Chapter 37

Three-sentence synopsis: Sehun and Leigh, with Kai and D.O. butting in, are discussing English in the bathroom, and the conversation somehow turns to drugs.  At this moment, Tao unlocks the door from outside and wanders in to take a bath, causing them all to freak out.  Tao and Kris later go out for a drink, leaving the others in the dorm, and Chen takes it upon himself to teach Leigh how to pick locks as he considers this a vital life skill.

1. In which D.O. does not DO drugs: (language joke) In English, there's a tendency to drop the full stops during abbreviations and just leave everything in capitals.  When you do this to D.O., it spells out the English word "do".

2. Why English Is So Harda: (uncategorised) A poem in the English language be many of its irregularities, particularly pertaining to idioms and phrases that make little sense, all things considered, and plurals for nouns.  Nobody seems to know who wrote it, and there are various different versions of it wandering around, some shorter than others and some having different second halves.

3. The Chaosb: (uncategorised) An English poem written by a Dutch guy called Gerard Nolst Trenité in 1922, featuring around eight hundred or so of the English language's most frustrating irregularities when it comes to spelling and pronunciation.  It's best known in its abbreviated form, a relatively good version of which can be found recited here (though there are still a couple of mistakes, though that's maybe because the poem was written with a focus on British English and the guy reciting it speaks American English) and another good version (though with a howler of a mistake on Arkansas) can be found here, complete with English accent.  The full version is actually more like three hundred lines long, and even native English speakers (as evidenced by the mistakes in the recitals in the two links I've given you) struggle with it.

4. Dearest creature in creation/Give it up!: (language joke/The Chaos reference) The first and last lines of the full form of the poem are Dearest creature in creation and My advice is: GIVE IT UP! (though you will find some versions with "my advice is to give up").  D.O. and Sehun between them are consequently giving a thoroughly abbreviated rendition of the poem as well as Sehun telling D.O. to shut up and give it a break.

5. Let's face it -- English is a crazy language: (Why English Is So Hard reference) D.O. is pointing out the truth about English being a horrible, ridiculous language at times, in English, but doing so through a quote taken from one version of Why English Is So Hard.

6. Pardon your French!/But he wasn't speaking French: (English culture/language joke) A rather old-fashioned way of hauling somebody up for the language they're using, or to excuse yourself when you're about to swear or something, in England, is to say "pardon your French!" or "pardon my French!"  (Sometimes "excuse your/my French".)  Here, Sehun is aware of the idiom but D.O. isn't, so he takes it literally and points out that Kai's speaking English, not French.

7. I'm seeing those mushrooms in MarioKart in a whole new light: (MarioKart reference) When you're racing in MarioKart, you can get these little boosts and things, and one of them comes in the form of a mushroom that rapidly increases your speed.  Drugs can do strange things to you, so Kai is playing off the fact that the boost in MarioKart makes your character sort of turn superhuman for a bit.

8. PSHE: (English culture) Probably one of the most skived/least remembered classes in the UK.  PSHE stands for "personal social health education" and yes, it's as dire as it sounds, at least in the way it's taught.  The idea was a good one, but it just doesn't translate well in the way it's taught.  Things like peer pressure, the dangers of smoking and drinking, why not to do drugs and what have you all come up.

9. How is it that you're considered the resident badboy by the fans: (fandom joke) Because of his stage presence and image, there is a perception (and actually, it's often used in fanfics -- Sehun and Kai are the two most likely to be portrayed as "the bad boy" or "the lead bad boy" or sometimes even a Byronic hero in fanfics.  Kai is usually "the player" as well) that Kai is a bit of a badboy.  He could possibly be, but definitely when he debuted, he was quite shy and he found putting on that stage persona a little awkward and daunting, even though he pulled it off like an absolute pro and doesn't seem to be that concerned about it now.

10. Choose your weapon: (uncategorised) Generic to crop up all over the place, such as when two characters in a book, game or film end up challenged to a duel, or in a game when you need to fight somebody.  Chen is kind of overdoing the fact that they're only going to pick locks.

11. The West End/Broadway: (British/American culture) The big theatre areas (for some reasons, though, musicals get more associated with them than plays, at least, that's the impression I get from the number of musicals I've heard of as "coming out of the West End/Broadway" compared to plays that I know have been put on in either place) in London and New York respectively.

RIGHT.  Sit back and get yourself some food or something.  Here are two poems for you.  Good luck!

a) First up, a version of:

WHY ENGLISH IS SO HARD (Anonymous)

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,

Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find
that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea
pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
groce and hammers don't ham?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.If
you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do
you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but