Excerpt:

“I’M CHO ING KYUHYUN YOU IDIOTS - SUPER JUNIOR’S KYUHYUN, SINCE YOU OBVIOUSLY NEED FURTHER ING ELABORATION!”

…

Kyuhyun felt his jaw drop open, and the first thing that passed through his mind was, ‘Oh , I can’t die with my reputation in shambles!’

“Okay seriously,” he choked, eyes wide, “lower the baseball bat, and calm the hell down…”

“YOU!” The man — the one wielding the very scary-looking baseball bat — whirling around, jabbing a finger in Kyuhyun’s direction. “Shut your pretty little mouth before I shut it for you — physically!”

“…Huh?”

“Physically!” the man repeated, spittle spraying across the room. “It means I will make you shut your mouth myself, instead of just asking you politely to do it yourself — which I am doing now, but I won’t be soon!”

“Politely?!” Kyuhyun spluttered, momentarily forgetting the dangerous object in the man’s hands. “This is ing polite?! You have a baseball bat!”

“Yes, but this is for him,” the man said, speaking slowly, as if conversing with someone who spoke another language. “You just sit in the corner and look at the wall, while I destroy the er over there.”

Kyuhyun gaped.

“I told you, you’ll never have it!” the Shop Keeper roared. “It’s mine!”

“It was mine first!” the man snarled in response.

“Finders keepers!”

“You stole it from my room!” In a fluid movement, the baseball bat slammed against the counter; a chunk sailed through the air, and fell at Kyuhyun’s feet. “Don’t think I don’t know! I had cameras set up in there!”

“It fell off the wall!” the Shop Keeper retorted.

“No it didn’t! I used my hot glue gun to get it on there, so it couldn’t have just ‘fell off’. A chunk of the wall was missing!” The man took a threatening step forward. “You took them - my wall, and, more importantly, the most precious thing EVER!”

“Um, okay,” Kyuhyun said, climbing to his feet, and taking slow, tentative steps towards the doorway. “I’m going to leave — ”

“SIT YOUR ARSE BACK DOWN PRETTY BOY!”

Kyuhyun ran back to his seat, his eyes wide.

“Um, okay,” he choked, once in the safety of the nearest chair (which could always be transformed into a brain-bashing weapon if need be, he supposed - computer games taught you many things, despite what his hyungs said). “Look — you’re upset because he…he stole something from you — ”

“It fell off the wall!” the Shop Keeper snapped defensively.

The man roared, and raised the bat higher.

“So ing what, alright, you still took it!” Kyuhyun’s voice half way between a squeak and a wail. “Look, the guy has a baseball bat, so do not provoke him, and, um, what the hell is this precious item anyway, huh?!”

Not the most intelligible thing he had ever said, but he could surely be excused due to the circumstances.

The man breathed heavily, and his hand — the one that was not tightly grasping the baseball bat — clenched tightly at his side.

“It — it — he TOOK it!”

“Yes, I get that, but what is it?!” Kyuhyun asked hurriedly.

The man’s eye twitched, and his arms began to tremble; Kyuhyun had begun to wonder if maybe he should have just remained quiet while the man proceeded paint the store with the Shop Keeper’s brains, when he finally received an answer.

And goddammit, did it make him want to pick up that baseball bat and bash his own brains out.

“My…my…MY SIGNED SUPER JUNIOR POSTER!”

“Oh, are you ing KIDDING ME?!”

…

Changmin, meanwhile, was dealing with two problems of his own, in the forms of Yunho and Minho.

And the paramedic, but Changmin didn’t think he would be too hard to get rid of — it was the other two that never stopped clinging (one to annoy the hell out of him, and the other…well, to do the exact same thing, although Changmin doubted any torture Yunho brought was intentional).

“Go away, I’m fine!” Changmin snapped, trying to brush off his hyung’s fluttering hands. “I need to call Kyuhyun and — wait, no, did I say Kyuhyun, I meant — ”

Yunho turned to the paramedic, concerned. “He’s been doing that a lot,” he said, his voice low.

“Oh Changmin,” Minho sighed in mock sympathy (Changmin knew he was faking it — he could see that eager little gleam in Minho’s eyes, that Changmin really wanted to poke his finger in), “you poor, poor thing. He looks really pale, doesn’t he?” This last part was spoken to Yunho and the paramedic.

“Shut up Minho!” Changmin snapped, shaking of his friends hand. “You’re just trying to make me as miserable as you are!”

“Why would I do that?” Minho asked, cocking his head to the side innocently. “I’m such a brilliant friend.”

“You should be fine,” the paramedic said, giving Changmin a placating smile. “Although I really think you should come to the hospital for a better look — ”

“I’ll be fine,” Changmin cut him off.

“I think he should go.”

“Well, Minho, I think you should shut the up!”

The paramedic stared.

Yunho frowned, looking uncertain. “I think Minho’s right…you look — ”

“Oh my god, hyung, shut up!” Changmin yelled, before slumping backwards, miserably. “I don’t know what the is happening,” he moaned, staring at the ceiling. “I was so damn evil before, with so may schemes tucked away in my brilliant mind…and now…now…I’m a failure at being evil! I’m a failure of an evil maknae!”

He let out a choked little sob.

Minho sighed, laying down next to him; Changmin let out a noise of annoyance and shuffled away.

“I know how you feel,” Minho murmured. “I was once the biggest catch in this company — ”

“Oh shut up, you weren’t,” Changmin snapped.

“He should be fine,” the paramedic told Yunho. With a glance at Changmin, he added, “I thought Kyuhyun was the evil maknae.”

Changmin jerked upright, his eyes blazing. “We. Are. Both. Evil. Maknaes. And I was the evil maknae first, so you might want to educate yourself on the history of evil maknaes!”

“…Yes, yes, I’ll do that,” the paramedic choked, before hurrying off in the opposite direction.

Yunho gaped at his bandmate. “Changmin, what the hell is going on with you lately?” he demanded.

“What’s going on with me?!” Changmin snarled. “I’ll tell you whats going on!” He opened his mouth, but then, without continuing, simply slumped backwards and stared listlessly at the ceiling. “I’m becoming as pathetic as Minho,” he moaned.

“Or really?” Minho replied, smirking, for once seeming unbothered at the mention of his current predicament. “Well it’s a good thing I told Jaejoong-hyung about your little accident.”

Changmin paled.

…

“You…this is all about a signed Super Junior poster?” Kyuhyun choked, his eyes wide.

“They’re Kings!” the man snarled, his eyes burning with a crazed intensity. “Kings I tell you!”

The Shop Keeper nodded firmly.

“…Are you ing kidding me?!”

“You dare insult the glory that is Super Junior?!” the man roared, slamming his bat hard against the counter; another chunk came hurtling off, smacking violently against the wall.

The Shop Keeper, who had been glaring at Kyuhyun, switched to staring in panic at the ruins in front of him. “Um could you not?” he choked. “I have to pay rent for this place…”

“Oh for s sake you blind !” Kyuhyun yelled, jumping to his feet. Sure, he could die any moment, but this was too bloody ridiculous to be real. “Who the hell do you think I am?!”

The Shop Keeper stared at him solemnly. “A man who has yet to see the light.”

And, with that, Kyuhyun lost it.

“I’M CHO ING KYUHYUN YOU IDIOTS - SUPER JUNIOR’S KYUHYUN, SINCE YOU OBVIOUSLY NEED FURTHER ING ELABORATION!”

There was a moment of silence; both of the men (“idiots” Kyuhyun silently thought) gaped at him.

“Now,” Kyuhyun said, his body trembling with adrenaline, “please just give me my stripper’s costume so I can get the out of here, and force it on Donghae, and humiliate him, and get my reputation back…and then bathe in the glory of said reputation…and…and…oh for Christ’s sake, put that pen away, I am not signing anything!”

…

AN:

Okay! Well I have finally updated this after more than half a year - SO sorry about that. I had major writers block for this, but I’ve finally gotten around to writing this, so hopefully you guys won’t hate me too much xD Hopefully this was worth the wait — tell me what you think! :)