Hey Jungmi.

  It's been almost like, what, a year since you left. Now don't blame me for not counting the days specifically. I have almost been counting nothing ever since the day you walked into the sunlight out from the church. The church is where I found solace and solitude a lot nowadays, strange, isn't it? You knew I'd never been that much of a Christian. I only believed in myself. I am my religion. 

  But you are my god.

  Seungri and Sohyun got engaged, did you know? Surely you must. That little trash, he gave up on his inheritance to get together with her. His mum practically threw a fit when he brought her home, not that he cares though. 

  You know, I wish I get to do that too, Mi. I wish I get the chance to be man enough to throw my inheritance into the sea like I wanted to but you never gave me a chance to.

  Seoul's nights are so beautiful, and I wonder why would you ever want to go. They are so bright with stars on the above and neon on the below, and I wish you could see them too. They say stars are actually the souls of dead people, and there's this once or twice where I actually start contemplating whether the only way that you will see me again is for me to rise up and become one in the night. 

  Those times are hard. I curse and spit and nearly got into trouble with the law. I stumble down the streets to get into my Lambo until Youngbae ripped me out from a potential death. I stood there as he yelled and sweated and even resorted to punching my face. I would laugh, adding fuel to his anger, until the damn laughter eventually gave way to the hollow sobs where I would collapse on the streets telling him to take away everything I have and just to return me that one thing.

  You.

  I hated you. I thought I understood you when you walked out of that church. I thought I was giving you freedom. But I didn't. I didn't understood you like how you didn't understood all I needed then wasn't the wealth anymore.

  You grew flowers out of my veins and lungs but you plucked them out just when my body is starting to adapt to them.

  I hated you so much that I would have stabbed you in the abdomen with the glass bottles I had smashed when I was barely even myself. But I would have kissed you still rose red lips and slit my own throat beside you too. I would've pushed you down a cliff and then jump down after you too.

  I love you. 

  Why do I even love you? Why did I even fell in love with you? I brought this upon myself. I fell in love with you watching how helpless you are when you thought I threw your puppy away. I fell in love with you because I realise you aren't that snobbish little scum I thought you were since we even knew how to talk. You are a girl, a woman, a helpless lonely woman who is trapped and desperately needed love. No one ever needed my love. They only wanted my money. You didn't specifically needed my love too, but I saw the need you had and I gave it. I gave too much of it. 

  I became trapped instead.

  I would never bear to leave you, so how can you leave me here?

  Jaekyung had been caught for embezzlement. Even his dad can't save him now. I'm wondering who reported him, until something tells me that I don't really have to wonder. It's you, isn't it? You didn't want him to threaten me anymore, didn't you?

  After that bastard got imprisoned, my dad finally knew that I am speaking the truth. He is furious, of course, that I played a role in cheating him for his inheritance, but he also realised what we had was genuine. He saw what I've became after you're gone.

  He saw me breathing without really living, Jungmi, and it scares him as a father. Doesn't it scare you, Jungmi? Why doesn't it scare you?

  I miss you. I miss you so much that I would've ed you hard, but I would've cradled you in my arms and give you all the protection you needed to feel and trail kisses down your slender neck. I miss you so much that I would've yelled and screamed at you but I would rather be crying and sobbing while clutching your blouse in your chest. I miss you, Jungmi, I miss you when I'm asleep. I miss you when I'm drunk and intoxicated. I miss you when I'm signing papers. I miss you when I'm golfing when Youngbae and Seungri. I miss you when I see any one wearing Chanel shades. I miss you when I light up a cig. , I miss you way too much than I should.

  And I wonder if you even think about me too.

  Jiyong shut his eyes and set his pen down, crushing the paper up like what he did to the others for the many nights where he actually wrote, tossing it into the bin. It misses, lying quite sadly by its side, where it would've been thrown more properly into the waste.

  "I am going to find you." Jiyong whispers, before his eyelids fluttered shut and dims his world into a spiral of black. "Please, let me find you." 

Near the end, but not the end yet.

Sorry for the late update.

Leave comments because it might be one of the last chapters

where you guys get to leave em.

Meanwhile, please read my Jiyong one shot

You Didn't.:

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/824948/you-didn-t-gdragon

Hugs and kisses!!