A week had passed since I last saw Oh Sehun. I’m not sure why I’m even keeping track. What’s wrong with me? It’s not like I like him or anything… I don’t even know him. But it still bothered me that I didn’t see him at the boba shop or at dance class. 

       Where is he? What’s he doing right now? I wondered as I walked to the book store in the large mall near the park. Suzy convinces me to go out and do something everyday so I’m trying to be productive for her. But if it was up to me… I would be shelled up in my bedroom reading fan fiction and snacking. 

      I opened the door to the bookstore and an old, musty smell hit me. It smelled like old paper and coffee. I was already starting to like large, yet cozy place. I smiled as I saw all the books waiting for me in the countless wooden shelves. Excitedly, I ran into the first aisle I saw and started piling all the books I liked into my arms. I heaved my pile and carefully walked around, looking for a quiet spot to read. 

     I had a feeling that there would be a nice spot near the aisle I was passing by so I sharply turned left and trudged down the aisle. As I got closer to the end, I saw a wall, instead of windows. Curious, I peeked behind the wall and saw a large corner space with shelves on the walls and sunlight shining through the windows. It was like a secret room hidden, only those who looked closely could find it. 

      Then I looked down and my heart starting beating faster. Oh Sehun. He was sleeping against a shelf with the sun shining on him. I carefully approached him and sat next to him. I waved my hand in front of him, but there was no response. I couldn’t help, but stare at him. The sunlight illuminated his face and gentle smile. I realized how good looking he was, he was better looking than anyone else I had seen in my life- no exaggeration. Without me knowing, my fingers slowly gravitated towards him and they traced his eyelashes and his nose. I gently trailed my fingers across his soft lips. I had never seen anyone like him before who looked so stable yet delicate at the same time. 

      His eyes suddenly shot open and his hand grabbed my fingers that were tracing his lips. He jerked me towards him and my eyes widened in shock, realizing what I had done. Our faces were inches away and I could see his eyes flashed with anger, shock, but most of all, fear. I stuttered, “I-I didn’t meant to. I’m sorry.. I- I just..”

      But in a split second, his eyes turned unreadable and his lips curled up into a smile. “It’s fine. I know how good looking I am.”

      What was that? He looked so angry and scared, but all of a sudden, he acts all nice and gentle. Who is he? I thought he was going to get mad, but… what just happened? I cautiously looked at him, trying to look for signs of anger or fear, but there was none. Maybe I just imagined it…

      “But I think you owe me for getting to touch my handsome face,” he said, smiling.

       “I- I owe you?”

       “Hmm… let me think about it. Oh- I know!” Sehun suddenly stood up and held out his hand. I carefully put my hand in his and he pulled me up. “Let’s go!” he exclaimed and dragged me. 

        “Where are we going?” I asked, but he didn’t answer. We arrived at a huge open market with bustling stalls and shops. He smiled down at me, “I need someone to hang out with me today.” 

        “Ok- wait what?!” I shouted. I guess I owe him because a person he doesn’t know just touched his face, but I had things to do. "I'm very busy today." I said.

        “Doing what?" he asked, as if he was challenging me.

        "D-doing stuff. Important stuff. L-like cleaning my room." I stuttered. In fact, I was actually planning on watching k dramas all day and eating ice cream, but I didn't want to tell him that. It was a horrible lie and Oh Sehun knew it.

        His dark unreadable eyes looked directly at me, "Ok fine. Don't do anything with me." He turned away, but right before he walked away, he said almost in an accusing manner, "You're not living if you live like this. How could you stay in your shell when there's so much more to this world? You're not living." His words stabbed me sharply like a knife. He's basically saying I have no life. My cheeks flushed in anger as I watched him distance further and further away. He doesn't even have a right to say that. He doesnt know me. I stood there fuming, but I realized, inside me was a desire to prove him wrong. To show him I am living, a very fine life, thank you very much. 

       So without me knowing, my legs carried me to him and I ran in front of him, blocking his path. "Fine, I'll hang out with you." I said, my eyebrows furrowed in determination. His lips turned up to a small smile, "Okay. Let's go." he suddenly walked briskly towards a restaurant. 

      I stared at him. "Hey, wait for me!" I ran after him. 

      He ended up infront of a small udon restaurant, his eyes looking hungrily over the menu. "We're eating here." he demanded and went in without another word. I huffed. He wants me to hang out with him, yet he doesn't even let me choose what to eat. But my anger quickly melted as I stepped in, the welcoming aroma of food enveloping me. Food was my weakness, I admit it. I seriously love any food out there and it's the one of the only things I'm selfish about.

      We sat down at a wooden table and each ordered a bowl of udon. It soon came after 10 minutes and the warm fumes heated up my face as I leaned in. As soon as I ate the first bite, I couldn't stop and I didn't put my chopsticks down until I finished. And I sighed with contentment after I drank all the soup. I finally looked up and saw Sehun staring at me with a look of amusement on his face. "You eat a lot." he bluntly said.

      "Wow, geez. I didn't notice." I sarcastically said. To my surprise, he chuckled at my answer and for some reason, I liked his laugh. It was somewhat carefree and childlike. After he finished his udon which was at least 3 times slower than my eating pace, we walked out and left the shop. 

      "So, what do you want to do?" he asked. 

      I want to go home and watch k-drama, I said in my head. But I replied nonchalantly, "I don't care. You choose." 

      "Okay, I want to take you somewhere." he said, suddenly grabbing my wrist. I blushed at the sudden contact as he led me towards the subway station. He let go as we entered the subway and I felt a missing space, as if I was used to his warm hand holding my wrist. We rode for 3 stops and it was quite awkward the whole ride. We both didn't say a word and just looked straight ahead, holding onto the metal poles. I realized then, that I really didn't know Sehun. Besides the fact that he was really good at dancing. What am I doing here? I wondered. But it surprisingly, it wasn't bad so far. Usually, it was really hard for me to talk to strangers, nonetheless even approach them. But Sehun's different, somehow. 

      We arrived at a small neighborhood. "Where is this place?" I wondered out loud. 

      "It's where I grew up until high school," he replied, his eyes scrutinizing the area as if searching for memories. "I just wanted to visit after 4 years, but I didn't want to go alone." he admitted, his hands trailing along the brick walls as we walked. 

      "I see," I said. I felt satisfied, in finally finding out something about him. And honored, being introduced to someone's hometown. The houses were small and old, but there was something nostalgic about the neighborhood and I looked around, admiring the cozy area. It was like something out of a book. My eyes sparked up at the neverending possibilites of a story. A lost traveler, no a girl- someone is returning to their hometown and falls in love. My head was furiously writing a dramatic novel subconsciously. 

     "Sora, Sora!" Sehun said, waving his hand infront of my face. 

     "Wh-what? Oh sorry, I just kind of spaced out. My imagination went crazy for a second. I like writing and yeah, sometimes my head makes up a story without me even knowing." I explained, slightly embarassed. He nodded understandingly as if that was perfectly normal and said, "Do you want to see my secret spot? It's where I hid when I cried or got in trouble when I was little." 

    I smiled, imagining a mini Sehun hiding in a small corner, hoping he wouldn't get caught. "Sure," I said. He led us through a small street and walked up a big hill, until we reached the top. There were a few trees with a small playground looking out to the neighborhood. I hurriedly ran to a swing, plopping down on it excitedly.

    "I don't remember the last time I rode a swing," I said, giggling as I pushed myself off the ground. He joined me on the swings and we rode back and forth.

    He suddenly said, "You know, when I was 6, I fell off the swings and my hand landed on a littered open can." He pointed to a small white scar in between his thumb and pointer finger, "That's how I got this." I studied the scar, it was so faded that you couldn't tell unless you looked closely, but it was still there. 

    "Now, tell me about yourself." he said, "Since I shared such a life-changing story." he joked. 

    "Umm.. what should I tell you? I have a little sister named Suzy and my friend is Jongin. I came here for college and I work at a boba shop." I said.

    "No, really- tell me about yourself. Like what are your dreams, your goals?" he asked seriously, staring into my eyes. 

     I looked away. "I don't really have any. I don't even know what I want to do." All of a sudden, I felt like sharing what had been really bothering me. "I want to have dreams and passions like others. But I'm so clueless about my future. And I'm a really big scaredy cat." I made a face, "I wish I was braver, but like you said, I have no life. I guess I'm too scared to face the world." I let out. Suddenly I felt a whooshing feeling and my shoulders felt lighter like I had put down a big burden. 

     Sehun studied my face for awhile. "I'll help you." he said. 

     "What?" I asked.

     "I'll help you find dreams. I'll help you gain courage." he said sincerely, not looking away.

      "Why? I just met you. Why do you want to help me?" I said. 

      There was a long pause. Finally he said, "I don't know, I just do." We sat there, my feet kicking at the sand below the swing. 

      Honestly, I didn't feel ready to trust someone, to feel vulnerable again only to the possibility of losing them. But unknowingly, I wanted to trust Sehun. I could feel how genine, how sincere his words were. Wanting to change the subject, I asked, “Where were you? I didn’t see you at dance class.” 

     His eyes suddenly turned dark and his expression became unpleasantly unreadable. “I had to do something.” he replied shortly as if he didn’t want to talk about it.

     “Oh okay.” I said and stared at the ground, swinging my feet. We sat there for a minute in silence, but it was a comfortable silence- as if we could understand each other without a conversation. I cleared my throat, “So um.. since you missed dance class, do you want me to teach you the dance I learned?” 

    “ Right here?” he asked, his eyes twinkling. 

    “Yeah.. is that too weird-“ 

     “No, it’s perfect.” he looked into my eyes and I knew he was being genuine. I taught him all the moves that I learned. And he caught on quite quickly although it was difficult choreography. I watched him practice by himself and I stared in awe of his dance. I couldn’t help, but think how good looking and charismatic he looked. No, stop thinking about that Sora. Focus! I cleared my throat nervously and said, “Okay, time for duet. Are you ready?” He nodded with a small smile and I stared at his good looking face. But I caught myself and abruptly turned away from him. Sora, no, don’t do this to yourself. Don’t fall in love. I the music, “Five, six, seven, eight..” 

        Sehun is the perfect dance partner. He moves perfectly in sync and even added freestyle for the duet in the middle. In the end, he spun me into him and we both stared each other, breatheless. My face was leaning on his chest and I could feel his heart beat. Pit pat. Pit pat. Pit pat. I felt his warm breath as he panted and his warm eyes stared into mine. My heart beat faster and faster. He leaned in slowly until our faces were almost touching, nose to nose. 

       He softly whispered, “Do you know what the opposite of love is?” I slowly shook my head.

        “It’s fear.”

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

-1 John 4:18