Three

Losing Resonance
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Kyungsoo stares at his living room, with a trash bag in his clutches.  Luhan is behind him, urging him to start putting the trash into the bags.  Kyungsoo can't.  He won't.  None of his belongings are trash.  He knows this, because they're important to him.  Luhan walks in front of him and holds up a box of cherry stems that Kyungsoo has collected over the past three years.  Luhan walks back and holds the box to him.

 

"Here is something that definitely needs to go.  You don't need these.  They're collecting dust," Luhan says, reaching for the trash bag.

 

Kyungsoo withdraws, shaking his head.  "No, not that.  I can remember the first stem I collected.  They keep me good company."

 

Luhan stares at him for a moment and slowly puts the box down.  He looks around, and picks up a pair of broken slippers. "What about these?"

 

Kyungsoo knows they're of no use anymore, and yet he absolutely can not dispose the slippers that Luhan is holding.  They too, are special to him.  "Luhan, your mother bought me those when I was still a part of the family.  I can't throw those out."

 

Luhan lets go of them, and sighs.  Kyungsoo gulps.  When Luhan sighs, it means his patience is being tested.  Things are never good for Kyungsoo when Luhan becomes frustrated with him.

 

"Maybe we should do this another day," Kyungsoo suggests.

 

Luhan doesn't say anything.  He just walks out of the house.  Kyungsoo follows him, tripping over the slippers that Luhan dropped onto the floor.  He wants to make sure Luhan is not angry with him.  He hopes that Luhan isn't because Luhan is all Kyungsoo has left.  He is the only family that still cares.  Kyungsoo doesn't know what would happen to himself if Luhan was not there for him.

 

"Luhan, I'm sorry.  I don't know what to do," Kyungsoo pleads with his cousin, running after him.

 

Luhan pauses in the front yard with his hands on hips, still not facing Kyungsoo.  Kyungsoo watches Luhan's back heave before he speaks.

 

"Do you know how hard it is for me, Kyungsoo?  Do you know how hard it is for me to stand here and listen to you say that three year old cherry stems are good company for you?" Luhan asks, his voice cracking with emotion.

 

Kyungsoo is taken aback because this is unfamiliar.  In all of Kyungsoo's youth and even adulthood he has never seen Luhan like this.  Kyungsoo suddenly feels worse than he did before.  There is no pride in making Luhan this distraught.  It is Kyungsoo's fault and he wants to do whatever he can to make Luhan happy, even if it means never talking to Luhan again.

 

"I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry.  If you want, I'll throw everything I've ever owned.  Don't suffer because of me, Luhan," Kyungsoo pleads, tears pricking his own eyes.  

 

Luhan is silent, and then he turns around. "It doesn't do any good if you throw everything out if you're just going to do this again.  You need stop collecting all this garbage for good.  Attend your appointments and keep me updated.  I have to go now."

 

Kyungsoo nods and watches Luhan climb into his car and drive off.  He notices he seems to watch people go off to places he's never been, more often lately.  Kyungsoo hopes he will be able to go to a place nobody has been before.  A place known only to him.

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo finds himself in a difficult position when Jongin knocks on the door later on that afternoon asking him who Luhan is.  Kyungsoo doesn't know how Jongin would know Luhan in return and so he is rendered speechless for a moment.  He brings himself back to reality at the sight of Jongin peering into his house.  He shuts the door and ushers them outside into the yard, where the lawn chairs are set up for their time together.  

 

"Are you ever going to let me inside your house?  I don't care if you're a hoarder-," Jongin begins to say.

 

Kyungsoo cuts him off intentionally speaking harshly. "Don't label me like that.  You don't know anything about me."

 

"And who's fault is that?" Jongin retorts.

 

Kyungsoo cannot respond because it's ultimately his fault.  He is the one that does not let people into his life.  He is the one that keeps pushing Jongin away, even though he doesn't want to.  Kyungsoo sighs and rubs his face, remembering the reason Jongin came in the first place.  He changes the topic in order to avoid arguing with the paperboy.

 

"How do you know Luhan?" Kyungsoo asks.

 

Jongin looks a bit troubled as he speaks.  "That guy knocked on every door in the neighborhood trying to find out where I lived.  He told me to come see you.  The question is, how do you know Luhan?  Aren't you supposed to be a loner?"

 

Kyungsoo glares at Jongin.  It doesn't matter if he's antisocial.  This does not mean he is a loner or that he wants to be a loner.  Yet he cannot argue with Jongin because the fact is that Kyungsoo does not really have friends either.  Luhan is family and he feels obligated to check in on Kyungsoo.

 

"Luhan is my cousin," Kyungsoo replies.

 

"So why did he ask me to come see you?" Jongin asks.

 

Kyungsoo leans back and looks into the sky.  He relaxes and lets the sun beat down on him, despite the fact it has already begun to set.

 

"He tried to get me to throw stuff out today.  I couldn't do it," Kyungsoo says, surprising himself.

 

He finds that talking to people, whether it is Dr. Kim or Jongin, is refreshing.  He has never had someone to talk to until now.  Jongin, however is not being paid to talk to him.  Kyungsoo is conflicted as he always is when he talks to Jongin.  He couldn't just dump all his problems on the boy.  Jongin, no matter how comfortable he is to talk to will never understand him.

 

Jongin stretches out his legs, "Well you're getting help.  That's a good thing."

 

Kyungsoo lets out a humorless laugh. "Did Luhan tell you that too?"

 

"Yeah, but obviously he didn't tell me everything."

 

Kyungsoo is thankful for this.  He doesn't want Jongin to know everything.  At least not yet.

 

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo does not remain anxious for long because the kind hearted receptionist Jongdae comes over for a chat.  They do not discuss his problems; instead they talk about the weather and music.  He finds that he and Jongdae both have the same musical preferences, both liking alternative rock music.  

 

After a while, the door to Dr. Kim's room opens and a man his age walks out.  He has short auburn hair that has obviously been dyed, a round face and dimples the size of craters.  Dr. Kim's voice brings him back to reality.

 

"Kyungsoo, come on in," he says.

 

Kyungsoo walks in and sits himself down on the couch just like last time.  He is slightly more comfortable but he's still nervous.  The only thing that comforts him is that Dr. Kim is there to listen to him.  The doctor may not necessarily care for Kyungsoo and his issues but at least the doctor has a reason for it: money.

 

"Tell me a little bit about your week Kyungsoo.  How was it?" Dr. Kim asks.

 

Kyungsoo is relieved.  He can talk about his week, "I edited two books this past week.  My cousin Luhan came over a few times to talk to me.  He tried to get me to throw stuff out yesterday but that didn't go so well.  Jongin came over to give me some company too."

 

"Last time, you didn't talk about Luhan and Jongin.  Do you want to talk a little bit about them?"

 

Kyungsoo shrugs, "Luhan is my cousin, but not by blood.  I had an uncle that remarried when I was a kid and Luhan came with my new aunt.  He's the closest thing I have to a brother now."

 

Kyungsoo switches topics because he is dangerously close to mentioning Baekhyun.  He talks about Jongin instead, "Jongin is kind of weird.  I met him about two and a half weeks ago.  He's the paperboy in the neighborhood and for some reason he comes to just spend time with me.  He seems to be interested in me and the way I live, but sometimes I feel like I'm just another freak show to him.  I feel like he's trying to figure me out for his own amusement.  I feel comfortable with him though.  I don't know what that says about me."

 

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infinitelyreyaxo
Did this story get rec'd or something? So many people are suddenly subbing to it. :P

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sakigami
#1
Chapter 7: The ending was so touching!!! I definitely understand Kyungsoo from a certain view point- I can't imagine being reminded of someone I loved who died with every blink of my eye (considering that he kept lots of the stuff because there was a part of baekhyun in it, even if very subtle). Letting go is never easy, and Kyungsoo learned it the hard way.
Very nicely written. I got goose bumps and heart pangs every now and then. Thank you :)
caffeinatedletters #2
Chapter 7: Idk why but the image of baekhyun holding a container of cherry stems telling kyungsoo he's proud of him just really got me???? Definitely my most favourite part.
lanadel
#3
Chapter 7: Loved this!!
Cringle #4
Could I recommend this fic on a Rec Site? I love it so much, and it definitely needs more love
Petachi
#5
Shiiittt this was amazing!! Omg mature jongin is so appealing! Damn this was deep dude!
Why kaisoo not even kiss!? :'(
Ah well i was hooked from the first word, it was very realistic. And for the record i think if u write it would be on point because u write really well! ^^ thank you for writing this piece of beauty!
starmyst
#6
THE WRITING IN THIS FIC TBH. There were moments where I'm like "bro, so deep *grasps at heart*"
Like while I don't obsessively hoard, I do keep alot of sentimental things that aren't worth anything really and I JUST WANT TO HUG KYUNGSOO BECAUSE WHY BAEK T_T
When he saw Sehun too after all those years my heart--fjdkslajf
Honestly though, I think if there wasn't any romance, this story would have been just as good because their relationship is stemmed from a beautiful place you know? And I treasure that more than the romance between the two.
AND THEN THE ENDING WITH THE CHERRY STEMS AND I UGHHH MY FEELS. <333
SHINeestTiara
#7
Chapter 7: My heart hurts and feels full at the same time
I may not be hoarder physically but I am emotionally too connected to every little detail that I either become flooded with feelings or become dense like a brick to block it all out
I wasn't even aware how much I needed to read this until I choked up and cried when Jongin said "We all have problems. Some of us just react more strongly to them"
Because I am a hypersensitive person all my emotions are amplified so I tend to 'hoard' a lot of them when I think I should just let go of the unimportant ones without tampering with the imminent ones
I like this story a lot and it wasn't rushed at the end
After all those years Soo was in a now or never healing process so it made damn good sense for it to have sped up a tad bit
(Btw Soothighs rec is how I found this jem)
samorsomething #8
Chapter 7: Im never opposed to some romance but i agree that the story is better without it. It made me happy to see Kyungsoo's character becoming happier. Great story~<3
Lexii21 #9
Chapter 7: amazing story, and i was sad there was no , but i actually think it was just perfect
lalophobia #10
*coughs* that might be my fault