Luhan was seated on his computer, observing YouTube videos for the thousandth time. Since he's been in Korea, he has found YouTube to be very useful.

He pulls up a familiar video of two figures laughing and talking. His eyes glaze over as he sees Yunho's radiant smile, his pearly white teeth sparkling. Next to Yunho, Changmin has his lips in an awkward smile, his eyes sparkling and his hands politely folded in his lap.

Luhan observes the video over and over again, replaying it and analyzing their every body motion and gesture.

Tomorrow, Yunho would visit him at their dance practice. He had been warned beforehand as high maintenance celebrities like DBSK (even if they were from the same entertainment label) were rarely dabbled with newer artists unless to provide the occasional moral support. Technically, both of the duo would be there, but Luhan could only be excited about Yunho coming.

They were having an upcoming concert, and all the practice rooms were heavily booked, as such Exo and DBSK would share a joint practice room. Meaning, he would be with Yunho for at least eight hours.

Luhan fingers type rapidly on the keyboard,

"Let's see...Yunho fancam." He scrolls through the videos, trying to find one where Yunho's face is clear so he could observe his facial expressions.

He is about to click on a "Keep Your Head Down" performance when his eyes catch something at the bottom of the page.

It is a fancam of Yunho watching Changmin's solo. Luhan gulps because this is exactly what he is looking for, yet a part of him bubbles with fear at what he would find.

He tentatively clicks it, he does so in one fluid motion so he couldn't take it back. When the video starts playing, the camera is blurry before coming into sharp focus on two figures. One is on the bright stage, singing passionately while the other is by the side, arms crossed and face morphed into one of pure concentration.

Luhan automatically recognizes Yunho, his muscular arms crossed over his broad chest. Reluctantly, he lets his eyes trail over to the singing figure, Changmin's voice resounding through the speakers and Luhan's eardrums.

He eyes Yunho again, and holds his breath. A desperate feeling wells up in his chest, the object of his desperation continues to stare at the passionately singing figure. Luhan sees the way his eyes turn tender and intrigued.

Luhan has spent years admiring and loving this figure staring at Changmin. He sees the passion and something Luhan doesn't want to acknowledge, and it makes him feel cold all over.

He suddenly hears a sharp noise coming from outside his room, and Luhan sharply closes out of the window and swivels his chair toward the door. A few moments pass with Luhan's heart beating against his ribcage at a rapid pace before his panic subsides and he realizes no one is coming in.

They don't know the height of his obsession, and he would like to keep it that way.

He slowly goes to his bed, bringing the covers up to his face.

Luhan falls asleep listening to "Hug" in his head, if only to fill a growing void in his cavity of a chest.

The next day, all the members are agitated at Luhan, he spends two hours in the bathroom, getting ready for a dance practice. They think its strange how much effort he's putting into getting ready when they'll just end up sweaty and tired beyond caring about their appearance.

He comes out with his hair swishy and voluminous. He applied eyeliner to make his eyes sparkle more, and he made sure to pick tight clothes that framed his body in the most ideal image.

Baekhyun quirks an eyebrow. "You do know we're going to a dance practice not a club, right?"

Luhan opts to ignore him.

They arrive at the practice room, before they enter the members can hear booming music. Luhan can hear the familiar lines of "Catch Me" blurred by the closed door. They cautiously enter the practice room.

Luhan notices that the backup dancers are not present today, it is just Yunho and Changmin dancing.

They sit down at the side of the practice room, observing the dance. Luhan's eyes are drawn as it reaches the chorus and Yunho's arms reach out toward Changmin, and Changmin's arms reach towards Yunho from the ground. Yunho's face has always managed to match the dance, and in this moment, Luhan ardently hoped it was the dance morphing his perfect face into one of lovesickness.

Yunho's face looked as though he were getting the love of his life torn away as Changmin moves his arms right out of his grasp.

Luhan applauds them on their expert acting. 

The song continues, Luhan becoming more rigid as the song goes on. When the song finally ends, they all begin clapping. Changmin and Yunho say their greetings before sitting down and gulping down bottles of water like their life depended on it.

Luhan tries to focus on the dance, but he finds his eyes going off to the side, focusing on how Yunho's hand Changmin's fingers in an affectionate manner. Before he knows it, Luhan feels himself trip and jerk forward.

He manages to catch himself, but not before everyone in the room had taken notice. 

They pause the song and tell Luhan to focus. Luhan just blushes before furiously nodding. Great, prove how utterly infatuated you are why don't you?

When he looks over, Yunho is looking at him, looking as though he were about to chastise him with an austere and hardened expression, but then Changmin gives Yunho a warning look. As though telling him, "Hyung, he's a rookie, cut him some slack. He's not perfect." 

Luhan is chanting for Yunho to not listen, for once to not listen to Changmin. At least, that would assure that he wasn't completely head over heels in love with his fellow bandmate. It didn't matter that Yunho would tell him that he was lacking, that he needed more concentration, at least Yunho would prove that he wasn't completely in love with.....

Luhan has his hopes dashed again as Yunho keeps his mouth shut, patting Changmin on the head in understanding, his fingers gliding over Changmin's eyelids. His hands communicating an unspoken message to Changmin as they gently press against his skin.

They continue with the practice, and Luhan does every dance move robotically after that, his mind racing in the deep crevices of his mind.

People had always told Luhan he was ethereal and stunning. He had glittering doe eyes, a perfectly proportioned face, pale skin and regal lips. Luhan despaired because Yunho didn't want a perfectly proportioned, pale face. He wanted glittering animated eyes, thick lips and lightly tanned skin. Anything he could find in Changmin. Yunho craved Changmin more than he could crave for anything else, this Luhan could see, though he spent a long while trying to deny it.

Luhan cast a quick look at Changmin, could he ever achieve becoming enough of him to catch Yunho's eye?

Perhaps. It is this glimmer of hope that keeps Luhan with his plan.

The practice ends uneventfully, and Luhan is already busy planning out the details of his metamorphosis.

Over the next few weeks, Luhan spends hours at a time outside, letting his skin taken on a sunkissed tone. He adds lipstain and makes sure to eat a ridiculous amount of spicy food in order to make his lips thicker. He practices his expression in the mirrior. Making his eyebrows slope downward, his eyes widening. When Luhan looks at the mirror, he starts crying because its definitely not enough.

Its not even close to enough.

His face still looks nothing like Changmin's, and there is no way he can get Changmin's naturally long legs. Luhan sees his muscular calves and immediately regrets all those years of soccer and curses his genetics. Changmin had skinny calves, his legs more skinny than muscular.

There is no way for Luhan to get taller or get longer legs, nor get the same face.

Luhan slinks down and lets tears escape his eyes. He couldn't stop now though. Its better this than not close at all. Being closer means being closer to Yunho.

The members start commenting on Luhan's transformation, asking him if anything was wrong because he just suddenly began changing his habits as well as his appearance.

Luhan assures them everything is fine.

He continues to watch videos, absorbing every single aspect of Changmin possible, making sure to program it deep into his mind, imprint it there. The more Changmin he managed to absorb, the more Yunho would like him. The more Yunho could learn to love him the way he loved the perfect dancer.

Luhan wished things were easier, he wanted to hate Changmin, yet Changmin was perfectly cordial, nice and helpful. He was sensible, quiet, and never did anything that purposefully annoyed others.

Luhan has never wanted someone as much as he wanted Yunho. Had he told someone about this desire, they would probably have thought he was mentally unstable, but he wasn't. He just really loved Yunho and wanted him to notice it. He was devoted, not insane. Devotion is a sign of good faith, a sign of eternal and undying love. It proves a loyalty to the highest power, and Luhan could promise that to Yunho.

Yunho was the epitome of perfection. The perfect body, face, personality and even the right amount of talent. He was everything outlined in Luhan's dreams, everything that could save him from his nightmares, he was everything. 

At one point, Luhan had cornered Yunho and had a conversation, mostly about music and such. Luhan batted his eyelashes, twisted his hips a bit, and even leaned forward. Yunho just gives him a friendly smile, answering all of his questions about music with a perfectly professional tone. Before Luhan could continue the conversation, Yunho excused himself and tapped a startled Changmin on the shoulder. Yunho laughed as Changmin glared at him for scaring him. Yunho envelops Changmin into a hug, his chin digging into Changmin's hair.

This need for Yunho consumes and destroys Luhan.

Luhan leaves feeling empty.

Luhan's heart hurts uncontrollably as he imagines Yunho's strong, toned arms wrapping around him the way Yunho wraps them around Changmin.

Yunho leaning in to whisper a joke to Changmin.

Yunho squeezing Changmin's hands.

Yunho grabbing Changmin possessively when someone gets too close to him.

Yunho patting Changmin on the head with affection.

Yunho kissing Changmin passionately on the lips.

The last one had broken Luhan like a useless ragdoll. He had rounded the corner to the practice room one day, when he spotted two intimate figures in the practice room. When he peaked through the door, making sure not to be seen, he spots Yunho's familiar side profile. His arms are trapping Changmin against the glass mirrors of the room, his figure looming over a bent Changmin. His mouth is over Changmin's lips, the kiss deep and passionate. They lose themselves for several minutes, eyes closed, minds in a different world. When they parted, they panted with their breaths mingling together, eyes full of life and fervor.

They were in a world of their own, a world with only each other and without Luhan.

Yunho's eyes looked at Changmin with adoration, absolute loyalty and unfaltering love. Changmin smiled up at him, allowing Yunho to cup his cheek, the smooth skin. Luhan slowly walked away, he spent the next three hours walking around aimlessly. His mind not registering what he had just witnessed. All his deepest fears manifested into reality, and Luhan suddenly feels like reality is very much like a horrible nightmare.

After several months of trying his best to imitate Changmin and making little progress, Luhan realizes that becoming Changmin is impossible. Nothing is completely right. His legs just aren't long enough. His lips just revert back, his face is not the same shape. His limbs aren't the same shape. He swallows the truth of the matter as bitterly as someone who doesn't swallow truths at all.

His mind spirals out of control a little bit more.

Luhan sees everything no one else seems to see. He is constantly observing, calculating, wondering where he can't match up. Where Yunho would show agitation as stylists and coordinators constantly bothered him about clothes, pestered him about cosmetics, Changmin would nag Yunho about his cleanliness (or lack thereof), in which Yunho would just smile and pinch Changmin on the cheeks before fixing whatever Changmin disapproved of.

Surrounded by other stunning female idols, models, actresses, Yunho's eyes stay trained on Changmin. All the stunning females are dolled up, makeup highlighting their soft features, yet Yunho only sees Changmin's wide eyes, his smooth skin, his drooping lips.

Yunho's laugh takes on a special tone filled with happiness and amusement whenever Changmin would accidently trip (which was a lot), and he would proceed to gush about how adorable Changmin was.

Luhan feels a monster begin to claw its way out the more he observes.

Luhan feels sadness, despair, loneliness, anger, and jealousy when he envisions Yunho's heated gaze on Changmin. His eyes expressing and conveying emotions Luhan had wished to ellicit from him that Changmin did effortlessly. The myriad of emotions rush over him and hit him with the force of a tsunami, leaving him a trainwreck of unresolved desires and feelings.

Luhan requests to have a singing practice session with Changmin privately. Changmin accepted happily, eager to help out his junior with his singing techniques.

He goes into the kitchen before sneaking out, his eyes flitting every which way like a paranoid insect.

He silences the voice in his head telling him to turn back as he walks into the practice room where Changmin is singing softly.

Luhan remembers a fragile moment in time, with Yunho gently kissing Changmin on the cheek. Both just staring at each other, nothing but each other in this eternal expanse of infinity. Yunho's arms tighten around Changmin's waist, they lose themselves in each other, melding into one mind, a moment of exquisite beauty and wonder. It was a promise of forever, a vow of unconditional love.

The metal in Luhan's hand glints, promising murder. Will you destroy such a beautiful thing?

The voice in his head tells him to stop. 

He doesn't.