“…it felt like I had lost you too.” Something about those eight little words broke something inside of Baekhyun. He never wanted anyone to have to feel what it was like to lose someone; rather it was losing them for real or not. So knowing that Chanyeol had felt like he’d lost him broke him in even more ways than he already was. He’d hurt his best friend and he knew Chanyeol was upset, rightfully so of course, and now he felt like he was on the verge of losing the one friendship that cherished the most.

 

Before he knew it the tears were forming again and he knew he just wanted to get away from the look of disappointment that was plastered all over his best friend’s face. His legs took control and carried him out of the apartment before he even registered what he was doing. He heard Chanyeol yelling at him but he didn’t stop, he couldn’t stop. He didn’t even know where he was going to be honest. He was just kind of hoping that running would brush away from the hurt, the loss, and the pain he caused others. He knew better though, that, that would never work because nothing would ever really brush it away.

 

 

 

He finally stopped because at this point he was already gasping for air. It wasn’t until he stopped that he even noticed that it was pouring down rain and that he was completely drenched. When he took of running he really didn’t have a place in mind, but obviously his feet and legs did. When he looked around it was no surprise that he had ended up at Banpo Bridge. Banpo Bridge has always been a place of refuge for him in way. When things were difficult or he was stressed from work he’d always come down here and watch the lights, as they played across the water spouts on the side of the bridge. Sometimes he’d just put in his headphones and walk underneath the bridge where pedestrians and bikers could walk and ride across. He sat on one of the empty benches staring out over the river, not caring that even though he was under the rain the wind was still blowing the rain in on him slightly. It didn’t matter to him he was already drenched so what was a little more going to hurt. It was refreshing to have the cool rain drops hitting his face and mixing in with his the last remaining tears. He titled his head back putting his hands over his face before rubbing them down his face softly as if it would just wipe away everything and clear his thoughts. He leaned over resting his elbows on his knees and looked out over the Han River.

 

 

 

“Will you sing for me?” she had asked between fits of coughing.  He was already choking back tears, but he would do this for her. Before they left for America Baekhyun had went to Chanyeol wanting his help to write a song for Yuri. So Baek and Chanyeol sat down for a week and a half working on getting lyrics down. He hadn’t told Hiyuri about it and now felt like a good time to share it with her.

 

 

 

“Chanyeol and I wrote a new song before we left would you like to hear it?”

 

 

 

She shook her head and smiled at him while reaching for his hand and interlacing her fingers with his. He always loved how well her hands and fingers had fit so perfectly in his. He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat praying that he could get through this song for her giving her a small smile back.

 

“This one is called My Turn to Cry.”  Now more than ever he wished he had s by his side to help him with this song. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before starting.

My Turn to Cry

 

 

I had a nightmare
Before I could hug you, who was crying
I woke up

 

With a sad heart, I opened the curtains
With my moonlight-stained tears, I send you a letter

 

Remember, when things were hard
I always turned your tears into smiles
Don’t cry in places without me, don’t cry
Because you always had a lot of tears

 

No, it’s my turn to cry, I’ll cry now
I’ll take all of your tears
It’s my turn to cry, give them to me
Even those tears, this time
This time yeah

 

The faded photos that I almost threw away
It hurts so much that I can’t look at them now

 

It’s another sleepless night
I sit in my dark room with opened eyes
Drawing out your face

 

Your shy smile and gentle eyes
I want to hug you, what do I do?
Don’t cry in places without me, good-bye
Because you can’t lend my shoulders anymore

 

No, it’s my turn to cry, I’ll cry now
I’ll take all of your tears
It’s my turn to cry, give them to me
Even those tears, this time
Even your tears, this time yeah

 

I love you (I still love you so much, I miss you)
Don’t cry (Please be happy in that place)
I’m missing you

 

No, it’s my turn to cry, I’ll cry now
I’ll take all of your tears
It’s my turn to cry, give them to me
Even those tears, this time

 

Don’t cry baby
It’s my turn to cry, I’ll cry now
I’ll take all of your tears
It’s my turn to cry, give them to me
Even those tears, this time

 

Even those tears, this time
Even those tears, this time
Even those tears, this time
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you, don’t cry
Give them to me

 

 

 

After struggling to finish the song buried his head in her stomach and cried. She took her other hand and ran it through his hair and ‘shh-ing’ him.

 

“I can’t go on without you Yuri,” he said into her stomach.

 

 

 

She reached for his chin so she could make him look at her.

 

 

 

“You can Baekhyun-ah and you will. Don’t you dare try to check out on our daughter she’s going to need you now more than ever. Don’t make her feel like she has lost two parents when she’s only lost one. Promise me that you will go on. Don’t close your heart to finding love again. I want to die knowing that someday you will let yourself love again just as deeply if not more then what we’ve shared. Promise me Baek,” She pleaded. This time she was the one crying. She didn’t want him to love anyone else she only ever wanted to be the only one he loved, but she knew that she couldn’t be selfish like that. She wanted him to be able to find happiness again even if it hurt her to think about it.

 

 

 

He didn’t want make promises that he wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep. If anything he knew he would be there for their daughter. As for finding love again he didn’t want it, if anything he just wanted her.

 

 

 

“I promise to raise our daughter up to be a fine woman that you can look down on and be proud of.” Or at least he hoped so he knew it wasn’t going to be an easy battle. As for the other half of what she had said he had left unanswered. He wouldn’t and couldn’t afford to ever love again.

 

 

 

“Thank you Baek that’s all I could ever as for,” breaking into a fit of coughs. Every time she had those fits he hated it because he couldn’t do anything for her. “Baekhyun-ah…” she said breathlessly, as she clutched his hand tightly.

 

 

 

In that moment he climbed into the hospital bed to lie beside her, wrapping his arms around her, and making sure not to hurt her. “Yeah,” he mumbled softly as he settled in.

 

 

“The song was beautiful by the way. How come I haven’t heard it before?” She asked.

 

 

 

“I’m glad you thought so.” He paused for a moment to brush the hair off her face. “A couple weeks before we left I went to Chanyeol asking him to help me with writing a song for you. So for a week and a half we sat down and My Turn to Cry is what we came up with. The company loved it so much that they had us record it and it’s going to be on our Christmas album. I was hoping to share it with you under better circumstances but life has a way messing things up.” She lived her whole life with a disabilitly and now she was dying from Cancer how much more unfair could her life be he thought.

 

 

 

She wiped the tear from his face and gave him a small sweet kiss on the lips. “Thank you for the song it was one of the best things you could have given me and you’ve given me many. You’re love was the first thing you gave to me, and to this day it’s something I’ll never understand how I was lucky enough to get it. The second thing you gave me was Nona our beautiful sweet baby girl who is you in every way possible. Lastly you gave me a life that I could of never dreamed of. A life full of love and happiness with a family that I thought would be impossible for me. Thank you for loving me.”

 

 

 

Baekhyun didn’t want to cry again and he knew if he let her go on he would so he closed his mouth over hers to keep her quiet. He pulled back with a smile on his face while resting his forehead against hers. “Don’t be silly, you had my heart the moment you walked into that classroom in our second year. I didn’t see your disability even though I knew you were different. What I saw that day was a girl that was fragile and wanted desperately to be accepted, but also had a lot of fight and heart. That intrigued me about you and made me what to get to know you and from that point on, well I guess you know the rest.” He said, and kissed her softly on the cheek. “Now rest it’s been a long day and you need it.” He added. He couldn’t sleep but he stayed there with her wrapped in his arms and after awhile he could hear the shallow breathing of her sleeping.

 

And with that she never woke up again. He watched her as she slept and he felt the moment in the middle of the night when her heart stopped beating. He laid there crying over her body for awhile begging her to come back to him and to not leave him.

 

 

 

When Baekhyun came back to reality he realized a lot more time had passed then he thought. It was already dark, and hardly anyone was around anymore, he cursed himself for letting himself sit there that long. When he got up from the bench he stretched slightly to relieve the aches from having sat for so long. It was already after 10pm he realized after looking at his watch and thought he should probably get home. He needed to check on Nona after having run out like he did, but he knew that Miyoung would be with her still, and he was just a couple blocks from the studio and he had a sudden itch to get to work. His clothes were still damp from the rain earlier that morning and he knew he looked a mess which would just make the others fuss over him. He was hoping if he got lucky he could nab one of the choreographers and go to another room to work without having to see the other members. Of course things never turn out the way you want them too, you’d think he would’ve learned that by now.

 

 

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(A/N)

Oh, hey look it didn't take me four months to update again. If you followed this story from the first time I had it posted before I took it down after three chapters to re-work it, you'll notice that this chapter didn't change all that much from the original one. I'm still honestly not so sure where i'm going to go with all this. I really didn't sit down and plan this one out like I should have before I started writing it. So feedback and comments on where you would like to see this go would always be helpful as well. So I guess now just read and I hope you will enjoy this story and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Remember comments and votes are always welcomed also if you enjoyed it. I leave monday to visit with my sister and i'll be there until after Christmas. I'm going to try and get one more Chapter in before I leave, but if not i will try to find time to update for you guys while i'm down there. As long as my little nephew doesn't exhaust me too much so I can update.