PART 1

Sehun’s first major disappointment was when his mother walked out of the house and left him with his baby brother home alone with an aunt who seemed nice on the surface but in truth, a devil in disguise. At age six, Sehun could only watch as his mother disappeared into a car with a stranger and sped away. Three-year old JunHong had tugged at his shirtsleeve, eyes wearing only the look of fear and sadness because even though he was a toddler he knew their mother won’t come home. Being so young Sehun shouldn’t remember what had happened then, but his childhood memory was filled with images after images of a cruel aunt and a crying JunHong.

He remembered exactly the way his mother held them both in her arms just weeks after their father went to heaven, promising them she wouldn’t leave like father did. Sehun held onto the promise as if his life depended on it because although he was young he knew he had no one else. He knew because his mother cried every night after she tucked them in for bed, he knew because his mother had no one to hold her when she cries. She made him promise to take care of JunHong whatever happens, and because Sehun loves little JunHong he didn’t hesitate to promise her.

Sehun’s first crush was his own best friend; a boy he met at the neighborhood’s playground at age seven who soon became his neighbor. The feelings came when they were both growing up into fine young men. The butterflies in his stomach came in the form of a handsome boy with dark brown hair and a pout that came almost as naturally as his smile. Sehun knows the boy never tried to come out so endearing because he had grown up with the very same boy, knowing well enough that Baekhyun – his best friend, crush, cause of his blushing cheeks – was born adorable.

He couldn’t help himself from reaching out to embrace the boy he cares so much about when Baekhyun cried for the first time in the ten years that they’ve been friends. Baekhyun had his first heartbreak on his birthday when his father passed away in a car crash and Sehun knew he should not have done what he did but his heart’s will was stronger than his head’s. He held a sobbing Baekhyun the night they buried Mr. Byun. He also tilted Baekhyun’s face upwards so their eyes could meet, slow and soft, afraid that Baekhyun might pull away. He chewed his lower lip in pure nervousness before he finally set on his decision. He kissed Baekhyun full on the lips when the clock struck twelve. He didn’t know then if he should regret it or love it.

Sehun’s first kiss was Baekhyun and he decided a minute after he kissed his best friend that he didn’t regret it. Maybe because Baekhyun’s pouty pink lips actually curled into a smile after crying so much since his father died, but even if he hadn’t Sehun would still not regret it. His first was with someone he decided he had been in love with since forever, and even if it had broken their friendship he was glad that his first kiss had been Baekhyun. It was only better that after a few minutes of silence, Baekhyun leaned up again to give Sehun a deeper kiss, more determined than the one Sehun had initiated. Sehun hadn’t known true happiness till then.

Sehun thinks he is the luckiest person in the world because every one of his firsts was shared with the same person. Sehun’s first homemade egg tart was made in the confines of Baekhyun’s apartment, both showered with flour and eggs as they fed each other their first homemade bakery. Sehun couldn’t help but notice that Baekhyun has the most beautiful smile when his boyfriend looked up at him from taking a bite of the egg tart, button nose covered in white and eyes turning crescents. He thinks he could never get tired of watching Baekhyun’s smiling lips and listen to Baekhyun’s hearty laugh. He thinks Baekhyun is perfect as the latter leaned up like he always does countless of times before and placed a kiss on Sehun’s lips. Sehun thinks – Sehun thought – that the happiness that filled his head and his heart and his soul would never end.    

But then again, a lot of what Sehun thought weren’t true.

“Guess what, babe?” Sehun spoke as he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend of three years in a back hug, placing a light kiss on Baekhyun’s cheek. The boy abandoned his progressing work on his latest recipe to smile at the taller, turning in Sehun’s arms so they were facing each other.

“Why do you always make me guess? I think my guesses are always right.” Baekhyun said teasingly, circling his arms around Sehun’s waist. “But fine, let me guess. You love me?”

Sehun laughed and shook his head, nuzzling his nose against Baekhyun’s. He loves the sparkling glint currently present in the other’s eyes. Sehun straightened, however, as his hand rose to tuck a stray strand of hair behind Baekhyun’s ear. “I do love you, yes. But it’s not what I’m questioning.” He smiled, hoping Baekhyun would understand what he intended to say and from the way Baekhyun was smiling back at him he had hoped that it would be okay.  “I have good news. I’ve been offered a place in Oxford.”

The grin on Baekhyun’s lips lasted less than a minute before it quickly faded and his face fell. The arms around Sehun’s waist retreated as Baekhyun turned back around and continued to work on his new pastry recipe. He was quiet for the longest two minutes of Sehun’s life and soon he couldn’t stand the silence, sighing before he plopped down onto one of the dining chairs. “I thought you’d be happy for me, Baek.”

Baekhyun’s head snapped to look at him and there was a plastered smile on his face which Sehun wanted to hate but couldn’t. “Of course I’m happy for you. Why wouldn’t I be?” There was a crack in Baekhyun’s voice as he focused back on what he was working on, and Sehun barely notice the smaller boy raising his arm to wipe the corner of his eye with his shirtsleeve.

The silence dragged on longer than Sehun liked and his bottom lip was beginning to numb after chewing it for such a long time. He was about to speak again when Baekhyun accidentally dropped the bowl he had in his hands, clattering on the floor with a deafening clang. Baekhyun picked it up quickly, muttering out an apology before he completely abandoned his work and rushed off to their shared room. Sehun sighed again, somehow knowing that this would happen. He had been so happy when he received the letter, even before he knew its contents just because of the Oxford logo on the envelope. His close friend Tao had received an identical envelope and they both had opened it at the same time. Being offered a place in such a good university is a once in a lifetime opportunity and they both knew they had to take it.

Tao had no problem with it, obviously. His parents had been anticipating this day and since it came, they would only be left with a little celebration before he flies off. As for Sehun, however, his parents weren’t anywhere to be proud of him and the only other person he would be excited to tell was Baekhyun. JunHong, who lived with his group of friends, had congratulated him and even though he knew Baekhyun would react this way he still couldn’t help but feel disappointed that Baekhyun wasn’t happy for him. It was only right though for Baekhyun to be upset; he would be too if Baekhyun was to leave him for three long years.

He spent a long half an hour in the kitchen, staring at the mess Baekhyun had created on the kitchen counter. He took another ten minutes just examining the ingredients Baekhyun had prepared for his new recipe, suddenly eager to try the result of his perfect boyfriend’s invention. Except this new pastry would not get done as long as Baekhyun is in the room. Sehun’s had the opportunity to be the first person to taste each and every one of Baekhyun’s new ideas before they get sent out to his sister’s bakery shop. Usually all of what was sent managed to be sold and Sehun had never been more proud of Baekhyun. He still thinks he is lucky to have such a perfect yet somehow imperfect boyfriend like Baekhyun.

Another sigh leaves Sehun’s lips as he remembered the look on Baekhyun’s face at his announcement, telling himself to be in there with Baekhyun and try to talk it out. He hates the feeling in his chest, knowing that he had hurt the boy he wants to keep any pain away from. But he couldn’t help the excitement that he was feeling. He had never felt as needed as he is now that Oxford is calling for him. Sehun spent another five minutes just standing in front of their room and staring at the door, contemplating on whether or not he should be going in.

It was decided against his will a second later when he finds himself turning the doorknob and entering the room he’d slept in for the last three years. Baekhyun had taken off his apron, thrown it somewhere across the room and seemed to have been seated on the edge of the bed since he disappeared. He didn’t acknowledge Sehun’s presence, lost in his own thoughts with bottom lip jutting out in a pout. Sehun took a moment to glare inwardly at how in the midst of this Baekhyun still managed to make his heart flutter at his adorableness. Sehun soon joined his boyfriend on the bed, silently taking Baekhyun’s small hand in his slightly bigger one and lacing their fingers together. Still Baekhyun kept his eyes on the ground.

“Baek baby, I’m sorry if the news upset you.” He started but Baekhyun had more to say.

The brunette shook his head fiercely. “I’m not upset. Well, not really. I’m just… I’m not ready to lose you, Sehun. Why are you leaving me so soon?”

Sehun frowned at this, bringing Baekhyun’s hand up to kiss his pale knuckles. “I’m not leaving you, Baek. It’s only three years and I’ll be back here with you.”

Baekhyun’s gaze into his eyes was intense but he managed to keep their eye contact. The smaller boy’s voice was soft yet firm. “Three years is a long time, Sehun.”

“I know, but for once, Baek, I feel like I’m needed somewhere.”

One of the few things Sehun regrets was ever letting that slip his mouth. He couldn’t forget the hurt that flashed in Baekhyun’s eyes as he gasped, pulling his hand away from Sehun’s. “Did it ever occur to you that I might need you here, Oh Sehun? We spent all our lives together and now you’re leaving me for three freaking years and you’re saying I don’t need you?”

He thinks Baekhyun is even more adorable when he’s angry, but at the moment he couldn’t make the boy even angrier. He only took Baekhyun’s hand again in his, and he was glad Baekhyun didn’t pull away when he start fiddling with Baekhyun’s fingers. “I didn’t mean that, Baek. Not that way. It’s just that it’s a rare chance and I actually had it. I won’t –”

Baekhyun’s lips quivered at this, taking a deep breath before he lets it out in one huff. “I won’t stop you from going. I don’t want you to go but it’s been your dream since we were ten and I’ve been here all along listening to you talking about living up your dreams and I just can’t ruin it.” Baekhyun ended it with a slightly cracked voice, closing his eyes.

“I won’t go if you don’t want me to.” Sehun whispered, meaning it as he wrapped his arms around Baekhyun, who buried his face in the crook of Sehun’s long and pale neck. He was willing to let go of his dreams for Baekhyun, he realized, because despite the happiness it would bring him he knew he could never be as happy as he would always be around Baekhyun.

He could feel Baekhyun squeezing his hand and it was not until almost five minutes of silence later that his boyfriend spoke again, looking up at him yet not in his eyes. “I want you to. You’re going to be the best lawyer working in the best law firm before you start your own. I’m just worried. You’ll be all alone –”

“I won’t be. Tao’s got the offer too.” Sehun hadn’t meant to sound too excited but he couldn’t help it. Of course, this only made Baekhyun even more upset and Sehun knew this not just by the way his boyfriend’s face fell even more but also because he knew how Baekhyun and Tao never got along. Baekhyun thinks Tao is Sehun’s new best friend to replace him.

Baekhyun’s eyes glistened with tears. “Huang Zitao? Your best fr