Review of snowflakes (gonexx)

Story Link

The title 7/10:

The title is simple, plain and a bit unsophisticated but it was giving your story an essence. I just thought the word ‘snowflakes’ is going to be the concept for your story. I suggest looking for other words which are more eye-catching for your other fan-fictions but I guess this one is okay.

The description/foreword 7/10:

I simply loved it. It’s short, lovely and holding so much mysteriousness. It’s enigmatic and obscure and somehow sorrowful.

I think you ought to use the foreword to give the reader some glimpses of the plot and the characters instead of mentioning that the story is for a contest (you can include the information about the contest but I just thought you could have used it for presenting your story.)  

The plot/originality 25/30:

As much as I hate angst (too much sadness for my weak heart) but this story was written beautifully. It was so original and I liked how you ended it even if I think you’ve rushed the end but overall it was superb and terrific; when you added the woeful and saddening part at the end I think all the readers’ hearts clenched.

Grammar/spelling 4/10:

You have a problem with the construction of the phrases; also you have a problem with tenses,

“That could be recognizes…” / “That could be recognized…”

“… apologize to sehun and told him…” / “… apologize to sehun and tell him ...”

“The horrible curse was symbolize by…” / “The horrible curse was symbolized by…”

I suggest you to find a beta-reader or just a friend to help you. I hope you can fix this soon.

Characterization 15/20:

The story didn’t describe the characters very well, but I felt an instant connection with them. I wished you could have given them more parts and scenes to discover different parts of them and their life; it would have added more sadness to the story. If you have the chance to develop the characters please do so.

Enjoyment 15/20:

Aside from the mistakes, the story was average. It had a decent plot and simple characters’ development. It was a nice story, dolorous and sorrowful. I think you have potentials and you can give more. You have fresh ideas and a nice style. You should only pay attention to details and fix your mistakes.

73/100