Another wedding.

Another birth.

Another round of questionings the same questions that never has an answer.

Another round of snarky remarks accompanied by pitiful proud smiles.

Another round of insincere encouragement laden with mockings.

Another year went by.

Another birthday.

Another gathering.

Another round of sharing stories.

Stories I never have anything to contribute to.

And so I did what I do best. Remained at the corner, forcing an awkward smile whenever eye contacts made, unintentionally. There's nothing for me to say, anyway. The judging eyes made me even more suffocated inside the family hall.

I slowly shifted my gaze towards the television, airing a movie where people were shooting guns and jumping from car to car, pretending to be watching intently. No matter what happened to the hero, he never died.

"I broke up with him."

My ears captured it.

Another heartbreak.

While I had none. I never had any. Even if I had, it never felt like I did.

"Well, it's experience. You'll find someone better."

I felt my weary body stiffened. I knew they were looking or at least, glancing my way. They always do. And I knew the feeling when they do. It always felt the same. Well, not really, but it had grown to feel the same now.

It was prickly at the beginning.

Then it grew irritating.

At one point it became painful. Some nights it drew tears, especially when I heard mother's sighs from the small opening of my door, after I went into my room, pretending to already have it shut.

I wanted to fall in love too. And get married. Like everyone else. Like how I'm supposed to live.

No, maybe that's not what I really wanted. In fact, what I really want is to not be a burden. Burden of being unmarried and in no relationship at the age of thirty nine. Burden of being forced to marry without a candidate or even the wanting to marry. Shortly. I would turn forty. They said a man's life begins at forty. But for a woman, unmarried, it already ended at thirty.

What am I then? A ghost? Looming and stealing the space and air belonged to humans that all come in pairs and never alone again once they reach the right age?

Was that the reason I became the embarrassment of my mother? What crime had she committed to deserve the unseen punishment hammered onto her shoulders? Why couldn't they left her alone? Why couldn't they all leave me alone?

I had been asking the question to no one for almost or over ten years.

The answer ne