Excerpt.

“That stuff is going to kill you.” I said in an annoying singsong voice, my flickering from his stature and on the cigarette dangling in between his fingers.

He could only scoff and roll his eyes at my statement. It wasn’t like it was the first time he had heard it or anything. To be honest, I was already fond of his smoking habits but it wouldn’t hurt to remind him every now and then that sh!t like this could bring you to your death bed earlier than intended.

“Everyone is going to end up dead, Dara.”

Death – how easy it was for us to talk about death in such a situation. Was it because something inside of us was dying too? Or was it the mere fact that we both had seen some of our love ones die in front of our very own eyes? Either way, it all sounds the same – tragic.

“Everyone’s going to die, yeah?” I asked as I jumped out of my seat and stood in front of him; my back facing the train’s railway.

00:00:25.

The subway’s hologram clock says there were only twenty five seconds left before the train arrives. I smirked as an idea pressed on in my mind. “Would you cry if die tonight, Ji?”

“What?” He asked as if I was retarded; doughnut shaped smokes emitting from his mouth – escaping his lips. “What are you thinking?”

“I never saw you cry.”

“Yes, you did.”

“I never saw you cry because of me,” I rephrased, my foot slowly inching backwards – away from him, closer to danger.

“Dara –“

“Dying, Ji – how does dying feel? Have you ever asked yourself?”

“This isn’t a good joke, Dar.” I smiled at the concern lingering in his tone. He was rarely concern or if he actually was, he would skillfully mask it with annoyance.

00:00:17.

A sly smirk formed in my lips as the thought of pain coming any minute now. I needed to feel something – anything. My numbness wasn’t healthy anymore. Being with him wasn’t healthy anymore – it wasn’t even close to being in the pink from the start, actually.

“Dara, stop it. It’s not funny.”

“Was Death a laughing stock, Jiyong?”

“Dara, whatever – “

“We are happy to announce that the train is arriving in five seconds. Please step before the yellow line for everyone’s safety. Thank you.” The intercom had interrupted whatever speech Jiyong had in mind.

The yellow line.

My left foot was one step away from crossing the yellow line. In a matter of seconds, I shall welcome pain like my mother had welcomed me in this world. I shall feel it like I have never been hurt before. To feel it was better than this numbness.

“Cry for me tonight, will you Ji?”

I didn’t wait for his answer or maybe it never came because as soon as I closed my eyes, the rummaging noise of the train had entered my ears. One step back. It was nearing now and I could feel the ground shake beneath the soles of my feet. Another step back. My right foot was already dangling behind me – the flat form that would have sheltered my weight came to an end and if I would chose to fall to the tracks right now, it would be messy. But death wasn’t supposed to be tidy in the first place right?

Last step –

“The train has arrived. Have a safe trip.”

It never came – the pain I was expecting never came. But I felt something worse than that. Something I have been pushing in the back of my head, denying its existence. It came – the pain that I have been avoiding; the pain of my first heart break.

“Never do that again,” He muttered in my ear as he drew me close to his body. His arms were weaved onto my waist, face nuzzled against the side of my face and his chest pressed tightly against mine.

“Seven minutes, Jiyong.” He nodded, fully knowing what I meant.

He knew me too well and I think that was the problem. He knew me too well that he ended up being bored with whatever we had. Was it even love to begin with? I bit my lip as tears started to trickle down my cheeks. It didn’t matter now – nothing mattered now, it was all over – whatever there was between us is all over. Nothing’s left but friendship. We were back to zero; just like how we were when we were ten.

Best friends – that’s what we could ever be, right?

“Seven minutes, I only need seven minutes more please.”