PART 3

Loneliness pecked and beat at Baekhyun almost enough to drive him into complete insanity. Most days he finds himself staring at black TV screen or up at his empty ceiling, missing Sehun too much and unable to do much of anything but wish for Sehun’s early return.

In the days that are more productive, Baekhyun works on his new perfume; the one he wanted to surprise Sehun with for when he comes back from London. Often his use of eucalyptus got a little too much, destroying what could have been the perfect Sehun scent remade with herbal ingredients. Baekhyun was patient enough, though, to throw everything and start from the beginning. He was determined to have it done before Sehun comes home.

It was when he finally got all the ingredients in the right amount that he shot up from his seat and squealed only to realize soon after that he had no one to celebrate it with. But he doesn’t let the fact destroy his mood so instead of sitting around waiting for nothing, Baekhyun collected his new invention into a glass bottle he’d bought a while ago, using a permanent marker to write down the name of his new perfume. With black ink came Baekhyun’s almost untidy scribble of ‘Oh to My Byun’ on the surface of the transparent glass.

The yellowish liquid in the bottle sloshed around as he jumped again in excitement, fingers flying across the keypad of his phone.

Chanyeol, like the first time he had called, answered the phone at the second ring.

Chanyeol soon became a part of Baekhyun’s daily routine; for when he isn’t working at his sister’s shop he would be out getting lunch or mostly dinner with the handsome giant. Chanyeol, he soon learns, understands most of his frustrations and feelings. It also helped that the red-haired knows just the words to say to make Baekhyun smile every time he got reminded of how much he missed Sehun. Chanyeol remembers Sehun very well, he said, and told Baekhyun that Sehun used to be lab partners with him before in junior year. He also made Baekhyun smile by saying that he’s lucky to have Sehun as his boyfriend and congratulated them for having made it so far.

Only Baekhyun is no longer sure if they would make it further than they already have at the moment. His calls with Sehun became short and rushed and it wasn’t because Sehun wanted it to end but because he knew Sehun over in London is stormed with a handful of assignments and projects. He didn’t want to be the cause of Sehun’s lacking behind in his modules, so with reluctant heart he had been the first one to say goodbye. He tells Chanyeol of how much he hates being alone in such an empty house now that Sehun is gone and Chanyeol, as kind as he is, offered to visit so he could keep Baekhyun company.

In his situation, you wouldn’t say no.

Baekhyun willingly opens his doors and lets Chanyeol in. Most days they sat together on the couch and spend the night watching movies after movies, sometimes ones that they’ve never seen before and sometimes ones that they have one time too many. Baekhyun found that he enjoyed Chanyeol’s presence in his home and the loneliness that once filled his days were soon replaced with Chanyeol’s constant laughter, making him smile and laugh and just… happy.

His phone calls with Sehun, although short, always ended with a good note and he thanked Chanyeol for always lightening up his mood. Sehun sounded stressed but content at knowing that Baekhyun was doing fine. Most times he whispered into the speaker of his phone meant for only Sehun to hear, of the three words that they tell each other with their hearts since almost four years ago. Chanyeol smiles every time Baekhyun giggles after listening to Sehun’s soft voice through the phone and Baekhyun would return the grin because he was grateful.

He thinks that if Chanyeol hadn’t been with him, he would not have been able to smile every time the call ends, because then only the feeling of emptiness would fill him up.

It was just another Friday night with Baekhyun settling onto his couch and preparing for the  movie Chanyeol was putting on to start. He had grown incredibly close to Chanyeol and he didn’t mind the tall boy managing his household items. Chanyeol is gentle and he does everything with extreme care and Baekhyun find that rather pleasing. The giant received a glare from the smaller boy, however, when Baekhyun realized the movie playing on his TV screen. Somehow in the process of getting to know each other, Baekhyun had mentioned being in love with the movie Titanic but wouldn’t watch it again because of the tears that the movie cost him.

He hardly noticed the clock ticking as he focused on watching the movie, unable to hold back his tears when the emotional part came and unconsciously leaning into Chanyeol as he cried. Chanyeol’s long arms held Baekhyun tight against broad chest, fingers running down the back of Baekhyun’s head in a way of consoling the emotionally triggered boy. He couldn’t tell what exactly he was feeling deep inside his chest as he pressed himself further into Chanyeol’s chest, but he concluded that he liked the warmth the red-haired was giving him.

It was only when Baekhyun felt Chanyeol’s hand wandered further below, to the nape of his neck, did he notice that he shouldn’t be this close with another boy other than Sehun. But as he felt Chanyeol’s hand cup his neck and pull him closer, he couldn’t find it in him to pull away immediately. He only flinches just slightly when Chanyeol’s lips barely brushes his.

“Chanyeol, I have a boyfriend.” He reasoned, as if Chanyeol doesn’t already know. Chanyeol’s heavy-lidded eyes bored into his with an intense gaze and he couldn’t look away.

Baekhyun shuddered at how deep Chanyeol’s voice sounded when it came and broke the silence. “I told you when we met at the herbal store, Baek. Whoever caused those tears surely doesn’t deserve you. He doesn’t deserve you.” There was need in the way Chanyeol says it, but Baekhyun could easily miss it as Chanyeol being the kind boy that he is, considerate of his feelings and only wishes the best for Baekhyun. His gaze fell onto Chanyeol’s thicker lips, guilt washing over him as the thought of those plump lips on his thin ones filled up his head. He tries to replace those images with thoughts of Sehun but it wouldn’t go away. He moves another inch back when Chanyeol leaned closer, attempting for the second time to capture his lips.

“But, Sehun –”

Chanyeol shook his head and places a finger on Baekhyun’s parted lips. “He doesn’t have to know.”

Something inside him tells him not to let Chanyeol any closer but the more stubborn part of him lets the giant lean down slowly and brushing their lips together. He doesn’t know why he parted his lips to give Chanyeol better access; he only knew that he liked the way Chanyeol’s lips moved perfectly against his, smooth and slow and intoxicating, and he forgets all the guilt that’s been building inside him since the moment Chanyeol initiated the kiss. He forgets the words he’d said before to a boy who rightfully owns his heart and he forgets any promises ever made.

He forgets Sehun and only remembered Chanyeol.

The constant buzzing of his cell phone woke Baekhyun up from his sleep. He reached for it blindly, grasping onto it and groggily opens his eyes to see who had called him so early in the morning. The name on the phone screen blurred in his vision and his eyes widened as it cleared and he saw that it was none other than his boyfriend Oh Sehun. A flush crept up his cheeks and neck at the memory of last night; of open-mouthed kisses, tangled arms and legs and sighs of pleasure shared with someone else and not the boy he swore to wait for. Guilt crashes heavily at his chest and it was difficult to breathe as images of Sehun smiling and waiting for him to pick up the phone lingered in his head. Tears pricked at his eyes and they dropped when he blinked.

He was about to press the answer button when a large hand came over from the other side of the bed and wrapped around his smaller one, his phone disappearing from sight. Chanyeol heavily rests his long arm over Baekhyun’s bare chest. Baekhyun could feel the continuous vibration of his phone in his hand, but he couldn’t handle the guilt that filled him up and so he abandoned his vibrating phone onto the bedside table, turning around to snuggle close into Chanyeol’s chest.

It was a surprise how quickly his emotions could change in a matter of seconds. Suddenly all his guilty feelings disappeared just as soon as Chanyeol pulled him even closer, and he fell asleep once again for the second time in someone else’s arms.

Baekhyun lied when Sehun called and asked why he hadn’t been answering his calls. Sehun had called for almost ten times that day after Baekhyun’s little affair, as if he knew exactly what happened the night before and intended to scream at Baekhyun for cheating on him. Baekhyun feared of how he might sound if he answered those calls, scared that Sehun would get suspicious and find out and in turn completely leave him behind. So when Sehun asked, he came up with a simple white lie, saying that he was fast asleep and had his phone on silent (which was true, for the most part). Sehun, as understanding as he’ll ever be, only said okay, with no tone of suspicion or doubt towards Baekhyun. He bit at his lip to keep the sob from escaping his throat, the guilt tearing at his soul and he couldn’t trust himself.

There was a promise at the back of his head when Chanyeol left his apartment after breakfast; of how it would be the first and the last time and there would be no room for Sehun to ever find out if it was only once. That day he spent it just staring at the glass bottle of Oh to My Byun, vision blurring as and when and only clearing when he blinked. He hardly noticed how wet his cheeks got after hours just staring emptily at the perfume; half wishing Sehun was with him and half dreading Sehun’s return. By the time the third year came and Sehun comes home, he was certain he would already have gotten past this torturous guilt.

Except when the doorbell rang and he opened the door to Chanyeol smiling lovingly at him, he forgot the promise he made to himself that it would be the last time and it ended up another night succumbing to the pleasure someone else, and not Sehun, was giving him.

There was no question being asked as Baekhyun continued to let Chanyeol in. The guilt continued to haunt him but they always hide whenever Chanyeol is around. It came to a point that he needed Chanyeol around him, just so he wouldn’t have the time to feel guilty over the relationship he now shares with the giant. Chanyeol held his hand in public unabashedly, kissed him on his lips when people are watching and held him after bringing them both beyond the limit of high and falling over the edge together. It was what he missed of Sehun. Everything was the same like when Sehun was still with him, only this time it was with Chanyeol.

He knew he should be bothered by the way he was unaffected by his own behavior. But instead of the heavy feeling on his chest, he only felt lighter whenever Chanyeol kissed him on his forehead. His conversations with Sehun over the phone became even shorter and every time he hung up the feeling of guilt wash over him again, reminded of how much he loved Sehun yet unwilling to let go of what he has with Chanyeol, scared that if he told Sehun the truth, his heart would be ripped off of him because he was still certain of the love he still bares for the boy.

It was another boring Wednesday spent in the kitchen with a hand on his hip as he focused on getting his tray of cookies properly baked. There isn’t any order from his sister’s shop but he couldn’t find anything else better to do than just baking. The perfumes were giving him a headache and he blames the lack of inspiration. He notes to himself to get out of the apartment and maybe visit the park for some inspiration. His cell phone on the kitchen counter vibrates non-stop and often he checks the caller ID before he decides to ignore it. He anticipates Sehun’s calls but the calls that came were all from Chanyeol, who he was trying hard to avoid.

Baekhyun thinks if he stopped seeing Chanyeol altogether, he would be fine and all he had to do was wait for Sehun. Christmas is nearing and he hoped with all his heart than Sehun had made some money to fly back here to celebrate it with him. He didn’t want to ask Sehun through the phone in fear of coming out needy. He wanted Sehun to come home if he wanted to and not because he asked. It was unfair really, to be upset with Sehun if Sehun couldn’t make it because what he did behind Sehun’s back was even more unforgivable.

The phone on the kitchen counter kept vibrating, ticking Baekhyun even further off until he couldn’t take it. He abandoned his cookies and answered the call angrily, almost yelling into the phone. “Park Chanyeol, I told you a million times I do not want to see you anymore!”

“Baekhyun, I’m at your door. Open up, please.”

What Baekhyun should’ve done was hang up and continued baking but what he did after hearing the pleading voice of Chanyeol asking him to open the door was walk over, defeated, and did as Chanyeol had asked. He couldn’t help but think that he owes Chanyeol; for making him smile, for making him laugh, for filling up his time. And when Chanyeol gave him a small smile and opened his arms, all Baekhyun could do was step over and into those comforting hold, burying his face close into Chanyeol’s chest. He felt safe, wanted, needed, and loved.

He felt all those that he feels with Sehun yet he couldn’t remember who made him feel all those for the first time as Chanyeol kisses him again.

The soft kisses quickly turned into a heavy make-out session, with Chanyeol pushing Baekhyun back onto the nearest couch and Baekhyun ever as submissive. He parted his lips to let Chanyeol’s wet tongue invade his mouth, at the sensation of their lips and tongue and teeth molding and swirling and clashing. His min