I'm living a totally miserable life as an 18 year old. people ask me why I'm such a cold hearted and angry person. I don't have answer to their questions, I don't feel pain anymore nor do I feel hurt anymore. Who made me like this, you ask? Well, everyone.... everyone around me made me into this cold person. They just love my appearence, looks, and my intellegence. Is there anyone who sees how I feel in the inside? Someone who knows how I actually feel? Is there even someone like that?

I'm a human like everyone else. Back then people talked about how handsome and intillegent I was. I felt so proud and happy but as time passed, I came to realize their real intentions. They're so cruel that my heart breaks into two. You can't trust anyone anymore these days. Everyone wears a mask that shows a friendly, caring person. They put on that horrible mask so they can stay with me.  They use me for many heartbreaking reasons, its either to become popular, or just to become noticed by everyone. All those caring, encouraging nice words they tell me are just lies. Everyone that revolves around me make me believe that they're my friend. Hah, such lies.

It's hard to even attend school these days. So many girls get into the same school I'm in just to get my attention. I've even tried to change my school but my principal was so determined to keep me in this horrible school that he convinced my parents to let me stay. They didn't refuse his request because they never had enough time to sit down with me and let me express my feelings. It's like they don't even care about how I feel about myself anymore. Do they even care about me still?

Everyone says I look perfect, almost like a doll they use for entertainment. They treat me like I'm a doll they can play with. I am a living human, I'm not a doll, I am not made for human entertainment. Not only that but I never have any privacy to study because I'm always surrounded by girls that seek my attention.

So many girls want attention so much that they start to send me letters. How do they even know my address? It's getting ridiculous, the numerous amount of letters I'll never read. Most of them already know I throw their letters out but that won't change anything. They still send me letters. But the thing that hurts me the most is knowing that the letters aren't for me in the inside. They're only for my looks. None of the letters even say, "How are you?" or "Are you okay? You look sad."

I start hating myself over this. You might think it's ridiculous and I'm just trying to brag, but no. You don't understand. I never have anyone that actually takes care of me anymore. Only obsessed girls that want me to look at them and smile.

*

I sat in my desk trying to do my work while I heard girls whispering my name.

"Min Ki!" I would hear them whisper as I looked at them and glared. They would just giggle and smile at me while I rolled my eyes. I turned back to my work until I heard the teacher speaking.

"Okay class. We have a new transfer student."

"Hello, I'm Choi Yoon Mi and I will be attending this school from now on." The girl bowed. I bet she'll be like the other crazy girls who won't stop bothering me. They're always the same.

*

After a few weeks passed by my teacher decided to praise me infront of the class again after we turned in a report everyone had to do. But then, the teacher always praises me, so it's nothing really new.

I stood infront of the class listening to the other students smiling and chattering about me. Nothing new like usual. I turned my head and saw Yoon Mi who was sitting in a desk near a window focused on her work. She didn't look really interested about my grades and looks. It's a bit strange. Truthfully at that moment, I wanted her to look up and smile cheering for me, but no. Nothing, she was engrossed in her work. I looked at her until she looked up to swiftly move her hair away from her face. She looked back at me, we shared a moment of eye contact until we both looked away embarassed and feeling a bit awkward.

*

My parents were planning to get separated. I was kinda relieved since I was tired of their daily counter quarrels. I am the only child and of course their business marriage won't workout for that long. They fought ever since I was born. But a  certain question would always come in my head. Why did they stay together for 19 years?

I myself, was hurt badly, both emotionally and physically. I've be harming myself hundreds of times on my arms, back, and my legs. The worst scar I've ever gotten from harming myself is on the right side of my chest so I don't wear V-neck shirts. I don't want to show my cowardness with anyone. I would be such a burden. But it also reminds me of the day when my dad slapped my mom for the first time, he hurt her. He felt so apologetic for his action and he didn't even come back home for five months. I even got 12 stiches from witnessing this event. I don't think this pain and sadness will ever go away.

*

After a while I learned the new transfer student was extra energetic. She was always jumping around the class. She was so bright, she was a much happier student than I thought she would be. She never looked at me again after our day of akward eye contact. Everytime I see her bouncing around happily in class made me feel, happy. But she wasn't that confident in herself.  She would just stay at school and do her work. Sinc she would always be doing her work she would often stay late after school, I guess this became a habit of hers; staying after school just doing her work.

                                                                                                                   *
This story began on Febuary 14, it was Valentines day.  I remember I was sitting on my chair in my empty class, my desk flooded with letters from the female students.  I had a really bad morning that day since my parents fought again. But this was when my dad slapped my mom for the first time. She was so upset it impacted me as well. I unknowingly  out of blue gave myself a cut on chest and due t to pain I fell down and my wound got more worse. It hurt so much I didn't even care about the gift the females gave me. I lef them behind and slung my bag over my shoulder and left.

I was about to get up when I saw her come inside silently. Maybe she didn't know I was still her because she was surprised to see me. She showed no expression but she went to her desk and took out a letter. It wasn't for me since, she put the letter in her pocket and picked up her belongings and walked towards the door. She stood infront of the door her hand on the doorknob then turned to smile at me. Honestly, I felt a bit strange. I wanted to smile back at her but she left before I could return her gesture.

Shockingly I had the urge to find out who the letter was for. I decided to follow her. She walked out of the school into the nearby woods. She suddenly stopped at a small river and to my disbelief she threw the letter into the river. She then sadly smiled with tears rolling down her cheeks. I was shocked she was quite strange. She hid her sadness perfectly. Unconciously my bag fell down with a thud.

 "I know you are there, Choi Min Ki." she said as she turned and looked at the tree I was hiding behind.

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to spy." I replied as I fiddled my fingers. " I-I should go now. I-I apologize." I stuttered embarassingly.

"No, please walk with me." she said softly as I nodded and stood beside her.

That was the first time I walked her home. She talked a lot about the weather, the school, her home, and even her cat. But I just obediently listened to her. Strangely, I didn't not finding her annoying. It actually felt good talking to her since I found out there is actually someone who can talk about other subjects than just talking about me. I asked her about the letter but she just smiled and didn't reply.

"Here's my home." She stood near her door, key in hand. "Would you like to come in and have some tea?" she said as she turned the knob slowly.

"Thank you, but I have to get going. I'm already late." I replied as I stepped back from the door step.

"Oh I see." She slightly frowned. "Anyway, thanks for coming here with me."she smiled.

"You're welcome." I replied. I my heels to go towards my house until I heard her voice again.

"Hey!" She yelled as I turned my head. "I forgot to tell you my name, it's Yoon Mi. Choi Yoon Mi. Bye!" She waved at me as she closed the door. I already knew her name.

*

As I stepped inside my home I heard a loud thud in the living room. I ran towards the source  and saw my mom lying on the floor, bleeding. She slit her wrists. I rushed to the phone and called the hospital. I watched as the paramedics picked her up in the stretcher.

I rushed towards the hospital where she was. I was so scared of everything. I didn't know if she'll live or not. The white shirt I was wearing was decorated with blood strains, my sleeves were red and I was sitting outside emergency room resting my head in the palms of my hands praying and begging for her life, hoping she was alright.

My dad finally came in and I told him all the situation. He was so worried as well.

"Go home Min Ki." He said as he put his hand on my shoulder. "I'll be here for her."  I objected his request until the doctor told me that she was alright. I was so worried that they would fight again.

On my way home I felt a painful of stabbing sensation in my chest. It was around 9:00 p.m. I knew the source of the pain, and it was from my cut from earlier. I sat down and opened the first two buttons of my shirt to see if I've gotten an infection. I saw some swelling and some blood but I was so tired and worried because of my mom. I wanted to cry out loud but I just couldn't. I pitied myself until when I heard a familiar voice.

"Why are you here? Didn't you go home?" The owner of the voice was a girl. I looked up and said it was Yoon Mi. I quickly hid my wound. "Min Ki shii? Are you okay? Why do you have blood on your shirt?" She walked closer. "Show me." She said fimly as she held my arm. I didn't want to let her see the tears forming in my eyes since everyone says I'm too perfect to be even crying. She tried to look at my face but I just turned away.

 "I'm fine, you should go home." I replied harsly. She didn't speak for awhile. I was so upset that I thought if she didn't leave I'd shout at her. But that's what I hate doing the most; shouting at girls."Please, just go." I begged as she finally got up and left.

I felt even more hurt inside. I sat there after sometime until I heard someone coming toward me. It was getting so dark and colder now. I was sitting in cold ,snowy park. Yoon Mi came back again. I was angry so I got up and before I moved from my place she held my arm.

"Sit down I won't bother you." She said softly. I didn't want to sit and let her know about how I felt but I sat back down while she sat in front of me looking at my face in moonlight. "Are you not cold?" she asked. I didn't reply and just stared at her. "You must be." She opened the bag she was carrying and put a warm coat on me."Your hair must be irritating your eyes, why don't you put them on one side?" I looked at her while she waited for me to follow her command. I wasn't listening to her so she moved her hand across my forehead softly and brushed the strands of hair away. I moved back with a jerk "I'll do it." She then put a woolen hat on my head. "You should cover up your head too." She was ignoring my harsh attitude towards her. After this action she sat next to me on bench. "Are you hurt?" I tried to act colder to her but she kept talking. "Have you eaten dinner?"

I turned to her and looked at her in the eyes."Why are you here again? I said leave me alone, don't you get it? Do you have hearing problems? Even though I didn't snap at you before it didn't mean you could be my friend okay? Now go away." I snapped.

She looked down at her feet. This should've made her run away. I swiftly took off the coat and hat and gave them to her. She stayed silent so I turned away from her but she didn't move from her place. My wound was hurting even more from being so cold towards her. After sometime it was nearly 12 am. She finally got up, I was so sure that she'll be leaving now. But I felt she was and that she would hate me so much now by now, but she didn't leave. She put the coat and hat on me again.

"I know you must be tired and whatever happened to you wasn't good I understand that. You're hurt and annoyed by me, but I can't leave you like this. You're only person who made me felt like I was still living. After mom, no one ever walked me home from school you're the first one, ever. I want to help you. Are you hurt?" She said softly as she sat infront of me facing my face. I was still shocked from her statement. There's actually someone who has problems, like me. But at the moment pain was killing me. I put my hand over my wound as she followed my gesture."Let me see it, come with me." She said as she helped me stand up and walk with her.I didn't get her why is she so change from others maybe she  had been throught a lot like me anyways I got a friend real one this time ,It feels good ......trust me .