Point of View: Park Jimin

Word Count: 1770

You know what’s funny? Life is. Sometimes I just look out the window and watch as people scurry past each other in attempt to get where they ‘need’ to be and laugh. It’s nothing against them and I’m not trying to be an , it’s just funny. People always assume you have to be somewhere; that that place and those people need you. It’s a little ridiculous if you ask me but, don’t get me wrong, I’m a very optimistic person. I think it’s because of this that I’m always smiling. I watch as Yoongi hyung comes and goes, searching for the girl at the fan sign. My gaze follows his broad back as he makes his way out of the door whenever he has free time, asking around for the girl.

I watch as Jin hyung spends more and more time at that little café he thinks we don’t know about.

I watch as Jungkook stays late at school to be tutored in English by that American girl, thinking I don’t notice his shy smiles.

I watch as Taehyung spends more and more time away from the dorm with that girl he thinks I don’t know about.

I watch as those around me sneak by, thinking I don’t notice. It’s not that I’m angry, I’m sadder than anything else. It’s disheartening to see your brothers begin to put someone else before you when it used to be just us boys. Things like this change, though. Things always change.

I watch as Hoseok goes out more frequently, thinking I don’t notice he smiles when he’s texting.

Sometimes, when I’m feeling cynical, I think about what it would be like to not have to deal with SoulMates. An alternate universe where you see colour all the time and finding your Soul mate is pure luck, never knowing if this one is this right one.

People look at me and see a handsome Korean boy, talented, well liked, a little goofy and childish. I look in the mirror and see someone who’s not ready to grow up. I see someone who’s not very good looking, a little too dorky and someone whose sadness is hidden behind smiles and laughter. I see a Korean boy who gets scared when he has to perform, shy and embarrassed to show his body.

But it’s for the fans.

They say.

What if they don’t like me?

I reply.

They never reply back.

Yeah, Jimin is outgoing and confident. Loud and playful.

But Park Jimin is a little more reserved, I get scared to try new things in fear of messing up. That’s why, whenever the rap line decides to do a cypher, I steer clear because I know when they ask me to rap, it’s to laugh and make fun. I pretend it doesn’t hurt but it does. Knowing they don’t mean it, I don’t even try to tell them that my confidence takes a hit every time they chuckle at my poor attempt.

Today, like it’s been for the past few weeks, the dorm is empty except for me and Namjoon hyung.

Yoongi Hyung is searching.

Jungkook is ‘studying’.

Taehyung is playing.

Hoseok is laughing.

Jin is reading.

And me? What am I doing? I lay on the floor, scrolling through our fan’s comments on our latest video.

[jinprincess93] ahhh Jin Oppa is so cute! Aish, I wish he would notice me!

[namswoon] Rapmon! I can’t believe he could get even mORE handsome!

[littleduckling] V-oppa! Such a weird alien! I love him <3 saranghae!

[suga-ryluver] put your tongue away suga! You’re making me blush! >///<

[smartkookie] ILLEGAL.

[J-nope] oh his smile! Oh my such cute much love!

As per usual, the members get a lot of love, making me swell with pride at my brothers. Each of the boys get hate alongside their little misspelled love notes. They tend to ignore them but my curiosity gets the better of me and I end up reading through my own.

[soldierinthearmy] jimin…so disssappointing…couldnt u land properly?

Ouch.

[boyinluvwithme] they’re all so cute! But…doesn’t it look like Jimin Oppa gained some weight?!

Painful.

[attackonmyovaries] jimin is so embarrassing. Can he not. Seriously.

…

By the fifth or sixth comment, I can’t take it anymore. I’m about to tear up when I read a little username; a fan who commented on each of the hate messages.

[wonshiki] what’s wrong with you guys? It’s hard to flip.

[wonshiki] Jimin just gained some muscle. Packin’ those guns to shoot down the haters. Bang.

[wonshiki] your username is embarrassing tbh.

I lose it at the second comment, suddenly feeling embarrassed of my looks. “Oh my,” Holding my blushing cheeks, I keep reading the comments to watch the different comebacks the army has. Each time something clever and standing up for me. When the clever comebacks finally stop, I’m almost feel a little sad. Pouting, I click on the username which takes me to their youtube channel. No videos but they do have a few links to social websites. I scroll through. Tumblr, Twitter, asianfanfics…what’s that? Clicking it brings me to profile with a pretty picture of me as the display picture. Frowning, I move through her profile, seeing she reads stories written about a variety of kpop groups.

Extremely intrigued, I go back to her youtube and decide to visit her Tumblr page. It brings me to a blog-like page with a minimalist theme in black and white. A description in English tells me this girl is seventeen, named Meri and apparently Finish. As I click her about me page, I think, she’ll never know, right?

My eyebrows raise in surprise as she mentions me in her top bias list. I feel very accomplished as I work to translate her writing from English to Korean. When I go back to the main page, I end up scrolling through her blog for quite some time; my phone’s low battery signalling I should stop. Only, when I reach to plug in my phone, my laptop sits right there on the table, asking for me to open it. Without another thought, I flip it open and gently type into the search bar.

T. U. M. B. L. R. DOT. C. O. M.

Hitting enter, I’m brought up to a colourful page with sign up options. The background is very colourful and cartoony, making me smile at the patterns. As I type in information into the signup portion, I begin to feel doubts about whether or not I should warn PD-nim about my endeavour of a new social media site.

Then again, he never has to know.

It asks me what to choose as a username and without thinking much, I type in ‘notparkjimin’ into the bar. As I finish signing up, options pop up for me to follow.I go through the process of choosing a display picture which is Yoongi-hyung since I should at least pretend that I’m not Jimin of BTS; choosing blogs to follow including wonshiki, a few hip hop ones, a couple of BTS ones and some girl groups. When it asks me to choose a theme, I pick a simple one, play with the colours, add a short description and then head to my ‘dashboard’. I watch as the once empty page is now filled with gifs, pictures, funny sentences and interesting music.

Now to do what I came to do.

I click on wonshiki’s name and am brought back to her page once more. It takes me a few moments to finally get the hang of it but I find her message box. Giddy, I bounce around a bit before typing into the box excitedly.

[Hello! My English not very good but I saw your youtube comment. Thank you for helping jimin!]

I submit the answer and nervously refresh the page, not really knowing what I’m looking for to let me know she replied. On the fourth attempt of refreshing the page, a little red marker pops up beside the envelope icon. When I click it, it brings me to something called an ‘inbox’ where I have two messages. The first is an automated message and the second is a reply from Meri.

[Hi! Oh no problem, those haters need to be taught a lesson. It’s sad to see people pick on Jimin D’: Don’t worry, my first language isn’t English either ^^]

Smiling, I shake my head from side to side, loving this anonymous conversation.

[Why are people so mean? TT_TT]

[Jealousy, boredom, attention. Anything really.]

[;; so meeeaannn]

[I read your description, you’re from South Korea?]

[yes!]

[cool! And you’re a fanboy of BTS?]

[you can say that]

I chuckle lightly as she laughs and tells me she’s hasn’t met a male ARMY yet. In the middle of my reply, Namjoon-hyung comes up behind me, “What are you doing?”

Slamming the laptop shut, I turn around and smile innocently, “Nothing, Hyung~”

He smirks, “Is little Jimminie watching adult movies?”

“No!” I shake my head, putting my hands up in defense.

The dorky man laughs as he grabs his coat, “I’m going to go to the studio. Yoongi-hyung wants feedback with the new beat.”

“Okay!” Smiling, I wave as he gives me a suspicious look, “Have a good time! Tell Yoongi-hyung I say hi!”

As he closes the door, he gives me a look that I can’t quite describe, “Just, make sure to clean up after yourself.”

My eyes widen in surprise when he finally closes the door. Who does he think I am? Shaking my head, I turn back to the laptop and open it up once more.

[Meri, do you have kakao?]

[no, sorry! I have skype though!]

[mmm can you please get kakao? I want to talk more :D]

[maybe…I have a few friends who also want to talk with me through kakao]

[are we friends?]

[yeah! Of course! Any ARMY is my friend!]

[:D my ID is PJ95 when you get it!]

[PJ?]

I hadn’t thought twice about using my initials as part of my username but I can’t tell her it’s for Park Jimin.

[short for Park Jongup!]

[Oh! Okay! Your Korean name?]

[Yes!]

[Do you have and English name as well?]

With a look of confusion, I search ‘popular English boy names’ and choose from the list.

[My English name is Jay!]

[Nice to meet you Jay! I’m Meri]

[Nice to meet you!]

About ten minutes later, I receive a notification of an invite from Kakao. Clicking open the application, there is a new username in my contacts.

MeriMe would like to add you as a contact.

I smile and confirm it.