Written by Purpledino

Illustrated by Kim Myungsoo

BOOK 1: DUMB

Chapter 1

Once upon a time, there lived a boy named Nam Woohyun.

He was a happy, cute boy who auditioned for Woollim Entertainment in hopes of achieving his dreams. He trained very hard for several years and then debuted as a singer with six other happy, cute boys in Infinite. Gradually, they all matured into handsome, young men.

Then one day, they died.

And it was in that unfortunate condition that the prince met Kim Soo Min.

He walked up to her and winked, “Annyeong! Nam Woohyun-imnida! Are you one of my girlfriends?”

Instead of swooning over him like most girls, she frustratingly just stared at him in silence, not bothering to make any gestures to reciprocate his greeting.

The prince was greatly insulted.

What was her problem? He shrugged and returned to his friends. It wasn’t a big deal; probably just another sasaeng fan who thought she had found her husband. As he was walking back, another thought struck him. An anti, perhaps? He stopped and shook his head, reprimanding himself for thinking such a silly thing.

Chapter 2

Oh holy mother --! What the hell was she doing behind that damn tree! She’s coming closer! Ahh! Must stop this fiend before she rips us to pieces!

“Hehehehehe.” Is this… what hell sounds like?

He stopped feeling scared and angry and just became frustrated. “This girl! Do you want our autographs or something?” 

Confusion was her only reaction but it was genuine so did she really not know who they were? A lightbulb dinged above his head. Maybe she only paid attention to the bigshots; they had just debuted a little over a year ago after all. What she needed was a trigger because really who could forget this…

The prince flashed his abs.

Unfortunately, poor Woohyun had greatly overestimated the apathetic princess’ interest in pop culture and the opposite . The only responses he received that even came close to positive came as snickers from Infinite. Some of them also expressed scorn while Soo Min remained—well, apathetic. This was definitely no ordinary girl.

And Woohyun was intrigued. 

Chapter 3

Over the next few weeks, he found himself experiencing a strange mixture of extreme emotions: anguish, pride, anger, admiration, disgust. Happiness.

Mind you, he was not a lovesick puppy. Whoever started the stereotype of the yearning male protagonist was dumb. He was an ambitious man, not a distracted schoolgirl.

What he felt towards Soo Min was not the "prelude to love" as Dongwoo so lovingly termed it but simply competitiveness, or so he told himself. She can cook? He can cook better. Not really but Prince Sungjong always tried to cheer him up. She’s agile? He can move faster. ...Race cars count, right? She doesn’t prank, insult or lie to them? But she hit him! (“Anyone in their right mind would do the same thing; that doesn’t make her a bad person,” Sunggyu commented before returning to his book.) She said he had no abs. (“It’s called ‘honesty’; get used it.”) Not to mention, she got to call Dongwoo ‘brother’ only after knowing each other for a couple of days; it took months before he could even start using banmal. (“Jealousy makes you look creepy… Please make your eye stop twitching.”)

But despite it all, he could see why the others liked her so much too; friendship is a two-way street after all. Even though she rarely ever smiled—weird giggles do not count—her other actions made up for that lost one.

Dongwoo was always the last one to come down for breakfast but Soo Min never started eating until he was seated. Sunggyu found he could discuss his problems about the other members with her; as the oldest, he had always tried to suppress his annoyance at minor issues but talking to her relaxed him, even if the only words she offered were ones of disapproval. Whenever Sungjong misplaced his phone or his bear or his candy stash (“How mindless of him; he hides the candy so we can’t find it yet he can’t find it either”) or his wallet or his journal or his camera, he would always wake up the next morning to find the lost item placed mysteriously next to his pillow. Infinite came back home one day to discover a wall in their room completely covered by a mirror; Hoya, who had been slowly falling into a debilitating mental state of gloominess, gradually returned to his charismatic self by dancing. Sungyeol got magazines; the subject of those magazines cannot be discussed. Myungsoo got manga; fortunately, that can be discussed. After expressing nostalgia over his extensive collection at home, a new bookshelf appeared in their room one day, complete with all of the released volumes of One Piece, Bleach and Naruto—his top favorites. And sleeping, which used to be one of Woohyun’s favorite pastimes, no longer felt like an adversarial activity; the members stopped complaining about Woohyun’s sleeptalking and he realized that he no longer woke up feeling irritated or drained.

These new feelings of pleasure and peace, feelings they no longer felt were necessary since there were more important things—finding a place to live and eat, finding their families, finding a cure to this torturous existence of being neither alive nor dead—were reawakened after living with her. They remembered what they had previously forgotten: they still had each other. Indeed, as corny as it sounded, they were grateful for the infinite nature of their friendship.

And they were grateful to her and for her.

So it was that gratefulness that led them into this mess:

“Who the heck is he?”

They were spying through the cafeteria windows at the horror that was Sang Hyun. Guyliner, messy hair, too much black (even Myungsoo disapproved). Curious, bewildered, appalled: that’s how six of them felt. But Woohyun was a different case.  

This traitorous girl! It was just a short while ago that he had willingly called her a friend:

He waited until he heard the steady rhythm of her breathing. Woohyun waved his hands over her face and when he saw no reaction, he laid back down.

“Silly girl, you have us.”

So what if she didn’t hear it? It still counted. It took a lot of Nam-manliness to admit defeat—but he’ll beat her in something someday—and whisper those words. However, he wouldn’t be Woohyun if he simply expressed his displeasure. Instead, he kept it hidden behind his sarcastic remarks and fake smiles but Infinite’s “uh oh! mentally imbalanced person” meter went off, though they logically attributed it to Sang Hyun.  

Thus the task of slaying the dragon befell Prince Woohyun.

Chapter 4

After the squabble with Sunggyu the peasant—whoops, Sunggyu the prince—Woohyun returned home to his bed only to be disturbed from his slumber by a worried Sungjong. Together, they waged through the cluttered battlefield, the living room warzone of their neighbor’s house to gain the help of the wisest sage in the village: Jolie.

With her wisdom, the brave three found their damsel in distress.

…Except the dragon and his minions appeared to be in greater torture. Against Soo Min, they were powerless but against the princes, their dark magic was excruciatingly overwhelming. 

Before they could come up with a plan of action, they experienced intense stabs within their bodies. The pain increased as their body temperatures rose; invisible flames engulfed and swallowed them. But as quick as it started, it ended. Princess Soo Min stood over the defeated dragon, victory evident.

Who said the damsel needed saving?

Chapter 5

The prince became distraught with his conflicting thoughts but he was too embarrassed to confide in friends. On one hand, he was quite content that she was fine but on the other hand, he was furious. Guys were supposed to protect girls so how and when did the situation change?

He snuck a glance at her; she was currently in the kitchen, filling her arms with snacks. Apparently, she had to make up for hours of lost movie time because of the attempted sacrifice. The others were too busy criticizing Myungsoo’s artwork to notice that she was struggling to reach a box on the top shelf. He stood up to help her, secretly pleased that she would need his aid, when she did the unthinkable and jumped off of the counter, flipped through the air and grabbed the item. His hopes of her tripping on her feet, screaming and crying for help, and being caught in his arms were destroyed when she landed swiftly and resolvedly on her feet.

When he joined Sunggyu and Dongwoo upstairs later in their attempt to lure her downstairs into the audition-trap, he found himself in yet another petty fight. Was he upset? Of course! She was winning. Was he furious? Certainly! She made him look like a fool. But was he fed up?

No, he never wanted these battles to end. Because if they did, would she still pay attention to him?

What he expected was an angry Soo Min who was bent on destroying him (yes, he uses very childish ways to gain attention); what he didn’t expect was two very angry princes bent on annihilating him. His goal was to be in her thoughts, not theirs.

As he was hiding out on the rooftop, he reflected on his motives. To be in her thoughts. What the hell did that mean?! As mentioned before, Woohyun was not some daydreaming schoolgi—schoolboy. But the intentions of his actions over the past few months… could this be what they called l—

He refused to accept it. Brain, you get a stinking thumbs down. All of these feelings are most likely due to the absence of a regular girl—a feminine, cute girl. He had no biased feelings towards someone who was peculiar and antisocial and pre—

Even after he had followed her downstairs, insisting that she acknowledge the presence of his sculpted and hard-to-obtain abs, even after she obstructed their efforts in the pseudo-audition, even after he had seen her hug another prince, he couldn’t help but to still l—

Again with that stupid word.  One day he is just going to snap and tear out that word from all the dictionaries. That way, all problems would be solved and world peace would be restored. An evil laugh erupted in his thoughts.

But when she suddenly smiled, he could no longer restrain himself. Smile or not, she was captivating. He had been with girls before for the sake of knowing what it should feel like but he had never experienced this warmth before. But he needed more time to think about this. He escaped to the other tower in the castle only to find himself alone with the one person he so dearly wanted to avoid.

However, all fairytales need happy endings.

So he kissed her and they lived happily together after.

But all fairytales fail to consider the cruelties of life.

Happiness, like silence, expires. 

BOOK 2: DUMBER

Once upon a time, there lived a boy named Sungyeol.

He died.

And everyone lived happily ever after.

The end. 

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A/N: FOUR ANNOUNCEMENTS!

1. TWITTER!
I just got a twitter account!
http://twitter.com/connietrn
I originally intended it to be a private thing but then I realized that 1) not many of my friends have an account and 2) it's freaking Twitter so there goes the privacy thing. Well, I want to get to know my wonderful and loyal readers so follow, message, stalk, befriend me~ whatever is fine! ^^

2. "I'M KYUHYUN"
If you haven't already, check out my thriller oneshot starring Super Junior's very own evil maknae:
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/131374/i-m-kyuhyun-horror-kyuhyun-oneshot-sungmin-superjunior/18
I would greatly appreciate it if you guys could leave some sort of critique. I don't normally ask for any comments but I really want to improve my writing so I can write even MORE dark oneshots. :D As you can tell, the style is really different from In Spirit so if you prefer fluffy stories, then I can't positively say that you will like it. But... PLEASE READ ANYWAYS!
Want to know something pathetic? My own story creeped me out since I had to imagine myself as the main characters. ~.~ Crazy people are scary. 

3. Q&A Project.
Do you guys have any questions for our lovely characters? In a few weeks/chapters, for the next Characters' Corner, I they will be answering all fanmail, questions, comments, etc. So if there's anything that you readers have been dying to express, send them in now! You can post it on my wall, message it, post it as a comment, or contact me through twitter. 
If you wish to remain anonymous, then you can send a message in my tumblr ask box:
http://shinyc.tumblr.com/ask
Oh! And please leave a note if you don't want your name to be associated with your question/comment. 

And of course... last but not least... 

4. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NAM WOOHYUN YOU GREASY TREE.