*Warning: This chapter contains offensive words like the f-word and so on. If you are easily offended by such words, I appologize in advance.*

[February 1st, 2013]

They say your first paycheck is special. Why? Yoongi never really understood. To him, there was no mother or grandma to buy underwear for like everyone else. He only had his sorry excuse of a father who only waited for him just to beat him every day because he had no money to feed his alcohol addiction. Yoongi didn't really call him "father" or "dad" either. He called him "you drunkard over there" and waited for his daily whooping. It was like a routine. Go to school, go to work, come back home, make food, get beaten and then cry himself to sleep. Of course he never cried in front of his "father" because if he ever showed him any sign of weakness, Yoongi knew it was bye-bye to his hard earned money.

[May 14th, 2013]

Yoongi's graduation was just a few weeks away and he was ready to leave this wormhole and get started on work right away. Getting a full-time job meant he no longer had to live in hell every day. He would be old enough to leave the old drunkard's house and rent his own place, make new friends, fall in love! Yes. He knew it was impossible in his condition. He knew very well but dreams didn't cost him much and that's all he needed, hope. Any ray of light that came through the cracks of the hell-hole he had been living in all this time.

[July 1st, 2013]

First day of freedom. There was no one to stop him, no one to beat him up, no one abuse him for money everyday. It was all his; the tiny one bedroom apartment, the small mattress on the floor, the little pots in the kitchen. Everything. It was just perfect. Almost too perfect, thought Yoongi. He wasn't a naive child. Yoongi knew when something wasn't right. Everything was just great and going well according to plan but he sensed it. Something was about to happen. He just wasn't sure what exactly it was.

[August 23rd, 2013]

The sun was out, the day was hot, birds chirping. But it was quiet. Way too quiet in Yoongi's little apartment. All windows were shut, blinds down, everywhere was dark. And there was Yoongi, sitting on the floor. One hot tear rolled down his cheek as he recalled his encounter with the doctor;

"Have you experienced any past trauma such as physical or psychological abuse?" Dr. Namjoon asked Yoongi, focusing on the charts in front of him.

"Why? Is there something wrong with the reports?" Yoongi shifted nervously in his chair.

Dr. Namjoon looked up from his charts and saw Yoongi panicking, "Are you sure you are ready to hear this?"

Yoongi's voice was caught in his through. He couldn't speak for a whole 30 seconds. When his voice finally came back, he quickly asked, "What is it? Tell me. I'm ready!"

"Alright. I need you to remain very calm. This is a sensitive matter and I don't want you to be too upset just yet." The shock on Yoongi's face was clearly a signal for Dr. Namjoon to continue. "The scans show that due to trauma involving an injury to the head has damaged the Broca area of your brain. Yoongi, are you okay?"

"What does that mean doctor? What's going to happen to me now?" Yoongi held tightly onto the chair he was seated in. Things were not looking in his favor and he wished it all to be a joke.

Dr. Namjoon carefully took a piece of paper out of his folder. "This part of your brain is responsible for speech" he pointed at the image on the paper. "Since it's been damaged, it means that you have a high chance of becoming mute. That's why you are having trouble speaking without pausing now as well."

Yoongi said nothing. He wasn't sure what was going on. All he heard was that he would become mute. "I CAN'T BE MUTE!" He jerked up from his seat and ran out the door.

"Yoongi, wait!" Dr. Namjoon ran after him. "I have one last thing to tell you!"

The boy stopped in his tracks, "what is it?" he asked without any energy left in his voice, "what other bad news do you have for me?"

"Do you know what this means for you? It means that by the end of this year, you will lose all of your ability to speak. But we can fix it!"

"What?"

Dr. Namjoon walked up to Yoongi who was standing in the middle of Iltan Hospital. "It might not completely bring back your speech exactly as it is now but it's still worth a shot."

"Fix my .. you just want me as your lab rat! I'm not doing any of that ! LEAVE ME ALONE!" Yoongi ran out of the hospital as fast as he could.

This could not be happening right now... please God let this be a joke!

[October 1, 2013]

Yoongi was done. Done with this world. It was cruel to him every single step of the way. It's like God had a grudge against him. He didn't want to see him happy for too long. First he was born to an abusive father and a sick mother. And when he finally found his way out of that hell, his ability to speak was slowly degrading. He was quit work because he would freeze mid sentence for a minute or more. He had the words but just couldn't say them out. It was the most frustrating thing ever. And according to the doctor, at this rate, he would lose his ability to speak completely in a few months. If he did that, he had nothing.

Yoongi wrote a lot. Not just wrote but rather he liked to compose lyrics, raps and music was the only thing that got him through the 18 years of abuse without going insane. He wrote out his feelings when he couldn't fight back. He fought back with words. It was his dream to become a rapper one day and sing about the injustice in this world. Have his father hear his frustration from somewhere where he couldn't harm him. From a tv channel or a radio station, far away from that baseball bat and the worn out belt.

But it was impossible now. If he couldn't speak, how would he rap? He could only write and hope for others to sing for him but it's wouldn't be the same. It was his feelings that he himself needed to put out there. It would only mean something then. And now that would never happen.

[November 13th, 2013]

The bitter world was starting to bite Yoongi in the . Everything was slowly starting to turn against him. His "friends" who he thought would stick with him till the end bailed on him when they heard about him losing his job and house. No one wanted a free loader but neither did Yoongi. He understood what it meant once you had nothing. No one wanted you. That's how the world worked. Even Yoongi didn't want himself. He hated himself. Looking in the mirror would only remind him of how worthless he was.

Yoongi thought a lot about it. There was no other way out. He either went to the doctor and got his surgery or ended all this misery. Either way, he knew he was going to die.

*A few days ago*

"Hello?" Dr. Namjoon answered the phone.

Yoongi hesitated to say anything. He still felt a little embarrassed about leaving like that.

"Hello? Is this a prank call?"

"No... It's me... Yoongi"

"Oh, hey. I thought you disappeared. Is everything alright?" Dr. Namjoon asked. Yoongi could hear how worried he was. At least someone cares...

"It's jus--" there was a pause. Yoongi's words were once again stuck. He couldn't speak.

Dr. Namjoon understood what this meant. "It's okay. I think I know. Yoongi, you have to come and get your surgery right away! In your case, we might not be able to do anything after December." Yoongi's voice was still not back. Dr. Namjoon continued, "I know you probably don't want the surgery because there is risk involved... but it's still worth a shot!"

"Risk?" It was back, his voice. "What risk?"

Dr. Namjoon hesitated, "Well... for one thing, if something goes wrong, it could make you paralyzed. But that rarely ever happens... but don't let that bring you down. We've almost always been succe--"

"It's okay! I'd rather just end my life easily!" Yoongi hung up right away. His voice was going away again and he couldn't bear to hear of more ways the doctors could think of to make his life even more miserable than it already was. He'd rather end this bull all at once.

--

Yoongi walked past the sign "do not enter". It wasn't like it was meant for him. It was meant for those who actually wanted to live. As for him, he couldn't care less. It was night time, everywhere was dark, no one would see him. No one would know his misery and pain, his frustration and anger at this unjust world. He was constantly being punished for trying to live a normal life. In the end, he decided that jumping off into the river would be the quickest way to end it. Drowning didn't sound as painful as the other possible option of falling flat on concrete... or at least in his head.

As he climbed on the rock closest to the river bank, he noticed how dark everything was. Not just his life but everything around him. The water, the grass, the rocks, the huge lump floating in the corner... and that's when it hit him. There was something floating and being washed up by the current. It looked pretty big, almost as big as himself. For a second he thought it was a human.

And so it was. A human boy floating in the river towards him. Yoongi panicked. He was here to end his life, not to save another’s. But that annoying voice inside his head was constantly telling him to save the boy. He hated that voice because it was so convincing.

"Shut up!" he yelled at himself for being so annoying. "!"

As the body passed him by, he felt a sudden chill down his spine. He felt like a person who had murdered someone. The guilt was going to kill him before he killed himself. He ran after the body that was currently in the process of maki