Chapter Sixteen

The panic around Yuri was heightening every single passing day.

College.

Like a toxic fog, it engulfed them gradually and ate away everyone’s mind until insanity seemed just over the horizon. Whispers, rambles, screams, shrieks, groans of that offensive word piled on. Surrounded by friends who were crumbled by the college entrance madness, Yuri was at a lost.

Friends, with tired eyes and cold tone, spitting out words like  ‘you’re really lucky’, ‘scholarships are waiting for you’, ‘Man, wish I could be carefree like you’.

Friends, now mostly hostile, treating her with subtle scorn that was intensifying everyday.

Scholarship was but a fancy appearance. No one knew and, probably, no one should know. She was little miss pleasant, after all.

Now, suddenly, the game changed and collective hostility was directed at her.

Knocked over. Start over. Try again.

She was almost numbed to it. The act, the fabricated personality, that sociable Yuri who was friends with everyone. That Yuri whom everyone liked and looked up to.

For so many years, she polished herself, rehearsed everything in her head until it was natural. Until, she was almost that Yuri on the outside. She had to, so gritting her teeth, she sculpted this ‘Kwon Yuri’ for the world.

But hiding in a desolated part within, wasn’t the Yuri for the world, it was a self that wanted to rant at everyone who ranted at her. Most of all, that tiny self wanted to just stay away from people; wanted to be allowed to run and hide in her dark corner of peace.

I have my ing problems too. Leave me alone.

This scream rang through her head often, but she bit all of it back and pushed out a smile instead. Doing what was expected of her.

Exhausting, all over again. Every single bit of her life felt exhausting.

Yoona, a year younger and spared from the panic for now, had been the easy way out and Yuri clung to her for dear life.

Happy and carefree. Constant. A ready smile and calls of ‘Yuri unnie’. Yuri loved how their interactions were relaxed and she tried her best to stick to the younger girl as examinations drew nearer.

Today, however, social obligations had forced her to spend some studying time with the team. One by one, they had thrown in the towel and left to take a breather.

Yuri ended up alone with Amber.

“You know,” Amber sighed, the first sign, and threw her notebook up in the air, “This .”

With a smack, the notebook landed back on the table; face down and precariously near the edge. All traces of the friendly jokester had disappeared. Yuri felt her stomach clenched. Palpitations. Hands turning cold.

But she managed to squeeze a look of concern out. Mind whirling, anticipating what attacks Amber would use and how she was supposed to respond to them.

“But you don’t, because you’ve got offers from SKY*. All freaking three of them.”

“Hey, you’re doing fine. You’ve gotten better, the math teacher says that all the time. There’s still time.”

“So says the girl with universities crawling at her feet.”

“Amber… I’ve still got tests, interviews, and a lot of things to go through. Nothing’s for sure.”

“You’ve gotta be tin’ me. So what? You still got those back up colleges that would want you and your so damn fantastic skills. Where are my sports scholarships? I’m the ing setter, Jesus Christ.”

Yuri looked away, maintaining any form of eye contact was too damn hard.  She didn’t like this.

She hated how comparisons between Amber and her were secretly whispered. Amber was the instrumental setter, yet that all important scholarship offer eluded her. Tongues wagged, things soured and she got caught in the crossfire.

“Seoul ing National University is out of my league,” Amber slammed a palm on the table, Yuri recoiled but tried her best to calm the girl before her.

"There's still time... Offers might come in."

Sunny was one of the reasons behind that particular choice, Yuri could tell, as Amber sent a mild glare over. The unnie with a striking green bob, that was all Yuri could remember.

"The ing world is against me. I ing swear."

This mention of Seoul National University suddenly sparked an idea in Yuri’s head.

“Good luck with studying,” with extreme haste, Yuri began throwing her stuff into her bag.

“What? You’re ditching me? Traitor!”

“I’ll go do recon for you, okay?”

Puzzled, Amber frowned, twirling her pen.

“Sunny unnie. I’ll go to SNU now and try to find out more about her for you.”

At the sound of those words, Amber brightened up immediately, woes of studying and the apparent bitterness she had felt cleared from her face.

“Really? But how?”

“She’s Jessica’s friend,” Yuri grinned, pushing the guilt into the corner.

***

The guilt was still bubbling when Yuri skipped off to the medical campus instead. “She’s from the law school, the rising star among lawyers!” Amber had said but looking for Sunny had never been Yuri's true intentions.

Merely an excuse for escape and maybe a little selfish desire to find Jessica. Because there was something comforting about Jessica, some traces of vague similarities.

But when she got off the bus at the Medical campus, Yuri realized how impossible her task was. The eagerness to leave had shrouded her mind; the fact that she didn’t even have Jessica’s number had been entirely ignored.

She never found the guts to ask for Jessica’s number, no matter how comfortable she was with the older girl. It would come off as wrong, as sneaky, whatever it was, it would be nothing good and Yuri wasn’t ready to take that chance.

Map, map, map, Yuri mumbled in her head as she stared at the gigantic building in front of her, that’s the hospital… so where would Jessica be?

Moving with heavy steps, Yuri wandered, dazed and overwhelmed even​ in this smaller campus. She blamed her impulse, her smarty-pants comment about Sunny being Jessica’s friend and that sudden rush of confidence.

Where did all that confidence come from?

More lost than ever, Yuri was grossly tempted to fish for Jessica’s number from Yoona. Eyes on her phone, her will wavered.  

Suddenly, Yuri felt a tap on her arm.

“Hello!”  

Yuri jumped, turning around to be greeted by a bright smile and crescent shaped eyes.

“Um…” Yuri took a few steps back, uncertainty swept into her and she felt herself regress into that area of insecurity.

“Lost? I’ve never seen you around and I know almost everyone.”

“Oh. Hi…? I, um, need to find someone but… I don’t know, this place is,” Yuri flapped her arm, action slightly comical, “huge.”

The stranger laughed again, Yuri was highly uncomfortable. The person before her should be friendly, everything pointed to that but this foreign place was sensory overload to her. She struggled to portray that usual persona.

“I’m Tiffany and I’m always ready to help a hot girl~”

“Th-thanks? Unnie.. Thanks. I’m Yuri.”

Yuri bowed formally, the best she could do for now.

With that introduction, Yuri was suddenly looking at Tiffany’s critical, seemingly scrutinizing gaze. A shiver ran through her body, freezing every inch of her in its wake.

“Ummm...”

“Oh, sorry, drifted off a little there,” Tiffany smiled sweetly, even while Yuri shifted uncomfortably, “Just thought you seem like a goody two shoes. Real tempted to drag you off and do nasty things to you!”

“Wh-what?!”

Tiffany threw back her head and laughed, clapping in glee. Compared to this person, realized regretfully that Amber and her bombardment seemed tame. Maybe this was the punishment for her escape.

“Kidding~ So where are you going? Or who are you looking for? I’m free to be your guide for the day!”

“Actually…” Yuri trailed off, struggled hard to hide her cluelessness, but eventually realized that she couldn’t, “I don’t know…  I’ve no idea where is she. And, um, I don’t have her number.”

A chuckle slipped out from Tiffany.

“Ah hah! You’re a stalker? Or rather, a failed stalker?”

Yuri spluttered, a gurgle caught and she coughed uncontrollably. By her side, Tiffany was having the time of her life, the fresh face and lost puppy expression was too enticing to resist.

“So who is it? There’s a high chance that I know her, our cohort isn’t exactly humongous.”

“Um, Jessica…”

“Jessica. That Jessica? I only know one, that cold Jessica Jung Sooyeon. Okay, her isn’t really cold, I felt it up before, but you get what I mean.”

Tiffany broke into a cheeky smile as Yuri nodded vigorously for a few seconds before shaking her head with equal vigor.

A full fledge awkward turtle.

“You’re cute, Yuri, almost as cute as Yoongie,” Tiffany grabbed Yuri’s arm, dragging her along, “ Well, today’s your lucky