Luhan,

I'm writing you because there's no one else who will listen to me; there is no one left in my world. I am alone and for the first time, I am afraid. I do not know how long it has been since we have last seen each other, but I need someone now and you're all I have left. Please just listen to me.

I fear that I no longer want to be alive. The feeling comes and goes as it pleases much like the tide, but with each passing day I find it harder to fight the water trying to pull me under. I find a certain beauty in dying young. Recently, I have come to admire The 27 Club. I am not a musician like yourself, but I do not find dying at 27 too frightening. Rather, I look forward to turning 27. When the tide recedes, however, I feel a certain obligation to stay alive. As I said before, I have no one. The only person I feel obligated to live for is you. I promised I would always look out for you and I can't do that if I'm gone.

So this is me writing for your permission...I don't know what I'm asking for. I wrote you because now the tide has retreated and I want to speak while I still have my head. Luhan, I just want to know that you will be okay without me. You know I don't go back on promises, so I will continue to look after you if you need it but I cannot assure you that I can keep my promises when the tide comes in again. You seem to be doing fine when I see you on TV with your friends. You seem so far from me now. I just need to hear it from you that you will be okay when I leave.

With Love,

Mira