c h a p t e r  f i v e ::

The silence is unbearable.

Jungsoo is calmly taking a sip of tea from the cup he’s holding, handling the silence surrounding the four of us quite well while seated on the red cushion with his back erect. Whenever I lay my eyes on him, it feels like I'm staring at a god who has descended on earth; such charisma and elegance is evident through his words and actions…

…except when he finds something funny, and he would start laughing as if he were mentally ill.

I turn my head to face the other man who’s sitting across the table, face conveying the fact that he’s deep in thought while he gripped his hands together on the wooden table. He is facing the cup of tea in front of him as he bites his lower lip, the troubled look in his eyes that contradicts his cheerful attitude an hour ago. Donghae is shorter than Jungsoo, although he is taller than I am. His arms are well toned—I’ve observed beneath the sleeves of his black suit—and he’s as fair-skinned as Jungsoo. Unlike Jungsoo, his hair is longer and messy, and the way he smiles is so innocent looking, resembling that of a child’s.

Donghae lifts his head to face me all of the sudden, and I feel a bit embarrassed, thinking that he might have thought that I’ve been staring at him for a while now—not that my eyes weren't fixed at him. It’s just that he might get the wrong idea. I blinked, avoiding his gaze before I shifted to the guy seated at my right—Minho.

Minho is the tallest among them, however the youngest; at least, based on their facial features that I’ve observed. He carries himself very well despite the awfully obtrusive atmosphere. Among the three, I would say that Minho is the most handsome, probably because his features are rare for a typical Korean male. His eyes, unlike the other two princes, were huge, and he’s slightly tanned. His brown hair reaches his shoulders, longer than Donghae’s, and he’s the tallest among them. I can tell that he doesn’t feel comfortable in this room as well, for he’d frequently glance at his cellphone and glide his fingers across the touch screen.

But one similarity that Minho holds with Jungsoo is the fact that they appear to be shining without the spotlight on them. Once they enter a room, everyone’s attentions will be directed onto them. Donghae’s looks are eye-catching as well, but there’s something about Jungsoo and Minho that you can’t just look away from them once you've laid your eyes on one of them.

“I think I’m finally getting this.” I turned my head to Donghae, who has now moved his gaze away from the table and look at Jungsoo. “Soori’s birthday is this Wednesday, and we’re running out of time.”

“So as a tentative solution to the problem…” Minho says before facing me with eyes that depict the fact that he has realized something, which makes me uncomfortable for my part since I have no idea on what they’re talking about.

Jungsoo lays his tea cup on the table; the loud bang that accompanied it without a doubt was no accident that surprised me, Donghae and Minho. In spite of that, he seems to manage his anger in a good manner.

“It’s been a week since this game of hide-and-seek started, and ever since then, we have had no clues regarding her whereabouts and such. Her attitude is getting way out of hand. She’s the crown princess, but she’s never considered her family. What more with the people whom she’ll be held responsible for?”

“Hyung, you did say that she was rebelling against grandpa because of her arranged marriage with Kyuhyun.” Minho points out. “They want to cancel the engagement.”

“It’s not about that, Minho.” Jungsoo fixes his eyes at Minho; his gaze, strong. “If she were to rebel in a way that’s similar to Kyuhyun’s, then I would be fine with it. But grandfather had just finished surgery back in the U.S. because of his heart problem and with what she’s doing right now, our grandfather will have to return to the U.S. for another heart surgery in a heartbeat.”

“Not to mention, grandpa will be returning this Sunday, and he’s expecting Soori to return at that time. If she were at a foreign country, it would take time for her to return to Seoul after she’s found.” Donghae added dispiritedly.

“Which is why we’re brought down to this.” Jungsoo stated, and upon finishing his sentence, all of them turned their heads to face me, and once again, I feel uneasy beyond reason.

“I would like it if someone explained it to me.” I forced a smile upon my face, hoping that they won’t notice how distressed I am right now. “I might get a better hold of the situation.”

Jungsoo sighed, followed by Minho’s hiding half of his face behind his hands, his elbows propped on the table. Obviously, they don’t want to explain it, which is why I have no choice but to seek the truth from the man in front of me.

“Park Soori is Jungsoo’s younger sister. She’s the crown princess and soon-to-be wife of the crown prince, Cho Kyuhyun.” Donghae explains, accompanied by some hand gestures. “Both of them are arrogant, which is why they’re not a match made in heaven. Neither of them wants the crown. One day, the king had to undergo surgery after experiencing a heart attack. He flies to the states, staying there for a few weeks. During this period, Soori escapes from the royal palace to wherever, and it’s been a week since we began searching her.”

I gulped. I know where this is heading, and I have a bad feeling that it is what I think it is.

“Soori’s 21st birthday is this Wednesday, and it’s also the day when grandpa unveils the crown prince and crown princess to South Korea and to the whole world. By that time, we won’t be able to find Soori just yet, and grandpa’s already eager to see his favorite princess.” Minho reiterates what seems to be their conversation in front of me just now, only that he’s talking to me. “And just to be clear, you really look like Soori.”

So this is where it all sums up to.

“Now that you’ve finally understood the situation, the question here stands.” Jungsoo turns in his seat, facing me before he makes a 90 degree bow in front of me. I widened my eyes in disbelief. “Would you be the crown princess until such a time comes when we would’ve found Soori and have her brought back here?”

Speechless, I opened my mouth, thinking that it would just say something relevant without thinking because I can’t even think straight. I find it hard to believe that the royal family is doing this, and it is wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.

“Will you accept our request, Choi Sooyoung-sshi?” Minho makes a 90 degree bow towards me as well, followed by Donghae’s, and at this rate, I don’t think I’ll be boggled if they ever tell me that they’re actually gods and have wings, or that they’re fairies in disguise. Their faces before they lowered their heads at me—hope has sparked on their once serious faces.

This is just too much to absorb in one sitting.

The silence that follows that is more unbearable than before. I had no idea what they were thinking back then, and I thought that it was all in my head when in fact, this problem is what’s bothering them; the reason behind Jungsoo’s suppressed anger, Donghae’s profound expression and Minho’s being uncomfortable.

But wait? What are the terms? If I would accept a job like this, I should be—.

“I’m sorry.” I was already standing in my place, as if I was programmed to stand up and walk away at the back of my head without the thought of it crossing my mind. They lift their heads to face me besides Jungsoo, their once hopeful faces tainted with disappointment. “Please excuse me.”

It was my turn to lower my head in front of them, for I can’t tell them the exact reason why I’m against this. For one, it bothers my conscience. But besides that, it is too big of an opportunity for someone like me to accept.

As I walked away before pausing for a moment to wear my shoes, I recall my life as a child. I remember my first grade teacher reading the story of the little mermaid, and it has opened my mind to the fact that I can grab the opportunity once it’s already in front of me. But then, I found out what really happened to the little mermaid—she risks everything that she was once for that one opportunity, and in the end, she turned into a bubble that popped quickly.

Perhaps it’s what I’m afraid of—consequences. I’ve been living my life as a person who couldn’t afford to study at Kyung Hee University, which is why I have to rely on financial support that the school gives me as long as I don’t have a grade lower than 2.0, 1.0 being the highest and 5.0 as failing. I apply for different part-time jobs in order to support my father who’s in the hospital, to pay for his hospital fees there and the rent of our apartment. I’ve been living my life with the thought that every opportunity has consequences that I have to bear.

So what if I pretend to be the crown princess? Okay, fine. I get to live the life of a typical South Korean princess and get paid at the same time, but what if my secret is discovered? What is left for me? If I would be charged for fraud, I wouldn’t have the money to get a good lawyer. And even if the government gets me a lawyer, it won’t hide the fact that I framed the crown princess. How will I be able to pursue my studies by then? How can I support my father whose health is very frail?

It’s too risky. If I did become the crown princess and this story lands in the wrong hands, the royal family is sure to punish me indefinitely for dishonoring them and for questioning their authority.

It’s just that… I have so much to bear in life now.

The way back home now doesn’t compare to the times I returned feeling so tired and weary after a day's worth of work. Rather than my body taking its toll, my mind can’t stop thinking about what had occurred back in the royal palace, and it’s wearing me out more than I could ever be.

I climbed the narrow concrete stairs, the walls on my sides feeling like they’re about to close on me any minute so I used up the remaining energy that I have and run. After passing by three floors, I’ve arrived at my apartment, the first one near the stairs. I headed for the door while getting the keys from my pocket, and when I’ve already inserted the key in the door knob, I heard a man groaning nearby.

“What took you so long?”

I shouted in surprise when I turned to the direction of his voice, and I find Kibum sitting on the floor made of rusty iron bars, the ones that they use for staircases near fire exits that make a sound whenever you step on them. I let out a sigh of relief as I laid my hand on my chest before asking Kibum, who’s now standing up in his place. “What are you doing here?”

“I brought food.” Kibum smiled, raising the huge, white plastic bag in his hand to show it to me.

Without another word, I opened the door and welcomed Kibum inside the apartment. I flipped the light switch near the door, and once the lights are on, the first thing that you’ll see is the kitchen counter with two bar seats beside it.

“Put the food on the counter. I’ll prepare the plates in a few.” I told Kibum as I pointed at the counter on my way to the bathroom by the right, just next to the kitchen.

After finishing my business, I exited the bathroom and went to the kitchen to get some plates and chopsticks while Kibum was busy laying all the food on the table. When we were done fixing everything, we sat down and ate the Chinese food before us—fried rice, steamed dumplings, beef with broccoli, shrimps and roasted chicken.

“So how did the interview go?” Kibum asked before drinking the cold water in his glass, curiosity evident in his tone.

“The interview has been moved so I wasn’t able to do it today.” I answered nonchalantly while getting a piece of beef from one of the plates in front of us and putting inside my mouth, followed by a spoon of rice.

“What? So this dinner was for nothing!?”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “It’s not for nothing! Can’t you see that I’m hungry!? They didn’t feed me back there in the royal palace and it’s already 10:30 in the evening!”

“Aigoo, swallow what’s in your mouth first.” Kibum said, poking my bloated cheeks filled with food using one of his chopsticks. Upon swallowing, he added. “So what did you do throughout your stay there in the palace?”

“I met some weird people.” I reached out for the last piece of shrimp on the plate before us and ate it, followed by rice. I know that Kibum’s pretty disappointed that I took the last piece of shrimp. We have bottomless pits for stomachs, are always hungry and eat a lot yet we never gain weight.

“I would say the same thing to you when I first met you.” Kibum had this disgusted look on his face when I glanced at him, probably recalling the time when we first met. But were you able to talk to Yuri, at least?” Kibum asked with a hint of concern in his tone. With my mouth bursting with food, I shake my head in response, and he knows what that means already. He lets out a sigh. Upon swallowing the food in my mouth, I told him that we talked momentarily, but I had to put down my phone because of an unwanted visitor, and he chuckles. “So you weren’t able to apply for your job, huh?”

“I’m not even thinking of applying there anymore. It’s too risky.” And a steamed dumpling goes into my mouth.

“Well, Yoona owes me 20, 000 Won now.” He smirks. He’s made a bet with Yoona whether or not I’ll get the job. His expression later changes when I stuffed my mouth with an awful lot of rice and chicken; there was a trace of pity present on his face, and I furrow my eyebrows at him for even making that expression. “You know what I’ve noticed in you throughout the times we’ve been together?”

“What?” I asked, still in the process of swallowing my food.

“You care for other people too much.” He grabs the thigh part of the chicken, ate it, and swallowed it before continuing. “So much, that it’s becoming suicidal for your part.”

I swallowed the food inside my mouth, stunned to hear something like that. “Am I really that kind? It’s not that I care for others without asking anything from them or because I’m a saint. I care for others because I want them to stay in my life, and I don’t want to be a burden for them.”

“But you’re becoming a burden for yourself.” He pointed out sharply, and I opened my mouth in disbelief.

I decided to treat it as a joke, laughing it off so that Kibum wouldn’t have to talk about such an archaic topic on whether I’m becoming a burden for myself or not.

“What does that even mean? That doesn’t make any sense.” I chuckled, thinking that it could lighten up the mood between us, but it isn’t doing anything for Kibum. He looks dead serious, and that’s where I have to put my foot down as well.

“Don’t you realize what you’ve been doing all this time? I mean, when was the last time you’ve even thought of having fun or going out with your friends? All you ever do is work and study.”

“What else do you want me to do, Kibum? Go to karaoke with you guys while my dad’s in the hospital, while my grades are slipping, while I don’t have any money to pay the landlord and my father’s operation fees, huh!?” I snapped, making Kibum open his mouth in response, but without saying a word. “You want to go to karaoke right now? Alright! Let’s go!” I stood up from the seat after making my sarcastic remark and walked towards the door.

“Sooyoung, you’re missing out the point!” Kibum shouts back upon standing up, his hand grabbing hold of my wrist the moment I reached out for the door knob.

I pull my wrist away from his grip. “Then what’s your point, Kibum!? Because I can’t stand how you say that what I’m doing is suicidal. How would you know? You don’t have a father whose life is in danger. You don’t have to work hard to maintain your scholarship at Kyung Hee. So who are you to say that what I’m doing is self-inflicted pain!? Yeah, I sacrifice but… it’s because I love my father. So it’s going to be worth it in the end.”

I noticed that my voice has gradually softened towards the end, but perhaps it’s the fact that I realize that I’ve been raising my voice at Kibum for something as petty as this, and the fact that it’s starting to hurt.

Now, when I look at Kibum, I feel like I’m a terrible friend. He’s looking at me with anger in his eyes, something that I’ve never seen before when we used to argue. But our fights never have become this serious, and that cold look in his eyes was never there until only now.

“Look, Kibum. I’m sorry—,”

“I was only worried… because it’s been a while since I’ve last seen you genuinely smile.” He cuts me off, his voice sending shivers down my spine as he opened the door. “I mean, when was the last time you even thought about yourself?”

I opened my mouth with the utmost desire to prove that I have thought about myself. Thoughts, yes. But acting them out?

I wasn’t able to say more when he walked right out of the door, slamming the door shut.