“How can I act as if it’s not a bad thing…?”

A smile spread on Hakyeon’s lips as the words formed on Jaehee’s mouth. He could see her eyes were clouded with fear, perplex and fascination all into one… or so he thought. He knew she must be so confused right now, thoughts must be all jumbled in her mind, making her hard to speak the last sentence he just heard.

Squeezing lightly on her hand, he maintained his smile and his gaze on her. Confusion still shone from her eyes but she hadn’t said anything about it, and so was he.

He was being selfish that night.

He admitted he was being fast. She must have felt that. He was being pushy, asking her to feel the same way as him but he meant no harm. He just wanted to show her the bright side of love, making her gain the trust of a person she loved so much.

From the story she shared with him, he could see how severe her heart had broken. Every time he looked down on those dark brown orbs, he could see a lonely girl playing all by herself. Sometimes, she looked lost and curled up at the corner, hugging her knees. He hated that vision of her heart.

He wanted to erase that look and replaced it with something bright and colourful, even though the vision of his heart was not really all unicorn and rainbow…

“Simply don’t act. Just fall,” he smiled.

She narrowed her eyebrows in confusion but before she could present what was bothering her in her mind, Hakyeon had interrupted her.

“Are you done? Because there’re lots of things I cannot wait to show you!”

She glanced down on her plate and could still see about a quarter left but she had lost her appetite long time ago. She stared at him, feeling numb but she managed to gulp a final drink. “Let’s go,” he chimed with her hand still in his.

---

They were walking along the side of Han River, with Hakyeon leading the way. She purposely slowed her walk, avoiding walking by his side. Her mind was filled with thoughts and her fingers were literally wrestled with each other in nervous. He seemed oblivious by the fact that both of them just made a big decision.

She cleared for his attention. He stopped and flashed a huge smile towards her. Minutes ago, her hand was held tight in his, but after a little struggle, she managed to let free. He knew her mind was all over the place. He could see the hint from the rosy cheeks.

“Want to keep the same pace?” he asked, innocently. His heart was jumping and he could feel his blood rush as his eyes laid on her. She kept her eyes on the ground, avoiding his gaze making him smile at the sight. Good, he thought, this gave him more opportunities to gaze on her precious face.

“Cha Hakyeon?” she lifted her chin as she stared directly into his eyes, sending a shiver down his spine. He acted as if her call didn’t trigger him and he hummed in question. “You’re okay?” he blurted out.

His question didn’t affect her as she broke their eye contact, throwing her glance to the river. “I don’t think this gonna work out,” she said, her words sound lacking emotion. He searched for her eyes to read her mind but she kept staring away.

“What are you talking about?” he let out a few nervous chuckles, his heart start to beat faster. He reached for her hand as he squeezed gently in his. “I know all of this is quite too fast for you, but I can wait if you wanna take it slow. We can go out date tomorrow…” he paused, waiting for her response but she acted as if he wasn’t even there. “Or next week, if you want too. I can wait. We don’t have to rush.”

She pulled her hand from his as she glanced back at him, hurt. She looked hurt. “You make me look bad out of this. I don’t mean it to be like this,” her eyebrows shaped in concern. He quickly denied it, “No, it was me. I shouldn’t push you. I’m the bad guy here. I should think about what you feel, I should ask if you’re okay with this. But no, I’m a selfish jerk. I do what I like,” he began to do self-blaming.

“Stop it,” she sounded exhausted. “I’m sorry; I shouldn’t rent you for the first place. I put you in misery,” she ended it as she slowly back away and leaving him behind again for the second time. He tried to comprehend on what he just heard making him froze. He was so lost in words to even call her from leaving. His heart shouted at him, pleading him to run after her but his mind told him to stay, to not doing anything stupid. It was enough for the day.

---

Jaehee pulled out the luggage stored under her bed. Quickly, she walked to her closet to withdraw some of her clothes before she forced it to enter the luggage. Her vision began to blur and she felt her teardrop fell on her hand. She plopped down as she pulled her knees towards her knees, hugging it. Tears kept falling down as she cried in silent alone in the empty apartment.

“What should I do?” she thought. Hakyeon’s face smiling at her kept haunting her. She felt guilty of crushing his dream. She wanted it. She wanted the same thing as what he wanted, what he dreamed of, but she kept having this bad feeling if she let it happened.

“Getting married? With that jerk? How sure you are that he is not making things up with you? You just knew him for what? Like months ago and you’re already speaking of marrying him?” Hongbin scoffed, she could see the mocking in his eyes, Seojun was trapped in her arms, crying out loud from Hongbin’s sudden outrage. Her cry getting intense as the memory of this morning flashed back into her mind.

“Stop it Hongbin! You’re scaring little Seojun,” she spoke back, trying hard not to raise her voice. “You don’t know him, you don’t know about us, and who are you to speak like that when you do not even know him. Do you think I’m stupid, I’m blind and deaf? I know you keep bringing your hoes back at home,” she said too close to him, almost spitting him in the face.

Horror flashed in her eyes as Hongbin lifted his left hand; about to hurt her but Seojun’s struggle in her arms made her flinched away. His hand fell limply as his sanity coming back to him; he turned around, both hands on his hips. She could hear him breathing hard, trying to control his rage.

“Choi Jaehee…” he called, softened.

Jaehee stared at his back, trying to read his mind. Seojun had calmed down in her arms, she could feel his hiccup. She rubbed his small back gently, soothing him into a sleep.

Time froze in the living room as both stood, not saying a word.

Hongbin then turned around to face her; a sense of remorse could be seen on his face. He moved his head low and she could hear a heavy sigh left his lips. Lifting his head, his eyes glistened as he rested his eyes on her, “Seojun is not mine, I took a test…”

“What is this,” she thought, shocked by the sudden confession.

She felt numb all of a sudden, is Earth always spin this fast? She could sense them spinning around her.

A nervous chuckle escaped his mouth, “I-I-I took it right away after her mother left him to me. I don’t believe he's mine, I-I-I,” he stammered, the scepticism from the memory shone in his face. “I almost sending him to somewhere God knows where I don’t care where, but you stopped me.”

Seojun had fallen asleep in her embrace, her eyes stuck on Hongbin. She didn’t want to interrupt him, this was not the best time and she could feel as if the sky had now falling over on her, trapping her with what she just heard.

“I knew you wanted to leave, I found out from your colleague, and I found that with Seojun, I can hold you from going,” he confessed, leaving a disgust feeling in her. She looked away as Hongbin looked at her pleadingly to stay in eye contact.

“Please listen to me, I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t stop you from going and I lie to you about Seojun but I can’t help it. You belong to me; you aren’t supposed to go anywhere but with me.”

She bit her lips, feeling the anger began to rise up, ready to shoot him with fire.

“What the hell do you actually want from me?” she shot back, feeling betrayed. “Why am I belonging to you now? When did we agree on this?”

Gently, she lifted Seojun in her arms and gave him back to Hongbin who was now lost in words. “Give him back to her mother, I know you still have her contact number, please Hongbin, I don’t want to hear anything coming out from your mouth anymore. Now, leave me.” She pushed him towards the door but he didn’t budge from his position.

“Please, Jaehee listen to me. You know I love you, the women you kept seeing going to my home are all part of the plan. I need you to stay and this is the only way.”

Jaehee stopped pushing and turned away, tears welling up her eyes. She couldn’t believe Hongbin had used her kindness to his advantage. “Please, Jaehee, look at me.”

She shook her head, not wanting to fall for his words. “It’s enough Hongbin, you hurt me enough. You play your game well. You manage to ruin my life. Now go,” her voice cracked.

“Choi Jaehee…”

“Leave!” she voiced higher. Shocked, he sighed in defeat as he backed off slowly, eyes still on her. As soon as the door closed, her knees wobbled as she fell down, bursting out her cry.

---

Hakyeon looked up the apartment where Jaehee lives. His chest felt constricted, he wanted to reach for her but she felt so distant. Did he miss any signs? She looked fine when he met at earlier but as the days darkened, so did her emotion.

A sudden buzz of his phone broke his eyes from the apartment. A quick look at the caller’s ID made his heart beat fast, dread gripped him from behind. “Hello,” he heard a male voice from the other side.

Hesitant to response, he waited as another ‘Hello’ called out for him. “Hakyeon? Are you there?” the familiar voice kept looking for him.

He cleared his throat to tell the caller he was there. “You’re here, I thought my call is not coming through,” Hakyeon could see the smile from the caller’s words.

“You’re current client just cancel her contract with you, do you happen to know why?”

Hakyeon’s eyes widened, “Did she? When did she call you?”

“Not long before I call you, I warned her about breaking the contract but she paid me immediately, she paid for breaking the contract too. Do you know why? Did she tell you anything? I tried to switch you with Wonshik but she rejected it. That girl is tough, you know?”

Hakyeon ended his call as his eyes caught Jaehee rushing into a cab. Adrenaline rushed through him as he saw her brought out huge luggage with her. It looked like as if she wanted to leave far away from the city, from him.

“Jaehee!” he shouted as he sprinted towards her but he was too slow. The cab had left the area and he ran behind the cab, waving his hands from behind, hoping the cab’s driver saw him but instead of noticing him, the cab accelerate away, leaving him panting behind. He shouted in anger as he threw his fist to the empty space in front of him.

Pulling out his phone, he tried to reach her by phone but the ringing continued. She was not answering it before the operator’s voice came out, crushing his hope from making any contact with her.

“What is it, Jaehee. What is it that you’re not telling me?” he whispered in pain.