Thanks. A simple word that expresses deep gratitude or acknowledgement. Why is this here? I looked around, but no one was near me. On the way back home, I kept my eyes open, hoping to see the person who gave this to me, or mistakenly dropped it on me. But no one stood out to me in particular so I kept it with me. 

      I opened my apartment door, “Suzy! I’m home!” Suzy came out of her bedroom, crying. Suzy’s crying. She’s crying. Suzy's not the type of girl to cry... Why is she crying? What happened?

      I rushed to Suzy and held her in my arms. “Why are you crying? What happened?” 

      She cried even more. I just held her tightly until she calmed down. “What happened? Tell me.” 

       “Your friend Lily passed away. I’m sorry.” she whispered, her sad eyes peering into mine.    

    “Wh-what?” I said, not quite believing what I heard. Shocked, I slid to the ground. Suzy crouched down next to me, hugging me.   

    “I’m sorry.” she whispered again, “I got the news that she passed away in a car accident.”   

    Tears came up, but I managed to stand up and said, “I-I’m fine. I just need time to think.” I quickly grabbed my hoodie and left the house. Where would I go? I went back to the park to cry and sort out my thoughts.

    I ran to the quietest corner of the park and I couldn’t hold my tears back any longer. The shock and pain overwhelmed me. Sobs erupted from me and I trembled uncontrollably. Our memories together flashed before my eyes as I thought about the girl I knew since elementary school, the confident and goofy Lily who was always there for me. How could this happen? Why? She was a sister to me, the one who understood me and made me laugh. 

   In a split second, one’s life could be changed forever. In one single moment. I sat there, crying for hours, the trees my solid support. I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and I was crumbling. The shock was still there, it felt surreal, that someone I loved, someone so close and real to me, was gone forever. 

   I buried my head into my shoulders and just sat there, breathing in and out. But then I looked up to the sky, still bright and sunny. And then I remembered. Lily is in pure joy now, she’s in heaven, dancing with the angels. I sighed and said a quick thankful prayer that she’s no longer suffering in this world. 

   But I was scared. Scared that more of my loved ones would be taken away. Scared that I would crawl back even further into my shell and distance myself from everyone like I once did in the past. I didn’t want to return to the time when I didn’t want to know or love anyone, but I’m scared. So many things could happen…

      I went back home and I hugged Suzy who had also been crying for hours. We washed up and got ready for dinner with Jongin. He came over at 5 pm and we had ramen together. 

     “How was your day?” he asked as we started our meal.  

    “Um.. well I found out that my friend passed away..” I said, looking down at my bowl, tears threatening to fall down again.

    “Oh... Sora, I’m so sorry.” he came over and hugged me. 

    “But on a happier note, I have a story to tell.” Suzy said, trying to lift all our moods up. She told us a funny story about how she thought the grocery store cashier was hitting on her and asking for her number, but he was actually asking her to punch in her discount code number. 

     We talked throughout dinner and afterwards, we played video games before going to dance class. 

     Lily’s death was still on my mind so I told Jongin, “I don’t really feel like dancing,” when we got there. 

     “Come on, Turtle. It’ll help you release your sadness and pain.” he begged. Jongin literally dragged me into class and made me start stretching. I sighed and looked at the mirror. My eyes were still puffy, my hair messy, and my clothes were wrinkled. Who am I? I wondered. A dancer, a writer, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a stranger? 

     I didn’t even know what I wanted to do with my life. I sighed again as my teacher, Lay came in. “Hey guys! I don’t know how your days went, but we are in dance class and we are going to dance our hearts out. We are going to enjoy the talents and passions given to us.” he exclaimed. I gasped, it seemed like he was talking right at me. 

   “Sorry I’m late, I got a little lost,” a tall guy stumbled in and headed to the back of the room. I didn’t see his face, but something about his voice seemed familiar. I strained my neck to see him, but since the room was dark, except for the front, I couldn’t see his face. 

   “Are you a new student?” Lay asked. “Yeah I am.” he replied. “Well nice to have you in my class.”

  We all stretched together and then Lay taught us a hard dance that had us sweating for 3 hours. I danced as I hard as I could until it felt like my heart was about to burst. Our teacher then divided us into small groups to watch all of us closely and I ended up in Jongin’s group.

   Our group was chosen to go first. Jongin winked at me and I nodded back at him and we danced. I danced away my pains, my fears and I came out of my shell for Lily.

   “Good job, Sora.” Lay smiled at me encouragingly and I smiled back. The new guy was in the third group, but I still couldn’t see his face because he stood in the dark part of the room. 

     But he danced amazingly. Unlike anyone else I have seen. His dancing was so noncholant, yet he pulled off every move. It was as if he didn’t care, but at the same time, dance was his everything. My eyes only went to him and I watched him throughout the whole dance. Who was he?

     “I’m going to choose the dancers who best expressed this dance and they’re going to perform for us,” Lay declared, “Sora and new guy.”

     My heart beat faster than ever, I wasn’t really comfortable with dancing infront of people by myself or in super small groups. I could feel my confidence dissolving and I quickly poked my head back into my shell. I can’t do this. I can’t. But I felt my legs carry me up to the front and I stood there, staring at myself in the mirror. You can do this, Sora. People won’t judge you, people won’t leave you. 

     I took a deep breathe and the new guy also came up, but he stood in the back again, where it was dark.   

    “Hey new guy, can you move up to the front where we can see you better?” Lay asked. But he quickly shook his head. “Ok, Sora move back. Since it’s a duet, I want you guys next to each other,” Lay sighed.

     I moved back next to him. “Wooh,” I sighed. I felt so much better. It was dark and I felt more free because people couldn’t see me that well. But I still felt uncomfortable. I nervously wrung my hands. I felt the new guy shift next to me and found his hand held up in front of me. I just stared at it. What was I supposed to do? Why did he hold his hand up? He took my hand and held it in his warm ones. I looked up at him in surprise. I still couldn't see his face because he looked down, but he squeezed my hand to reassure me. I whispered, “Thanks” and the music started. We danced and I felt.. I don’t know… it was the weirdest feeling.. like we had a connection or something. Dancing with him just felt right. I don’t know.. Maybe I’m just spewing off fan fiction nonsense again. But I just felt in place with him and I came out of my shell.

     “Woah, that was amazing!” Jongin said after the dance was over and people were clapping. “You guys had great chemistry,” I looked at his face to see if he was joking, but he was serious. He seemed to be in deep thought.

   “I guess. I felt nervous at first, but it was fun.” I smiled.

   “That was great! Good job guys! I’ll see you all next week!” Lay said. People started filing out the door. I looked around for the new guy, but he wasn’t there. Maybe he already left. I wonder if he felt the connection too…

     “Let’s go! I’ll walk you home,” Jongin said. 

“It’s fine, I’m not a baby you know.”

“I know, but it’s dangerous for you to be walking around at night.” 

“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry, I’ll have 119 on speed dial.”

“I don’t want to leave you..”

“It’s okay. I’ve walked home alone before, the one time you were sick.”

“But-“

“I’ll text you when I get home. See you tomorrow!” I said and ran off before he could protest. 

I slowed down to a walk. I just really needed some alone time after all that happened today. For some reason, I suddenly remembered the paper airplane. Thanks. I wonder who sent that. All of a sudden, I felt something wet on my head. I looked up and saw that it started sprinkling. Oh great, it just had to start raining. I pulled up my hood and continued walking. I stepped down and was about to cross the street, but I suddenly saw bright lights shining in my eyes. I heard a car honking rapidly and I stood frozen, unable to think. It came closer and closer and I wanted to run, but I couldn't. I closed my eyes, my whole body trembling, my mind blank. What would happen now? 

  Suddenly, someone pulled me into their arms and the car speeded by. The person held me even more tighter, as if he never wanted to let me go. His warm breath tickled my ear and even though my clothes were drenched, I felt warm in his arms. I stopped shaking and we stood there like that for a long time, just feeling each others' warmth in the cold, pouring rain. I had no idea who this person was, but I felt safe in his arms and I had a feeling he wouldn't intentionally hurt me. He pulled away and I looked up to see his face, but it was hidden by his hood.

   I said as calmly as I could with a trembling voice, "Who are you?"

He pushed his hood up and said in that familiar voice, "My name's Oh Sehun."

"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

-Romans 5: 3-5