"Where do you see yourself in five years?" Minseok asks him.

Kyungsoo has never thought about the future.  For him, it's about getting through one day at a time without completely breaking down and foraging through other people's trash to keep.  For him, each day means trying to forget about Baekhyun as much as he can.  Luhan takes his hand and squeezes it.  Minseok notices and scribbles something down on his notepad.  Kyungsoo doesn't know whether that is a good or bad thing. 

"How about you, Luhan?  Where do you see Kyungsoo in five years?" the doctor repeats his question.

Kyungsoo didn't want his cousin to come but the therapist requested that Luhan tag along.  Now that they are both there, there's no escaping it.  Kyungsoo is being forced to listen to how the rest of the family sees him.  He's being forced into hearing what Luhan thinks of him, which isn't that much better.

"I see him happy.  There's no doubt he's been trying really hard lately.  I know he wants to be happy so five years from now, I can see him doing just that," Luhan answers.

Kyungsoo has never heard this before.  Luhan has always told him he has faith in him to get better.  Luhan believes that Kyungsoo can be a better individual.  It's rare for anyone to cheer him on or believe in him.  Only Baekhyun had ever done that out of all his family members.  Kyungsoo can't remember a time when Baekhyun wasn't telling him that everyone had the ability to do what they wanted and that all they had to do was work for it.  It was what he'd said before Kyungsoo had applied to university and right before Sehun decided to drop out of high school.

He hasn't always wanted to be an editor at a publishing company.  At one time he'd wanted to sing or act.  He'd been good at it too.  In high school, Kyungsoo had starred in every production the school's drama department put on.  Baekhyun would have been doing it with him too.  Despite how different they were in personality, they shared interests.  

"I see myself living," he says to Minseok.

He truly does, when really really thinks about it.  Kyungsoo has seen himself living in his daydreams.  He can envision himself in a clean house with a better job and maybe a spouse.  He'd like the standard dream for any typical guy his age.  He wants a life that resembles normalcy and hoarding isn't normal.  He just needs to get past his need to hold on to the past.  He just doesn't know how.

"That's good, Kyungsoo."

Minseok writes on his notepad.  Luhan stares at him, alarmed, which is when he realizes that his statement sounds as if he's contemplated death.  Kyungsoo sighs, wondering how to explain the difference between living and existing to his cousin.  He wants to explain that the time for just existing is over.  Kyungsoo needs to live.

Jongin comes to his house with trash bags later on in the evening.  This is a concern for Kyungsoo not because his so-called friend has brought trash bags, but because he's there in general.  Kyungsoo is always rude to Jongin.  Especially after the reunion, Kyungsoo's mood had been explosive.  The smallest comment from Jongin had set him off to insist that the paperboy leave him alone.  Kyungsoo regrets his actions but he can't change them.

"Why do you keep coming to hang out with me, Jongin?  I'm always rude to you," he asks, as they stuff garbage into the bags.

In the morning when the therapy session had ended, Luhan insisted that Jongin come over to help Kyungsoo throw things out.  It's helping so far, Kyungsoo realizes.  Jongin's presence distracts him from thinking about any meaning a piece of trash has to him.  His logic has been thrown out the window, figaritively speaking.  His only thought is to throw out as much as possible.  He doesn't want to keep any of it out of fear that Jongin will stop coming around.

As much as he hates to admit it, he enjoys the company of the younger male.  Kyungsoo feels at ease with Jongin.  It's something he hasn't felt since Baekhyun.

"Because you seem to hate life," he answers.

"What kind of a reason is that?"

Jongin puts down the bag he's holding and walks to Kyungsoo so they are facing each other as they talk.  "You're so negative and I'm so positive.  You need me to balance you out."

Kyungsoo doesn't know how to respond to that.  He just knows he feels something in the pit of his stomach.  The kind of effect Jongin has on him is nowhere near platonic.  He takes a deep breath, knowing he can't be around the younger man if the feelings he's having really are more than they should be.  He's always known that he's gay but Jongin doesn't and only sees Kyungsoo as a friend.  This wasn't supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to make friends, interact with people and most of all crush on the neighborhood paperboy.

"My cousin Baekhyun died two years ago," Kyungsoo blurts out.

Jongin nods.  "I figured it was something like that.  Do you want to talk about it?"

He does.  He's been meaning to talk about it since the reunion.  He's been feeling guilty about pushing Jongin away.  Yet it isn't until the moment he slips up and blurts it out that he realizes that this is the way to fix himself.  The way to heal is acknowledge what happened and share what he feels about it.  He just needed to find someone he was comfortable enough with to be able to do that.

"Baekhyun and Sehun went backpacking around the world right before I went off to university.  They were in South America; Brazil to be specific.  There was this one day when Sehun didn't want to get up early in the morning, so Baekhyun went off to hike up a mountain by himself. We don't know exactly how it happened by they found his body down the side of the trail.  It looked like he fell and was impaled by a rock.  Sehun still feels guilty about not being there with him."

"What was he like?" Jongin asks.

Kyungsoo has sung praises for Baekhyun in his mind ever since the death happened.  He wants to tell Jongin how Baekhyun had always been a good listener and how he encouraged everyone to do good things in life.  Yet all he can manage to say are a few words that do no justice to h