A/N: Super weird short piece on Wooyoung and his ferret hairstyle. Sorry in advance for this!

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Sometimes things go wrong. Sometimes they go horribly wrong. And then one time, Wooyoung wanted a mullet but ended up with a ferret instead. As you can well imagine, it was rather unpractical.

It didn’t like to be still on his head when he danced, and it didn’t look favourably on the general loudness of fans. In fact, it was a rather pissy creature on the whole, always threatening to bite or run down Wooyoung’s back to tickle his on the most inappropriate of times. 

He’d tried everything and now he was fed up. 

“Ferret!” he yelled and patted the top of the his head, “I understand you’re nothing like your fraternal brother mullet, but please PLEASE! can you stay still when I go crazy?”

Ferret grunted and turned the wrong way around to flap it’s furry tail in Wooyoung’s eyes. “You didn’t even give me a name” he complained, “How am I supposed to be friends with you.”

“Give yourself a name” Wooyoung sighed and ran his fingers through the mess to try and look somewhat decent, “And I’ll call you what you like but stop being so rambunctious.”

“You know what” the ferret, now thinking he might want to be called Sir something-something, said and wilfully slid down sideways to make matters worse, “Junho’s wig, it’s even washed and combed and styled so nicely but me? You just make me lie here all day and be so bored.”

“But I do wash you.”

“TSK!” He snorted so loud it rang in Wooyoung’s ears. “I’m always here on your smelly head and getting a headache from your blinged party wear.”

“Go talk to the wig for a bit then.”

“Well maybe I will.”

“Well tell me your name first.”

There was so much attitude in the air that everyone in a ten feet radius would have to shower or stink like trouble for the rest of the day, but sadly the ferret had ran out of good comebacks as a name is really a ing important matter and not something to spit out in the heat of war. “Well maybe I can’t” he snapped and curled himself up to think. Ferrets legs here and ferret legs there, not really a good style but what can a Wooyoung do when the hair is bound to take the finger of the hairdresser if you try to change it.

Wait and see, Jang, wait and see.

A couple of hours later, there was still no word from above and Wooyoung tried again to pat his scalp and awake the nameless beast. “He-who-must-not-be-named, are you around?” he asked and held up half a cookie as a peace offering. It was quickly snatched. “You may address me as Sir Efigenio.”

Trying not to break into violent laughter, Wooyoung grabbed another cookie and broke it into quarters, serving another piece and asking “Efigenio? Where did that come from?”

“My noble mind.” Crunch crunch, he slaughtered the chocolate chips. It was super hard to stay serious but Wooyoung had a hunch it wouldn’t be good for relations if he cracked up. “Fine, I’ll call you Efigenio but can you explain the history of how you got dubbed?”

For that unbecoming doubt, he earned himself a little chew to the ear, a complete mystery how the ferret could have gotten there so quickly and opened his mouth so wide with all that sweet dough in there. “I did it myself” the ferret hissed and slightly shivered to spread an unpleasant tickle, “If you have a problem with that I’ll give you some new piercings.”

“Ow, I don’t want that” Wooyoung growled and quickly added, “SIR. Much noble, very elegant.”

“Yeah!” Tiny little teeth closed around a patch of skin close to Wooyoung’s temple and he pleaded weakly, “Sir. Don’t chip away at me.” He tried with yet another shard of cookie and the grip loosened. If you have to live with a ferret posing as your mohawk, it’s at least lucky if it accepts bribes.

“Fair enough” the animal breathed heavily like he’d been Gollum with his shiny precious, “This tastes good so I’ll wait to draw blood.”

“Who raised you” Wooyoung whimpered, “Who failed to mention it’s rude to make people bleed regardless, and particularly if their hand is feeding you?” 

“J j j j jaaaang.” The hiss was menacing. “Don’t you mention my upbringing! I very tragically lost my family to a razor incident! Unless you want tragedy to strike you too..” He clattered his teeth and the tiny, rattling noise was anything but cute, “You stop being nosey!”

Wooyoung sighed and surrendered, leaving the pesky patch of fur to fend for himself for the time being. “Minjunnie, pull up your pants!” he shouted instead, finding something else to nag about when his own hairdo was beyond salvation. So Kay adjusted his pants, and the day somehow ended despite the hours of dance practice, and Wooyoung went to bed. No wait, first he went with saggy-pants Kim to the bar and to no surprise, Efigenio found it another reason to misbehave.

He was loud and chatty at first, but no one paid attention to that. Not with the booming bass and the crazy people hopping sideways to grab their mates and spill as little booze as possible. Wooyoung of course ending up showering whoever in a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Some fruit wine and some of his own sweat. The ferret seemed to scud around inside his head as well, activating all the switches to make for something of a hyper overload.

“Michingeo aniya?!” he shouted to Minjun over the treble and the melody, realising a bit late that the music wasn’t as loud and the other party people weren’t as mad, it was mainly just.. him. In his defence, Minjun was even worse and that had to be the actual, fibrous root of the problem. “Your PR is less than discreet!” producer-nim replied but his grin was wide and elated, “And can’t you judge my level of crazy without asking?!”

Wooyoung went with the flow of his dual weapons - one small bottle of red wine and one larger with sweet rosé, basically glued to his left and right palm - and swung around in time and space for a bit before he replied “SOMEBODY SOMEBODY SOMEBODY HELP MEEEEE” and wiggled his eyebrows with his forehead with his entire face more or less. Make that body. Call that a fall. He was on the floor before he’d ended the sentence, snagged into a situation where he needed the help that was just supposed to be irreverent. 

Nothing happened. He just laid there while Minjun kept swagging with fake glasses and a genuine desire for anything and everything in the dim quarters of the club. In life for that matter. ‘Where the heck is my Superman’ Wooyoung thought and let the ruby alcohol mix with the pinker shade of his tongue, waiting until it was redder before he cooled it down with the sweeter one of his drinks. 

Nothing happened again. A few times actually. The ferret was furious, so ing bored and at the same time unable to find a moment of rest. “Go hooooooome” he booed like a Casper, just more murderous, and dug his claws into Wooyoung’s temple. It hurt. Wooyoung drank some more to make it go away. 

The ferret found that hilarious and schemed something devilish. Snickering like a little while he kept pussyfooting in circles and tossing himself over the slight hill that was Wooyoung’s head. Claws. Drink. Claws. Drink. They were on the floor for a bit and then dragged up again - unclear if by Superman or someone else - and the cycle kept repeating for another few hours until Minjun had to go home. Not to sleep if that’s what you’re thinking, no, but because he’d gotten an idea for his next rap and that don’t wait. 

“Come on now Youngieyah” he slurred and grabbed the wrong end of Wooyoung’s person, ending up with a little furry leg between his fingers and thinking it was kinda weird since his intake of LSD had been low for a while. “Why do you have legs in your hair?” he ventured to ask but just got a blank stare in return.

“Just don’t puke on me” Minjun sighed and dragged the zombie along, not so much words as random hiccuped vowels coming from the little chicken and his pet. 

“Uh.” “Raoeee.” “Kk?” “Buurr.”

Yeah, like that. It was just useless noise and Minjun sighed as he pushed them both down and around and across the street, into a car, up the stairs, through the door (yeah you can’t leave a guy like that to survive on his own, honestly, and so Minjun just hooked onto him and kept going). Maybe he was a bit tipsy too cause he picked the wrong door at first and had Junho yell at him “Yah! off!” He was very and rather sweaty and well.. if Chansung had a say, they would be ing off without an audience for maybe 30 minutes more.

“Ooooops” Minjun leered but didn’t close the door, what a bastard. Not until Chansung lifted his head and shook his long hair and ever so politely asked him to “Go and die and take the trashed one with you!”

“Ooops” Wooyoung sneered and then he sneezed for no good reason, staggering back and forth with what seemed like a big radius but was actually just the length of his big toe, give or take some change. “We shouldn’t.. no no.” At least it was words and not just the jangle of a dying conscious.

“Bed” Minjun said and it was the most intelligent thing in hours, “Go to bed and take this..” He drew his hands over Wooyoung’s scalp and tried to identify the mess, “Otter?” “Marten?” “This.. thing! With you.”

“Blllpp.” It meant 'Okay, I’ll do that, thank you my good friend for helping me out.'

Minutes later, he passed out cold and didn’t know about the world until the morning. Completely oblivious to the fact Efigenio hopped off his head, crossed the floor, found the fridge, scavenged all the leftovers and takeouts, ate the bread, sniffed the ceiling, came back tired and fell asleep backwards and upside down.

Wooyoung didn’t know that. All he could say, when he finally woke up, was that the bed was a bad shade of purple and that he had crumbs in his bangs. Maybe it was panini. Could have been foccacia. Either way it was unacceptable! 'Seems I need a plan for this' he told himself and rolled off the grape-stained sheets, 'Gotta be smart now. Gotta find the upside of this. Uh no, gotta drink some water first.'

The ferret was in his glass before he could take the first sip, wetting his paws and cleaning his face and a lot of annoying stuff. “You know what” Wooyoung said as sternly as his migraine would allow, “It’s time we talk business. You have the good life on top of my person, don’t ya? All the foods and fun and actually you’re getting kinda fat.”

Shocked by the honesty, Efigenio couldn’t even hiss to reply.

“So now I think either you do me some favours, or I’ll let Minjun pull your legs and haul you in the dumpster” Wooyoung continued and the throb in the back of his head had made him braver for unclear reasons. “Become better behaved, or I’ll have you shaved.”

Fair enough, the next morning he woke up with a considerably lighter head, a normally coloured bed and a breakfast served in bed. What a nicely tamed ferret after all.