C H A P T E R  T W O : C O N F U S I O N

My eyes widened as I saw the guy that have been invading my head for a week in front—I mean, on the stage… performing. His voice was very manly but when he sings, he sounds so angelic. I didn’t know that I’ve been staring at him for how long now until Yuki nudged me by the arm.

“He’s melting, come on!”

My face heats up then looked away. Why am I even staring at him like he’s the only person on the stage to watch? I switched my eyes to the female lead as she starts singing her part. She jumped to the male lead then cupped his face and I swear I felt some urge inside of me to rip the girl into two. She leaned closer then the background music stopped as she says “I love you” that made the male lead smile widely and the audience gone wild. Ghad! I hate seeing love scene. I closed my eyes as soon as I felt like they were going to kiss each other.

“Look! Omo! This is so hot! They’re making out, oh my gosh!”

Yuki cheered and I swear I don’t like the things I heard out from . I bit my lower lip then stood up.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to the rest room.”

That’s the excused that pop out of my head. I stayed inside the rest room for almost ten minutes before walking back to our place. I seated to my usual place then revived my gaze on the stage as the minor characters of the play starts singing in the background as they dance around the stage. The male lead was out of sight while the female lead was standing in the middle dancing with the others. Lots of the audience began to sing along and Yuki was no exception. I just sit here and watch as the play went to its plot. The singing stops abruptly when the lady in black with scary make up made her way to the lead female and the weird thing is I was chanting “kill her and throw her to hell” inside my head like I was happy to see the antagonist while the other audience are whining why does she have to show up all of a sudden. She lifts the female lead using her right hand wrapped around the female’s neck and just when she was about to stab the female, her partner went out to the rescue.

“! That was close!”

I mumbled earning a smirked and a smacked from this girl who’s sitting next to me.

“You don’t want her to get hurt, right?”

Stupid, I meant the opposite. I didn’t answer her since I don’t want to lie to her and say ‘yes I don’t want her to get hurt’ when I actually mean ‘that was close, she’s too close to death. What a waste, she should be dead meat now. ’ I whip my head to the scene in front of me again and watch how the male lead tried to freed the love of his life. The background music starts to play as it increases the tense that the audience already have inside of them and I am no exception. The protagonist’ friends help the male lead as well and when the scene is clear, he pulled the female lead up and then they start to run away as they shout ‘thank you’ to their friends then the big curtains suddenly went down signing us that the scene are already come to its end and they will clean the mess in the stage for some seconds for the next scene. As soon as the curtains reveal the two protagonists the female lead starts humming sounds that really soft. The male lead starts singing in a soft low voice and it sounds music to my ear. His voice was so soft and sweet and I find myself getting addicted to it. They say their vow and then they kissed. After the swift kiss all the characters join them on the stage and they all take a bow in sync. I pulled myself up then made my way to the exit since Yuki on the other hand told me to leave her alone inside if I didn’t want to stay any longer because she’s planning to take a picture with the two main role players. I huffed before leaving the hall.

“Tss, this is a waste of time.”

I blurted then headed out of the theater hall. I was walking along the hallway with no particular path and then I find myself walking towards the music room. I scanned the place checking if there’s someone around. As soon as I clear that the place is empty I quickly stepped in the closed the door behind me. I used to be here when I was a freshman but decided not to stay any longer as I grew frustrated. When I was on high school I also used to be in the performing arts club, sings, dance, acts and plays musical instrument. Piano and guitar is my favorite one to play but I stopped when my parents died in an accident. I scanned the whole room. Flashback starts, when I was still happy playing guitar singing along with my friends and co-members having a good time together. I unwillingly smiled remembering my past but I immediately wiped it off. I touch the piano’s key, black and white… two specific colors but having many different heavenly notes. I then tried punching the keys with my pointing finger and it released beautiful sounds. I still can play, but what stopping me? I took a deep sigh then decided to play my favorite piece. I start punching the first note then the second until the third. I smiled as the sounds touches my ear and then I start punching the key from the start as I closed my eyes. The song was soft. It was the first piece that my mom teaches me, it was a beautiful sweet melody. My fingers are dancing in the dance floor of the piano, black and white… black and white… a very beautiful music. I hummed as I get too carried away of the soft sound. I was in the middle of the piece when the door slammed open. My fingers immediately stop then I open my eyes, turning around I see the man that made my life miserable.

“What are you doing here? You’re not a member of the club, aren’t you?”

The male stated as he flicks the lights on that blinds me for a second. I stood up and about to walk away when I caught his lips curved a smile. He really has a beautiful smile and considering his heart-shaped lips were just a package extra treats. My heart suddenly starts to beat s a little bit faster that before and I felt my knees weakened as I stared in his doe-eyes. What’s happening to me? Why am I even like this? Why is he confusing me all of a sudden? Why is he running inside my head? Am I perhaps… no, that can’t be. I have my goal in life and that’s no boys allowed until graduation. This can’t be, seriously? Why am I like this? This is weird and so foreign to me. I will graduate next semester. I need to bear this a little more. Maybe I am just bored that’s why he’s on my mind in the past few days. That’s right, I’m just bored.

“I’m sorry for intruding, I thought no one will be here since it’s late.”

I stated then bow a little before walking away. I was just inches past him when speaks,

“It’s our second meeting, you didn’t remember me?”

“This is our third. I saw you at the play. You’re good and congrats.”

I said then smiled as I walk out of the place. My heart was hammering and I am wondering what’s gotten into me? Why am I like this? Nervous all of a sudden and my heart felt like having a flower blooming on it. As soon as I turned to the staircase, I quickly run as fast as I could.

***

“Vodka!”

I muttered as I sit on the bar counter. I drink the vodka in a bottom’s up manner then ask the bar tender for another glass of it. My eyes landed on the people dancing in the crowd. Bodies against bodies,

“What’s with today?”

“I’m just a little confused. Oppa, have you been in a situation where you can’t get rid of a person out of your head? I mean—“

“You can’t stop yourself from thinking of them?”

“Exactly!”

I nearly shouted as he got what I am trying to say then the bar tender leaned in front of me then rested his chin on his palm.

“Don’t look at me like that Kai!”

The latter laughed then patted my head. Gosh, what does he think of me? Two?

“Are you in love?”

“WHAT? WHAT S ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I AM NOT!!”

I answered defensively. He chuckled and just patted my head. ARGH! What’s wrong with this man? I thought he’s a friend and now he’s laughing at me. I hate you Kim Jong-in! I pouted then just drink the vodka down my throat. After a while I find myself light headed, drunk? Maybe. Tonight I didn’t dance, I just drink the night out. Why my head was filled of your face? Why can’t I forget you? Am I perhaps… NO! THERE’S NO FREAKING WAY! I DON’T WANT TO. THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!

***

“Don’t disturb me, I’m reading can’t you see?

I whined as I continue reading the book of history I borrowed from the library.

“Like you’ve been stuck with those freaking books for a week now. Are you still alive?”

“I’m here right in front of your face, breathing. So, I am alive.”

I answered without averting my eyes to her. I turned to the next page and just continue on reading while she stomped herself out of the door. I smiled as I confirm that there’s no one could disturb me from reading. Midterms are coming and I need to study for me to pass the exam easily. I didn’t visit the bar for a week now and I distant myself to the crowd, meaning to all the people and Yuki is no exception to it. This is the habit of mine, I am always alone when exams are coming. I don’t want or let anyone bothers me when I’m studying like people-are-not-allowed-to-be-with-me. I closed the history book and then grab the English one. I was busy reading when I hear the familiar male voice from outside the room. I glanced at the room’s window and then saw him laughing with his friends. For the past few days I have seen him having a good time with his friends but when I saw him alone he was quiet. As in really quiet, he didn’t speak any single words and that sometimes confused me. I’ve been looking at him from a far. I don’t know why I am doing this but it feels like I want to see him every single day. You know that? That’s so weird of me, right? Am I attracted to him? But that can’t be. I’ve been less interested to boys in the past years of my life so why now? Why to him? What does he have that the others don’t? It was confusing, so confusing.

My eyes followed his silhouette as he walked along the hallway and I hear my heart beating for him. Am I really attracted to him? Wasn’t this just confusion? A challenge to me? But why does it felt so different?

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