Original Drabble: LETTERS

Related Drabbles: ALONE, COMA

Eunhyuk quietly stands next to a speechless Donghae as they ride the elevator back up to their apartment. He occasionally steals a quick glance at his boyfriend, but all Eunhyuk finds in return is Donghae staring miserably at the dirty floor. His teardrops land softly on the floor causing tiny round spots of clean flooring to appear in front of him. His breathing is ragged, and Eunhyuk can only look on as Donghae grieves.

The suit Donghae is wearing is hanging off of his slumped shoulders, and he looks paler and thinner than he ever has. His tie is still correctly knotted in place despite Eunhyuk knowing how much that irritates him usually.

Donghae hasn't really spoken in the 36 hours since his father's death. He's just cried as Eunhyuk either held him or looked on from beside him during the wake and funeral. No matter what he says, Donghae remains mute.

The ascent up passes quickly, and they step off the elevator moments later making their way toward their apartment. When they reach the door, Eunhyuk stops and turns to look at Donghae. He's still facing the ground, and it breaks Eunhyuk's heart. All he wants to do is take some, if not all, of his suffering away.

"Donghae," he quietly calls out before placing his hand against his boyfriend's cheek before moving it to under his chin. Gently, he pushes Donghae's face up and finds himself staring into a pair of bloodshot eyes that are b with another flood of tears waiting to fall.

"Sweetie, please. Please talk to me."

Donghae shakes his head causing the unshed tears to slip down his already tear-stained face. He surges forward and throws his arms around Eunhyuk's neck.

Eunhyuk catches him securely as Donghae begins to sob against his neck. His body trembles while Eunhyuk holds him tighter, letting him cry as much as he needs to at this moment. Whatever Donghae needs from him, Eunhyuk is ready to provide tonight.

"I'm s-s-sorry." It's a rough, stuttered whisper against his collarbone, but Eunhyuk still manages to hear him.

"Hae, sweetie. Why are you apologizing?"

"So sorry," Donghae repeats. Eunhyuk holds him tighter by his waist, lifting one hand to rub at the nape of the other man's neck.

"Hae, baby. Please, let's go inside. Okay? You don't need to apologize for anything. Let's just go inside. We can make some soup or take a warm bath and then get some sleep."

Donghae sniffles against his neck and nods his head slowly in agreement. His body falls resignedly against Eunhyuk's slim frame, and Eunhyuk holds him tighter. He can feel both of their exhaustion entirely now, and he struggles to get them both inside without jostling Donghae too much. He slowly slips his arm away from Donghae's neck and enters the code into the keypad and kicks their door open, walking them in together.

Almost four days ago, Eunhyuk received a phone call at 4 in the morning from a weeping Donghae. Through tears and deep sobs, he explained that he was in the hospital with his father who was dying. Immediately, Eunhyuk jumped out of bed and raced over to the hospital to be with him.

Before that phone call, Eunhyuk had been wondering why Donghae had been so distant for that whole week. He'd been quiet and unresponsive and had even slept away from home for a night. It all made sense when he arrived at the hospital.

Donghae had explained that he had not wanted to burden Eunhyuk with what was going on because he hadn't believed it to be grave, but ultimately the situation worsened. That frustrated Eunhyuk, not understanding that his boyfriend, that the man he loved, didn't think he should let him know what was going on because he felt it would inconvenience him. However, Eunhyuk realized why Donghae felt that way. Eunhyuk had been stressing about a project at work, but even so, he lamented that he gave off the impression that Donghae couldn't come to him with any problems, especially regarding his family.

It had not been that long that Donghae had accompanied Eunhyuk to mass on the sixth anniversary of his own grandmother's passing. He knew that they had only been together for a little over half-a-year, but he wanted Donghae to recognize that he would always be there for him. No matter what.

For the next three days, Eunhyuk spent his time at the hospital with Donghae and his family as they slowly watched his father pass away. He never once spent more than a few minutes away from his boyfriend. At times, Donghae just rested, slumped sobbing against Eunhyuk as they sat on the floor of the rest area.

The worst part of the whole situation was that Donghae had only found out that his father was ill two weeks before his passing. It was  Donghae's elementary school classmate who had messaged him online to express his sympathies. Donghae had been entirely clueless about his father's health problems during the entirety of his fight with his illness.

His father had hidden the disease from both of them. He had shown no indication that he was sick when the couple visited only a few weeks prior. However, Donghae's mother let them know that he had already been ill for almost a year. The only other people who had known had been Donghae's mother and brother. They had all chosen to keep the diagnosis a secret from their youngest son. That had only made matters worse in the end.

Back inside of their apartment, Eunhyuk gently shuts the door and pushes Donghae away from him to help him remove his suit jacket and shoes. He even wiggles his tie's knot down and slips it over Donghae's head.

All the while, Donghae stands still, almost lifeless, watching Eunhyuk remove his own shoes and coat. He watches as Eunhyuk hangs their jackets and their ties in the hallway closet. He mindlessly lets Eunhyuk grab his hand and walk him over to the kitchen and over to a seat.

Eunhyuk smiles gently and begins to put a pot of water to boil. Donghae makes a note of how the other man is taking care of everything without him asking for anything.

"Sweetie, do you want to take a shower, or do you want to wait and eat first?" Eunhyuk asks warily, and Donghae can't help but smile timidly. He knows that he looks like a mess at the moment, that he must look like the walking dead.

However, his mind immediately focuses on Eunhyuk. He thinks to himself that he's so incredibly lucky. Here is this man that he's already convinced is his soul mate, caring for and making sure he is alright. He hasn't asked Donghae for anything except to answer a few questions.

Donghae knows that Eunhyuk has used up some of his vacation days to be able to spend time in the hospital with him and his family. He thinks to himself that he will forever be grateful to Eunhyuk and that he will always love him.

"I love you," he mumbles quietly, but still loud enough for Eunhyuk to hear him. Eunhyuk smiles back brightly at him as Donghae takes in a long drink of water.

"I love you, too."

Donghae stands up, surprising Eunhyuk. He walks up to the slightly taller man and hugs him, wrapping his arms tightly around his slim shoulders.

"Thank you," Donghae speaks much louder now, some of the hoarseness of constantly crying and not talking starting to fade away. The water has also helped the sandpaper feeling in his throat.

Eunhyuk moves his arms to Donghae's waist, alternating between rubbing the small of his back and the nape of his neck; it's something Donghae loves.

"Why are you thanking me?"

Donghae pulls back slightly, but not enough to escape the other man's hold.

"For everything you've done for my family and me over the past few days. I saw you running around helping everyone at the funeral home and yet you were always there by my side when I needed you. You're amazing. I love you so much. I didn't even know I could love someone the way I love you."

Eunhyuk gasps at Donghae's confession. They've already said "I love you" many times before, but this feels different. It feels much more concrete and serious. He can feel his eyes starting to well as Donghae stares back at him as if Eunhyuk has hanged the moon in the sky.

"I love you so much, Hae. So much. I hope you know that. I will always be here for you. For everything. Anything."

Donghae nods and leans in to kiss Eunhyuk tenderly. The kiss is brief, but something Donghae needs at this moment almost as much as he needs to breathe. He needs to know Eunhyuk is real and he is there with him.

"Can we put the soup and shower on hold for a bit?"

"Of course. What do you want? What do you need? Whatever it is, I'm here for you," Eunhyuk replies, turning the stove off at the same time.

Donghae disentangles himself from Eunhyuk and moves over to the living room, gesturing behind him for Eunhyuk to follow. The other man nods in return and sets off in that direction, stopping to turn off the kitchen light.

When Eunhyuk joins Donghae, he finds him sitting on the couch with a small, blue shoe box in hand. Eunhyuk immediately understands what the other man wants and what he is asking.

Since Donghae's father knew he was ill for months, he worked on and managed to amass a collection of over 200 letters for each of his sons. On the day of his wake, Donghae's mother handed each of her sons their box.

Eunhyuk sits beside Donghae on the couch, and immediately the other man nestles up beside him. He places his head in his partner's lap and extends his legs to cover the rest of the couch.

"Are you sure you want to do this now, sweetie?" He asks, gently running his hands through Donghae's hair before moving it down to push away the furrow forming in his brow.

"No—yes. Please."

Donghae looks up, and Eunhyuk's nods back down at him. He grabs the box from Donghae's hands and places it on the side table next to him. He s the sleeves of his button-down and pulls back the sleeves.

Eunhyuk looks down once more to make sure that this is what Donghae wants. When Donghae bows his head in answer, there are already tears beginning to well up in his eyes. Eunhyuk leans forward, placing a kiss on Donghae's forehead and reaches over to grab the first letter and starts to read it. He knows full well that Donghae will likely be crying for the remainder of the evening.

    To My Youngest Son,

    Donghae, my son, my boy who dad still sees as his baby boy, I'm so sorry you have to read this now because I know that you reading this now means that I'm no longer there for you. For that, Dad is sorry, so very, very sorry and forever regretful. I love you so much.

I tried, I promise that I tried, and I fought, I fought so very hard, from the start of this awfulness. I swear I did, but here you are reading this. I am so sorry for not telling you my boy. I am already disappointed in myself for keeping this secret from you. My youngest boy, whose heart is soft like tofu, I love you. I love you so much.

I did not want to hurt you. I didn't want you to suffer from this, as well. Just know that I wanted you to keep living and breathing with the purity that shines so brightly in those handsome eyes of yours. Ah, those eyes you got from your mother, always so sad, yet so lovely. I will miss those eyes forever; I know I will. I already do. I love you so much.

I love you, my youngest boy. I want you to live and be happy. Fall in love. Find someone who understands and cherishes how beautiful your heart is. I know how wonderful it is and someone out there, some lucky bastard out there, should also be blessed to experience that, to know you and know what an incredible person you are because that's what you are my boy, incredible. Extraordinary. You are a person deserving of all the best, of the best kindness, the best love, the best of it all. I love you so much.

My youngest boy, please always smile, please always love, please always see the world through those eyes of yours. My Donghae, who is precious, who is kind and smart, who is deserving of all happiness, please never stop smiling, please don't cry. Dad cannot handle tears from those precious eyes. My beautiful youngest son, please know that I didn't do this, didn't keep this secret to hurt you, I only did it to protect you, to keep your heart full of love and hope and happiness and protect it from sorrow. My youngest boy, who is a man, who Dad is so, so proud to have watched become the man he is today. I love you so much.

—Dad

As Eunhyuk reads, Donghae doesn't interrupt him. He just listens to the man he loves read him his father's words. He's crying again; he hasn't stopped for what feels like days.

Looking up at Eunhyuk, Donghae is overcome with emotion. Hearing his father's words breaks his heart, but at the same time, Eunhyuk there beside him, supporting him, makes him feel as if it's slowly being put back together.

His heart is conflicted between the sorrow of losing his father and how much he loves Eunhyuk. He already knew, but he hadn't realized just how much until now.

Eunhyuk himself is also emotional. He comes to a full stop after the first letter, and he can't stop himself from crying, as well. It's only the first letter, but the love conveyed in each of the words on the page is too much for him. He can't even begin to imagine what Donghae is feeling and what thoughts are running through his head.

"Do you want me to keep going?" he asks, unsure that he can keep reading the letters.

The first one was already difficult to get through; he's sure the rest are just as gut-wrenching. He feels the tightness in his throat get tighter with every declaration of "I love you" that he reads. Each one feels so final, so incredibly honest and so heartbreaking. Eunhyuk can't fathom just how Donghae's father felt writing these letters knowing what was likely to happen. The mere idea is enough to make him cry more.

Donghae's eyes are teeming with tears again. He sniffles and Eunhyuk wipes away the tears that have run down the side of his partner's face. Donghae looks up at him and pleads for him to continue.

"Please," he whispers through deep sobs. "Please don't stop."

Eunhyuk nods and continues to read more letters. Each lovelier, more touching than the next one, by the time they get to the 50th letter in the box, Eunhyuk finds his own name on the paper.

To My Youngest Son,

I knew there was a reason that you were smiling so brightly as of late. You kept trying to tell me that nothing was going on, but Donghae, my youngest son, you were always a terrible liar. Did you honestly think your mother and I wouldn't notice? I notice everything there is about you. I love you so much.

Don't forget that I'm your father. Your eyes are so much brighter. Your smile is so much fuller than I've seen it in so long. It's love. My youngest boy is in love and Dad is so glad you found happiness. You found someone that makes you happy and makes you feel like you deserve the world. You deserve the world, my son. I love you so much.

I wish you could see what I see. I wish you could see just how wide your smile is, just how bright your eyes are as you look over at Eunhyuk. My boy is in love! I know it's too soon for you to realize that just yet, but I can tell. Both your mother and I can see that you love him. No one has ever made you smile like this before. I've never you heard laugh this loudly and fearlessly. I've never seen you look at someone like this before, my boy. You look so giddy and so at peace. That's love, Donghae. My son, this is special. This is love. I'm so happy for you. I love you so much.

Donghae, my youngest son, don't let this one get away. Eunhyuk is special. I think he may be what you've been looking for all this time. Do you remember when you were younger, and you would tell me that you just wanted to find someone you could spend the rest of your life with like mom and me? Oh, my boy, Eunhyuk is that someone. I know he is. I can see it in the way he looks at you. Oh, the way he looks at you. My Donghae, if only you could see how he looks at you. If you could only see how much he already adores you. He looks at you like you're the sun. You're his sunshine, my boy. He listens to you as if every word you say is extraordinary and great. My son, this is love. I'm so happy for you. I love you so much.

—Dad

"He's right. You know?" Eunhyuk interrupts the momentary silence that follows after he finishes reading the letter.

Donghae smiles and stares up at him to elaborate what he means.

"I was already in love with you when we went over to your parent's place that first time. To be completely honest, you were and are the first and last thing I think about every day," Eunhyuk confesses causing Donghae to break into a smile.

"Whenever I look at you, I see our future, and it scares me, and at the same time, it fills me with so much joy I can barely contain it. I love you much.

Donghae grabs one of Eunhyuk's hands and places a kiss on the palm before settling it over the middle of his chest. Eunhyuk returns the favor placing one of Donghae's hands over his heart.

"Do you want me to continue reading?"

It's been two hours, and they are only about a fourth of the way through the letters.

Donghae nods his head, and Eunhyuk picks up the next letter, reading each word softly and with conviction, hoping that he is correctly conveying the words on the page.

For the next three hours, Eunhyuk reads Donghae's father's letters. They only take a break every so often to grab something to drink and use the restroom.

It's nearing midnight when they get to the last letter.

To My Youngest Son,

    It seems that things have gotten worse for me. Regrettably, I don't think I will be around much longer, my boy. For that, Dad is sorry. So very, very sorry. Please know that I fought. I fought with everything I had. I fought for me. I fought for you. I fought for our family. I fought all that I could, but I don't think I can fight for much longer. My youngest son, my boy whose heart is soft like tofu, whose heart is pure like a child, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I will no longer be here to talk to or to hug and comfort you. My Donghae, my lovely, handsome son, I love you so, so much. I'm so sorry.

My Donghae, don't be too angry with me. Don't be too upset with your mom or your brother.  Never stop smiling. Never let anyone take away that light that shines so brilliantly from within you. Hold on to those that help you keep that light bright. I love you so, so much. I'm so sorry.

My handsome son, I'm so happy you've found love. I'm sad that I'll never get to see you marry Eunhyuk and it will be Eunhyuk. I know this; you know this. He's the one for you. My beautiful boy, I'm filled with so much comfort that you have someone special who will help keep that light in you alive. Hold on to that, Donghae. Don't let that go. Don't let go of Eunhyuk's heart. I love you so, so much. I'm so sorry.

I love you so much, my youngest son. I'm so proud of you. Keep me in your heart. Take care of your mother. Love Eunhyuk with everything you have. Hold on to hope. Be happy. Keep smiling. Keep living. My Donghae, I love you.

Always and forever—Dad 

That's the last one, Hae," Eunhyuk hoarsely announces. His throat is raw from reading letters for so many hours; he knows that he will never complain about that. Instead, he reaches down to wipe away at Donghae's tears and cups the side of his face with his hand.

"Are you okay?" he asks timidly. He feels like the question is absurd, even downright stupid at the moment, but he wants to make sure Donghae isn't completely overwhelmed.

"Why didn't he tell me? Hyuk, why did he think it was better to keep this from me?"

The question isn't a surprise despite the letters letting Donghae know why his father had chosen to keep it a secret. Eunhyuk expected that at some point Donghae would want to talk about it.

"Because he loved— no, because he loves you, Hae. He only did it so you would keep living without feeling like you couldn't be happy. He knows you really well. You would've dropped everything for him. He wanted happiness for you, and selfishly, I think he wanted you to keep me around to help you get through this."

Donghae sits ups and turns to face Eunhyuk. This time he's the one holding the side of Eunhyuk's face. Tears are falling slowly down his cheeks as he looks into Eunhyuk's eyes.

"I love you so much."

The declaration is earnest, and Eunhyuk can't stop himself from joining Donghae in tearing up.

"He does know me well," Donghae continues. "I would have dropped everything, everyone for him. I would have lost you; I almost did this last week. I should be angry, but I'm not. I have you, and I know that with time it won't hurt as much, but I don't think I would have been able to get you back. For that I'm thankful."

Eunhyuk leans forward and pulls Donghae into his lap. Quickly, he kisses him. Donghae responds with warmth and the two break apart shortly after, but their foreheads remain touching.

"Thank you for reading my dad's letters. To be honest, I don't think I would have ever read them if you hadn't."

"Anything for you," Eunhyuk declares, and Donghae believes him wholeheartedly. He smiles warmly and kisses Eunhyuk again.

"I hope you know that I feel the same way."

"I do," Eunhyuk reassures him. "I promise, I do."

"Good," Donghae remarks and stands up, extending his hand to help Eunhyuk off of the couch. He doesn't let go of his hand.

"I'm tired. Let's go to bed. Tomorrow is another day."

Eunhyuk doesn't say anything. He pulls their interlocked hands up to place a kiss on the back of Donghae's hand and lets himself be drawn toward their bedroom for the night.