“Tao?” Kris said softly. He hadn’t talked all day.

 I sat up. “Yes?”

“You have to try to get better grades. Promise?” said Kris.

“Okay.”

“You should go to college. Promise?”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Promise”

“Yes.”

“Take care of mum, dad and Sehun”

“Okay. I promise” I hesitated. “When you get better, you can help me take care of them.”

“Okay, I promise.” He laughed very softly, almost soundless.  

That morning I decided to make Kris his favourite meal, ramyeon with cheese and scramble egg. Lately, Kris doesn’t eat much because he told me that he can’t really taste food anymore. I feel so sad because he looks skinny.

“Kris… Kris… Kris.. I made your favourite meal” he didn’t woke up.

“Kris I put a lot of cheese and I promise you that you can have all the cheese.” I said.

“Kris!!!.” I shake his body. He didn’t move at all. I started to shout and cry. I started to panic.

“Kris!!!.” I screamed.

My parents enter my room. My father checked Kris breath and his heartbeat. My father just sat there holding Kris’s hand. My mother was at the door. Her leg suddenly felt week and she collapsed. Sehun just looked at me. He didn’t get at first. I don’t know what I felt. The things that I hold onto my life, the thing I had believe all this while… believe that Kris will be with me. Forever and ever, is not true. Who is going to guide me? Who is going to give me advice? Who is going to play with me? Who is going to talk to me? Who is going …

I felt empty. I want to cried but I couldn’t cry. No tears are coming out. I had so many thought in my mind. I felt burdened. I looked at Sehun and he was sleeping. When I looked at him I know I have to take care of him. I have to guide him just like Kris guided me. I have to study and read a lot so that I can teach Sehun. I always told Sehun that if anybody asked how many siblings that do you have, he has to answer three. While I was thinking about all this things, I can felt the heat at my shoulder. It’s Sehun.

“Why are you awake?”.

“Tao can I say something?”.

“What is it?”.

“Now I know the reason why Kris doesn’t play with me”.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know that he is sick. I thought he doesn’t play with me because he is mad at me”.

“Mad at you?”

“You always told me that Kris care about you but he does not care about me. I thought he thinks that I took you away from him and that makes Kris hate me”

“NO Sehun !!!”

“Tao please don’t be mad. Now I know the truth. But I’m happy. I have two brothers that care about me. Two brothers that always protect me from the start. Even though Kris is not with us anymore but he will always be in my heart”.

I don’t know what to say so I just looked down. Sehun sat nearer to me and hugged me. He is still small but the way he acts is like Kris. I don’t want to cry because I’m not a girl but my eyes did not listen to what my I said.

“Tao, you know what? The night before Kris died I suddenly feel sad. I feel like something is going to happen to him so I didn’t sleep. I looked at him and he woke up. I’m afraid so I pretended like I was sleeping but he knows. Kris told me that why I acted like you”

“What do mean Sehun?”

“Kris told me that you also liked to stare at him while he is sleeping. He asked me to take care of you just like you care about me and the way he cares about you and me. He told me that he loves me so much and he blamed himself because he couldn’t spend his time for me. He said that I have to motivate you to study hard and enter college. Tao if you miss Kris you can look at me because Kris told me that I look like him when he is younger”.

I couldn’t hold anymore. I cried.

“Tao, Kris told me that if I want to know more about him I can see that through you because the way you protect me will be the same as the way he had protected you”.

That time I realised that I have lost someone that I love the most.

What if Kris is still alive? what if im the one with lymphoma...