Grudgingly, Minho sits around as the weeks drag by, witnessing Jonghyun’s new relationship blossom right before his very eyes. And in only a few weeks! The thought drove him into a thousand pits of jealousy. Everytime he decided to log into the social media sites they were all a part of, he’d see Chanyeol’s and Jonghyun’s always at the top of his newsfeeds… As if fate needed him to see it.

Seeing this, he resisted the urge to facebook stalk the puppy boy.

“I’m not that desperate.”

Instead he silently drowned in his sorrow of his ex, wishing he could take back all of his mistakes. He was being a baby, he was aware, but everything just hurt so much.

“It’s getting hard to handle.” He muttered to himself one day when he was with Taemin. The boy had firmly stated that him and Minho were only friends with benefits, or to ease each other’s loneliness.

Minho was more than fine with this… Especially when they started talking about the “old days” with Jonghyun in toll. Now he didn’t have to feel guilty anymore.

Laughing and sighing over old memories suddenly led them over to Key’s for a party or “small get together” to “relive the old times”… Minho decided to ignore the fact that Key wasn’t even part of the original three. He knew what this meant, though. At this “reliving old times” party the guests were as follows sitting around the living room: Onew, Taemin, Key and his girlfriend Arisa, Chanyeol, and lastly, Jonghyun.

For once in a long time Minho doesn’t feel out of place at a social gathering, having Taemin sitting in his lap (not that he minded), and playing a childish game of Never Have I Ever…

Throughout the game, Minho’s eyes averted to Chanyeol and Jonghyun cuddling, only souring his mood. Though, he tried his best to it up and ignore it as best as he could.

Suddenly, it’s Arisa’s turn in the game. Smiling playfully she speaks up, but not without glancing at Key once before so, stating, “Never have I ever cheated on someone.”

A loud pause answered her confession.

She couldn’t have known about the past drama, Minho frantically thinks. He wasn’t being picked on, right?

However, the game had to go on. As discreetly as possible, Minho took a swig of his drink, but not without noticing Jonghyun doing the same.

Rage boils throughout Minho then. The only thoughts he can think of are that the guy had cheated on him. Him of all people! Whereas Jonghyun made a big deal about Minho cheating. He couldn’t understand the logic in all of this.

Not able to control himself, Minho picked up drink after drink, chugging them down quickly, trying his best to drown out all of the negative thoughts.

Soon, the game starts to come to a close, as well as Minho’s soberness. The last turn ends up to be his.

After thinking for a few moments, attempting to gather his scattered, drunk thoughts, he says without thinking, “Never have I ever been perfectly happy in my current relationship.” Out of the corner of his eye he sees Key and Arisa take sips from their drinks, as well as Chanyeol and Jonghyun, who share intimidate smiles afterwards.

Instantly Minho regrets saying what he said, pouring himself a drink in response. Clumsily he chugs his new drink, hoping the alcohol will take hold of him soon. Within a few minutes, socialization breaks out around the group, everyone talking to everyone, aside from Chanyeol and Jonghyun.

Who are in their own little world, smiling and laughing with just one another. Every peck on the cheek, mini tickle war, of the arm, cheek, or leg sends flashbacks of him doing that stuff with Jonghyun. Instead of Chanyeol, it’s him pecking his cheek, tickling him slightly, his cheek, or cuddling with him discreetly as they sat within a group of people.

“He probably likes Chanyeol’s tickling more than mine.” Minho muttered slightly, still watching the two discreetly. Depressing thoughts such as these follow, driving Minho more and more insane by the moment.

Not being able to handle it anymore, Minho reached out and poured himself another shot, consuming it right away. Then, not caring whatsoever anymore, he stumbled for the door and left the apartment.

No one came after him as he stumbled down the sidewalk, not that he was surprised. He just hoped no one had heard him.

After stumbling two blocks away or so, Minho let out a huge sob. One of which he had been holding for a long, long time. He let out tears then, surprising as he never cries, before wiping them dry and in a huge breath. That would be enough for now. He wasn’t a crier.

“Yo.” A voice says out of no where, coming from behind the tall guy. He already knew it was Jonghyun… But how it should have felt about it, he wasn’t sure.

“You feeling sick?”

Minho reluctantly turned around and nodded, making sure to turn on his cold demeanor, so the other wouldn’t be aware of his previous tear fest.

“Alright.” Was all Jonghyun said in response before turning around to head back to the apartment. Completely taken back, Minho narrows his eyes, letting the following words slip his lips:

“That’s it?”

“Hmm?” Jonghyun responded as he turned around, his eyes narrowed in confusion.

“I thought we were going to act normal and talk… Not this !” Minho yelled. It had been weeks since the two had had a friendly conversation, and not one that was awkward because of the history between the two… Especially around Chanyeol. Was it so difficult to be friends like before?

“This isn’t normal?” Jonghyun responds innocently, taking a couple of steps back toward the other.

“You’re acting weird.”

Jonghyun proceeded to shrug in response and scuff his shoe against the pavement… As if that answered anything important.

“I guess I don’t know how to talk to you.”

“Huh? Why?”

Yet again Minho received a shrug from the older as well as a sigh.

“It’s just awkward. Talking to you is… Odd. I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.”

Minho stared at him, not quite believing his ears. After everything that had happened… And now this.

“What the hell happened, Jonghyun?”

Jonghyun yet again shrugged not meeting Minho’s eyes.

“What the hell happened to never leaving you?”

Hearing this, Jonghyun looked up.

“Don’t forget THAT I CAME BACK.” Minho continued. He watched as the other opened his mouth and closed it, clearly not finding the right words to say. This didn’t bother Minho in the least bit, though, for he had much more to say.

“I was there for you, . No matter what pain I caused you, I have always been there for you.” By now Jonghyun’s eyes have begun to water, but he manages to nod. He takes all of Minho’s effort to ignore the puppy dog eyes.

“So this is it? This is what is going to happen?” Minho prompts.

Jonghyun only wiped at his eyes, looking at the taller defiantly.

“Yeah. It looks like it is.” Jonghyun said.

Minho scoffed in disbelief. He was fed up. He was finally fed up with everything.

After a few moments of staring at each other, Minho shook his head. He had had enough. Why was he still dragging this out?

Laughing darkly, he stated, “You know what? this. I’m done.” Turning around from his ex, he began to walk home, hearing the other follow him. Any other moment he would have been happy that Jonghyun had come after him, but this time it only annoyed him.

“Wait!” Jonghyun repeatedly calls from behind before catching up to Minho. He grabbed his shoulder, panting slightly, but doesn’t bother to turn the younger around. Instead, he whispers in his ears, a sad tone in his voice.

“Are you leaving me, Minho?”

The question only made Minho grit his teeth. Though, feeling suddenly daring, Minho smirked cruelly, turning himself around and whipped off Jonghyun’s hand from his shoulder.

“Yeah. It looks like I am.” He mocked Jonghyun from earlier before continuing his walk down the sidewalk yet again, leaving the other standing there, stunned.

Throughout all the yelling and cruel words passed between the two, however, he took note of Jonghyun’s flushed cheeks… Which only got that way when he was severely drunk.

“We both said things we don’t mean.” He whispered to himself, but that didn’t stop him from walking.

Thirty minutes later Minho continued to walk home, allowing one last, big, flashback to capture him before he shut them off for good.

The two were in Jonghyun’s bedroom, shortly after Minho’s return from “finding himself” but before the two were together romantically, of course. Jonghyun was in the same place Minho had left the guy, not to his surprise at all.

“How is the nightmare relationship?” He asked while getting comfortable in a bean bag chair. He knew a rant was up to happening.

Jonghyun laughed lightly and shrugged.

“Nonexistent now.”

Jonghyun’s response didn’t surprise Minho either. He knew the two would get back together soon. That’s how it always worked. They always got back together no matter what Jonghyun said otherwise. In the silence that followed, the two watched the rain outside the older’s window, comfortable, loving each other’s company.

“Why did you leave me?” The question had escaped Jonghyun’s plump lips, seeming to be brought out of nowhere. Minho shrugged simply.

“I didn’t leave you. I thought you were fine. I just needed some time away.” It sounded like three excuses, but it was the best Minho could give his friend.

Jonghyun laughed sarcastically.

“I was far from fine. First you left, then everyone else started to.”

Looking at him sincerely, Minho said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to abandon you.”

“It’s ok. All that matters is that you’re back now. I’m no alone anymore.” Jonghyun said softly, smiling a little. Minho returned the smile, then focused his attention back out the window, convinced the conversation was over.

“You’ve always been there.” Jonghyun paused. “You’re the only one who came back… The only one who didn’t leave me here by myself…” He continued to ramble, Minho letting him do so.

“Funny as it sounds, I tried finding someone else to replace you. It didn’t work, though. There was always something off about them.”

At this Minho laughed.

“You mean you tried to replace me?!”

“No! Just… Well, you know…”

“To fill your Minho void? Only to discover that no one can match up to me?”

Jonghyun then laughed, nodding enthusiastically. “Exactly. There is no one out there like you. Don’t doubt me. I’ve searched thoroughly. You’re one of a kind, and I’m just glad I have my unique friend back.”

Minho nodded and laughed but didn’t respond. How could he? He didn’t know how. After which, another silence fell, with Jonghyun interrupting it once again.

“Would you promise me something?”

Minho grunted in response.

“Just promise me that you won’t leave me again… If you really have to and can’t control it, could you at least tell me? That way I won’t be sitting around wondering where the hell you are.”

“I promise to never leave you, Jonghyun.” Minho chuckled, smiling.

Hearing this, Jonghyun smiled brightly, causing Minho’s heart to pound.

“Thanks. You have no idea how much this means to me, Minho. That really makes me happy.”

Minho loved seeing the other so happy, but it only made his chest feel lighter and lighter. He had never gotten used to these feelings, he even refused to accept them at one point… And not wanting to complicate things, decided to leave the first time.

My damn confused feelings made me leave, huh? Geez. I’m such a pansy.

It was an effort to ease himself. He knew he would never have a chance with the blonde then, especially with how things were going with the other’s rocky relationship. But it was when he left that time that he realized that he truly did love Jonghyun, and couldn’t do anything to stop it.

“You know Minho… I never realized how much I need and miss you until you left. It’s as though I can’t live without you in a way.” Jonghyun laughed.

“What do you mean?” Minho asked, baffled.

Jonghyun shrugs and giggles as he continues, “I’m not too sure myself. What if I’ve fallen for you without knowing it?”

Frowning slightly, Minho throws a pillow at the giggling person near him.

“Stop teasing. It’s annoying.”

Jonghyun laughed and threw the pillow back.

“Sorry! I can’t help it! I haven’t seen you since the end of senior year! Do you know how long it’s been??”

Minho shook his head, pretending to be uninterested even though he already knew. It had been three years.

Three very long years.

Now completely alone, Minho allowed himself to cry for the first time in forever… From what he remembered, at least. He sat in the cold, damp grass of a nearby park, sobbing softly enough so he knew no one around would be able to hear. The words, “What if I’ve fallen for you without knowing it?” circle his mind over and over as he buries his face in his hand, muffling his sobs.

What if I’ve fallen for you without knowing it?

What if I’ve fallen for you without knowing it?

What if I’ve fallen for you without knowing it?

Then, lifting his face from his hands he whispers to himself slowly, “What if I’ve fallen for you without knowing it?” But he barely manages to get the question out before sobs break up his words.

In an attempt to distract himself, Minho looked up at the stars, blinking his dry, stinging eyes.

Just promise you won’t leave me again.

I promise to never leave you, Jonghyun.

Taking a huge breath, he finally utters the following words, “Forgive me, Jonghyun, but I cannot keep my promise. I have to leave again. I have to leave you again. It’s horrible of me, I know, but I’m a horrible person if you haven’t noticed.” Carefully, Minho got up off the ground, still looking at the stars.

“I’m sorry, but I just can’t handle these feelings for you anymore. They are tearing me apart… I have to go… And I don’t think I’ll be returning again this time. So this is… goodbye.” He turned around and walked down the sidewalk then, hearing Jonghyun’s voice one last time… As though he were actually there.

I like you, Minho, and I’m not going to stop. 

There you have it! A double update! I may just do one more update after this too... Maybe! 

I hope you're enjoying and that it was worth the weight~!

Thank you so much for reading.<3

Forgive the non-edits! D;

-riah