Junho had fallen asleep beside a warm Chansung and woke up next to a staring cockroach. It wasn't as cosy.

"Chansuuuuuuung" he hissed (Junho, not the cockroach, it didn't seem interested in talking just yet. Maybe too early or too little coffee, Junho wasn't that keen on finding out on its habits) and tried to back away without moving. It was mildly successful.

"Channie!" 

Junho thought it really loud, like, so hard that the creases of his brain smoothed out and gave him a migraine. It's much harder to flee as fast as you can with a headache, so he stopped. Went back to not thinking and making little whiny noises instead.

"Chan Chan Chan Chan!!"

Oh no.

The cockroach turned its little head, or if it was just a wiggling antenna, it seemed like a very menacing shiver out of the corner of Junho's squinted eye.

Damnit to hell, he had a really bad epiphany.

What if the cockroach's name was Chansung too?!

He better shut his trap about that.

"Jeong-gam" he whispered instead with the softest velvety voice. Okay yes, true, cats didn't have a history of obeying him but this was an emergency! Surely the grey beast would smell the adrenaline off him and make an intervention!

Or nah.

The ing cat slooooowly came prancing in the hallway - tap tap tap, pause, tap - stuck its cocky head around the corner and stared. its nose. Junho stared back. The cockroach stared. In a non-particular direction.

World's most intense mexican standoff.

'Now, it is of the uttermost essence, NOT to flinch' Junho told himself sternly and tensed his eyeballs, 'If I move, I might startle something and become a victim of either predator.' 'Better hold. Just. Still.' 

He panicked and fell over down to the floor and into an unstoppable somersault that ended up against the nearest wall. Good job Lee Junho, master strategist.

From his upside down position - the bat view! too bad he was faced with a mortal enemy far worse than the Joker - Junho could just observe as Jeonggam quite rudely his paw and held it in the air. 'Which direction does the wind blow?' he seemed to investigate, although probably he had just forgotten the whole shebang and left his limb hanging. Cats are lazy.

Without further ado, the feline swayed his and the spot, leaving the insect and the wimp to hug it out. Which, if Junho had anything to say about it, wouldn't happen. He just feared it wouldn't be his call and so held his breath to hide his overall existence.

'It might run away anytime now' Junho's thoughts ran like a cold, smooth stream through his mind, a virtue of zen that couldn't be disturbed even by the wildest storm. He was the master of his conscious after all!

The cockroach flinched a little. Maybe it was going to jump off the bed?

Junho felt the whirl of a panic attack grab hold of his little toe, quickly running like ice crystals up his leg and towards his loins and all around in bigger clumbs until he had a living, breathing snowman in his chest. One that wasn't keeping it together but bleeding frozen slush into every vein.

ing worthless way of keeping ice in your veins.

'I will project myself into his thinking' Junho suddenly decided, 'I will become the cockroach. I will feel what he feels. I will relate to his family.'

"Cockroach" he said softly, well as gingerly as possible being upside down and breathing abruptly through his nose and mouth at the same time, "Little buddy." "Screep screep middiweep?"

Best he could do considering the bug talk lessons had been sparse throughout his school years and the sound effects of some Hollywood movie was all he could remember.

'What did you say about my family?!' the vermin said with its silent, beady eyes, an unsettling crackle as it tapped its forelegs and dirtied the sheets.

God, Junho would toss those bedclothes in the nearest fire! If only he could get rid of the nasty vector. He was a man for 's sake, a grown intelligent beast with all the cunning tricks necessary! Even if he'd, through unfortunate circumstances, had ended upside down and unable to move, with a clear view of his own - he had assets that could bring anything down. Time to wield them.

"CHANSUNG!!!!"

A desperate warcry that had the gentle bear skidding down the hallway with one sock on, one sock off, tight boxers, not much else. Junho's scaredy heart jumped a little extra before he remembered his gruesome horror.

"COCKROACH!!!"

"Yah man, who wrapped you up like an armadillo taco?"

"COCKROACH!"

"Nah, where?" Chansung cool guy, stood right by the bed, not moving a worried muscle with regards to the species perched a feet away on his bed.

"BED!"

That did nothing further to upset Chan as he just put his hand down, picked the critter up and didn't even twitch. "It's a cockroach, Junho, not a demon of the tonsil counsel." (It was a long story, starting with a bad throat virus that had made Junho cuss and spit until the prophanities turned just plain silly. Anyway.)

"It's worse! Get it away!"

"Will you flip around and walk on your feet again?"

"Just get it awaaaaaay!"

"Stop howling."

"Stop dawdling!"

"Stop being upside down."

"Stop being an idiot."

"Maybe I will toss this on you!"

"Nooooooooo!" Junho moved a bit sideways like he'd been that kid from the Exorcist, no feet or hands properly aligned but just randomly making contact with the closest surface.

"Yo little fart with a shell, I'll flip you to hell" Chansung began rap battling the cockroach, "You're not cool, you're not a man, you're a little sissy and I'm fearless Chan!"

"What, just- what?" Junho grumbled and crawled over himself, "Are you befriending the foe?" "WHY are you befriending the foe?!" "You should stick up for me." Not so discreetly he'd turned to whining.

"The big and the small-" Chansung pointed to Junho's flagrantly scared grimace and the little guy's fluttering feet, "They don't get along, they just end up staring so I made this song."

"You " Junho sighed and crept along the wall.

"I found a little roach, low profile life, it came to my bed, slow, corrupted and vile." Having picked up some arytmic beat, Chansung cradled the thing in his palm and kept singing to it. "After all this drama and the major strife, room is hot like a sauna and most scared is MY WIFE!"

"I am not a girl!" Junho objected, "Will you get rid of the pest and not make a poetic rendition?"

"I'll hide it somewhere in a good place" Chansung grinned and hopped backwards like bunny blood had been his main fluid, "Do you want breakfast, shall I fry it up?" "It's very high proteine."

"No nonono" Junho shook his head so fervently that the contents rattled, "Chansung, it's cool, now go away!"

"Yo yo yo, this is Chanman OUT!"

And with that, he took the little cockroach and went on his way, leaving Junho to hyperventilate for a minute before life went on.