, “Thank you,” he said quietly, not entirely sure as to why but not wanting to overly worry about such a thing either.

Sehun smiled shyly back at him, “No problem.”

For a few seconds Tao stared at the other before reaching across the small gap to place a kiss on his forehead and allowed him to snuggle against his broad chest in the exact same way that Kris would let Sehun do if the youngster was devoid of his usual mama Suho for whatever reason.

Sleep claimed them quickly after that and Ace laid in-between them, being equally shared by the two maknea’s.

~*~

Baekhyun was glad that they had three Chinese members to help guide them through the funeral because he felt as though he would have been completely and totally lost. In actual fact he still was highly lost as to what he was supposed to be doing but Luhan told him that he was doing just fine. It was still a little strange to see his friend, brother and fellow band member laid out in a coffin at the funeral home looking as though he was just fast asleep. There was only immediate family and themselves attending the funeral and the wake, Mrs. Wu insisting that the affair was not going to turn into a media festival in the slightest and for no reason other than respect, as far as Baekhyun was concerned, that had been adhered to.

Even the normally extreme fans were nowhere in sight but he figured that could be due to no one releasing anything about the location, time or date of this very sad affair. A testament to Mrs. Wu’s strength of character and ability to deal with virtually anything that was thrown at her, it was no wonder that both were associated with being dragons.  Or the fact that she had probably threatened to sue SM Entertainment if anything disturbed her son’s funeral.

Following Luhan and Yixing, who had taken on the role of being the EXO helpers since Tao was barely in the right frame of mind to walk though he remained quiet as was the custom, Baekhyun picked up an incense stick, carefully lit the end and added it to the pile before copying the bowing that he had seen the other guests do. As he raised his eyes upwards, he felt his heart breaking just a little bit more when he looked towards Yifan who looked so at peace and content that he hated himself for not realising that something was wrong before.

He still felt anger at the fact that Yifan had hidden his heart problem from them all; their manager coming clean that the heads of the company were aware but had for some insane reason decided to keep him active even though the doctors had warned that excessive work would increase the likelihood of him getting extremely sick. However another part of him understood why he hadn’t said a word too, Yifan was always too proud, too scared to admit weakness or defeat and even though they were all close sometimes he would just cut himself off as a sort of inner protection. Baekhyun knew nothing of his family life prior to joining the company, other than the fact that he adored his mother to the end of the earth and he did miss her presence in his life, but he figured that his unwillingness to hurt people or to hide things that would hurt others stemmed from a strange family situation.

Baekhyun had noticed that there was no father figure at the funeral, though he didn’t comment on it.

Pulling out the white envelope from his jacket, he added it to the rest that were already gathering and had to let out a tiny smile when he saw a black and silver watch on the others wrists which he had always kept but never worn. It’s still not my style Baekhyun heard Yifan’s voice as he glanced up one final time before stepping back to allow Kyungsoo his final moments with the other. He tried not to break down into tears as that would be totally uncool in every sense of the word but it was so hard.

Luhan stepped up close and wrapped his arms around him in a hug, “It’s okay to cry,” he said, voice choked ever so slightly, “You’re younger than him. It’s allowed.”

It was all that Baekhyun needed to hear as he burst into tears, wondering how Luhan and Yixing were managing to remain quiet. Elders weren’t supposed to overly mourn the loss of those younger than themselves in Chinese tradition though he knew that both had sat and cried in their own private time. Pretty soon all of EXO were together, standing in a little huddle as they watched Yixing finally get his turn to say his goodbyes. It was strange watching the eldest just quietly go through everything as if this was something that was completely second nature to him.

The wake was mainly conducted in silence for the group, no one wanted to say anything or really be in that room for much longer but they would all stick together and get through this in one piece. Or as many pieces as could be carried by everyone naturally. Baekhyun didn’t really pay attention to much that was said, nor the little red envelopes which were given out to everyone but he did enjoy the little sweet that was inside recognising the packaging without question. Part of him wanted to keep the sweet as a reminder but he was told firmly by the Chinese members that they couldn’t take it home.

With the chiming of the clock at two o’clock, they followed the procession which had a fairly reasonable sized band in front of it and Baekhyun leaned across to whisper to Chanyeol, “Is that what I think it is?”

“The tune?” Chanyeol nodded, “Yeah. It is. Kinda fitting, oddly.”

Nodding Baekhyun went back to following and watched as the coffin was placed into the curtained off area to start the cremation of their friend. Looking down to the paper offerings that EXO had clubbed together to get, Baekhyun felt his throat constrict but somehow managed to add his puppy to the rest so that Yifan would have something to play with whilst he waited for them on the other side. He had gotten it purely because he knew that M’s leader had always wanted to keep his pet dog in the dorms but it was just too complicated to manage. So whilst the puppy wasn’t the same breed it was something that would at least appeal to the spirit of the other.

Watching the flames dance in the small bucket as the paper was claimed, Baekhyun felt himself almost drifting away with the smoke and barely registered anything else for the rest of the day.

~*~

 “Erm Suho,” Chanyeol said about a week later when they were all back in the Korean dorms, “You may want to talk to the Chinese members; they appear to have gone crazy.”  

Suho looked up from the letter he was currently reading with a slight frown on his face, “What do you mean?”

Chanyeol sighed, “They’re running around putting up these strange red plaques outside of everyone’s door and I think Tao’s nicked either Kyungsoo’s flour or talc because it’s appearing all over the dorm.”

Glancing at the clock, Suho noted that it was getting on for ten pm which wasn’t anything to particular note other than the fact that for once he wasn’t extremely tired and trying to think of an excuse to go to bed early. Lightly he clicked his tongue against the back of his teeth, “I have no idea on this one? Did you ask them what they were doing?”

Before Chanyeol could reply, Chen spoke for him, “It’s part of the Funeral.”

“What?” both of the previously conversing members asked at the same time, staring at the other for some further explanation.

Chen glanced up to Xiumin who had just come through the door, “Hyung, explain to these two what’s going on. You’re better at it than me.”

Rolling his eyes and trying to discreetly cover the fact that he was covered in some form of white powder,  but only serving to make it worse, the eldest sighed and shook his head, “They believe that Kris will visit us tonight.”

Chanyeol frowned, “Visit us?”

“Well his spirit will,” Xiumin quickly amended, “It’s believed that seven days after the funeral that the spirit of the deceased will go to visit family and friends who were close to them.”

“So what’s with the red door names then?” Suho asked, before adding hurriedly, “And the use of Kyungsoo’s flour?”

Xiumin paused, “Something to do with people getting lost or something like that?”

“And I thought you were a good student,” Luhan said, entering into the conversation with a mock stern look towards his friend, “Honestly Min, you’re helpless at times.”

Suho sighed, “Why don’t you explain it then?”

Luhan allowed a thin smile, “Basically seven days after the funeral the spirit of the deceased will come and visit those they cared about but since the human realm and the spiritual one are two separate places it’s quite hard to navigate so we put up red plaques that can be easily seen and read so that the spirits can find where they want to go.”

“And the use of my flour is because?” Kyungsoo asked, wandering in from the kitchen looking not overly happy about everything but hearing Luhan’s explanation he wasn’t going to kick up too much of a fuss over it.

“So you can see the next morning if you were visited or not,” Tao supplied, joining the others in the room and completely covered in flour making him look like the ghost, “Sehun opened his door on me unexpectedly,” came the answer to the unasked question.

“So you won’t be woken by the presence then?” Suho asked, opting to not reprimand Tao because clearly this was something that was important to the Chinese members and he wasn’t going to be rude towards them for their beliefs.

Luhan shrugged, “It depends. Some say that they were woken by the visit but I’ve personally never had such a thing happen to me.”

“Me either,” Lay stated as he leaned on the doorframe, “Plus it’s doubtful that he’ll make it this far...he was never the best at directions anyway.”

Chanyeol had to bite back a laugh at that comment, “Yeah, so true.”

For a while longer the small group remained in the living room, Baekhyun and the others having already retired for the night and eventually Tao was chased off to shower followed by bed.

Laying down on his bed, having been very careful to not disturb the flour by the door which was sure to be a pain to clean up in the morning, Suho blinked quietly and wondered if indeed Yifan would come to visit them or not. It was a nice thought to have but one that he wouldn’t put too much faith in. Lightly he let out a long breath and closed his eyes, dropping off to sleep in a matter of seconds.

~*~

It was strange wandering through the streets which as a living being would have been so familiar to him but right now were twisted and confusing. There were too many lights, too many objects moving about and only the occasional burst of sound to help him to focus. Yifan had already visited his mother and the rest of his family, making sure that they were doing okay and had plenty of life left in them and now he wanted to say his own goodbye. Thankfully or maybe just in a completely strange kind of way, the EXO-L’s had come up with a joint effort to guide him back to the dorms and there were hundreds upon hundreds of red plaques marked with instructions and names to get him to where he needed to be.

It was touching to him and made the spirit smile.

Entering the dorm building wasn’t too hard but the chaos still existed so navigating was pretty hard to do. Though someone, by the writing it had to be Sehun, had left another red plaque near the door with a little hand drawn map to help him navigate. Yifan smiled and shook his head, he was really going to miss his boys.

The chaos stopped once he was inside EXO’s dorm, just like it had when he had entered his mother’s house and lightly the spirit blinked for a few seconds before quietly striding through the house. No one was up, they were all in bed fast asleep and the dorm felt heavy with the lingering grief and sadness. The first thing the leader of M did was to quickly clear out the bad spirits who had taken up residences in the dorms to feed off the doom and gloom and he made sure to apply the special seal which would drive bad forces away and allow only good spirits in to cheer everyone up.

No sooner had he placed the paper seal on the window, a small red coloured dragon whizzed into the dorm and drove straight for the couch chasing out a black serpent and raven who had managed to hide from Yifan’s presence. Smiling as he passed the creature, for he knew that his time was growing short, Yifan pressed a quick pat to the spirits head and nodded his thanks before heading to the rooms.

No one stirred as the doors opened but Yifan didn’t expect it in the slightest anymore, he had hoped that his mother would at least wake up but he had been told not to get his hopes up too high as there were very few people in the world these days who had the abilities to reach into the spirit world and see him.

Kai, Sehun and Tao were bunched together on one bed, having swapped rooms at one point presumably and Yifan couldn’t help but think just how young and innocent all three of them looked. Sehun was hugging desperately onto Ace, whom had been gifted to him by Tao because the panda had the large toy dog which he had bought with Kris on that shopping trip and it was no surprise that Tao was holding onto his at that moment. Squished in the middle of the two giant maknea’s was the real maknae Kai who was without a toy which made Yifan feel sorry for the youngster. Looking around he couldn’t see anything to briefly slipped into his old room, which he noted was vacant for now and quickly ducked under the bed. Ah there was what he was looking for, the long strange panda that was really a travel pillow. He knew that he had left it somewhere safe. Pulling it out he smiled and returned to the three maknea’s and gave the panda to Kai who immediately hugged the toy tightly to his chest and let out a little whine.

Gently Yifan brushed a few stray strands of hair out of Kai’s eyes, “You keep him Kai and be strong in yourself and don’t ever give up on your dreams. Sehun,” he said as he carefully started to tuck the three of them in for the night, “Dude you need to lighten up a little and smile more often for the fans because they will love you all the more for it. Tao don’t regret anything that you ever do in your life and always make the best choice for you.” Finished with wrapping the three up in their blanket, Yifan pressed a single kiss to their foreheads and left the room.

The next room along contained the two Chinese members and Chen which made him smile when he realised that they had pushed their beds together so that they were sleeping close together but not to the point that they could be considered to be far apart either. Yifan gently sat on the end of the bed and smiled at them, there was not a lot he could do for them since they were far more grown up in comparison to the maknea’s but he could see the stress on each of their faces. With a sigh he moved first to Luhan and lightly pressed his hand to the others forehead, “Luhan life is to be lived and loved so don’t hold onto the past and always aim high for the future,” carefully he crawled across the blankets to reach Chen and ruffled the man’s hair, “Chen do me a favour and keep the Beagle line inline so that they don’t bug the hell out of everyone and stand up for yourself a little more, Lay..” rolling because it was just easier to get to the end of the bed that was, Yifan righted himself before carefully lifting the young dancer up so that he wasn’t at risk of falling out of the bed, “Have some confidence in yourself and make yourself stand out more. It will help you in the long run.”

It was no surprise to the spirit that Baekhyun and Chanyeol were sharing a room along with Kyungsoo at the moment because the three often relied on one another through the darker times. All three were in their separate beds but he noticed that there was a red string attached to all of them which made him laugh, “You’re never going to let me live down the time I got lost and you had to come and find me are you?” Shaking his head lightly he moved to the first bed and smiled at the sprawled happy virus that was Chanyeol, “Once you’re grieving is over, don’t every stop being you Chanyeol and make the others smile every day with your antics because they’ll need them.” Following the string, almost absently tying an extra knot into it as it was really too loose to be tight, Yifan smiled at Baekhyun’s sleeping form, “Oh Baek, stop worrying so much about what people think and say and do and just be true to your heart. That way you’ll get the best of both worlds.” Following the final piece of string, though this time merely balancing a card onto it, Yifan grinned towards the resident mother of the group, “Kyungsoo you worrywart, you need to calm down and relax a little bit more and do things which you think of as fun that is not just constant cooking.”

Satisfied, Yifan quietly left the room and made his way to his last visiting place. He was a little worried why there was only one person with Suho but then figured that in the grand scheme of things it was probably for the best as there were too many people to calm down and support right now. Opening the door he smiled as he found Xiumin laying on the floor where he must have been trying to figure out some way of beating someone at mah-jong from the tiles that were scattered on the floor. Shaking his head, Yifan moved quickly to grab a pillow and a blanket for the eldest member and got him safely settled with everything, “Xiumin, take care of them all for me in my stead until a new leader is appointed and if it’s you, I know you’ll do a good job. Take some confidence and pride in yourself okay? You deserve it no matter what anyone says.”

Raising off the floor, Yifan turned to say his final words to Suho only to find the young man staring blearily at him with a confused expression, “Yifan?”

“Joonmyun,” Yifan greeted quietly and not at all surprised in the slightest, “You should go back to sleep.”

“Why?” Joonmyun asked with his voice filled with too much emotion.

Yifan frowned, “Because you’re tired?” he tried cheekily.

“Don’t joke around with me,” Suho complained immediately, trying to rub his eyes free of the sleep that was desperately pulling him back, “Why didn’t you tell me what was wrong with you? Why did you have to lie and pretend that everything was fine when it wasn’t? You could have told me everything and yet you kept silent about it the...”

Yifan quickly embraced Suho, holding him gently whilst the younger man cried even though he couldn’t cling back to the spirit. After a few seconds, Yifan sighed, “If I had told you, it would have only caused you more stress my dear Suho and I didn’t want to put any more pressure on you. What I did was wrong but I choose the band’s happiness over my own. Suho I know it’s painful right now but you need to keep on going, you need to be strong and solid and everything you’ve always been because you are what keeps us all together and makes us one. When they get a new leader for M, embrace him with open arms and help him to learn the role so that he can be as good as you even if they completely replace me with someone else.”

“Did you tell the company about your sickness?” Suho asked quietly, almost as if he were merely talking in his sleep.

“Yes, they knew,” Yifan sighed, “But they didn’t stop my promotions. Who knows, maybe if I had a second chance I would quit the band rather than get into this state.”

Suho sighed, “I wouldn’t want that.”

“Why?” Yifan asked quietly, watching as Suho fell back against the pillow.

“Because I would hate you,” Suho said quietly, “And I would lose a friend.”

Yifan didn’t reply, instead letting the other drift back into the sleeping state that he had been in before. For a few moments he watched Suho before rising and sighing, “You would never lose me as a friend, because you understand Suho. But now I must say goodbye for mine time is up.”

Turning and walking out of the room, Yifan paused only once when he was in the living room to observe the happy spirits which were now running around the dorm to chase away the lingering darkness and knew that his work was done. Turning to the window where the seal was, Yifan took one last look over his shoulder before stepping back into the spirit realm as the sun rose brightly over the city to start a new day.

~*~

When EXO stirred from their slumbers, they found plenty of signs that they had indeed been visited by Yifan’s spirit and they gathered in the living room to shed their final tears and bask in the glory of feeling the sadness lifting from their hearts. 

a.n 

I really tried to not make this chapter too soppy and sentimental and hopefully I've managed that, if I've not got everyone in buckets of tears of course which is a strong posibility too. Also sorry for the long update time, I've had a busy old time of late and updating was really hard work but it's now done. 

a shout out to reen_minrae for suggesting the whole visiting business but after a little research into Chinese Funeral customs I found out about the visit after and thought 'hey that works better' so I followed that more. 

So one more chapter to go in the sadness arch but hopefully it'll just be more of a nicely finishing off thing with little injections of fun and humour. 

Oh also if anyone happens to know the name of Kri's dog - I could only find the breed which totally explains the one in the trailer for Super Dogs - or the name of the toy dog that he and Tao bought or adopted as the translation said (I can't remember the show that was on, just saw the clips) then it would be really handy. 

Anyway please comment and let me know how I've done with this okay ^^

love you all EXO-L's

Chia