Chapter 4
When I Lay Me Down To SleepAfter Yifan left his room, Minseok was left reeling.
Why was Yifan watching Zitao sleep, crying none the less? Was he hurt?
The thought had Minseok up and out of bed before he could even think about being quiet.
If Yifan was hurt, Minseok didn't know what he would do. What if it was serious?
Minseok heart was beating a staccato in his chest as he searched everywhere for Yifan.
He wasn't in his and Jongdae's room, nor was he in Lu Han and Yixing's. He wasn't in the kitchen or the living room, and the bathroom and hall closet were both empty.
Minseok had worked himself up to a real panic before he noticed that the front door was open.
Kicking himself mentally, he slipped on some sandals and was out the door, not even thinking about grabbing a jacket. Something he immediately regretted.
The air was still that night, but it was bitingly cold, so much so that Minseok had to wrap his arms around himself to harden his resolve.
He was on a mission.
He couldn't see Yifan anywhere at the front of their building, so he started around towards the back. He stepped quietly, not wanting to alarm the obviously frightened younger man.
Minseok heard him before he saw him.
" - am really sorry about this, Joonmyun."
Minseok stopped where he was.
All was silent as Yifan seemed to wait for a reply.
"I don't know, I just, it just felt like something was wrong. Nothing to worry about."
Yifan sniffed noisily.
"What? No, I'm not crying. It's just cold out here, that's all."
Well, Minseok thought to himself, at least it wasn't a complete lie.
"Goodnight, Joonmyun. Sorry again."
Minseok heard Yifan disconnect the call, and then the soft shuffle of slippered feet walking around the corner.
Minseok steeled himself. There would be no letting Yifan off on this one. He had to resolve this, now.
Before it got any worse, and Yifan was hurt more.
Yifan saw Minseok immediately after walking around the building. His steps faltered, but he quickly assumed an air of nonchalance. An air that was bellied by the tears still drying on his cheeks.
He too was wearing nothing but a sleep shirt and bottoms, and his shivering was much more pronounced than Minseok's. His teeth were chattering and his arms were trembling with cold, but his face was frozen in an uncomfortable looking smile.
Yifan opened his mouth to speak.
Minseok quieted him with a shake of his head, and Yifan visibly deflated.
He dropped the act, and finally, Minseok was allowed to see how affected Yifan was by whatever was troubling him.
His chin connected with his chest and his shoulders dropped. He looked barely awake enough to pick his feet up off the ground, and the older boy felt his heart break for the young man before him.
Once Yifan made it to Minseok's side he stopped, listing dangerously to one side.
Minseok reached out and grabbed his upper arm, not voicing his concerns about how thin it had gotten. Yifan's skin was pebbled with goose bumps and ice cold, so cold Mineok flinched when he made contact.
Together they walked back into the warmth of their dorm, shutting the door Minseok had left open in his panic quietly.
Both boys were silent as Minseok led them to the couch, supporting Yifan with steady hands on his shoulder and wrist.
The warmth of the room eased their shaking and loosened their tense muscles enough that they could sit down. Minseok moved up against Yifan's lax side, trying to establish some kind of comfort.
Yifan's pupils were so dilated that they took up nearly all of his iris's, and his eyelids drooped low.
Another crack opened in Minseok's heart when Yifan moved so that his head lay on Minseok's shoulder. He looked so small like this, curled up and shaking, seeking some form of protection from somebody else for once.
Minseok was more than happy to do the protecting this time.
The tip of Yifan's nose pressed briefly against Minseok's shoulder, and he shivered at the icy touch. Yifan's hands were grasping tightly onto the arm of Minseok's sweater, his fingers tips freezing through the thick fabric.
Minseok had planned on waiting until Yifan spoke first, but he was worried that the younger man would pass out before he had the chance. He took the first step.
"Wu, why did you call Joonmyun so late?"
Minseok's whisper sounded accusatory in the oppressive silence of the room, and he immediately regretted the tone. But he stayed quiet anyways, waiting for a response.
Yifan didn't answer for several minutes, breathing soft, hitched puffs of air onto Minseok's collarbone.
"I had to make sure everyone was okay."
His whisper was hoarse, and Minseok's heartbeat quickened nervously.
"Why did you think they wouldn't be?"
Yifan seemed to debate answering, but he eventually replied.
"I had a bad dream."
There it was.
The source of all of Yifan's misery, spelled out in five little words.
His voice was soft even in a whisper, ashamed. He attempted to hide his face in the crook of Minseok's elbow, but his height prevented him from bending that low. He settled on pulling his feet up on the couch and setting his head on Minseok's thigh.
Minseok couldn't let Yifan fall asleep, no matter how much he wanted to. If they didn't do this now they never would.
He put his palms on the younger man's cheeks and lifted his head, ducking down to look into his glazed eyes.
"Yifan, why haven't you told anyone about this?"
As he spoke, Minseok used the sleeves of his sweater to wipe the chilly tears from Yifan's cheeks. Yifan looked so innocent then, his cheeks flushed a bright pink and his plush mouth pulled down in a small frown. Minseok felt about two feet tall then, faced with the severity of Yifan's suffering.
Suffering that he would do everything in his power to put an end too.
"If you knew, you wouldn't want me to be leader anymore."
Minseok thought he was done, but Yifan continued.
"Then what would I be?"
Minseok has never experienced true heartbreak until now, sitting in the dark with a beautiful, broken boy in his arms.
Good thing he knew what had to be said to mend it.
"You would be my friend, Yifan. Big scary leader or not, I will always love you."
Minseok felt a weight settle onto his chest as his words hung heavily in the dark. Yifan's sparkling eyes grew impossibly wetter at Minseok's words, and his lips parted in genuine surprise.
Minseok held his breath.
Yifan smiled then. Not his bright, beaming grin from days past, but a small, contented upturn of his lips.
"I love you too, so much I can't stand it."
The weight left his chest.
Minseok breathed again.
He smiled back at Yifan, sleepy and cold and as happy as he'd ever been. Yifan leaned forward and turned his head to press a gentle, reverent kiss on Minseok's cheek.
The younger man smiled gently as he laid his head back down in Minseok's lap, keeping a tight hold of Minseok's sweater.
"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."
Yifan's whisper was teasing and sweet, making Minseok's heart skip a beat and his smile widen.
Yifan was asleep by the time Minseok's hand found a way into his hair, petting it back soothingly.
Yifan snored adorably, Minseok thought.
A/N: So there were cuddles and confessions and tears galore! I hope I lived up to expectations! A forewarning, the next chapter will most likely be the last:( On a happier note, drop me a comment if you have any suggestions or complaints!!
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